Protectors of the ATeam
by IndeMaat
Summary: Agent Allison receives a new assignment. And she doesn't like it one bit. a Protectors of the Plot Continuum spin off
1. The Unexpected Family

_A/N: The Protectors of the Plot Continuum were created by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts from _The Unexpected Family_ by Naois in italics._

-oOo-

"No, I don't want to," Allison cried. She was sprawled against the door post like the cat that didn't want to go into the tub. Behind her was the Director of Personnel, the Marquis de Sod, trying to push her into the room.

"You specialized in 1980s TV shows; you go in here."

"But I don't want the A-Team. They don't have Mary Sues much; they mainly have Bad Slash. I can't do Bad Slash. I have the emotional maturity of a fifteen year old. I'm not even supposed to read that stuff."

"Neither are most people who write the stuff. Get in there." The daisy gave a final push showing surprising strength for something that bends when the wind blows. Allison flew into the room and landed on her shoulder. Now she officially was a protector of the plot in A-Team. You'd think there wouldn't be too much to ruin there plot wise.

"Hi." A voice from the other side of the room. Allison lifted her head up so that she could see. Curled up on the sofa with a novelization of an SF series sat a black girl with straight, shoulder length hair. Allison put her head down again as she was getting cramps in her neck.

"I guess this domain comes with a partner," she said as she scrambled up. "Allison." She extended a hand. The girl looked her up and down before she extended her own hand.

"Tasmin. A-Team's not so bad. There's plenty of stuff that isn't slash, and most writers keep in mind that it is a comical series." Tasmin put her book away. "Why did you transfer here?"

"I was made to." Allison grabbed one of the desk chairs, pulled it closer and sat down. "The previous fandom I was working at ran out of Sues to pursue."

"Wow!" There was admiration in Tasmin's tone, though not as much in her face. "I never even thought that was possible."

"It was a small fandom. I may check in again occasionally. So, what is it you do here?"

Tasmin replied with a blank look. "We go in; we kill the Sue; we go out."

Allison nodded. The advantage of not having a partner was that you could ask stupid questions.

BEEEEEEEEP

"You're in luck. Five minutes in the office and you're starting work already." Tasmin went over to the console and started reading the story.

"Yeah, but what kind of luck." Allison peered over Tasmin's shoulder. "This story isn't finished yet. Shouldn't we at least wait for the author to finish it before we go in? Maybe she can still redeem herself."

Tasmin gave her a quizzical look. "Exactly what was that fandom you worked in before? Sues don't improve with age. Grab your gear. We're going in."

"I don't have any gear."

Tasmin gave her another odd look, turned away and shook her head. "They gave me a bloody amateur. I guess you can borrow some of my stuff." She opened a portal to the fic. "I do hope you know how a portal works."

"Yes, I have portaled into stories."

"Right, follow me then." Tasmin slung a duffel bag on her back and went through the portal. Allison followed suit.

"Where are we?" Allison asked.

"Read the words." Tasmin pointed as she peered around the corner of a building.

Allison read the words. "Well, the punctuation is pretty offensive. Other than that it looks like your basic A-Team plot."

"When was the last time you saw an A-Team episode?"

"I don't know. Years ago. You mean to say this is not an A-Team plot? I mean, with all the gun waving, and being mean without good explanation of motivation?"

"No, it's an A-Team plot. I was just wondering how well acquainted with the source material you are." Tasmin sighed. "Years ago, I guess that will have to do."

"By the way, what is a 'back set'?" Allison pointed at the words.

"I think she meant back seat. You may add that to the charge list: offensive punctuation, bad spelling and just looking hateful when her boyfriend got assaulted."

Allison searched her pockets for a scrap of paper and a pencil stub to write down the charges.

"C'mon. We're gonna meet the team now." Tasmin opened the portal with her remote activator and both agents stepped through.

-oOo-

They hunched over as they ran for a couple of piles of car tyres to hide behind. Technically, canon characters could not see PPC officers until pointed out by non-canon characters. However, Tasmin was in the habit of stealth and that was a hard habit to break.

"What are they doing in here?" Allison asked looking at the words.

_The team was in a garage recruiting after a call to Murdock to get help._

"I have no idea," Tasmin replied. "But I guess they're getting ready for a mission to help out Murdock."

_Murdock smiled at BA, but didn't reply to either of them. "My sister was married to a future soldier, but when Becky was ten her father was killed in the Vietnam War. She then had to take care of her mother who went into shock and died a year later. The poor child was left alone and I was her only family. Well I sent her to boarding school in Georgia where she used to live when her family was alive. She was very mature for her age and she asked me to not say anything to you. We have been getting closer since she graduated and has been visiting me a year ago. She is now living in the house that she lived in when she lived with her parents."_

"Oah, the poor girl has had a sad childhood," Allison mocked. "Father dead, mother dead, uncle coo-coo." She whistled and drew small circles with her index finger near her forehead.

"Shh, I want to hear."

_Hannibal thought a bit, "Now what was her dilemma?"_

_"She told me that she has an older brother that was taken at child birth. He walked up to her door and told her everything. But just last night she called me and told me that that very night the man who took him kidnapped him. Hannibal, I really do want to help her."_

_Hannibal leaned forward and puffed on his cigar, "I guess we have a new mission," he said while smiling his corky smile, "Any family of Murdock's is a family of ours."_

"Uh, why didn't Hannibal pick up on the inconsistency in that story? If Becky has an older brother, wouldn't that guy be Murdock's nephew?"

"Because the characters can only be as smart as the author lets them be. Write up the charge." Tasmin glanced at the words. "I think we're about done here. Let's go to the hanger, I want to fly with the team this time."

-oOo-

Tasmin pushed open the hanger door and stared in awe at the plane it revealed. "This is what she means by a medium sized plane?" She walked over to the plane and padded it lovingly.

"Looks big enough for the team to me." Allison shrugged.

"Sure, it's big enough. But when I read medium sized I thought it was going to seat at least twenty." Tasmin walked around the plane and nearly drooled. "This is a Partenavia P.68. Six-seat, twin-engined, high-winged, monoplane. And you'll love this; it has two Allison turboprops."

Allison nodded. She was no more impressed by this plane than she would have been by a car, moped or lawn mower.

"No way is Murdock going to fly this baby to Georgia in seven hours without stopping to refuel. You may want to write that up."

"Can't," Allison replied. "Can't blame the author that in the story you find a plane that can't do what she says it does. She never said it was a Partena - something. She said it was medium sized."

"Then write her up for not giving enough description so I had to make up a plane myself," Tasman said impatiently. "Come to think of it, she also never gave a make on that car that the bad guys drove."

"She's a girl! She doesn't notice the make of a car."

"I'm a girl. I notice the make of cars."

"You're a PPC agent. That hardly qualifies as standard issue girl."

Tasman glared at Allison and was about to say something sharp and witty when she heard a familiar engine noise.

"Shh, they're coming. C'mon, get on board. We can hide in the baggage space." Tasmin pushed Allison on board and closed the door of the plane. "And write her up for having Hannibal organize a plane."

_Hannibal and Face loaded BA then their stuff onto the plane_.

The two agents tried to make themselves comfortable among the luggage.

"Phh." Allison wiped some fake sweat of her forehead. "We came this close to being spotted."

"Canon can't see us," Tasmin said as she searched through her bag for her Canon Analysis Device. "Not until the Sue points us out."

"Are you sure? On my first mission the canon characters talked to me before the Sue had been able to point me out."

"Strange." Tasman pointed the Canon Analysis Device at Murdock.

[Murdock, male, canon, out of character 42.83%]

"Hey, this flight is going to last for seven hours. We're not going to be cramped up in her for seven hours, are we?" Allison anxiously asked thinking of airline legs and being starved.

"Of course not. This story is going to fast forward to the last fifteen minutes of the flight in a moment. You may want to brace yourself for that."

Tasmin's warning came not a moment too soon. Allison felt herself be flung forward by the sudden increase to warp speed. Just as sudden the plane slowed down to normal speed.

"I think I broke my nose." Allison carefully felt her nose.

"Don't be silly. This is the A-Team. At the most you get a slight scratch of something."

"I remember an episode where they were all in casts."

"Shh, now. The words are starting again."

_Murdock opened his eyes and looked at Face then the controls. He closed his eyes back, "I put it on auto-pilot," he said sleepily._

"Oh, she's going down for this one." Tasmin got a rather dangerous look in her eyes that made Allison glad she wasn't responsible for writing this story. "Murdock may be mad, but he would never be as irresponsible as to never check on the controls of the autopilot."

Allison scribbled down 'autopilot' as she was quickly running out of space on her scarp of paper. She made a mental note to bring a proper notebook next time.

A few moments later Murdock landed the plane on a small clearing, and the team all got out. The two agents carefully looked out of the plane. The Sue was near so there was a risk of being spotted. Tasmin glanced the words and muttered a few things that Allison made out to be hexes at the girl.

_Becky slowly walked over to him and leaned again the van, "I'm in Georgia, but I don't know where you're at."_

_BA jumped out of the van and towered over her, "Who are you, lady," he yelled at her._

_She seemed unaffected and calm, "That's my name." Hannibal and Face watched in amusement._

_BA grew furious, but did nothing, "You are that niece of that fool Murdock ain't ya?"_

"Why is she taunting him like that?" Allison asked.

"She's supposed to be her uncle's niece, isn't she?" Tasmin growled. "That's why they share the same character and sense of humor."

"Please, I don't share my character with any of my uncles."

"I'm glad to hear. Write that down."

"I can't, I ran out of paper."

Tasmin threw her a look. "You really haven't been working long in the Mary Sue Department, have you?"

Allison shrugged in reply. "Seen as we ran out of paper, we might as well go nab her and charge her."

Tasmin narrowed her eyes at her. "I'm not going to miss a single charge. Write down, uh, mental note: helps A-Team unload their plane, because, I quote: 'she is not one to sit around.' Ugh, a helpful Sue. I'd like to help her."

"Yeah, yeah, all in good time. But after some more taunting of BA that van is going to pull out, and we're not going to be able to hitch a ride this time. I suggest you hit that remote activator and we take a portal to her house."

"You're right." Tasmin hit the button. "But I will get her for this."

-oOo-

The two agents sat against the fence in Becky's back yard, eating the rations Tasmin had brought. They were waiting for the action to kick back in. Allison decided on some small talk to pass the time and to get to know her partner.

"When I was four or five Hannibal used to be my favorite character. We would run around the playground shouting the tune and beat up invisible bad guys."

Tasmin rolled her eyes.

"But when I was a teen Murdock was my favorite character. 'I'm Bogey the bear, I'm covered with hair'." Allison sang.

"Shut up, you fool."

"I take it BA was your favorite character."

"No, shut up. Becky's back. Time for some more charges for you to memorizes," Tasmin said wickedly. "Read the words."

_He was goin to join to army so he could escape, but he never had the chance. The part about his being shot and kidnapped and the ransom is real and no lie. If they found out, and I know they already do, that we are engaged then they would use me to get the money and to hurt Trent._

"That's Becky talking. What's inconsistent in what she says?"

Allison replied with a quizzical look. "Her grammar?"

"She already is being used to get the money." Tasmin sighed. "Remember the first chapter? 'Make sure you bring the money to me by one week or your lover boy gets an added hole'?"

"I think I was writing something down then."

"Sheesh." Tasmin returned her attention to the words. A story and a partner that were both not up to her quality standards were a bit too much for her to handle at the same time, patiently. "Mental note: all the Team members are being kind and caring when she's crying over her fiancé."

"BA too?"

"Except BA. But Hannibal getting on his knees for her worries me."

"Because of his age, or because it seems out of character?"

Tasmin elbowed Allison in the ribs in reply. Allison fell over as the story suddenly sped up to warp speed again. Several hours passed in a mere few seconds, in which nothing happened other then that the Team got ready for an unknown mission.

"Sorry." Tasmin had landed on top of Allison and was now picking herself up. "I hadn't seen the time rift coming."

"It's dark. They're probably all getting ready for an early night's sleep." Allison picked herself up. "Please, tell me we have enough charges now? Let's kidnap her when she goes out to call her dogs in."

"I have a better idea. We wait."

Allison sighed. Another advantage to not having a partner: you didn't have to put up with someone else. She looked at the words and saw that Becky was showing Face her bedroom.

_Becky smiled, "I am not one to be girly."_

_Face began to walk in, "I'll bet." He sat on the bed which had red sheets_.

"Ooh, ooh, can I say?" Allison clapped her hands in excitement.

"Go ahead," Tasmin allowed.

"Tart's boudoir," Allison said with pride and Tasmin rolled her eyes. An average of four new A-Team fics a week and a partner that was only good to be used as a human shield in the crossfire. Although, human shield? That thought cheered her right up. She gave Allison a happy smile that Allison found rather disconcerting. She stopped being cheerful and tried to get out of Tasmin's visual range.

Allison saw Becky at the back door letting the dogs back in. She sighed, this would have been a good opportunity to nab the Sue, but Tasmin had decided differently. She was more experience in this fandom, so Allison decided to follow her lead. At least for the first few missions. She looked at the words again. Becky was slipping into bed.

_She closed her eyes and fell into an instant sleep._

"Just add hot water and stir," Tasmin who had also been looking at the words mocked. Allison rolled over laughing inaudibly. Tasmin gave her an odd look. Then nudged her in the side with her foot. "Pay attention. Something interesting is about to happen."

Allison sat up and saw two men sneak into the back door.

"Who are they?" she whispered, knowing instinctively these men were not canon.

"They are making our job a little easier. They're taking the Sue and we will follow them and charge her."

"Sounds like a plan," Allison replied.

"Don't do that." Tasmin shook her head and started moving to the front of the house.

The two agents hid behind some shrubs and saw two men and a violently kicking girl slung over the shoulder of one of them leave through the window. They walked across the front porch roof and jumped down, then they quickly headed for their car. A buick, Tasmin stated for the benefit of Allison. They pushed Becky into the back seat, got in front themselves and drove off.

"Too late. We can't follow them," Allison said.

"We don't have to. I know where they are going." Tasmin pointed at the words.

_Back upstairs, Hannibal walked around the room and saw a peace of paper by the foot of the bed. He knelt down and picked it up and saw that it was a business card. It read:_

_Club Bar 12:Where the fun finds you_

"Won't the A-Team finds us there too?"

"Not to worry. We'll have about nine hours to get to the club and take out the Sue before the A-Team arrives. C'mon." Tasmin secured her duffel bag and started running.

-oOo-

In the alley behind Club Bar 12 Tasmin pulled a Beretta 92SB out of her duffel bag and screwed a silencer on. Though it was not yet dawn there was a man guarding the emergency exit carrying an Uzi. Tasmin felled him with one neat shot through the head. Allison was impressed.

The two agents went into the Club. Tasmin took out two further cronies of the bank robber before they found Becky and her fiancé Trent tied to two chairs in one of the storage rooms.

"Who are you?" Becky exclaimed.

"We're the P-Team," Allison said, and immediately regretted it.

"We're here for you," Tasmin said and pointed her gun at Trent. "Sorry, Trent, it's personal." She shot him through the head. Trent slung over the chair backwards. Becky screamed then gave the two agents an evil glare.

"What are you doing here?"

"We're Protectors of the Plot Continuum," Tasmin replied. "Read her her charges."

Allison fumbled for the scrap of paper in her pocket. She cleared her throat before she started reading out the charges based on the keywords written down. "Becky," she started. "Becky, do you have a last name?"

"Never mind that. Keep charging, I don't have all day."

"Oh, right. Becky, we hereby charge you with bad grammar, bad spelling and plain offensive punctuation. We charge you with being Murdock's niece and taking over his character including banter with BA. You know, you really shouldn't taunt someone who has flown all the way from LA to help you out."

"Just keep charging."

"We charge you with not paying attention to the make of cars or planes so that Tasmin had to make one up for herself. We charge you with having Murdock behave irresponsibly as a pilot, and with dumbing down Hannibal. We charge you with using red sheets. To sum it up, we charge with being a Mary Sue."

"Any witty last words?" Tasmin asked.

"You can't do this," Becky screamed.

"That's not very witty," Tasmin replied and shot Becky between the eyes.

"What do we do with all these bodies?" Allison asked.

"Just leave them here. This place is going to fold in on itself in a couple of minutes anyway." Tasmin put away the gun and got out the remote activator. "We better get out of here."

-oOo-

The two agents stepped trough the portal and flopped down on the sofa in their office.

"So what did you think of your first day in A-Team fanfiction."

"It was a lot easier on the stomach then I would have guessed. Speaking of which, do you think the cafeteria here is serving something eatable?"

"I highly doubt it."

-oOo-

_A/N: It is mean to kill other people's creations (or so I am told) so I will also offer something more in the range of constructive criticism: this story can be improved by not having Becky be Murdock's niece. The A-Team will help her anyway if she says her fiancé or brother or whatever is kidnapped; particularly if she offers to pawn her engagement ring to pay them. Don't have Becky do banter with BA, that's Murdock's job, but don't overdo that either. It goes without saying that every story needs proper spelling and punctuation._


	2. Past Meets Future

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. _Past Meets Future_ was written by Pureevil230. Excerpts from that story are quoted in italics. All quotes are unchanged except for two minor edits: was replaced by < and I've added the occasional full stop._

-oOo-

PPC agents Tasmin and Allison sat in their office. Tasmin had taken her Beretta 92SB apart and was cleaning it lovingly. Allison had just received her own Character Analysis Device and was reading the instruction manual that came with it. Or rather the instruction leaflet. Three-quarters of it contained remarks of what not to do with a Character Analysis Device. Do not put it in a microwave. Do not pour coffee over it. Do not leave behind in a fic. The actual instruction was just one sentence: point and read out. Allison pointed the device at Tasmin and read out: Tasmin, female, PPC agent, canon.

"Canon? Tasmin, how come you are canon?"

Tasmin glared at her. She didn't like being disturbed while spending quality time with her weapon. "Because I belong in this story, you fool."

Allison considered this and pointed the device at herself. Allison, female, PPC agent, canon. "Wicked, I'm canon too."

"Yeah, bummer."

Before Allison could ask what she meant by 'bummer' a loud noise pierced through the quiet of their afternoon.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

"This is not a good time. My gun is all in pieces." Tasmin quickly started re-assembling her weapon.

Allison rolled her desk chair over to the console to see what was up. "No, need to rush. This fic is nearly two years old. If the Sue has lasted this long, she can wait five more minutes."

"Sometimes, five more minutes can be the difference between life and death. Open up a portal." Tasmin made some quick checks and loaded her Beretta with a full clip. She grabbed her bag that was standing ready -- Tasmin was always prepared -- and jumped through the portal after Allison. "Fatigues?" she asked her partner about their disguises.

"It seemed appropriate. The A-Team is gonna be military in this fic." Allison stuffed her Character Analysis Device in a side pocket.

"Where are we?"

"Second chapter hotel. I didn't think I could get us into the conference room unnoticed. You'll just have to read the words to find out what happened there."

Tasmin scanned the words.

_Accidents do happen though, anyway your team is legendary Colonel Smith so you would have an easy time but I guess I could give you all an honorary discharge if you so wished._

"You can start by writing her up for lack of punctuation." Tasmin moved her duffel bag onto her shoulder. "You know with all these badly spelled and punctuated fics I'm really starting to wonder what it is kids are taught in school nowadays."

"I once read somewhere that by the year 2000 half the USA population would be illiterate. It was a 1990 statement." Allison padded herself down to find her notebook.

"I think half the fanfic writers are illiterate."

"I seem to have forgotten my notebook."

"Great, again." Tasmin rolled her eyes. "You know, this partnership is only going to work if we each keep up our tasks: you charge the Sue and I kill her. And for you to charge her, you need to be able to write down what she did wrong."

"I know, I know. I have an idea." Allison walked over to the reception desk and asked for a piece of paper and a pen. A moment later she returned to Tasmin with both items.

"I have a feeling there is going to be a lot of people in this story we have to kill," Tasmin said pensative. "I think you should make a separate list of that, so we can check them off and see if we missed anyone."

Allison folded the sheet of paper in half twice and started the list on one quarter. Tasmin opened her bag to check whether she had brought a spare clip. The A-Team and Frankie walked past them without taking notice. Allison nudged Tasmin to pay attention.

_Hannibal placed a credit card on the counter, "We'd like your military suite." The woman nodded and swiped his card and stuttered, "Oh...uh...it's discounted military gets discounts. Enjoy."_

"A credit card that says you're military?" Allison asked.

"I've never heard of it," Tasmin replied. "But credit card companies know more about us than the government so I guess it's possible."

"Yes, but would Hannibal have a credit card like that? He's been in hiding for nearly fifteen years. The guy knows how not to leave a trail, paper or any other kind."

"Good point, make a note of that."

Allison quickly scribbled it down. "And military suite?"

"Doubt it. Some hotels have Royal Suites, others Empire Suites. Perfectly possible that there is one that has a Military Suite. I imagine it is decorated rather spartan."

"Fair enough." Allison pocketed the sheet of paper and the pen. "C'mon, they're heading for the lifts." She started to follow the Team then took a nose dive. "What was that?"

Tasmin nearly folded with laughter.

"What?"

"You just tripped over the Author's Notes." She wiped a few tears from her eyes. "You should see your face."

"Author's Notes? What are they doing in the middle of the chapter? And why am I always tripping over these things?"

"I don't know, and because you don't pay attention to the words. Get up, we have some eavesdropping to do." Tasmin lifted her leg up high to get over the Author's Notes and headed for the elevators. Allison scrambled to her feet and went after her.

"I saw something interesting when I was down there," Allison said as the elevator took them up to the top floor.

"They don't vacuum very well underneath the potted plants."

"Haha. No, I got a look at the reviews to this story."

"Oh, what did they say?"

"One said it was interesting."

"That's just a euphemism for 'liked the idea, don't like what you did with it'."

"And the other reviewer pointed out that the main female character was 'a little Mary Sueish'."

"A little Mary Sueish?" Allison nodded. "That's a big red neon sign saying 'Come and see. Mary Sue here!' A little Mary Sueish." Tasmin shook her head. "There is no such thing as a little Mary Sueish."

"Except if the Mary Sue is only five feet tall."

"Short Mary Sues can still be big and flaring. Besides Mary Sues are rarely short."

They reached the top floor. There was only one door and they each put an ear to it to listen in on the A-Team. Hannibal was talking to his men about the decision they needed to take.

_BA had a murdering look and grinded his metal into his palm menacingly._

"Grinded would be ground. But what is 'his metal'?" Allison asked.

Tasmin shrugged in reply. "I can't see, so I can't tell either." She retrieved the remote activator from her bag. "I can't make much sense of this story yet. I'm not even sure it is 'interesting'. All I know is that tomorrow this lot is going to talk to one general Malachai and I for one don't care to wait the actual time." She opened a portal. "Have you put him on our hit list?"

"I have."

"And the receptionist too?"

"Her too? She seemed generic, she could fit into any story."

"She got autographs from the A-Team, or weren't you paying attention?"

"I think I was having a lie down. But A-Team autographs that's a good reason to get your brain blown out." Allison followed Tasmin through the portal, into another hallway.

"See, it is possible to get close to the A-Team when they are having military conferences." Tasmin closed the portal with a smile, and walked over to a desk. "Hello," she said to the man behind the desk. "We would like to see General Malachai?"

The soldier looked a little disturbed. "Uh, oh, uh, do you have an appointment?" It took him a moment to get into character.

"No, we don't. But if you could squeeze us in somewhere. That would be wonderful." She gave the soldier a little wink.

"He has a conference in a few minutes, but if that finishes early I guess you could see him."

"That would be wonderful."

"You can sit over there and wait."

"Thank you, very kind."

Tasmin and Allison sat down in the seating area.

"Do I put him on the hit list too?"

"No, he's not mentioned in the fic; he can live."

Tasmin picked up a couple of magazines and gave one to Allison. They hid behind them when the A-Team walked past them. Canon characters aren't supposed to notice PPC agents. But Tasmin didn't think it entirely improbable that if canon kept not noticing the same two faces, sooner or later, they would notice.

"Why are they wearing fatigues?" Allison whispered to Tasmin glancing over her magazine to the Team.

"I think for the same reason as you made us wear them: because they are going to be in the military."

Hannibal announced them and they were led into an air-conditioned conference room.

"I think we're in the wrong place," Tasmin suddenly said.

"What? Why?"

"I was thinking maybe we could kill the general now, but if we do, the Sue probably will not meet the Team."

"And this is a problem why?"

"Because we can't charge her if she doesn't meet the Team."

"If we can't charge her, means she also hasn't done anything wrong. I like that last part."

"I like the way you think, Allison, but sadly the rules don't allow it. I don't like it anymore than you do."

"But you're a stickler for the rules, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am. And proud of it."

"Are you sure it's because of the rules you want to charge the Sue, or because you **love** hunting Sue?"

To that Tasmin didn't reply, just threw Allison a rather disconcerting grin. Allison thought Tasmin didn't have the personality that allowed for a lot of smiling.

Tasmin opened a portal and both agents stepped through.

-oOo-

Allison only just avoided a tree when Tasmin stepped out of the way in front of her.

"I think the obstacle course is over there." Tasmin pointed the way. They hid in the shrubbery to stay unnoticed. The A-Team was standing a few feet away from them.

_They just pointed to the course and he followed to see someone running through it with no problem as if the course was the easiest thing in the world. As the person got closer to the end they were shocked to realize it was a girl._

Allison grabbed for the sheet of paper and turned over to write something down with the piece of paper on her leg. "Turning A-Team into sexist pigs."

"What? Where did you get that?"

Allison pointed at the words. "Shocked is a negative emotion. People are shocked when they get a surprise they don't like. There's no reason for the A-Team not to like that she took the obstacle course with ease."

"I don't like she took the obstacle course with ease. That doesn't make me a sexist."

"You don't like it because it's a Sue characteristic. That's different. You want me to scratch the sexist pig charge?"

"No, leave it. Good pick up."

_undid her sneakers and slipped into black high-heeled boots and zipped them up_

"Add that she immediately puts on some inappropriate and impractical footwear." Tasmin smiled to herself: this charge sheet was pretty much writing itself.

Five men stepped from the shadows and drew Tasmin's and Allison's attention away from the words.

"Yummy," Tasmin said.

Allison licked her lips. "Very yummy."

They watched as the men took the obstacle course and had it a lot harder than the girl.

"I'm sorry to say, but the best trained woman will still do worse in the obstacle course than the best trained man."

"Can't we just assume that she's trained a lot better than they are?" Allison remarked.

Tasmin looked at her with a pitiful smile. "PPC agents don't assume. They look at the facts. The fact is that these men are her team. They are likely to have had as much training as she has. Thus they should be able to do the obstacle course about as well as she can, if not better. Unless she is exceptionally talented. In which case she is a Sue."

Allison took a note.

"I have a question for you: how long do you suppose it takes for someone to move up the ranks to colonel?" Tasmin asked.

"Do you mean proper colonel or lieutenant colonel?"

"For arguments sake let's say lieutenant colonel."

"Takes about fourteen to sixteen years of service as an officer to reach the rank of lieutenant colonel."

"Good. You've done your homework." Tasmin smirked. "Would you call anyone who was a lieutenant colonel a girl?"

"Not to their face I wouldn't."

"I meant age wise."

"Shall I just write her up for making someone a colonel before their time? Probably also something we can attribute to her exceptional talent. Or maybe she just had a great face-lift and because of that looks a lot younger than she actually is."

"Shut up." Tasmin turned back to gaze at the men catching their breaths after the obstacle course. The girl-colonel sent them away to get showers. Tasmin made a noise of sadness. A quick look at the words made her perk up and nudge Allison. "Pay attention for this."

_Another soldier stood before the girl and harassed, "Hey baby why don't you show more skin you know ya want to?"_

"Write down: one random soldier out of no where; soldier talking way out of line."

"I'm sure it has a purpose for the story," Allison said. "Besides, she's not wearing her insignia, how was he to know?"

"A soldier should know that pretty much everybody outranks him. Thereby, that's no way to talk to anyone who's a colleague. Have you put him on our hit list?" Tasmin sounded annoyed. "And stop defending things that happen in this fic."

_it's not my problem that you're a pig who can't keep from looking at my chest. Also Private you shouldn't open your mouth to a Colonel that has a gun pointed at your head."_

"See, purpose. She's showing the A-Team that she can handle herself."

"And write her up for being out of order too. Military personal does not point guns at one and other; even if the other is being insubordinate. Where did she get that gun from anyway?"

Allison looked up to take a good look at the Sue. "Maybe she ran the obstacle course with it, or she had it hidden in her high-heeled boots. I wasn't paying much attention to her before."

"And she didn't mention the make of the gun."

Allison rolled her eyes. "Not everyone is as obsessed with brands as you are, Tasmin."

"Bet ya the Sue named the make of the shoes."

"She didn't, actually. And will you put your head down? Squinting at the gun to get its type and serial number could get us found out."

Tasmin lay back down and looked at the words. She snorted. A general walked up to the girl-colonel. Tasmin thought it probably was the aforementioned Malachai. The agents hadn't seen him yet, so forgoing proper introduction, they didn't recognize him now. The general and the Sue had a short debriefing about her last mission. Her team had been a bit overzealous.

_He sighed, " I know you hate war prisons."_

"?" Allison asked. "What's with the funny brackets?"

"Probably to indicate that Ice isn't her real name."

"We never would have guessed." Allison took a note.

_"Fine but I want your team to work with the A-team and hopefully persuade them to stay in the military." She looked confused, "Who?" The A-team's ego went from 1000 to 0 with that one question._

"I doubt the A-Team's ego took quite such a dent that a no name doesn't know their name either," Tasmin sneered. "Write her up."

"Way ahead of you."

_"You'll see meet us in the conference room in 30 minutes." _

"How many charges have we got already?"

"Thirteen charges and nine people for the hit list."

"Pretty good." Tasmin looked up. "Hey, where did the A-Team go?"

"Didn't they start the obstacle course?"

The two agents scrambled up and walked into the path to find the Team.

"Maybe the general also told them to meet him in thirty minutes?" Allison suggested.

"Hmm." Tasmin looked at the obstacle course. "You remember Basic Training?"

"Vividly. I had a refresher course last week."

"What do you say? You and I on that obstacle course. Loser carries my duffel bag."

"Shouldn't we also go to that conference room? They start in a few minutes."

"We have a portal; we can go to that conference any time. C'mon, obstacle course, or are you chicken."

"Okay, I'm game. Not because you try to taunt me with words, but because that arrogant smile needs to be wiped of your face."

"Works for me." Tasmin hid her duffel bag in the ditch. Allison put the things that came from her pockets on top. They walked to the start of the course and got into starting position. "Ready? Go!"

Both agents started running, fighting not only the obstacles but also each other. At the end of the course they both collapsed.

"Not bad, shorty, not bad at all," Tasmin managed in between gasping breaths. She rolled herself on her back to catch more air.

"I'm not short." Allison leaned on a hand and knees. With her other hand she pushed in her side to stop the stabbing pain. "I'm five feet five and a half."

"If you count the half, that means you're short."

"It doesn't mean I'm short; it means I'm precise."

"Right. Anyway, go get my duffel bag. You're carrying it."

-oOo-

Allison suggested going back to headquarters to shower, but Tasmin decided they didn't smell worse than the fic they were in, and since she controlled the remote activator -- even though Allison was carrying her bag -- they stayed.

They arrived back at the desk of Malachai's secretary as the clock struck thirty. Tasmin checked her watch.

"Someone ought to fix that clock."

"Yeah," the soldier replied. "It's been funny like that lately. Here to see general Malachai again?"

"Yes, how very good of you to notice."

"I'm afraid he's in another meeting." The soldier nodded with his head to the open door of the conference room. Tasmin and Allison looked in wondering why the A-Team were wearing their usual outfits again. Sure, they had had time to change, but they had been wearing fatigues to yesterday's meeting. The agents looked at each other. Tasmin made a gesture of scribbling. Allison pulled the sheet of paper from her pocket and wrote down 'inconsistency of attire'.

_"Major Boscko "BA" Barackus BA stands for bad attitude so don't mess with me suckers."_

"Did she have to misspell his name and create a mini?" Allison whispered to Tasmin.

"It's probably in celebration of his new rank," Tasmin whispered back. "That's two more charges." Then her attention was drawn back to the room. "Me likes what me sees. Mmm-mmm. Particularly that Star is a fine specimen."

"Sure. Too bad you're going to have to kill him."

"No, I don't. I just have to take him out of this fic. I could also take him to headquarters with us."

"Tasmin."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Shoot him. Such a waste of such a perfect body."

Ice walked past them without taking notice. Tasmin and Allison both let out a relieved breath. That could have been awkward. Particularly because they were severely outnumbered against the combined A-Team and G-Team, who were both likely to take the side of the Sue. They looked on as Ice shocked the A-Team yet again.

_"Don't worry you'll get to know each other better, you're now one unit not two different teams."  glared, "What! We're retired!"_

"Oh, come on! Why do these Sues always want to get snug with the A-Team?" Tasmin put her arms out in frustration.

"This one doesn't seem to like it."

"Then she should have written her story differently." Tasmin stomped off. "She should have left out the A-Team. What are they doing in her story anyway? They're all just standing around looking at her."

"Lighten up, Tasmin. You should read every Sue story as if it were a parody. They can be quite amusing." Allison had to jog to keep up with Tasmin.

They left the building and sat down on a low wall. Allison offered Tasmin a drink from her duffel bag to wash away the rant. The G-Team came out and stood at ease waiting for their CO. A moment later the Sue came and ordered her men to run around the compound. Not long after the A-Team followed. They all stood around watching the G-Team. Allison pulled her Character Analysis Device from her pocket and pointed it at Face.

"Error 404, character not found. Great, this thing is already broken, and I only just got it."

"Error 404 means there is not enough data to determine who the character is," Tasmin explained. "I'm not surprised. I think so far Face has only said 'aww not the obstacle course'. Anyone could have said that."

"Agent Lucy said it last week."

"Exactly. This just proves my point that there is no need for the A-Team to be in this story. She also could have had a group of Sue hunters."

"I doubt a group of Sue hunters would have stood by quite as idle." Allison pointed the Character Analysis Device at the other team members, but only Hannibal and BA were recognized by the device.

"BA is usually easy to write," Tasmin explained. "Most writers just make him grumpy and say fool a lot."

"That pretty much sums him up, doesn't it?"

"I'm sure there is more depth to his character, but these are not the kind of fics where we are likely to find it." Tasmin turned her gaze at Ice who was talking to a man looking rather beaten up. "Who's that?"

"Some general named Jay. Don't know whether that is a last name or a first name. I think he trained her." Allison glanced over the words.

"Do we know why he is in a sling?"

"No, doesn't say. Maybe she wants to keep us as clueless as the A-Team." Allison nodded over to the guys who hadn't changed position since they had first entered the yard. They reminded Allison of wax statues.

"I hate it when authors do that. It makes it so much harder to get sympathy for their characters. A good backstory can do a lot for a character."

"A backstory can also reveal a lot of Mary Sueness and saves us the hassle of going into the fic."

"Then it's not a good backstory." Tasmin claimed. "I'm not a complete cynic. I'm not totally against original characters. I'm not even totally against original characters that become love interests for the canon characters. There's just one thing I want: I want the original characters to be original, not some cheap knock off of a thousand original characters before them. Every Sue could in potential have been an original character worth noting."

"Even that one?"

"Sure. She should have been given her own fic and a lot more description and backstory than we've got now. We're in the fifth chapter and we still have absolutely no idea what makes her tick."

Allison nodded. Tasmin surprised her with this revelation. She pocketed the Character Analysis Device and searched through Tasmin's duffel bag for another bottle of water.

"Look who we have here." Tasmin pointed in the direction of Ice.

"Is that Decker? I thought he was stationed on the other side of the country."

"Everybody gets a few days off."

_He smiled and before she could react he had her in his arms and whispered something in her ear and she smirked, "Bring it old man."_

"Eeew," Tasmin and Allison said in unison, looked at each other and chuckled.

"Not that I'm against Decker having a love interest," Allison said. "But of all the people we got to know through the A-Team, he's the only one I could imagine having a wife and kids and being married to the same woman for the rest of his life."

"Same here," Tasmin confessed.

_She foot-sweeped him then back flipped and reached behind her and had her gun pointed at him before he could reach his weapon, "I win."_

Allison applauded enthusiastically until Tasmin smacked her in the back of the head.

"What?" Allison asked rubbing the sore spot. "In the circus you also applaud the acrobats."

"Yes, but this one isn't in the circus. Write her up. We're starting to draw attention."

Allison reached into her pocket and saw Face glance over to them. "Hmmph, he doesn't even know who he is. I doubt he is going to bother with us."

"Better safe than sorry."

"Hmm. Are we about done with this fic? I'm starting to get bored."

"I thought you said a Sue fic should be read as a parody, and that they're enjoyable that way."

"Sure, but if you're not going to let me laugh then there's not much point in thinking things funny."

Tasmin glanced the words. "I think we can fast forward to where the Teams get their mission. What happens in between is more of the same. The Sue showing how strong she is and the A-Team being impressed."

-oOo-

The soldier at the desk recognized them immediately.

"Again here to see the general?" he asked.

"Yes, we just never managed to get a word before."

"The general is a busy man. He's not easy to get a hold of. You just wait there, and I see what I can do."

Tasmin and Allison sat down in the seating area. The door to the conference room was closed so they had to go by the words to find out what happened in there.

_The A-team didn't want to return to the 'rock pile' they had already exercised all the ghosts but weren't sure if they could handle facing them all over again._

"I bet that wasn't physical exercise," Tasmin whispered. "Ghost don't have corporal form."

"I'll write her up."

"Didn't you already have her for spelling?"

Allison glanced her charges list. "Yep, it's already on here. No point in charging her twice for the same crime."

The door to the conference room opened and Tasmin and Allison quickly ducked behind a couple of magazines. The A-Team and G-Team left the conference room to get ready for their mission. They were slumping a little as they walked past the two agents.

"General." The soldier stood next to his desk. "There are two women here to see you."

"What do they want?" Malachai looked over to them.

"I forgot to ask."

"Send them in. I'll ask myself." Malachai turned on his heels and walked back into the conference room.

"Ladies, you can go in."

"Thanks very much." Tasmin winked at the soldier.

"Ladies, you wanted to see me?"

Allison closed the door behind her after both agents had walked into the conference room. Tasmin reached into the duffel bag.

"Yes, we wanted to talk to you about the G-Team and more particularly about Ice."

Malachai startled. "What do you know about the G-Team?"

"We know they are utterly inappropriate." Tasmin pointed her Beretta with silencer screwed on at the general.

"What is that? What are you doing in here?"

"We've come to clean up the mess." Tasmin shot Malachai between the eyes. He went down, fell over a chair and crashed to the ground with it, causing a bit of a racket. "Quick, the portal."

Allison grabbed the remote activator from the bag and opened a portal. She jumped through just as the soldier opened the door to the conference room to see what the noise had been about.

"Stay back!" Tasmin shouted. "Or I am going to have to shoot you too."

The soldier took this in and stayed back. Tasmin stepped through the portal and it closed behind her instantly.

-oOo-

"Where are we?" Allison looked around but couldn't make much sense of the place. There were words, but none of them were lit up. Usually the words that described the action happening in front of them shone a little brighter than the others.

"I think we're in between chapters." Tasmin put her gun away in the duffel bag. "I guess over there is the rock pile where the A-Team exorcised their ghosts."

"It looks like Afghanistan, or some other rock desert."

"A little more geographical indication would have been nice. Not everyone knows everything there is possibly to know about the A-Team."

"I thought they met their ghost in more of a jungle setting," Allison said. Around her big trees shot from the ground. "What just happened?"

"The author didn't give enough description. This place can be any place you want it to be. Try it."

"Okay. I think the A-Team met their ghosts in suburbia."

Allison looked around and got a big grin on her face. They were standing in the middle of a street and around them, as far as the eye could see, were identical houses, with a lawn in front and a drive way leading up to a double garage. "Wicked."

Two little kids cycled by on their bicycles. A dog barked in the distance. A small breeze rustled the leaves of the trees. It was a sunny day.

"I think you're overdoing it a little," Tasmin said.

"Just wanted to see how far I could go."

"Very far. Now which one of these houses is a front for a prison camp?"

"That one." Allison pointed to the nearest house.

"Are you sure?"

"It could also be that one. But if I want it to be over there, it's going to be over there, right?"

"You ain't wrong." Tasmin smiled.

They walked over to the house and looked through the little windows in the door. They saw a hallway with prison cells on either side. In one of the cells the A-Team lay. The far door opened and six men were scuttled into the hallway and thrown into the cell opposite of the A-Team.

"Great, more people to add to the hit list," Allison sighed. The hit list was almost as long as the charge list.

Tasmin turned to look at the words. "I don't think you have to. These guards aren't mention in any way. Try it. It could be two guards per prisoner, or two prisoners per guard."

Allison chuckled as the number of guards changed from twelve to three.

"Hold on, time rift."

Tasmin and Allison quickly grabbed hold of the door post as the story moved forward several hours in mere seconds.

"What a rush." Allison tried to comb down her hair with her hands.

"I wish authors would at least bother to break for a new paragraph when they do that. This one gave me a nose bleed." Tasmin searched through the duffel bag for some tissues.

"Look," Allison nudged Tasmin. "Our Sue is being brought in."

_A guard was leading/dragging a beaten  she stood up before the guard could throw her into the cell and wrapped her arms around the guard's neck and kissed him while searching his belt for the keys and got 'em then broke the kiss and was roughly pushed away and thrown into the cell._

"Her many talents do not cease to amaze me," Allison said. "Beaten to a pulp and yet still strong enough to trick the guard into loosing his keys. Without him noticing, might I add."

"Write her up for this one. Let's get around the house. Next time she is taken form that prison cell, we're the ones doing the taking."

The two agents moved to the back of the house and entered through the back door. They were in the scullery. Tasmin took her gun and screwed on the silencer. She indicated to Allison to stand on the other side of the door to the prison block. The door opened and Ice and Chang came through.

"Not another step." Tasmin pressed the barrel of the silencer in the back of Chang's neck. Allison quickly closed the door. No one needed to see what was going to happen here.

"What is this? Guards! Guards!" Chang shouted.

"There are no guards," Allison said. The three guards that had been running for them disappeared as suddenly as they had appeared.

"Grab the Sue!" Tasmin ordered. Allison pulled Ice away from Chang.

"What's going on here?" Ice asked. "You're not supposed to come and rescue me."

"We haven't," Tasmin replied. She shot Chang in the back of the neck. He fell to the floor. Tasmin moved him aside with her foot. "Let's go into the living room." She opened the door that previous had led to the prison block, but now led to a nicely furbished living room.

Allison dragged Ice into the living room and sat her down on the recliner. "Have a seat."

"What is this? What's going on? What are you doing in my story?"

"We're PPC agents. Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We're here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and against the A-Team domain in particular." Tasmin sat down on the armrest of the sofa keeping her gun pointed at Ice the whole time. "Allison, if you will charge her."

Allison cleared her throat. "There are over twenty individual charges. So I am just going to summarize a few things. First, Ice, we charge you with disregard for the reader. Use proper lay-out for your fics, take care of punctuation, spelling and grammar. And don't put Author's Notes in the middle of the chapter. They tripped me up; and not in a good way." She gave a surprised looking Ice an evil glare. "Second, we charge you with not knowing the way things are in the military: having a random soldier be insubordinate, and getting out of order in correcting him; also, we charge you with being both a girl and a colonel, of some sort. You're either too young to be a colonel, or too old to be a girl. Third ..."

"Fourth," Tasmin corrected. "You've already made three charges."

Allison threw her a questioning look. "What? Which was the third?"

"About the girl colonel thing."

"That's part of the second charge: not knowing the military way."

"Okay, I'll accept. Third."

"Who are you people?" Ice started again.

"Shut up. If you keep interrupting us this will only take longer. Third."

"Third, we charge you with not using enough description in your story. That's why you're in a living room right now. We were forced to make it up, because you didn't tell us where we were." Allison looked up from the charge sheet and gave Ice a big grin. Ice moved uneasily in her seat. "Fourth, we charge you with not knowing A-Team's rank or how to spell their names. Are you foreign by the way?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" Tasmin asked.

"Maybe abroad the A-Team members had different names."

"Perhaps, but that doesn't mean they would also have different ranks."

"Good point." Allison turned back to Ice, gave her another smile and read on. "Fifth, writing A-Team fanfiction, but not actually doing anything with the A-Team characters. You had them all just stand around impersonating wax statues. We can't charge you with bad characterization, because you didn't characterize any of them."

"That's something," Ice mumbled.

"You get to defend yourself in a moment. Let's see what else is there. Oh, the rest all adds up to being a Mary Sue. We charge you with being way too good to be true, and being Decker's love interest. The punishment for this is death. Tasmin here will now execute you." Allison stepped out of the way and Tasmin got up from her seat.

"Any last words?"

"Huh?"

"At least that's short." Tasmin shot Ice through the head. She fell back in her recliner. "That's that. How many on our hit list?"

"Nine left to shoot. Including your lover Star."

Tasmin growled. She checked her clip. "Let's get to it."

They got out the back door and entered the prison block. Allison pulled out a curtain that obscured the view from one prison cell to the other and Tasmin shot the members of G-Team one by one. She only said sorry to Star.

-oOo-

_A/N: I firmly believe that every Mary Sue at the core can be an original character; they just need to be pruned like a pollard willow. And though I'd like to give some constructive gardening advice here, I just can't see what can be done about this Sue. Other than give her a cape and a secret identity that is. There was actually no point for the A-Team to be in _Past Meets Future_. Take them out, tone down Ice a couple of notches, give her a proper backstory, and dose little bits and piece of it out from the beginning. You now have written some original fiction, that should be posted elsewhere on the web._  
_Analogous to other fandoms when in A-Team fandom the name of a canon character is misspelled a mini is created. For A-Team I call them mini-deckers. A mini is a miniture version of the offended character._


	3. A life i never had

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were created by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics were taken from _A life i never had_ by jessy luke. It's hard to give constructive criticism when after two sentences you think: 'Tasmin would so freak out over this.'_

-oOo-

Tasmin returned from her ten mile run to find Allison sleeping on the sofa in their office. She looked like she had passed out before falling onto the sofa. Tasmin frowned a little then jogged into the bathroom to take a hot shower. There was nothing she liked better than a good long run followed by a nice hot shower.

She was just soaping up when she heard a loud beep coming from the other room. 'Let Allison take care of this one,' she thought and continued soaping up. There was another loud beep, a little more demanding this time, followed by a thud. 'Probably Allison falling off the sofa.' Tasmin rinsed herself off and heard the third beep.

"Tasmin! How do you shut this thing off?"

Tasmin rolled her eyes. Forget about moisturizing when you have an incompetent partner. She turned off the water and wrapped herself into a towel before leaving the bathroom. Allison was frantically tapping every key on the console keyboard. In reply it was beeping at her louder and louder. Tasmin pushed her partner aside and quieted the machine with a simple key combination.

"That's how you shut that thing off."

Allison looked her up and down. "You're not going into the fic dressed like that, are you?"

Tasmin gave her a weary look. "Don't touch anything while I get dressed." Allison froze into a salute.

Tasmin went back into the bathroom to get dressed. A few minutes later she returned, fully dressed, and found Allison was still standing in the same position. She grabbed her bag and tapped a few keys on the console to open the portal into the fic. "In you go." She pushed Allison through the portal and jumped in after her.

"I liked the summary," Allison said as she puzzled over the disguise Tasmin had chosen for them: tight fitting jeans and a loose fitting white men's shirt on top. She didn't like clothes that could possibly hamper her kicking range. "I mean, apart from the lack in punctuation. It didn't give away right away that there could be a Mary Sue in this fic."

"The opening lines are a pretty good clue." Tasmin nodded.

_Hi I'm Jessica and I am 19._

"Could be a video message," Allison suggested. "For a dating agency."

Tasmin glared at her. "Do you seriously believe the things you say or are you just yanking my chain?"

"Yank, yank."

Tasmin growled and turned her attention back to the Words. "I can't even begin to think where this is wrong."

"Let me grab my notepad, 'cause I'm sure you'll figure it out." Allison took her notepad and pencil and before she had said "Shoot" Tasmin had already started.

"All four guys living together! With a teenage girl! What is she, their cook? And for over three years! Without BA killing Murdock!" Allison quickly scribbled down the keywords as Tasmin ranted. "The spelling hurts my eyes. And why is she introducing these guys? We all know who they are! That's the whole point of being in fanfiction: we can skip the introductions. And where does she get off saying Murdock isn't really crazy? Anyone who prefers living in a VA rather than the big bad outside world is crazy."

"I think she meant to say he hides his sanity well."

"Stop sticking up for the Sues; it's annoying. Murdock is crazy; it's the only defense he's got against the outside world. Let's not take that away from him."

"Anything more?"

"Yeah, she should have put quotation marks around Face as it is his nickname. Whole sentence probably should have read: 'Lieutenant Templeton "Faceman" Peck just Face'. Faceman is his full nickname; it's Face for short, not the other way round." Allison gasped at her. "What?"

"I'm writing you up for actually pronouncing the quotes." She turned her notepad over and made a note.

"Whatever." Tasmin shrugged. She quickly grabbed hold of the nearby wall.

Allison frowned her brow. She yelped as the floor suddenly shook and she was knocked into the wall. "What was that?"

"Tense shift. The opening paragraph was in first tense; the rest of the story is going to be in past tense. Nothing harmful."

"Well, it hurt my head," Allison said as she got back to her feet and rubbed the back of her head.

"I'm sure there is nothing fragile in there."

"Where are we?"

"At the girl's school." Tasmin nodded at the words. "I think this one is going to spend a lot of time telling the story rather than showing it."

_I had a boyfriend his name was Harley I really loved him and I was pretty sure that he loved me but I was wrong._

"Aargh!" Tasmin yelled and pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. "You read the words. The punctuation hurts my eyes too; I can't take it anymore."

Allison read the words, moving her lips as she did. Tasmin watched her, shook her head, but still had to ask.

"When I move my lips I get a better feel for where the commas, full stops and semicolons go."

"I guess I was wrong about the fragile." Tasmin peered into the classroom through the window and saw a boy and a man enter the classroom. The girl tried to leave, but the others wouldn't let her. One of them hit her and her lights went out. The man lifted her onto his shoulders and carried her off, two boys on his trail. "Too bad none of them said anything."

"They scared her pretty bad nonetheless."

"True, but I got no clues what so ever why she was angsting. Was Scott a bully? Was Mr Hodgkin a particularly scary teacher? You know if he looked like Lurch, I would have been scared. But this guy teaches PE; he looks like an athlete. I'm thinking 'yummy'. I wouldn't mind being carried off over his shoulder."

"And I'm sure Jessica wouldn't mind switching positions." Allison chuckled.

Tasmin threw her a look. "Make a note: insufficient description to transfer the anxiety of the character. And because none of them said anything, we don't know why she was carried off like that. It could be anything. It could be rape fest."

"I doubt that. This story is Kplus rated."

"Kplus?" Tasmin put her head in her neck so she could read the letters above the words. "Kplus. You better make a note of that. Sue stories are rarely Kplus."

Allison made the note. Tasmin took the remote activator from her bag and opened a portal.

"Onwards we go." She courteously let Allison go first.

-oOo-

_Hannibal walked out of the Laundry mat and removed his wig, Mr Lee had just heard a very interesting story and he had accepted a mission from their client._

"Why didn't you bring us in at the beginning of the scene?" Allison complained. "I always loved Mr Lee. Or do you think my laughing would have disturbed the OC? I can laugh quietly, you know."

"I know," Tasmin replied, remembering a curious moment in their first mission. "And this **is** the beginning of the scene."

"I'm writing her up for that." Allison licked her pencil again, found it didn't write when wet, wiped it on her jeans and tried again. "Leaving out the best bits. What's an A-Team story without Hannibal playing a couple of characters?"

"You know, that thing works better on TV."

"Doesn't matter. It has entertainment value on paper too."

Tasmin chuckled. Now this was more like the kind of partner she wanted. She'd make a proper PPC agent out of Allison yet.

Tasmin walked across the street following Hannibal. She read the next scene from the words, even though that hurt her eyes. She knew she wouldn't be able to get any closer to the real scene.

"You may want to hold on to something that is grounded," she called over her shoulder to Allison.

"What for?" A force strong as an earthquake knocked Allison over. She looked up, but wasn't in the street anymore. She was lying on a drive way. She looked around for Tasmin; she wasn't there. What had happened? A portal opened next to her and Tasmin stepped through. "Another tense change?"

"No. Change of location without giving visual warning." Tasmin stuck out her hand to help Allison up.

"How come you see all these things coming and I don't?" Allison tried to pad the dirt off her.

"I read the words."

"I read the words too."

"Guess I read a little bit faster than you." Tasmin walked over to the window and looked into the room. A girl was lying on the floor chained to the bed. The girl stirred. "Duck, she's about to wake up."

The two agents pressed themselves against the wall on either side of the window. They heard the clung of a handcuff against a metal bed post.

"Who's in Punctuation these days?" Tasmin asked.

"Alice, I think. Why?"

"We should call her. She'd have a field day here."

"Why? Isn't this world going to fold in on itself when we take out the Sue?"

"Good point." Tasman smiled, a facial feature Allison always found quite disturbing in her.

Allison turned her head away and looked at the words.

_My left hand was chained to the bed post, I guessed that it was about 5.30 in the afternoon I heard movements outside the door._

"I already wrote her up for punctuation. How often can we charge her for that?"

"I think you can mention it about three or four times. And write her up for making a time estimate, but not telling us on what she bases it." Tasmin glanced through the window; when she saw three men enter she quickly pulled her head back.

_Harley walked over and squatted beside me, "She's awake" he exclaimed. There was no use hiding it now I opened my eyes and glared at them._

Tasmin clacked her tongue. "She can't know who squats beside her until she opens her eyes. Write her up for that."

"I would if this was a present tense fic. In past tense she can do this. She can give the information in a different order than in which she found it out."

Tasmin growled in reply.

"Hey, we're hunting Sue here to encourage others to write good fics. We're not helping them if we shoot at everything."

Tasmin muttered something under her breath. It was probably best that Allison did not hear it. Laughter came from the room. Tasmin leaned in again to look through the window.

"What do they want from her?" she asked.

"Information," Allison replied.

"What kind of information?"

"Apparently they think she has gathered some information on them, and they want to know what."

"But she doesn't know what they are talking about," Tasmin stated.

"Nope." Allison shook her head. "There would have been easier ways for them to find out. I mean, one of these guys is the girl's boy-friend. He could have subtly questioned her."

"Probable plots are not a Sue's strong suit."

"It never was the series strong suit either."

"Hey! Don't mock the series."

"Okay, sorry. Maybe she just wanted to show that these guys have double digit IQs."

"People with double digit IQs don't worry about what others know about them. That sort of thing well extends their grasp of the world."

"Well, we're not going to learn anything new here. Can we go see how Faceman breaks Murdock out of the VA? That is always fun to watch."

"I hope you are not going to be disappointed." Tasmin opened the portal and they stepped through, right into the reception area at the VA.

_"Hi I'm here to see Mr Murdock his vaccinations are due" explained Face, "right this way" the nurse responded._

"Okay, I am disappointed. First she robs me of a good Mr Lee scene, and now she makes it this easy to get Murdock out of the VA? At least she could have had the nurse say 'Vaccinations? But he's not a little kid anymore; he's had all his jabs.' And then Face could reply, 'yes, but Mr Murdock has a rare physiological condition: his red blood cells forget how to make antibodies after so many years. We need to repeat his vaccinations or otherwise this man could die of something as simple as chickenpox.' The nurse would be all shocked and quickly brings him to Murdock. This." Allison pointed in frustration. "This's just lack of imagination. It would have been better use of Face's character if he had just walked past the nurse and given her a friendly smile."

Tasmin chuckled. "It's the white blood cells that make the antibodies, and they don't vaccinate for chickenpox."

"What do I know?" Allison made a throw away gesture. "I'm not writing this story."

"Ah, don't worry." Tasmin gave her a friendly slap on the shoulder. "The actual writer of this story also doesn't have much of a clue." She opened another portal. "Let's go back to school."

"Right." Allison threw a last look at the Words.

_Murdock was talking gibberish as he walked past the nurse._

"Number one charge," Allison said with her finger raised as she walked through the portal, "not using characters full potential. Actually, that's charges one through three: not using the full potential of Hannibal; not using the full potential of Face; not using the full potential of Murdock. Ah, she makes me so angry I want to strangle her."

"I'll happily shoot her for you."

"Don't tell me you can't strangle anyone in A-Team fandom?" Allison stopped in her tracks and looked very disappointed.

Tasmin turned in surprise. "I -- I don't know. I'm not sure it has ever been tried. All on screen deaths were from getting shot."

"No strangling."

"No strangling."

"Am I ever in the wrong fandom." Allison tried to stuff her hands in the pockets of her jeans, but they were so thight there wasn't any room. Next time, she would be picking the disguises.

The black and gray van pulled up by the curb and Face and Hannibal got out.

_Face was dressed in a detective uniform and Hannibal was dressed as a corporal._

"Did I see that correctly?" Allison turned a puzzled face to Tasmin.

"I know, it was in the words too. Face wore a detective uniform." They watched them go into the school.

"If it had said Murdock I would have thought he jumped out of the van dressed as Sherlock Holmes."

Tasmin nodded in reply. "And detectives are plain clothes."

"What are they doing at the school anyway? Wouldn't the client have told them everything they could possibly find out here?"

"Ah, little glasshopper, you have found anothel plot hole," Tasmin said with a solemn face.

Allison slowly turned her head to Tasmin and lifted her eye-brows. "I think it is now my turn to say: shut up, fool."

"Silence, little glasshopper. You shall not be dislespectful."

"I think it is time to leave again." Allison nodded at the words. After the last impact she had been careful to take notice of the words and if a new location was to be expected.

_They decided to check out where the three of them lived and have a look at their records._

"Yes, I also want to know what kind of music these guys listen to," Tasmin said and pressed the remote activator. Allison chuckled listlessly. That was about the best joke she had read in the fic all day. And it wasn't even there on purpose.

-oOo-

Tasmin had brought them to another house.

"I've jumped ahead a bit. Most of it is just really boring telling stuff. And she keeps on repeating the same things we are already charging her for. Her punishment won't be any different if we start tallying multiple offenses in one fic."

Allison glanced over the words. There were about eight paragraphs of catching up to do. "You missed there that she mentions Face making a date with a woman."

"So? Hannibal is making him cancel it." Tasmin shrugged. Face making a date was nothing special.

"She mentioned earlier that Face had a girl-friend."

"Good call." Tasmin actually looked impressed. "I missed that one. Write her up: plot continuity."

A few minutes later Allison had finally caught up. "I see why you brought us here."

"Kplus she said. That's not Kplus."

_The police arrived at Jess's home only to find 3 body's drenched in blood and stab wounds in their throats._

"Nope, but is that our job to mention? Surely someone else can report her for that."

"Sure, and other readers can also leave lengthy reviews and tell the Sue what needs to be changed about her fic. What do you think will be more impressive?"

"I'm hoping it is us. But since no one ever actually gets to see our work, I doubt it's us."

"Yeah, bit of a bummer." Tasmin opened a portal. "Time to kick some butt."

"Already?"

"It is best to take the Sue out of the story before she gets too involved with the Team. Sadly that is not always possible as we're not allowed to shoot the Sue in the opening paragraph." Tasmin ushered Allison through the portal and followed her.

-oOo-

It was dark. There were no street lights and the sky was cloudy. A great night for stealth. Just the way Tasmin liked it. The house was located well off the road. Light and merriment was coming from the front room. The two agents snuck over and hid underneath a window.

"Are you sure we're not going to be disturbed by the A-Team while in here?" Allison asked a little worried. She didn't think the A-Team were the kind of guys she wanted to run into when they were in saving mood.

"The Sue has sent them all to have a proper night sleep. Very uncharacteristic. Hannibal never sleeps." Tasmin put her bag on the ground and opened it. "First we go in and kill the three bad guys. Shouldn't be too hard. They sound drunk."

"You have the gun."

"Yes, I do." Tasmin pulled her Beretta 92SB from her bag and padded it lovingly. Then she screwed on a silencer and flicked the safety. "Let's rock."

"You first."

Tasmin got up and hunched over she made for the front door. It wasn't locked and both agents went in. They found the three bad guys in the front room. They were surprised to see the two women; the two boys didn't get time to get over their surprise before Tasmin put a bullet in their heads. Mr Hodgkin was a little more trouble. He lunged forward and knocked over Tasmin. He started pounding away at her until Allison managed to grab him in a choke hold. She cut off his air. He tried to grab hold of her and pull her away from him. Tasmin tried to distract him by kicking and hitting him. The lack off air caused him to lose consciousness and he fell forward. Allison let go off him. Tasmin picked up the gun she had lost in the struggle and shot him between the eyes.

"Bet you're glad you weren't carried off by him."

Tasmin didn't reply, but headed for the stairs to find the Sue in one of the upstair's bedrooms. All the rooms were empty.

"Where is she?"

Allison chuckled. "I guess you missed that the girl sat down on a cold stone floor." Tasmin glared at her. "I think she's in the basement."

Tasmin ran down two flights of stairs with Allison on her heels. The basement had on open storage, and a closed storage. The door to the closed storage was locked.

"Kick this in."

"Less than 140 pounds of woman. Not likely."

Tasmin sighed and put a couple of bullets in the lock. "How about now."

"Now is much better." Allison took a little sprint and knocked the door open. She fell into the room, quickly scrambled to her feet and looked around for the Sue.

"What's going on?" Jessica asked.

"Agents Tasmin and Allison from Protectors of the Plot Continuum, we have come to take you out of here."

"But you're not the A-Team."

"You've got that right. Allison, will you do the honor of charging her?"

"It will be my pleasure." Allison got a wide grin on her face. "If you will turn on the light, then I will read her her charges." Allison pulled the notepad from her back pocket, cleared her throat and started. "Jessica Luke, we hereby charge you with being a Mary Sue."

"A what?"

"Being ignorant of the laws of fiction is no excuse for breaking them." Allison tried to give her her most pleasant yet devilish grin. "To support this charge we further charge you with not using the potential of Hannibal's character. We charge you with offensive punctuation. We charge you with not using the potential of the character of Face. We charge you with offensive punctuation. We charge you with not using the potential of Murdock's character."

"And let me guess." Jessica folded her arms and gave a defiant look. "You charge me with offensive punctuation."

"We've got a live one," Allison crowed.

"What are you on about? Charging me?"

"Shut up while you're being charged." Tasmin punched Jessica in her face. Still weak from the previous beatings she had taken that day, Jessica went down. Allison continued charging her while she lay on the ground. "We charge you with thinking it's 5.30, but not explaining why. You've been out cold; how can you know anything about time? We charge you with using the wrong rating for your fic."

"Kplus means suitable for more mature children, 9 years and older, with minor action violence without serious injury. May contain mild coarse language. Should not contain any adult themes," Tasmin quoted.

"Stab wounds to the throat is serious injury," Allison explained. Jessica just looked up at her in disbelieve. "Further we charge you with insufficient description, and we wonder if you yourself even know what this is all about."

Jessica shook her head. "No, I don't know why I was kidnapped, and I don't know what you are doing here."

"We are here to charge you. And we meant: do you as the writer even know the motivation of these guys to kidnap you. We think you don't know, and because of that you make it hard for us to think of the bad guys as anything more threatening than lawn furniture."

"Great simile." Tasmin said.

"Thanks. And lastly we charge you with getting rescued by the A-Team and then move in with all of them. Damn it, you gave away you were a Mary Sue in the first line of the story." Allison paced away in anger, turned around and addressed Jessica again: "You have been charged. Do you understand these charges?"

"No," Jessica cried. "What are you doing? What do you want? Where's the A-Team?"

"They're not coming. We want to rid fiction of Mary Sues. They serve no purpose other than to be made fun of or to be hunted down."

"Say bye bye," Tasmin said.

"Bye bye," Jessica said with a weak voice. Tasmin shot her between the eyes and blew the smoke from the barrel.

"Time to go home." She tossed Allison the remote activator. Allison looked surprised. This was the first time Tasmin let her handle any kind of equipment when she was able to handle it herself. "You did well today." Tasmin gave her a smile. Allison smiled back and opened a portal.

"You know, I could imagine some of the A-Team living together: Hannibal and Murdock, actually. That would be like a _Men Behaving Badly_ kind of thing. Hannibal and Murdock as Gary and Tony." Humming that tune Allison danced through the portal.

Tasmin rolled her eyes. She already regretted letting Allison get a hold of any of the office equipment. She stepped through the portal and bumped into Allison. Allison had stopped dead the moment she had come through the portal.

"It's our office, but it's kind of dark and forbidden." She gave Tasmin the remote activator. "I don't know what's going on."

"Well, go turn on a light so we can see."

Allison made her way across the dark room in the direction of, she hoped, the light switch. She stumbled over a desk chair and heard Tasmin's faint snickering. She found the light switch just at that moment something occurred to her: "Don't you have a flashlight in that bag of yours?"

"Yeah, I do. But this is more fun."

Allison flicked on the light and glared at Tasmin. Then she looked around the room. There were shutters in front of the windows and even in front of the door. On the inside of the room. Tasmin seemed to be as surprised as she was at it all.

"It's almost like we entered the drawer of a filing cabinet."

"I know what this is." Tasmin smiled. "Don't worry. It's good."

"Care to enlighten me what the good actually is?"

"We've been archived."

"Archived? What does that mean? Stuck in the bottom drawer somewhere? Has Upstairs taken us of our assignment?"

"No, no, we've still got the same job."

"I thought you said being archived was good." Allison inspected the shutter blocking the door. "Does this open up again or are we stuck in here, together, for ever?" Allison suddenly felt her life-expectancy drop by sixty odd years.

"Relax." Tasmin made herself comfortable on the sofa. "It's just a temporary measure. Sort of like a quarantine. Just to see if we and the archive are a good match; it will only take a couple of hours. Or days," she said with a menacing grin.

Allison lowered herself to the floor and sat with her back against the wall. Just to be on the safe side she would try to stay out of Tasmin's reach for the next few hours. She wondered how many bullets Tasmin had left.

-oOo-

_A/N: In an attempt to be a little more constructive than just destructive here are some pointers for jessy luke (and others): A-Team missions are in general crazy, but they do have internal logic. Thinking of a good plot is hard, but it really is something you ought to do before you start posting a story. Rewriting to smooth out plot inconsistencies is easier when the story is still just on your computer. Your plot doesn't make much sense to me, yet. If I'm busy wondering why things happen, I'm not busy reading the story. And please, please, please, do something about your offensive punctuation. There's a good "Guide to Punctuation" on the Internet by Larry Trask._


	4. The Darkest Night

_A/N: **Disclaimer** _noun_ Obligatory line in which I state that I only created Tasmin and Allison; everything and everyone else in this chapter was created by someone else. Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts from _The Darkest Night_ by Hannurdock in italics. This is a slash story._

-oOo-

Allison looked around as she stepped out of the portal. It was twilight, but other than that it was rather non-descript. It reminded her of the holodeck when there wasn't a program running.

"What kind of story is this?" she asked her partner.

"Slash," Tasmin replied.

"Bye." Allison turned around immediately to go back through the portal while it was still open. Tasmin grabbed her by the waist of her pants and pulled her back.

"C'mon, you've got to learn some time."

"But I don't want to," Allison whined. "I can't. Emotional immaturity."

"Yes, yes, I know. You act and look like a five year old."

Allison glared at Tasmin. "I don't see why we'd have to do a thing like this. We're in the Mary Sue Department. Not the Bad Slash Department. Or was this slash brought on by a Sue?"

"I don't think so. And in A-Team Division we do both."

"Lovely. You do know that all the people voluntarily in the Bad Slash Department have gone completely bonkers."

"I'm sure they already were before they started the job."

"That's what I mean. Bonkers is a job requirement. And I don't have it."

"Well, there's also a few other job requirements you're short on, so we shall overlook this one as well. Now shut up before canon hears you." Tasmin pushed Allison to the ground and squatted down beside her.

Face and Murdock were near them; they could hear them talking. Murdock was professing his love to Face in the middle of watch duty.

"That is one charge," Allison whispered. "Uncharacteristic unprofessional conduct."

"We don't write up charges in Slash. There's no one to charge."

"Fine, just take away all my bearings to civilization."

"Just imagine how Face is feeling: his best friend just told him he wants him as a lover."

"Well, according to the words Face's face is expressing betrayal."

"Please, keep up. After Murdock says lover, Face is offering an embrace."

"Boy, he swings quickly."

"Much like a pendulum. Look, over there, a man with a gun."

"And our friends aren't paying attention." Allison shook her head. She ducked when she heard the shot that caught Murdock in the chest. It was followed by a scream from Face.

_"You bastard" Face screamed lifting his weapon and shooting the man in the chest._

"I make a rough estimate and say that Face is so much out of character that he risks character rupture," Allison lifted her head up again.

"I think shooting that man **was** the character rupture," Tasmin replied.

"Does that mean we're already too late to save the characters from this fic?"

"I sincerely hope not. Bad fics can spread like an oil stain." Tasmin looked at the words and shuddered in disgust. "Now that is just sick."

_Face began CPR, determined to bring his friend back. As he tasted Murdock on his lips he finally knew what Murdock meant, and realised his love for Murdock went beyond mere friendship._

"Yeah," Allison agreed. "Giving someone the kiss of life has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with actual kissing."

"No, I mean, he's giving CPR before even checking for vital signs. You do not give CPR to someone as long as there is still a heartbeat."

The two agents watched as Face sat on his knees beside Murdock and started to sob.

_The darkness seemed to swamp the lifeless figure on the ground, seemed to close in on Face and made him gasp in desperation and frustration._

"Is it over?" Allison asked.

Tasmin glanced at the words. "Either Murdock is coming back to life, or the lifeless figure mentioned was that of the other man."

"Well, that at least saves us the trouble of killing him."

"Small favors," Tasmin replied. "Would have been a big favor had we been spared the death scene that comes right out of the Mary Sue book of dying."

Grinding their teeth the two agents watched as Murdock said his emotional farewell knowing Face loved him too; and Face spoke out his equally emotional determination that Murdock would live and they would have the rest of their lives to discover just how much they loved each other. Tasmin had to physically restrain Allison from jumping up and giving Face a proper trashing.

Then Face picked up Murdock and carried him over to a car. Allison wondered why he didn't bring him to the car they came in, but Face probably didn't want all that blood on his upholstery. The two agents played rock, paper, scissors to determine whether Face put Murdock in the front or the back seat. Face hotwired the car and drove off. Tasmin opened a portal to take her and Allison directly to the hospital.

-oOo-

Tasmin and Allison walked into the waiting room as Face was making a phone call. The agents sat down on a few chairs along the other wall and stared into the distance, to the words, to catch up on both sides of the conversation.

_Face switched his mobile off and thought deeply about Murdock's confession, and then his own._

"Two questions," Allison whispered to Tasmin. "Does Face have a mobile in canon? And does he know you should switch those off in hospital, meaning not make any calls on them?"

"I think this story is set years after canon ended," Tasmin whispered back. "And he's probably under so much stress that he didn't realize he shouldn't have used his mobile."

"Are you saying that to show me how annoying it is when someone is trying to rationalize what happens in fic?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you proved your point." Allison grabbed hold of her seat as the floor started to shake. "Time rift?"

"Just a small one. Only fifteen minutes."

"Story time or shaking time?" Allison asked, but the shaking stopped already. Allison relaxed and saw Hannibal and BA walk in.

"Cover your ears."

"What?"

"Cover your ears," Tasmin urged.

Allison rolled her eyes and did as she was told. She looked at the words, dropped her hands and gave Tasmin a glare. "You made me cover my ears for that?" She pointed at the words. "Because Face uses a swear word?"

"Well, you're the emotionally immature one. I didn't know whether you could take it," Tasmin replied with a straight face.

"You're enjoying this way too much."

"I'm not enjoying it at all. Personally, I don't see why writers put swear words in the mouths of canon. They don't swear in the TV show. Why should they swear in fics?"

Allison shrugged. "They also don't have any slash in the TV show."

"Or Mary Sues." Tasmin nodded in agreement.

"Hmm. I remember one character Babs wrote that was pushing it."

Tasmin turned her gaze to Hannibal being very understanding towards Face. This made Face relax. He decided it was time for a confession.

_"Murdock confessed he was in love with me" Face turned away from the shocked gazes, and started to lose his confidence._

Tasmin registered the looks on the faces of the men sitting on either side of Face. They seemed to recompose themselves rather quickly. She took her Canon Analysis Device from her bag and pointed it at Face. It gave off a shrill whistle and then exploded. Tasmin coughed and tried to wave the smoke away.

"I guess you also shouldn't use CADs in hospital," she remarked dryly.

The Team members did not respond to the explosion. Tasmin figured they either were very used to things exploding around them, or Hannibal's next remark was of more interest to them.

_"Let me guess, you returned his feelings?" Hannibal said in a voice even softer, his words no more than a whisper._

_Face nodded._

Tasmin considered whether she could dump the broken CAD in the trash. She didn't want to put it in her bag as it might set something else on fire. She also knew she wasn't supposed to leave any equipment in the fic. Even though she didn't see the harm of leaving anything behind that was broken.

Allison nudged her when a nurse came walking in. The two agents quickly went to their business of pretending they belonged exactly where they were. The nurse paid no attention to them, but went straight to Face to tell him that Murdock was critical but stable. In the blink of an eye the nurse disappeared into thin air, only to walk back in a moment later. This time she came to tell Face Murdock had asked for him.

Face followed the nurse to Murdock's room. Allison and Tasmin got up to follow Face. Allison threw a glance at Hannibal.

"Exorcise them now or later?"

"I think we should start with Murdock and Face. They are affected the most."

Allison nodded. They walked up to Murdock's room and waited for the nurse to come back out before they went in themselves.

_"Murdock" Face breathed, seeing Murdock for the first time as a sexual being, capable of making him fulfilled in ways he had never imagined._

"Give me your gun!" Allison demanded in a whisper. "I'm going to put this poor man out of his misery."

"You can't kill canon."

"This man is no longer canon. You saw what the Canon Analysis Device did. It always explodes at imminent character rupture. The Face we knew and loved is no longer. Give me your gun."

"No."

"Fine! But could you at least shoot him yourself?"

"No. You can't kill canon."

"Why not?"

"Because you shouldn't kill any character you haven't created."

Allison gave Tasmin a look. "Can you spell hypocrite?"

"H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E."

"Apparently you can."

"I'll give you something else." Tasmin dug deep into her duffel bag.

_Face sighed, and gripped Murdock's hand. He looked at those big brown eyes, and became lost in them. He felt himself falling suddenly. In truth he was leaning towards Murdock, his eyes fixed upon the moist, intelligent, brown eyes of Murdock. Without realising, his lips closed on the pilot's and he heard himself gasp as Murdock's tongue entered his mouth, probed the edges of it and playfully touched Face's tongue, moving it around with a little force._

_Face felt Murdock's hands reach down for the buckle of his pants and he drew back "Not here, baby. Not now. You have to get better first"._

Allison hit Face in the back of the head with the DVD box set of the first season. He turned around letting go of Murdock's hand and received a punch in the stomach. He folded slightly but quickly recovered and swung a punch at his assailant. Allison was expecting this, blocked him and punched him in the stomach again. Murdock tried to scramble out of bed to help Face. Tasmin hit him on the forehead with the DVD box set of the second season.

"Get back in bed. You're suffering a serious chest wound. Besides, you don't come to Face's rescue unless he is in way over his head."

Face didn't seem to be in over his head now, as he managed to pick up Allison and throw her onto the bed next to Murdock's.

"A little help here!" Allison shouted as she rolled off the bed on the other side. Face came towards her and she was cornered in. Tasmin grabbed the visitor's chair and threw it at Face's legs. He stumbled over it and hit his head on the foot end of the bed. He slipped onto the floor, unconscious.

"That went easy," Tasmin commented.

Allison gave her a half glare while she touched her cracked lip. She tasted the blood in her mouth and wiped her hand on her pants.

"You grab his legs," Tasmin instructed while she put her arms under Face's and pulled him in a sitting position. "We'll put him in the bed next to Murdock. You, move over." The last instruction was directed at Murdock who was happy to oblige.

The agents put Face beside Murdock and Murdock quickly swooned over him.

"Oh, Facey, what have they done to you? A mark on your beautiful face."

Tasmin pulled the bed from the wall and Allison started setting out the candles around it in a circle and lit them.

"Lie still now," Tasmin instructed and put a DVD box set on the chest of each of the men.

Murdock lay back, surprised at what the two women in his room were doing, happy that Face was so close to him. He felt for Face's hand and entangled his fingers with those of his friend.

"Right. How did this go?"

"Don't look at me. I flunked Slash."

"I remember again." Tasmin cleared her throat and raised her hand holding a third DVD box set. "Begone, Author of this fic. Get thee behind me Lusting Wounded! Get thee behind me Quick Reciprocation! The power of Stephen J. Cannell compels you! You have no more power in this continuum!"

The shades of the Author rose from the chests of the men on the bed, forming into one figure hovering above them. Murdock gasped and started to shake violently.

"Lie still," Allison told him irritably. "This is not that kind of exorcism."

Murdock stopped shaking. He clenched his fists, holding on to Face with one hand, to the bed frame with the other.

"Begone, Author of this fic!" Tasmin repeated. The shade moaned and evaporated.

Allison started blowing out the candles. Tasmin put the DVD box sets back in her bag and took out the neutralizer. "Cover your eyes," she told Allison. "Not you," she told Murdock.

Allison hid underneath the bed. She pinched her eyes closed and put a hand over her eyes. This should be enough to avoid seeing any of the red light. Although, she wouldn't mind a little of it; just to forget about the day's events. She heard the high pitch hum of the neutralizer. When it was gone she first asked Tasmin whether she was done before opening her eyes. She crawled out from underneath the bed.

"That looked like a successful exorcism. Should we leave them in the bed like this?"

Murdock had dosed off, his head resting against Face's forehead.

"Mmm, yeah." Tasmin cocked her head. "They look kind of cute in a canon way like this."

Allison frowned, but didn't comment. She gathered up the candles. "Let's go see about the other two." She stalked out of the room. Tasmin followed, but not without turning off the light and quietly closing the door to the room.

-oOo-

_A/N: This story by Hannurdock did not make any sense to me. Not until I substituted Stockwell for Hannibal (actually I substituted Alby from _Hustle_), Frankie for Face, took an OC for Murdock and changed the genre to humor. Seriously though, Hannurdock has written many stories, quite a few slash and most of them are considerably better than _The Darkest Night_. Let's just put this aside as a youthful indiscretion and move on._

_I do like to make one point on slash, and the same goes for all kinds of romance: if your best friend tells you they're in love with you, you DON'T SUDDENLY realize you love them too. This realization will take time. In the order of weeks, rather than minutes._


	5. Dragon's Eye

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics were taken form _Dragon's Eye_ by Koujo-Wheeler._

-oOo-

It had been quiet for a few days at Headquarters. Well, it had been quiet in Tasmin and Allison's office. Across the hall many loud beeps and shrieks could have been heard, and the occasional loud bang. In the quiet time Tasmin had cleaned her gun three times and repacked her duffel bag four; she had been on six ten mile runs and had repressed the urge to kill Allison eleven times. Allison had been glued to the TV and DVD player watching A-Team episodes in marathon. Though Tasmin had made her do this she regretted that by lunch on the third day when Allison had started talking like Mac Murdock and would not relent. Tasmin had gone on another run.

When she returned she had taken the DVDs away from Allison and given her her deck of cards. Allison was now playing her circle game again.

BEEEEEEP

"Work!" Both agents jumped up enthusiastically. Neither of them liked going in a Sue fic much, but anything, except really bad slash Allison thought, was better than being cooped up together for this long.

Allison gathered up her cards and put them back in their box while Tasmin checked out the fic, decided on a disguise and opened up a portal. "Grab your stuff." She shouldered her duffel bag and walked through the portal. Allison grabbed her notepad, a pen and her Character Analysis Device and followed Tasmin.

"Nurses' uniforms? Where are we?"

"The VA. Is that all you are carrying?"

"Yeah, and it's a good thing too. I can't stuff anything more in these pockets." The notepad had been no problem, but the CAD left a nasty bulge in an awkward place. Allison looked at her name tag. "Ratched? You named me nurse Ratched!"

"I didn't know your last name."

"You could have asked."

"Okay. What is your last name?"

"I'm not telling you anymore."

A girl in jeans, a leather jacket and a T-shirt with a funny line walked past them.

"And I thought your sense of fashion needed tweaking," Allison remarked. She was professional enough to immediately pay attention to her job when it presented itself. She was not professional enough to not sneer at Tasmin.

"She kind of reminds you of someone, doesn't she?"

"The kid looked familiar," Allison went back into Mac Murdock mode. "We had seen her before. Or someone who dressed like her. As I made a note of her appearance we followed her at an appropriate distance. She could lead us to more clues to solve this case."

Tasmin rubbed her temples. She remembered she had forgotten to restock on paracetamol. This was going to be a long mission.

"Charge one." Allison seemed to snap back to her normal self. Whatever normal was, Tasmin thought. "Teenage girl with the sense of fashion of a madman. What do you think: is she bullied in school?" Allison stuck the pen back behind her ear.

"I can't think whether that would make her more of a Sue or less."

The ground started to shake. Allison shifted her weight. She had started to become used to the time rifts and trained to get through them as safely as possible. A flashback or sudden change of location was just like standing in a train that went over a switch. If you shifted your weight, you kept your balance without having to accidentally grab onto fellow passengers in inappropriate places. The shaking stopped. Allison looked around. They were at a kid's birthday party.

"I feel very out of place here," she said to Tasmin.

Tasmin did not reply. She tried to make a little boy stop pulling on the skirt of her uniform.

"Are you my friend?"

"I don't think so."

"You're my friend." The boy wrapped his arms around Tasmin's leg. Tasmin looked pleadingly at Allison. Allison looked away to keep from chuckling.

Murdock was sitting in a corner of the room with a little girl on his lap. He looked at least ten years younger and had considerably more hair on his scalp. Murdock gave the girl a hug and some important life lessons. Then the floor shook again and they were back in the psychiatric ward of the VA. The little boy started to cry. Tasmin scooped him up.

"I'll be right back." She opened a portal and stepped through it with the little man on her arm shushing words of consolation to the boy. It only made him cry louder and grip her neck tighter.

Allison moved as close to Murdock's room as she dared to go. Canon couldn't see her, not unless she made herself known to canon, or a non-canon character pointed her out. Why that hadn't happened at the birthday party Allison put down to the very young age of the non-canons. But now the non-canon was a teenager; they tended to be quicker to notice when things were not the way they were supposed to be.

Allison saw in the words that Murdock made a phone call to call in the calvary. She grabbed hold of the grill in the door to the adjacent room so the fast forward time rift wouldn't sweep her off her feet. She was just writing up the charge of putting the freedom of the A-Team in danger by bringing them all to the VA, when Tasmin returned.

"Did you tell the boy to always eat his veg?"

Tasmin growled in reply. Both agents turned their attention to the words. The rest of the Team were being introduced.

_"I'm Hannibal Smith," one said. He was a tall man who reminded me of an albino: white hair, light skin- had his bright blue eyes been pink, I would have freaked._

"She does so not know what an albino looks like," Allison remarked. "Hannibal looks nothing like an albino. Albinos have yellowish hair. The color you get when you bleach your hair. And human albinos rarely have red eyes. They usually have light blue eyes. Actually, his eye color is the only thing Hannibal has got in common with an albino." Allison stuck out her tongue in disgust.

"Really, albinos have blue eyes? Many people think they have red eyes."

"That she repeats stupid things other people say doesn't make it okay or true. And no one has ever called Hannibal an albino."

"Right on all accounts. You want to write her up on any of this?"

"You have to ask?"

Tasmin smiled to herself. This partnership was coming along nicely. Just a few more missions and she had this partner molded into a shorter, blonder image of herself. She dropped her smile when Allison gave her an odd look. She nodded to the words. "Face is talking to the girl now."

_"Listen here, kid," he replied, shaking his finger at me. "You need to cut the attitude if you expect any help from us." My eyes narrowed, followed by me shaking my head._

_"Have it your way then. I'll just handle things myself." I said nothing more- just walked to the door and opened it. I stopped just long enough to look back Murdock, form my fingers into the Vulcan greeting sign and smile. "Live long and prosper, Murdock." With that, I walked out the door._

"Sues are so sensitive." Tasmin sighed. "She came from help by Murdock what does she care what Face thinks or says."

"I care about what Face says. And he wouldn't say a thing like this." Allison tried to remove the Character Analysis Device from her pocket, but it was stuck and she gave up.

Kayla seemed to be so up set with getting nil on her request for help she walked past the agents without taking notice. The agents quickly hurried for Murdock's room and heard BA speak up.

_"Quiet, Face," he replied. "You could have been a tad less mordant and a bit more supportive."_

"Mordant? Does he know what that means? I don't even know what mordant means."

"You think a brother can't use big words?" Tasmin frowned down at Allison.

"The man uses double negatives. Most of his vocabulary seems to swerve around the word 'fool'. So, yeah, I'm not too impressed with his use of the English language."

"Well, we can't all speak the Queen's English."

"I don't speak the Queen's English either," Allison mouthed. "And what does mordant mean?"

"It means criticizing in an amusing way."

"Face wasn't mordant. You're mordant. I'm mordant."

"True. And the Sue is taking an elevator down to the first floor. You want to make a mordant remark about that?"

"Sure. In the episode 'When are you comin' back, Range Rider' Face came to get Murdock from the VA by climbing through the window. After they left through that same window BA replaced the grid outside of it. Thus implying that Murdock had a room on the ground floor, or a very wide ledge on the outside. How's that for being mordant?"

Tasmin considered for a moment. "Could have been better."

"You're not easy to please, are you?"

The floor shook again. Allison fell on her ass in a non-descript place. In mid-air hung a banner, sporting the words: 'Welcome to Nam'. Other than that there was nothing, except for three men in combat gear. Tasmin knelt down beside her.

"I do hope those two non-canons are too busy to fuss over that diamond, because they're armed and we'd be in serious trouble if they spotted us," Tasmin said.

"Who finds a diamond in the jungle anyway?" Allison remarked. She was pushed aside by a tree suddenly shooting from the ground.

"What made you think it was in the jungle?" Tasmin asked. "I thought they were in a village, and saw it at a market stall." The jungle setting disappeared as quickly as it had appeared and was replaced by a small Vietnamese village, complete with a vegetable market and villagers. The three soldiers were standing at a little stall that sold precious rocks and necklaces.

"I think the author would have mentioned it if they had bought it at a market."

"What makes you think that? The author gave no indication that they found the stone in the jungle either."

"Well, it makes more sense. With all the trodding through the jungle they did."

"Pilots don't trod. Besides diamonds, particularly rare diamonds, aren't just found on the ground like they were ripe fruit. Someone must have lost it somewhere. And that someone would want it back."

"I'll write the Sue up for a plot that doesn't make sense. Soldiers finding diamonds." Allison shook her head.

Tasmin quickly picked up Allison as she saw Murdock's friend Jeff kick a weapon from sergeant Mason. She pulled her partner behind a wall. When the gun hit the ground, it fired, away from the group, hitting a chicken that was crossing the street. The bird fell letting out a tormented 'buck'.

The floor shook again and the agents were back in the VA. They scrambled to their feet taking back their posts outside Murdock's room.

_We had the gem checked out," Murdock said, finishing up the story. "And it was in fact a diamond and I was allowed to keep it. But I ended up giving it to Jeff as a wedding present."_

"This just adds to the improbability of the plot," Tasmin said. "Vietnam has no diamond mining history; someone must have taken it there. I wonder whether that person was consulted before Murdock was 'allowed' to keep the diamond. Now it sounds more like they've given Murdock a war bounty."

"I didn't know Americans took war bounty in Nam."

Tasmin shrugged in reply. She turned her attention back to the Team.

_"Eh, she's just a kid," Face said. "How much trouble could she get into?"_

_"She's not just a kid!" Murdock yelled. "She's my goddaughter and that makes her my responsibility!" It was true- I was Murdock's goddaughter. And as the team looked at him in awe, Murdock remembered the day Dad had asked him._

"No, not another flashback," Allison groaned beside her. "It's making me nauseous. In want to upchuck my breakfast." She was flung against the car door as Murdock took a sharp turn without slowing down the car by any degree. The latest flashback had taken them to the back seat of Jeff's car, on his way to the hospital where his wife was in labor.

When they arrived at the hospital Murdock and Jeff rushed over to the Maternity ward, Tasmin on their tail; Allison went into a ladies' room to relieve herself of her breakfast, in one way or another. She joined Tasmin a little later with her stomach a little settled.

"Why are you looking so worried?" Allison asked her partner.

"I'm trying to figure out what year this is. Murdock was taken to the VA pretty much on his return home after the war. I doubt Jeff would have sprang him from the VA to get to his wife in hospital. He would have been here quicker if he hadn't taken that detour."

"So you figure the Sue was born when Murdock was back in the US in between tours?"

"That's my best guess. Besides she is sixteen and visiting Murdock at the VA, that means she was born in 1970 or before. I hate it when authors don't give a clue whatsoever of when and where we are. C'mon, we're going back to the VA."

"Through the portal, please," Allison pleaded in a whiny voice.

"Through the portal." Tasmin opened up a portal and the agents stepped through.

-oOo-

The portal brought them to the steps leading up to the front entrance of the VA. The Sue just stepped onto the sidewalk. A dark van pulled up. Two men jumped out. One of them caught and drugged the Sue; she was thrown in to the van. The men got back in and the van drove off. Allison looked up as she heard a desperate cry coming from above.

_"Kayla!" _

"I think the Sue just hired herself the A-Team." Tasmin smirked. Allison made an involuntary movement to a non-existent breast pocket to present her with a cigar.

"Come, I want to show you something." Tasmin opened the portal. The two agents stepped through it. On the other side was a street, houses on either side, wired fences around the yards.

"Where are we now?"

"Another flashback. The Sue remembers the night Chase, the bad guy, came for a visit and killed her dad. I wanted to show you that." Tasmin pointed at the words.

_I locked the door and climbed out the window onto the roof above the front porch. I then jumped to the ground and got into my dad's car, a silver Ford Mustang rag top. He left the keys in it again._

"She mentioned the brand name." Allison rolled her eyes. "You must be really chuffed." Tasmin was grinning from ear to ear. "You want to do a little happy dance?"

"Yeah," Tasmin managed to say and did a little happy dance. Allison rolled her eyes again, and added another item to her list of disturbing things she hoped never to see again.

When she was done Tasmin opened a portal that took the two agents back to the street at the front of the VA. They sat down on the lawn to read the words of the events that took place in the van.

_"Well, Kayla, what's it going to be?" I was shaken from my memories by Chase's voice and looked up at him. "Are you going to give me the Dragon's Eye, or am I going to have to kill you?" I smiled. Murdock had once told me to never cross the fine line between crazy and stupid- I didn't listen._

_"It's a funny thing, Chase," I replied. "You see, I was playing marbles with the President and I didn't think it'd be proper if I took him to the cleaners. Sorry." I knew I'd pissed him off and was looking for his hand to come flying towards my face. When it finally did, I dodged. And I dodged again and again. I kept dodging until he finally quit._

"Murdock once told her not to cross the fine line between brave and stupid," Allison said.

"When did he do that?"

"At the birthday party, when you were making your friend."

Tasmin growled. She pulled up her legs to sit cross-legged and pulled her duffel bag on her lap. Allison wondered why they had to disguise as nurses to go through the fic unnoticed, but that Tasmin could keep her old army duffel bag, which stuck out like a sore thumb in the worst of circumstances. She figured it had something to do with the laws of physical displacement in the PPC-continuum.

"How much room do you think there is in a van for ducking punches?"

"Not enough to make a man like Chase give up," Tasmin replied.

They sat quietly for a moment. Allison padded the grass, then something occurred to her: "Why is it that sometimes we're thrown about in a fic and other times we can stay for some time in one location?"

Tasmin raised her eyebrows and dug through her bag. A moment later she produced a small device. "The Fic Location Follower was set to Random; I've set it to Manual. We shouldn't be randomly transported from place to place anymore now." She threw the device back in her bag.

"Do you also have a floor lamp in that bag of yours?"

"Why would I walk around with a lamp?" Tasmin gave her an odd look.

"I don't know. To make yourself at home where ever you go."

"Don't be silly."

Allison leaned back on the lawn. "I like it here. Can we stay here while we endure the rest of the story?" She had not finished her question or the ground started to shake again. She groaned.

-oOo-

When the shaking stopped Allison and Tasmin were in an unkept backyard.

"I thought you set that Locater thing to Manual?"

Tasmin took the Fic Location Follower from her bag. "It must have switched to Automatic on its own."

"It can do that?"

"Sure, it's necessary to explain away plot holes in PPC fics." Tasmin set the FLF to Manual again and returned it to her bag.

Allison rolled her eyes and looked around. "You make this one up?"

"Yeah. The Sue was tied up in a room, with the bad guys in an adjacent room. I figured they should have a garden too."

_At this time, I was sitting in a corner, hands tied behind me, singing an old Jimmy Buffet song._

"Great," Allison muttered. "She's got Murdock's sense of fashion, Hannibal's sense of sanity. I'll bet you she wins at fights with the ease of BA and she uses witticisms like Face when she gets caught in a bad spot."

"You won't be finding any takers on that bet." Tasmin pointed at the words which revealed the second half of the bet: the Sue tried a Face like joke on the bad guys when they caught her out of her bounds. She easily took care of them.

_I was a master in Karate, taught to me by my father, who learned it from a master in Japan. But the bad guys didn't know that... so I'll leave what happened up to your imagination._

"Like so many other things in this fic," Tasmin remarked.

"We could just imagine that they punch the life out of her."

"We can't have the Sue killed before we charge her."

"When are we going to charge this Sue?"

"How many charges do you have?"

"That depends. Does having the good qualities of each of the Team-members count as one charge or as four?"

Tasmin answered that with a what-do-you-think look.

"Fifteen."

"Good enough for me." Tasmin pulled out the remote activator. "Let's go to Argentina." She opened a portal.

"Can we please get out of these nurses' uniforms and into something ... less white?"

"White people just don't look good in white," Tasmin chuckled as she stepped through the portal.

"I'll second that."

-oOo-

In the Argentinean jungle Allison glanced appreciatively over her fatigues. Until she saw that the name on her breast pocket was still Ratched. She growled and decided to kick Tasmin's butt, and every other body part she could reach, when they got back to the office.

Overhead a helicopter passed. Tasmin shook her head.

"They took a chopper from Texas to Argentina. Can you believe it? Why didn't they take a plane?"

"Because the Sue is American and as such has a very poor grasp of geography?" Allison suggested. When Tasmin threw her a glare she added, "Or, she likes to stop over for refueling every three to four hundred miles. Should be able to get to Argentina in ... what? Fifteen or twenty stops?"

_The helicopter jerked to the side once again... this time causing Face to fall out._

"That explains the chopper," Tasmin said contently.

"Aaaaah!" Allison screamed. "She's killing Face!"

"Relax." Tasmin gave a reassuring squeeze in her partner's shoulder. "Face won't die. And it only takes displaying two or three movie myths. Can you name these movie myths?"

_Seconds later, I dived out. The first thing I did in the chopper was put on my parachute- Face hadn't done that was now free falling over the Argentinean jungle. "Aw, man!"_

_I kept my arms and legs as close to my body, providing less wind resistance and allowing me to move fast. I quickly approached Face and grabbed hold of him, wrapping my arms and legs around him._

_"Hang on, dude!"_

_I pulled my rip cord- the parachute opened and we slowly floated to the ground. When we got there, I let go of him, got free from the chute and stood in silence..._

Allison sniffed. "Er, jumping out seconds later and still catching up to him, even though the chopper has proceeded some ... what?"

Tasmin took her calculator from her duffel bag, punching in numbers as she explained to Allison. "The cruise speed of this particular chopper, a UH-D1 by the way although she gave the wrong description of the interior, is 125 miles per hour. That would be about 180 feet per second. Face does not have their propulsion, so in falling he will be unable to keep up. Also, they are flying at approximately 5000 feet. Which means that Face will touch down in about 17 seconds."

Allison shook her head fervently to remove this image from her mind's eye. "Second movie myth: she does Free style acrobatics on what is probably her first jump."

"Very good. And?"

"Two people that make a successful landing using only one parachute."

"Actually, that can be done. Face would have to hook his arms through the Sue's chest harness, all the way to his elbows, and grab hold of his own arms. Then the Sue should open the chute. This would break Face's arms. She then would have to hold onto Face with one arm and use only one hand to steer the chute to a place that is sort of comfy to land; which is pretty tough in this jungle. Even if there was a large open space with grass or some water to land, they would probably still come in so fast they'd both break their legs."

"But it can be done?"

"Not from 5000 feet. Perhaps from 40,000 feet. But Face will have broken bones, and need medical attention."

"Maybe those guys can offer it." Allison pointed at some men closing in on Kay and Face.

"Maybe. I hope they get to them soon. The Sue just unpacked her bag. In it she had: four flavors of candy, batteries, a flash light, cigars, rope, matches, paper, a stuffed animal, a water gun, a two way radio, and dynamite."

"Dynamite? The Sue's got more stuff in her bag than you." Allison folded with silent laughter. Tasmin growled in reply. "Are you jealous of her?"

"No point in a kid carrying around dynamite," Tasmin muttered.

Allison folded again. Tasmin gave her a push. Allison rolled onto her back and held her stomach while she tried to keep her laughing as quiet as possible while her whole body wanted to laugh out loud.

After Kay talked to Murdock on the two way radio and exchanged some code with him -- Tasmin growled they hadn't seen each other in ten years. Allison suggested they had been avid pen pals; she knew this would annoy her partner -- Kay and Face set out to meet the rest of the Team in a clearing. Not much later they were captured by a group of guys holding AK-47s. Tasmin smiled from ear to ear. The mention of the type of machine guns made her happy; the capture of the Sue made her happier.

-oOo-

Tasmin and Allison followed Kay, Face and party at a respectable distance. They were severely out-numbered in firing power by the party. It was a statistic they both appreciated. Kay and Face were taken to some sort of guerrilla military compound. There were some handmade huts, scarcely obscured munition depots and two bamboo cages. Kay and Face were each placed in one of them.

Tasmin and Allison waited patiently until the Sue was take form her cage before moving closer to the camp.

"Hey, she never did say what Face was wearing, did she? For all we know he could be sitting here in his boxers." Allison grinned contently as she looked into Face's cage.

"What did you do?" Tasmin turned around and glared at Allison. "You can't just put canon in his briefs because it pleases you."

"Actually, you did that." Allison liked her lips.

Face looked around frantically. What was happening to him?

"I thought you were a Murdock-girl anyway?"

"I have absolutely no desire what so ever of finding out what he's got underneath his T-shirt. I like that, though."

Tasmin slapped Allison upside the head to get her attention. And as an outlet for her annoyance with her partner.

"Stop toying with canon. It's not as if they don't suffer enough already. Give the man back his clothes, and c'mon."

Allison rubbed the back of her head. When Tasmin slapped, it wasn't halfheartedly. "First season jeans and leather jacket." She waved her hand as if she did the magic herself. Face pulled the jacket around his shoulders and threw a frightful look in the direction of the main building on the compound.

After a short recon Tasmin had determined there were five men around the compound: two guards with a sweet tooth watching the outside perimeter; two men in the building with the Sue; and Chase, who was also with the Sue. From the words they learned Chase was beating up the Sue to get information, but she was not giving him the satisfaction of her screams.

Tasmin licked her lips. "Let's rock."

_The next thing I knew, a gun went off._

Tasmin's gun to be exact. The first of the candy-eating guards had spotted her before she had had time to screw on her silencer. The second one came rushing over, only to meet the same fate as his friend, with silencer this time.

A moment later the two other men came from the main building dragging the Sue along in between them. Chase watched them go from the door post. Tasmin took aim and shot him from a long distance. The last men were shot after they left the building in which they had brought the Sue.

The two agents stepped into the hut. The Sue was lying on the cement floor -- which Allison thought was odd for a handmade hut -- bound hand and foot. Allison hunched down beside her and tapped her lightly on the cheeks to make her wake up. The Sue opened her eyes and squinted her eyes in an attempt to make the blurriness go away.

"Hi, Kay."

"Who are you?" she asked in a hoarse voice.

"Allison. I just wanted to say that when I was fourteen I wanted to be just like you. You know: smart, great at karate, always having a witty rebuttal, Charlie's Angel type heroine."

"You came all the way to this jungle to tell me that?"

"No, I came to tell you that I've grown up and I know those don't make the most interesting heroines," Allison said. "Plus karate is mainly about wearing a pyjama in the day time."

"Huh. What kind of sport are you into?"

"Greek-Roman Wrestling."

"So rather than wearing pyjamas you wear a baby's romper. Grown ups, go figure." Kay coughed and cleared her throat. "Allison's smile fell from her face. She clenched her fist and threw a punch at me. You can imagine by now that she hit the wall. She winced, kissed each knuckle and put her hand under her arm.

'You should know better than to hit a Sue with superpowers,' a tall black woman with the build of a long distance runner said, chuckling. Allison glared at her and growled. Then they both turned their attention to me.

'Why are you still talking?' the black woman asked; we hadn't been formally introduced yet.

'This is my story, told from my point of view. I'm just using my narrative voice,' I replied.

The two women looked at each other, then each grabbed one of my arms and dragged me to the door."

The agents dragged the Sue away from the compound and into the non-descript jungle. There they let go of her. Kay opened her mouth and closed it again. Like a fish on dry land. She shook her head.

"We took you out of your story. You've lost your narrative voice," Tasmin said, sensing her question.

"What's going on?" Kay finally managed to say. "What are you doing taking me out of my story?"

"We're here to charge you with being a Sue. Allison, if you please."

"Oh, I do please." Allison flexed her eye-brows. Tasmin just barely managed to not role her eyes. "Dear Kayla Troy. We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We hereby charge you with being so great you make the A-Team obsolete. You have Murdock's sense of fashion, Hannibal's sense of sanity, Face's witticism, and you win fights as easily as BA. We charge you with giving so little details that locations become non-descript. We charge you with the death of a chicken."

"A chicken? I don't remember any chicken."

"Don't interrupt. You will get your say in a moment. We charge you with taking a helicopter to Argentina for the sole purpose of having Face fall out so that you could save his life. Which, by the way, is not really possible the way you did."

The Sue wanted to speak up again, but Allison silenced her. "Just because you have seen it in a movie doesn't mean you have to write about it. Besides in movies they never do this jumping from helicopters. Lastly, we charge you with having a plot that makes no sense: finding a diamond in Vietnam, a mob boss who's after it, and also has connections with Argentinean baddies? What were you thinking?"

"I'd like to add a charge," Tasmin said. "I charge you with carrying way too much stuff in your bag. Teenagers should be carrying candy and school books only."

"Maybe I'm not in school anymore?" Kay said defiantly.

"Will those be your last words?"

"Not if I can help it," Kay replied.

Tasmin shot her between the eyes. "You just did." She unscrewed the silencer and stuffed gun and silencer in her duffel bag. "Let's go home."

-oOo-

_A/N: Charlie's Angel type heroines make for bad original characters. Seriously, why would they need to enlist the aid of the A-Team? They can handle the bad guys themselves! Please, instill some fear in the girl (only sociopaths are never affraid). When writing a story you should not only think about action that is fun to read about in an action sense, but also in a realism sense: the action should be realistic in the world you're writing in. Look on a map before you have characters fly half way around the world; look up the specifics of the bird they're taking; have a chat with someone about the laws of gravity.  
Ethics Report from the PPC Department of Internal Affairs: one chicken was needlessly hurt in this story.  
_


	6. Deserved Payment

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts from _Deserved Payment_ by facefreak in italics._

-oOo-

Allison strolled casually into her office her hands deep in her pockets. Tasmin was on the floor packing her bag.

"Where have you been?" she demanded. "You can't just run off whenever it pleases you. We have a job to do."

"Well, I can't be on call 24/7. On occasion I need to take a break and inspect what is left of my social life."

"PPC agents don't have a social life. Get used to it." Tasmin got up and closed her bag in one smooth movement.

"That explains why you're so grumpy," Allison said under her breath. Tasmin threw her a glare. "I'll take it into consideration," she added. "Where are we going?"

"San Diego."

"Disguises?"

"Casual."

The two agents stepped through the portal Tasmin had opened, and Allison was glad to note that this time casual meant loose fitting jeans and a T-shirt.

"What do we do now?" she asked glancing over the words.

_Many people came to her house claiming to be the Ateam._

She saw several vans in the street: some GMC, some Volkswagen, some Ford; but all of them black with tainted windows.

"What's going on here?"

"The Sue placed an add for the A-Team, and now all kinds of nutters are coming to her house claiming they are the A-Team." Tasmin sat her bag down by a low wall. "She will send them all away. She knows they're not the real thing. She has done extensive research on the Team."

It always puzzled Allison how Tasmin was able to say such things in the same matter-of-fact tone a presenter of nature documentaries would use to talk about the mating habits of hamsters.

"Shall I write her up for that?"

"Duh."

Tasmin sat down on a low garden wall on the opposite side of the street from the house of the Sue and took a book from her bag.

"Er, excuse me, are we gonna be here long?"

"Could be a while. Didn't I say? You should have brought a book."

"Great. I thought fanfics had unexpected time rifts. You didn't say anything about time loops."

Tasmin looked up from her book. "It's not really a time loop. It's a time stretch. It is no where stated when the event started, how long it lasted or when it ended. We just have to wait and see."

"Can't we use the portal to go ahead?"

"Not much sense. It could be five minutes till the next action happens, or five hours. Besides, using portals takes a lot of energy, and we got a memo from Upstairs to try and conserve energy. We just have to sit out the time stretch."

"Great." Allison sat down on the wall next to Tasmin. "Couldn't you have told me before we left? I could have taken a book or something. You don't happen to have brought a second book?"

"I just started this one," Tasmin replied sweetly. "It will be a while before it's finished, so I didn't think I needed a second one."

Allison growled. There was nothing left for her to do than fold her arms and fret. Tasmin refused to let her go back to the office to get a book, claiming that the action could kick in any moment. So as the fake A-Team vans started pulling out of the street, Allison started plotting all the ways in which she could try to kill the Sue. Her adrenaline thus pumped she almost didn't notice Hannibal walking past her in the guise of Mr Lee. She nudged Tasmin to start paying attention. Tasmin placed a piece of paper between the pages and closed her book. From their position on the opposite side of the street they saw Hannibal knock on the door. A moment later the knock was answered.

"An enormous house and she can hear a simple knock?" Allison asked.

"She has been expecting that knock, so she probably was just in the next room."

"I like what she's wearing though. That nightgown really brings out her figure." Allison snickered as the red dress the Sue was wearing turned into a long salmon colored nightgown, with a low cut and matching robe.

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Stop playing with the characters' clothes."

"What? I'm not using canon as dress up dummies."

"Don't do it with the OCs either; it's making me nauseous. Start paying attention."

_She couldn't turn him away because she knew who he was. She continued to play his game, though._

"She sees through Hannibal's disguise? I thought that was a privilege only viewers had."

"Yeah." Tasmin sounded uncharacteristically happy. "I told you already: she did research. She knows all about Hannibal's disguises."

"No, she doesn't. She claims Hannibal's Mr Lee wears a beard. Mr Lee does not have facial hair. Other than eye brows."

"Yeah. Isn't it great?"

"Is there any particular reason you're so damn cheerful?"

"I just enjoy my job."

Allison shook her head. The job of a PPC agent was not that much unlike that of pest control. With the difference that pest control had to drive around in an obnoxious van, and they had a portal. "What kind of story is this?"

"Face Romance."

"Good story?"

"Course not, we wouldn't be here if it was."

"And the cheerfulness?"

"Guess I've taken up your advice to think of Sue stories as humorous."

_The old man removed his fake beard and wig and introduced himself. "I'm Hannibal Smith and you've just hired the Ateam"._

Allison jumped up. "What? This quickly? Hannibal usually gives people the run around for a couple of days or even weeks. Now he just has a five minute chat and he knows she's okay?"

"Sit back down." Tasmin pulled Allison on her arm. "Write her up, and shut up."

Allison wrote the Sue up and glared at Tasmin.

_By the way, where are Face, B.A. and Murdock? I need the team not just one member._

"She knows all their names?" Allison jumped up again. "No one but the Team knows Murdock is a member of the Team."

"I said: sit down." Tasmin jumped up too and pushed Allison back onto the wall. She pushed a little harder than intended and Allison ended up on her back in someone's garden. "And stay down." Tasmin quickly made the most of the situation. Allison snarled at her. "Don't snarl at me."

"If you treat me like your dog that is exactly how I'm going to behave."

"Get back up. We're not finished here yet. The rest of the Team is just walking up to the house."

Tasmin sat back down on the wall. She took a bottle of water from her bag, opened it and put it to her lips. Allison scrambled up, padded the dirt off as best as she could, stepped over the wall and sat back down again.

"So where did your cheerful mood go?"

"It turned out to be powerless against the antimatter created by your mood."

"Good."

_They walked through the door and were introduced to their new boss._

"I've always like the image of someone going through a door," Tasmin chuckled. It seemed her cheerfulness had returned.

"It's an expression. Everyone knows what is meant." Allison took off her T-shirt and beat it against the wall to get the sand off. With the door to the house closed there was no one in the known world that was going to notice her little striptease. Except Tasmin, and she didn't really care about her opinion. "What bothers me, though, is that they have started to call their client 'boss'."

"What are you doing?"

"Cleaning. Thanks to you I will have an itchy back for the remainder of this mission."

"There's a clean T-shirt in my bag if you want it."

"Really?" Tasmin nodded. Allison dove straight into her bag to get the T-shirt. She put it on and looked at the picture of a pink teddy-bear in the front. "Not really something I had expected from you."

"Stick with me, kid. I might still surprise you."

"How did you manage to say that without it sounding ominous?"

Tasmin flexed her brows in reply and turned her attention back to the words. Christina, the Sue, was telling the Team her life story. Tasmin and Allison both found it rather confusing. A long lost brother, cousins who knew about it, but no legal guardians around. The brother kidnapping the sister and leaving her somewhere. Years later coming back to try to kill her to get her inheritance.

"Why doesn't she just write her will, living the possession to a good cause or something?" Allison asked.

"Her brother could contest that will, couldn't he?"

"He also could have contested their parents' will that left her all and left him bupkes."

"Yeah, doesn't make sense this story, does it?"

"No, it doesn't." Allison wrote down 'confusing backstory' and 'shook her head yes'. "Nodding is yes, shaking is no," she muttered. "And you don't make much sense either." She put down the notepad and gave Tasmin a good stare. "Why are you so happy?" Then it suddenly hit her. "You already know when you're going to kill the Sue."

Tasmin beamed a smile at her.

"Doesn't it bother you that we first have to struggle through 4000 words of prose to get there?"

"4160, give or take a few."

"How far in it are we now."

"About 1300. So less than a third."

Allison rolled her eyes and nearly fell of the wall again.

"Careful there. I only brought one extra T-shirt."

Allison decided to sit on the ground where it was safer for her to sit. She breathed in deeply; at this speed they would be in this fic for many hours more, and she was starting to get hungry. She looked at the words.

_You can stay here as long as you like. There are enough rooms for everyone._

"Aw, no. The Team is going to live with her? She should have placed an add in the Lonely Hearts column," Allison moaned. "At least tell me there is going to be some shooting soon."

"I'm afraid I'm the only one doing any shooting." Allison let out a loud whine. "But if you're in luck, a car will drive by and backfire."

"I can't wait for that car."

"All you have to do is imagine it. But first imagine Christina's floor plan. It might be useful."

Christina led the Team around the house and Allison tried to sketch a floor plan from her instructions.

_"This is incredible. How did you manage this?" Hannibal asked. "It was just a lot of imagination." Christina replied._

"Me too," Allison chuckled. She turned a page on her notepad to sketch the other floors too. "She does have a lot of baths in her house."

"I guess she likes to be clean. And the advantage of each having your own bath is that you never have to wait for someone else to come out of the shower."

"Yeah, but the charm of living with other people is arguing over who used up all the hot water, and whose hair that is in the drain."

"Your idea of charm is very quaint."

Now it was Allison's turn to flex her brows. She leaned back against the wall and kept half an eye on the words.

_"Can I do the cooking?" B. A. asked._

"Is that a good idea?" Allison asked, putting a hand on her stomach to keep it from rumbling. "I though BA could fix anything, but dinner."

"Where did you get that idea?"

"Season two, first episode."

"Ah, been doing your homework. Keeping doing it, and you'll find out more about BA's cooking."

"Can we sneak into the house later, and sample the leftovers?"

"No, there won't be any leftovers by the time we go into the house."

"Bugger. Can we go somewhere else for a bite to eat? There's a time rift coming and I thought we might want to skip that."

"Have an apple from my bag, hold on to the fence and quit complaining."

-oOo-

After the time rift most of the A-Team went to bed -- Allison noted that 'moving in' did not actually mean moving in their stuff -- only Christina and Face stayed behind. Allison started rummaging through Tasmin's bag again.

"What are you doing?"

"Did you bring any popcorn? Or other cinema snack food?"

"I should have, shouldn't I? It is like watching a movie here."

"A sappy movie," Allison replied.

It was dark, save for the street lights and the words that lit up. Tasmin dug a flashlight up from her bag to give Allison extra light for writing down the charges.

_"I've done tons of research on the Ateam trying to find something that would clear you of all the charges brought against you." Face couldn't believe what he was hearing._

"Neither can I," Allison replied. "I also can't believe that she actually managed all the research."

"Well, some of the stuff is known. Amy and Tawnia did write about the A-Team in the paper."

"Unless she can actually time travel and go back to Vietnam, she's not going to find anything on the charges that Amy or the Team hasn't already found."

"She doesn't know that."

"If she knows everything on the Team, she knows that too."

"Again, you apply a logical that is not known in Sue universe." Tasmin snickered as she returned to her book.

The wind started to pick up from a mild breeze to something quite a bit stormier.

"What is this?" Allison asked. "Did we miss the weather forecast?"

"Oh dear," Tasmin got up and quickly put all her stuff that was lying about in the bag. "Time rift coming, and a big one."

"Portal?" Allison shouted over the bellowing wind.

"No time," Tasmin shouted back. "Grab hold of something that can withstand a hurricane and don't let go."

Allison considered for a moment to grab hold of Tasmin, but also realized now was not a time for joking. She grabbed hold of the stone column from which a gate hung, closed her eyes and called upon the gods of fanfiction to be merciful.

When the storm subsided a month had past in the fic. Allison let go of the column and fell on to her back on the sidewalk.

"Never, never again," she whispered.

"Ah, you're just saying that," Tasmin replied. She retrieved a comb from her bag and started putting her hair back into style.

Allison just lay on her back. Her arms in the same angle as when she held on to the column. "I can't take these kind of beatings anymore," she muttered. "I come from a civilized country. We don't have weather like this. We just have a bout of rain."

"Oh, grow up. Get up. We're already halfway to our target point."

Allison groaned. "That better not mean another time rift."

Tasmin gave a wry smile. "There is a few more of them."

"And we're gonna use the portal to avoid them?"

A car drove by and backfired.

"They're too close together," Tasmin said, frowing for a brief moment at the car. "Every paragraph is set at a later time than the one before."

"That's because author forgot to double space before she uploaded."

"That, and because there's really not that much happening in this story. Take a look at this."

Allison turned her head so that she didn't have to look at the words upside down.

"They're sitting by the pool and all that happens is that Face tells the Sue that she is beautiful and that they kiss. This is not a story; this is diary entries at best. In fiction: if there's no conflict in the conversation, there really is no point for the conversation."

"I guess that's why we talk so much."

Tasmin ignored that remark. "Grab hold of that fence; there is another time rift on the way. Small one this time."

Allison managed only just to scramble up and wrap her arms around a few of the bars of the gate before the storm picked up again.

"This could maybe work as the subplot somewhere, but not as a story on it's own," Tasmin shouted over the storm. "You should write that down."

"Sure." Allison nodded. "As soon as I get the feeling back in my hands. That's the first thing I'll do." The first thing she did after the storm subsided was fall back on her back.

Tasmin stood studying the words. "I think we can skip a few of these paragraphs."

Allison took in what those words meant. "Couldn't you have thought of that before this last storm?"

"Probably. But I just love the sight of you all cramped up. C'mon, get up." She grabbed Allison by the shoulders and pulled her up. Then she opened a portal.

-oOo-

The two agents stepped through the portal and onto the balcony at Murdock's bedroom later that night. The door stood slightly ajar to let in fresh air. This was advantageous to the agents as they now could listen in and not only had to go by the words.

"I'm sorry," Tasmin said, "but I think we're a little bit early." She pointed at Face and Christina walking towards the car.

Murdock's room was at the front of the house with a good view of both the front door and the driveway. Tasmin opened her bag and retrieved a stopwatch from it.

"What's that for?"

Tasmin pointed at the two people by the car.

_Their lips met as they kissed for at least two minutes._

"Two minutes and ten seconds," Tasmin said and showed Allison the time she had recorded.

Allison rolled her eyes. As the car drove off she scanned the words. No time rifts in sight, just a time stretch of several hours. Behind them they heard curtains being closed. Both agents startled and turned around.

"Do you think he saw us?" Allison asked in a whisper.

"If he did he hasn't said anything."

"That's probably because he first wants to get a gun to point at us or something."

"Murdock, dinner." They heard the distant voice of Hannibal call.

"Coming," Murdock replied. He neighed like a horse and a moment later galloped out of the room.

Allison pushed the door a little further open and looked inside. "I'd like to have some dinner too."

"I've brought some rations."

"A proper dinner." She stepped into the room.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going on a scavenger."

"If you get caught, you're on your own."

"I'll bring you back something nice too." Allison snuck to the door -- Murdock had left it open -- and carefully peered into the hallway. She heard voices in the distance. Murdock was apparently galloping around the kitchen because BA was shouting at him to stop it.

Allison made it down the stairs without a single creak from the stairs. She pushed open the kitchen door to a small crack. She got just enough view of the kitchen to see Hannibal feeding Murdock a lump of sugar and padding him on the flank.

"You're only encouraging the fool," BA grumbled.

"I think we should eat outside, BA. Murdock needs to run around free." Murdock replied to that with some more neighing. "Bring the dinner things, BA." Hannibal opened the door to the patio and let Murdock out. Growling BA gathered their dinner on a tray and followed them out to the picnic area in the garden.

When she was sure all had gone out into the garden Allison walked into the kitchen. She looked into the pots and pans on the stove to see if there were any leftovers. Apparently BA had decided to come back for seconds later because there were two handsome servings left for two starving PPC agents. Allison found a bowl in one of the kitchen cabinets and loaded it with spaghetti and meatballs. She took two spoons and forks from one of the drawers and went back upstairs.

"Dinner is served." She put the bowl of food on the floor of the balcony and gave Tasmin half the cutlery. She got the dirty T-shirt from Tasmin's bag to use as a bib. Allison knew herself: red sauce meant spilling.

"You forgot to bring a knife."

"You don't eat spaghetti with a knife. You roll it around your fork."

"Well, I can't eat it like that. I always cut it up."

Allison hit Tasmin in the head with the back of her spoon. "You do not cut up spaghetti. If you can't eat it properly, don't eat it at all. American Philistine." She pulled the bowl closer to herself.

"Eurotrash," Tasmin replied. She studied the way Allison rolled the spaghetti around her fork for a while and then decided to give it a go herself. A fresh cooked meal, even if difficult to eat, was much better than rations. She found it wasn't entirely impossible to eat spaghetti without a knife.

Halfway through their meal they heard shouting from downstairs. BA was upset about missing food. The agents couldn't hear what the reply was, but it didn't take much to imagine it, as the next thing BA said was: "There's no such thing as pixies, you crazy fool. And if you don't stop galloping in ma kitchen I'm gonna cook me some horse meat."

After dinner Tasmin made herself comfortable on the balcony with her novel. Allison went back into the house and searched Murdock's room for some reading material. Several hours later Tasmin heard car doors slam shut and foot steps walk up to the house. She nudged Allison to wake up. It took Allison a moment to realize where she was, but she managed to figure it out without shouting 'who? what? where?'.

The balcony door was still ajar. It had given Tasmin quite a startle when Murdock had stepped onto the balcony earlier that night. She had managed to jump up and hide behind the door. Allison however was asleep in plain view. Murdock didn't seem to see her. He saw the bowl though, and the comics Allison had taken from his room.

"I told BA it were the pixies who had taken his food," Murdock had said. He had picked up the bowl and the comic books and gone back inside. Tasmin hadn't dared to breath again until she heard a light sonar snoring coming from Murdock's room. She wanted to beat Allison over the head with a heavy object. But she didn't carry one of those and she was also afraid the noise would wake up Murdock.

There was a knock on the door and they heard Murdock scramble out of bed.

_Murdock came to the door rubbing his sleepy eyes. "Faceman, is everything alright? It's after midnight."_

"I hope we're not just here for Face needing a nightcap and a bedtime story." Allison yawned.

"You've not been reading the words, have you?"

"I usually just skim through them." Allison rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and tried to focus on the words.

_Face turned to face Murdock on the bed. "I want to marry her, Murdock."_

"Aw, man!" Allison uttered. Tasmin quickly jumped on her and put a hand over her mouth.

"Did you hear something?" Murdock asked. "I think it came form the balcony."

"You're probably just imagining it, Murdock." Face wasn't really in the mood to talk about Murdock. He wanted to talk about himself for a change and about Christina.

_I want to make her my wife._

Murdock tried to talk him out of it by reminding him they were still fugitives, always on the run. Allison tried to get Tasmin to remove her hand from her mouth. So that she could at least say: 'What do you mean "always on the run"? You've been stationary for a month.' Tasmin, however, did not move her hand, and Allison's comment was reduced to a groan.

Face was determined to marry Christina, and all Murdock could do was persuade him to talk to Hannibal first. Face agreed and left Murdock's room. Tasmin let go of Allison.

"Please, please, tell me we are going to kill the Sue before he proposes?" she whined.

"That's the plan."

Murdock closed the balcony door muttering: "I already got voices in my head, don't need 'm in my balcony as well."

Allison grinned. Using the remote activator Tasmin opened a portal and both agents stepped through.

-oOo-

They were back in the street. Early in the morning this time. Tasmin suggested going up the drive way and seeing what was going on in the garage. As they ran across the street Allison glanced over the words. Christina was explaining to Hannibal about the secret passage ways she had made in the house. Squatting down by the garage window Allison pulled her notepad from her pocket and wrote down 'secret passages' as a charge and turned the page to write down just exactly where they were. That could be useful if they went into the house later to catch the Sue.

Tasmin stretched herself from her squatting position and looked through the window.

_"If you ever get cornered in the garage, just press this button on this support beam. There's one on each beam."_

"Very useful," she muttered. "All we need to do is get into the house."

"We could try Murdock's balcony again."

"I'd rather get into the garage."

"Direct portal."

"We're trying to save energy, remember?"

They both ducked as Christina and Murdock entered into the garage and got into one of the cars. A moment later the car drove off.

"I think she left the garage door open." The two agents walked around the corner and saw Tasmin had been right. They walked into the garage without problem.

"Now where to?" Allison asked.

"We go down. Get into the van."

They got into BA's van and Tasmin pressed a button on one of the support beams. The floor started to lower and a few seconds later they were in a cavern underneath the house. They got out off the van. Tasmin pressed another button and the van went back up to the garage. They took the staircase on the left to the basement and waited for the words to reveal when Murdock and Christina came back from their little trip. Tasmin continued reading her novel. Allison kept herself busy jumping on all the beds in the basement hide out.

It was a few hours before Christina and Murdock finally returned. Tasmin heard the noise of a car pulling into the garage. She closed her book and nudged Allison, who was watching cartoons with the sound turned off. The agents quietly snuck to the kitchen where the A-Team and Christina were having lunch.

They just heard Hannibal tell her that her brother had been arrested and wouldn't be bothering her anymore.

"It took a month to take care of Christopher?" Allison asked in disbelieve. "Hannibal doesn't do problems that take more than a couple of days to sort out; he gets bored and starts to stir up the bad guys if they take more than an hour to come to him."

"If you'd have had an opportunity to point your Character Analysis Device you would have found that Hannibal was quite out of character in this story. He hasn't even lit a single cigar."

"I'm afraid my Character Analysis Device would go 'boom', like yours did, if I were to point it at anyone."

Christina was thrilled to hear the A-Team had sorted out her problem, and was even gladder to hear they had decided to move in with her permanently.

_She got up from the table and said "Wait right here. I'll be back in just a second"._

The moment Christina had left the kitchen and the door had closed behind her, both PPC agents jumped her and had her bound and gagged before she could have made a single sound. Allison hoisted the Sue onto her shoulder and they quickly made it back to the hide out room in the basement. Allison threw the Sue onto the bed.

"And you said there weren't any short Sues. This one is barely taller than me."

"Yes, but you're not short, are you?"

Allison growled in reply. The Sue muttered something.

"Can you make that out?" Allison asked.

"I think she's saying: who are you? what's happening?"

"Well, let's tell her." Allison flopped down on the bed next to Christina. She looked at her with frightful eyes. Allison returned a big grin.

"We're Protectors of the Plot Continuum, agents Tasmin and Allison, and we're here to save you from a hernia," Tasmin introduced them.

"Huhmmm?" Christina replied.

"You were about to carry four boxes each containing one million dollars in cash. Do you have any idea how heavy that is?"

"Hmhmmm."

"I think that means no."

"Well, presuming they were all C notes and knowing that those weigh about one gram each, one million dollars weighs over twenty pounds. You would have put your back out carrying four of those boxes at the same time. Allison, the other charges."

"I'd be pleased to." Allison bounced on the bed retrieving the notepad from her back pocket. "Christina Duke, may I first compliment you on your excellent spelling and punctuation. Too bad you forgot to double space, but your story was very well readable. So kudos to you. Charge one: writing an A-Team story without much A-Team in it. Hannibal was out of character; BA was out of character; Murdock didn't even have character. You might as well have written a story in the Battlestar Galactica fandom. Charge two: Inviting the A-Team to come and live with you. Third: your house. It has too many bathrooms and too many secret passages. You know we got lost on our way from the garage to the kitchen."

Christine mumbled something in reply.

"Of course it's your fault: you put them all in. Charge four: having a backstory that doesn't make sense. Charge five: knowing everything there is to know about the A-Team. If that were even possible Decker would have long since caught them. Anyway," Allison flipped through her notepad for more charges. "It all comes down to one thing: you are a Sue. The punishment for this is death. Do you have any last words?"

Allison removed the gag so that Christine could speak.

"Face! Hannibal! Help!" she shouted. Tasmin popped her one between the eyes.

"That went smoothly," Allison commented as Tasmin unscrewed the silencer and put her Beretta and the silencer away in her bag. "What do we do now to get the Team out of the house before it starts to fold in on itself?"

"I have an idea." Tasmin took a little address book from her bag, picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Yes, let me speak to Colonel Decker. I know where the A-Team is."

Tasmin was quickly put through. She gave Decker the address and told him about the secret passages. All the time Allison was staring her down. When she put the receiver back down Allison spoke.

"I find you very, very scary."

"Hannibal would have wanted it this way." Tasmin started to chuckle and it wouldn't have surprised Allison at all had she also put a cigar between her teeth.

"You have Decker's direct number?" Tasmin shrugged. "Are you going to warn the A-Team Decker is coming?"

"Yeah, I think I should." She picked up the phone and dialed an internal line to the kitchen. BA answered it. "Quick! You've been betrayed. Decker is on his way. He knows about the secret passages." BA transferred the message to the rest of the Team. And because he dropped the receiver, rather than hang up, a moment later Tasmin could hear the Team rushing out off the kitchen. Chuckling some more she hung up. "Let's go back to the office. Our work here is done."

-oOo-

_A/N: With some pruning (cut out the research on the A-Team, the secret passages in the house, the confusing backstory, and the A-Team moving in) this Face romance could be a subplot to another story. Although I do think the guy deserves a love interest that is less dull. The only exciting thing Christina did was open the door in her nightgown; and I had made that one up myself._


	7. How Can This Happen To Me

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts taken from _How Can This Happen To Me_ by Princess Moony in italics.  
I think this is not one of my better works. That's why I waited a long time before posting it. Chronologically this is Tasmin and Allison's third mission._

-oOo-

Tasmin and Allison sat in their office relaxing after their last mission, waiting for their next. Tasmin was reading an SF novelization. She had quite a collection of those Allison had noted. She had also noted that there was very little space left for her stuff. She wondered where Tasmin's last partner had kept her stuff. She wanted to ask, but previous partners was ill advised as a conversation topic between new PPC- partners. Allison, herself, sat on one of the desk chairs throwing playing cards in an imaginary circle. She usually managed to throw all the cards within the circle.

Beep!

Both agents looked at the console and then at each other.

"Beep? Has it suddenly gotten shy?" Allison asked.

"I don't know. Maybe Makes-Things has come in and finally fixed the volume."

"Maybe this is not about a Sue firing on all cylinders, but about a Sue that just needs a little slap on the wrist." Allison got up to read.

"There is no such thing." Tasmin put a page marker in her book and got up. "But from the look of it you could be right. Let's go in." Tasmin pushed some buttons on the console. The portal opened. "Don't forget your notebook."

"Of course not." Allison grabbed a notebook, measuring approximately two by four inches and put it in her back pocket. She stuck a pen behind her ear and quickly tapped in a few commands before stepping through the portal.

"What did you do?" Tasmin asked with a sour looking face.

"Nothing. I just got us some disguises."

"You dressed us up like Murdock." Tasmin said with disgust.

"Hardly. I just gave us a T-shirt with a funny line." Allison bounced back and forth on the balls of her feet. She was wearing a dark blue fitted T with the word 'kitten' across the front in oker.

"What does mine even say?" Tasmin pulled on her black T-shirt to read. "I'm not asking for trouble."

"You should see what it says on the back." Allison wore a big smile.

"What does it say on the back?" Tasmin asked suspiciously.

"I kick trouble."

Tasmin squinted dangerously at her partner. "You're very lucky your name isn't trouble."

This remark did not upset Allison's good mood. "It looks great on you. Don't worry."

"Since I met you there hasn't been a moment that I didn't worry. C'mon, we have a Sue to investigate."

-oOo-

A few minutes later the two agents found themselves at the back lot of the Aquamaniac set. There they saw Hannibal puffing away at a cigar before it was time for him to get into his costume.

"What year do you think this is?" Tasmin asked.

Allison shrugged. "It doesn't say."

"It's pretty easy. If the story has Amy in it, it's set in 1983, unless it's an obvious future fic. With Tawnia it's 1984."

"I don't think this story is gonna have Tawnia in it, whatever the year." Allison pointed at the words of the disclaimer.

_Tawnia Baker would NEVER have exsisted._

"Yeah, Tawnia was never very popular. But I'm still guessing it's mid-eighties."

"Fair enough."

The two agents pretended to be busy cleaning some props and at the same time kept a close eye on the conversation Hannibal was having with a young girl.

"Hey, what's Hannibal wearing?" Allison suddenly asked.

_Her dirty blonde hair just barely reached her shoulders and was pulled back behind her ears, showing off the bright blue eyes that were peering through red rimmed eye glasses. She was slim, but not so slim that one would think she starved herself, and the clothes she wore -- a blue denim jacket with brown suede leather sleeves over a plain yellow t-shirt, with black denim pants, blue sneakers and a small purse slung over her shoulder -- were loose-fitting and she looked to be very comfortable in them._

Tasmin looked at the words but didn't have a clue. "Charge number one," she sighed with satisfaction, "excessive attention to the clothing of the Sue."

"Maybe you should call them OCs until you have enough evidence that they are Sues?" Allison suggested as she made a note of the charge.

"I call 'm as I see 'm. There's some more evidence for you. Something only a Sue would say." Tasmin pointed at the words.

_Girls always have to be the hostages, never the heroes. It's really stupid._

Allison chuckled. "What did she expect of a movie that is so far in the B-devision it's an H-movie? Those are just as cliché as Mary Sue fiction." With a smile she wrote up the charge. "There are lots of books and movies with believable, strong female characters."

The conversation between Hannibal and the girl called Robyn -- Tasmin wanted the alternative spelling written up as a charge -- continued to amuse Allison and Tasmin. And when Hannibal knew for a fact he liked the girl; Tasmin knew for a fact she didn't.

_I need the money, so I can't complain._

"If she needs the money than why is she in acting?" Allison asked. "There are lots of jobs out there that are a little more secure in their pay. There are more actresses working as waitresses than in acting."

"Working as a waitress is probably also not heroic enough for our little Sue. No matter how lowly the acting job, it is still more glamorous than serving coffee at a diner."

"Maybe no one wanted to hire a twelve-year-old for a proper job?"

"She could have become a dog-walker."

"Dog-walker? That actually sounds pretty glamorous." Allison scratched the back of her head. "No really. Other people have to walk their dogs in their spars spare time, and you walk dogs and actual get paid for just lazily walking about. Now, if that isn't glamorous, I don't know what is."

"I think you're right about that last thing."

"Huh? What?"

"C'mon, we have to follow the Sue."

Tasmin and Allison followed the girl into an alley where she got ambushed by two men. A moment later both men were gone and Robyn was lying on the ground in a puddle of blood.

"What just happened here?" Tasmin asked.

"I don't know. I must have blinked."

"Let's retrace. Okay, man approaches girl from behind, says: 'I want something you've got'. She turns around. Other guy comes from the other side, shoots the first guy and knocks girl down. Then takes off with first guy?"

"I think she hadn't turned around yet when the second guy came up to her. First guy shot second guy, then hit the girl on the back of the head and takes off with second guy."

"No, no. It doesn't make any sense for them to take off together if one shoots the other."

"Well, I'm sure who ever shot meant to shoot the girl."

"Still, for this much blood to be around, the guy must have been bleeding on the ground for a bit. He somehow managed to get up and walk away without leaving a trace of blood."

"And also, he got up before she was knocked down, because she is now lying in a puddle of his blood, but there aren't obvious traces that she was moved."

"I think we should write her up for this."

"For what?"

"For not giving enough information so that readers can make sense of the situation."

"Maybe she wanted us to to be as confused as Hannibal?"

"Don't stick up for the Sue. Give me the notebook. I'll write her up myself." Tasmin pulled the notepad from Allison's hand. "Pen!" Allison rolled her eyes and gave her the pen. Tasmin wrote down 'confusing readers about how scene took place'.

"Maybe we can ask her to explain her motivation for this scene when we charge her."

"Have you gone soft in the head?" Tasmin gave her an examining look. "I told you not to eat too much cafeteria food. It rots the brain."

"What got your knickers in a twist?"

"You did! What's with all this soft approach for the Sue? Giving her the benefit of the doubt sort of thing?"

"Well, doesn't she have the benefit of the doubt?"

"No! When we go into a fic there is a Sue in it."

"You noticed yourself that the console only gave off a very modest beep for this fic. It could mean this is a borderline Sue. In which case I say we have to give her the benefit of the doubt and just point out a few things she can improve on."

"When we get back to the office I'm putting in a transfer for you. You do not belong in the Mary Sue Department."

"Whatever. I didn't want to be in this devision anyway."

"Where are they now?" Tasmin looked around. "Now what have you done? They're gone." She pointed at the words.

_Seconds later she was gone. And seconds after that, Hannibal was following her._

Allison shrugged. She had just about had her fair share of Tasmin for the day. "We can still catch up with them. We know where they are going." She pointed at the words of the next chapter. Tasmin growled at her and opened a portal with the remote activator.

-oOo-

Allison had installed herself in one of the passenger cars near the boxcar marked 'Robyn's nest'. She read the words of Robyn's and Hannibal's journey. She doubted it would take only an hour to cross the better part of Los Angeles. Unless by the better part actually the good bits of it were meant. She wasn't about to discuss this point with Tasmin. If Tasmin wanted to write up this charge she had to think of it on her own. Tasmin was probably not thinking of charges; she was walking around the train yard, drooling and undoubtedly trying if there was anything that was still running. Allison leaned back and enjoyed the flashback to Hannibal's youth.

_"I love you too, sweetheart," he replied, kissing her forehead. The girl giggled softly, cuddling close to him. Her name was Caroline Anna Smith -- she was Hannibal's little sister._

"How old do you think Hannibal is?" Tasmin's face suddenly popped up by the window and startled Allison.

"I don't know. Sixty? A hundred? Old," Allison said after she recomposed herself.

"His kid sister is two years younger than he is," Tasmin said as she climbed into the car.

"I thought you weren't paying attention to the words."

"I'm always paying attention to the words." Tasmin flopped down on the bench next to Allison. "George Peppard was born in 1928, so he would be about fifty-seven around this time."

"You can't just assume Hannibal was the same age as Peppard. Characters are often played by actors much older than them. Most notably teenagers who are played by people in their twenties, late twenties."

"For arguments sake we're going to say Hannibal is in his fifties. He looks that way anyway. Two years younger would also make his sister in her fifties. Which means she would have been in her forties when she had this kid. I do hope you are following the suggestion that Robyn reminds Hannibal of someone and that someone is his sister, because she's that sister's kid?"

"It wasn't lost on me. But lots of women have kids in their forties."

"There's another thing." Tasmin pointed at the words again.

_Cali had gotten married while Hannibal was in Vietnam, to the same boy that had taken her out on that first date._

"Yeah?"

"She went on her first date with that guy when she was sixteen. That would have been in 1950 at the latest. Even if Hannibal had been in Vietnam from day one that means she dated this guy for fifteen years before she got married to him."

"Maybe she broke up with him after a couple of dates, dated someone else in the mean time and met him again years later."

"I'm not buying it. I'm writing her up."

"For having a different idea about what age Hannibal is than you?"

"Yeah. And don't tell me I can't do it."

"Nope, just making sure you got your motivation straight and aren't making things up."

"Exactly." Allison had the feeling her sarcasm had been lost on Tasmin.

_He would love to see Cali and Tim, see how their lives are going -- see if they started a family. He'd love to have a niece or nephew -- even if right now wasn't the best time for a family._

"And I'm writing her up for that one too." Tasmin pointed.

"Nothing goes unnoticed by you," Allison mocked. But actually she agreed on this one. If Hannibal and his sister had been this close as kids she would have written him if she had had a kid, or he could have picked up the phone to give her a call; let her know he was all right, that she shouldn't believe what the military was telling her about him, and to just catch up with her on how she had been. Allison did not buy that Hannibal would have been unable to find his sister for fifteen years.

Allison watched from the window as the thirteen-year-old -- she wondered a moment: going on thirteen meant being twelve, didn't it? -- was an adult on the verge of being a kid again as she took her stuffed panda in her arms. The next scene with Hannibal was heart warming. Allison glanced over to Tasmin and wondered if she even had a heart that could be warmed. Tasmin kept looking at the words, pen ready to write anything down.

_He felt like his heart was breaking-- but why? He just met this girl, where was this-- emotion coming from? Why did he care so much about someone he knew nothing about?_

"Thinking about writing that one up too?"

"No, I'm thinking why did you have to bring such a ridiculously small notepad."

Allison looked on as the scene of Hannibal hugging Robyn froze. "Er, I think that is because the story has ended but isn't finished yet?"

"Yep."

"What happens to the characters now?"

"In a moment they will fade away and another story loop will start."

"Fade away? And what will happen to us?"

"Nothing. We will leave before that time. Now, what shall we do with this Sue?"

"Call Child Protection Services," Allison suggested. Tasmin cocked her head and for a moment looked like she was taking this option into consideration.

"Nah, I say we charge her."

"And when do we do that? She's frozen now. She has to be conscious when we charge her."

"I know just the place." Tasmin opened a portal and when they stepped through it Allison found herself on a roof.

"Where are we? And when in the story?"

"We're on one of those rooftops the Sue uses as a short cut on her way home. And we're here just before the story starts."

"Before the story starts?" Allison looked puzzled. "Can we do that?"

"Sure, we can also hang around after the story ends. We did that with Becky, remember."

"Yeah." Allison shivered; it was chilly this early in the morning. "But when the Becky story reached the incomplete things didn't freeze. Why did they do that now?"

"Because the author didn't give enough clues as to how the story would continue." Tasmin looked around. "I think she will be coming from that direction. I think we should hide and catch her in surprise."

"I'm not comfortable with charging the Sue before the offenses take place. I've already got one reprimand on my record for charging the Sue too early."

Tasmin gave her a surprised looked. "Just when I thought you had become a Sue-lover, you lay a surprise like that on me. Don't worry: I'll write the report saying that there was no other possibility to charge the Sue, and that we went through the entire story."

Allison and Tasmin hid behind the wall of the staircase. A moment later they heard the thud of someone jumping onto the roof. Allison was off like a shot to catch the girl running across the roof. She jumped and knocked down the girl. Both rolled over the tarmac. Robyn struggled to get away, but Allison, whatever Tasmin might think, was an experienced PPC-agent, not to mention an excellent amateur Greek-Roman wrestler, and held on to her tightly.

"Freeze, Sue." Tasmin pointed her Beretta at Robyn. The girl stopped struggling and Allison picked the both of them up.

"Will you put away that gun? I don't like it that you are aiming at something this close to me."

"Don't worry. I'm aiming at the Sue and I'm an excellent shot."

"I don't doubt that for one second. I also don't doubt that after the afternoon we've had you want to shoot me. Put that thing away and charge the girl."

Tasmin stared at Allison, rolled her eyes and with a sigh tucked the gun behind her belt. She took the notepad from her pocket.

"Robyn Austin, we hereby charge you with giving excessive attention to your own clothing and decoration of your home, but not paying as much attention to detail when it comes to other things. For instance, leaving it very unclear to us how the attack went."

"Attack?" Robyn asked. "What attack?"

"Don't interrupt, Sue. We charge you with saying that Hannibal was very close to his sister as a kid, but never have him pick up the phone in ten years time to find out how she's been. We charge you with the suggestion that you are his long lost niece. We charge you with thinking it stupid to play the victim, but still being in acting, even if those are the only roles you can get. We charge you with being a Sue."

"Borderline Sue," Allison added.

"No, a Sue. The punishment for this is death."

The girl started to struggle again and tried to kick Allison's shins. Allison had it tougher to hold on to her, but did not let go.

"Any last words?" Tasmin asked.

"You can't kill me. I'm only thirteen."

"We don't do age discrimination," Tasmin replied and took her gun.

"May I do the honors?" Allison asked. Tasmin nodded, but with a little reservation. She didn't know what Allison had in mind. Allison dragged the kicking and screaming girl to the edge and threw her off the roof. "I love it when a plan comes together," she said with a wide grin and turned to Tasmin. The grin faded instantly as she found herself staring down the wrong end of Tasmin's Beretta.

"You do know you can't actually kill anyone in the A-Team domain by throwing them of a roof, don't you?"

"Yes, I knew." Both agents looked over the edge and saw the girl dust herself off, look up and then run away quickly. "I just wanted to give her a warning about what could happen if she didn't clean up her act."

Tasmin glared at her. "We're never going to be able to catch that Sue again."

"We don't have to if she cleans up her act. Besides I know a place."

"Oh, yeah, where?"

"I'm not telling. Open the portal."

Tasmin growled, but opened the portal. A moment later the two agents were back into their office. Tasmin flopped down on the sofa.

"That went horrible from the word go." Tasmin opened her book. She made herself comfortable on the sofa before she started reading. Halfway down the page she looked up. "I'm glad I'm out of that T-shirt too."

"Next time I'll dress us up like BA."

"No way am I going to chase after a Sue wearing twenty pounds of bling around my neck."

-oOo-

_A/N: _How Can This Happen To Me_ by Princess Moony was incomplete after two chapters when I wrote this. Although there were definite signs of Sueness in the character of Robyn Austin they weren't conclusive. Sueness could still be avoided. The day I decided I would post this story I was unable to find it. It seems to have been deleted from FFnet. I guess the author decided to kill her own Sue. This left me with the slight dilemma of whether to post a mission to a story that cannot be found on FFnet. I decided to post it because apart from the shaky plot and the questionable OC the story was quite nice and well-written. Maybe in this way I can encourage the author to pick it up again, with a few changes. Suggestions for changes: make Robyn older, a struggling actress in her early twenties; take away the suggestion that she is Hannibal's niece. It's okay if she is the (girl-) friend of Hannibal's niece or nephew, but Hannibal should at least know he is an uncle.  
I really do hope you didn't discontinue this story because of lack of reviews.  
_


	8. A Few Glitches

_A/N: Episodes of the A-Team often had glitches in them. Examples of these are sudden night fall followed by equally sudden day break; Murdock repeatedly changing his footwear (!); and my own personal favorite: Faceman making a calculation error. Unsurprisingly -- or perhaps surprisingly: fic writers don't have a tight budget or filming schedule to content with -- similar glitches appear in fanfics. Luckily, I can send Tasmin and Allison in to fix those, whereas I can do nothing about getting Murdock back his high tops._

-oOo-

About Face_ by clairon_

Allison was doing sits ups as the console rang out a friendly beep. She stopped in the middle of a cross sit up and look at the console in surprise: it actually had been a friendly beep. "What was that?"

"Just a minor glitch that needs repairing," Tasmin replied as she walked over to the built-in cupboard and retrieved an umbrella from it.

"We do glitches now?"

"We work on commission. We take pretty much every job." Allison knew that was true. "C'mon, get up." Tasmin opened a portal and stepped through.

Allison scrambled up to follow Tasmin. In passing she threw a look at the console. _About Face_, well, that didn't leave much to guess who would be the main character. And if they were going in that probably meant that the author was love struck. She shuddered as she stepped through the portal. She shivered as she emerged on the other side in the poring rain.

"At least you brought something to shield us from the rain."

But Tasmin didn't put up the umbrella. "It's not for us," she replied. "It's for them."

Allison looked on at the two figures. One holding a colorful umbrella, the other beside it in full battle gear, completely soaked. "They already got a brolly. They can share, can't they?"

"No, they can't. That's the whole problem. Hannibal is not supposed to be holding a brolly. We have to change it for this umbrella."

Allison rolled her eyes. Someone had once called her pedantic!

"Ready?" Tasmin asked.

"Guess so."

"Let's go!"

The two agents ran for Hannibal and Peck. Allison pushed past Peck as she grabbed Hannibal's brolly. The push made Peck loose his balance and he fell face down in the mud. Tasmin quickly trust the umbrella she was carrying in Hannibal's now empty hand. He stared after the two figures that sped away with his umbrella, baffled. Rain drops falling in his collar quickly made him aware they had given him a replacement umbrella. He put it up. Then he bent over to Peck, still lying in the mud.

"Get up, Lieutenant, the day isn't over yet."

Peck growled in reply.

"That is: growl, Sir!"

-oOo-

Mirror Image _by Traser SyberJedi_

Tasmin was staring at the screen of the console, slurping in air, and sounding a bit like Anthony Hopkins in _Silence of the Lambs_. Allison tried to convince herself this was not in the least bit disconcerting. Allison never was a good liar.

"This is a tough one," Tasmin finally said.

"We've dealt with several Sues that could give Superman a run for his money. How tough could this one be?"

"We've got Crane and Decker in a moving vehicle and Lynch for some reason on the backseat. We have to go in and take Lynch out."

"Er, he's canon. We don't shoot canon. Ever." Allison was surprised that she had to remind Tasmin of the rules, but then, sooner or later, PPC agents would start to lose their marbles. Even efficient killing machines like Tasmin.

"I don't mean out like that. I mean out of the car. We have to relocate him."

"So we're with the Witness Protection Program now."

"Something like that." Tasmin started typing at the console. A portal opened. "Come, this is going to be a tight squeeze."

Tasmin stepped through the portal and crawled over Lynch. He didn't notice her until a hand was placed over his mouth. He tried to struggle, but the hand had been holding a cloth drained in chloroform and he lost consciousness.

_"Sir, isn't that Peck over there?" Crane asked, pointing out the window of the military sedan._

Decker didn't respond. Tasmin leaned forward and whispered in his ear: "Repeat after me: Why yes it is, Captain. And he's alone and on foot. There's no way he can avoid capture now."

Decker did as he was told. Tasmin nodded to Allison. They pulled Lynch out of the car through the portal without disturbing Crane and Decker any further.

Back in their office they propped Lynch up on their couch.

"So what are we going to do with him?" Allison asked. She was standing in front of him studying him carefully.

"I'm going through all the A-Team fics now to see if there are any set in between 1972 and 1983. We can probably dump him in one of those."

"Can we keep him?"

"Why would you wanna keep him?" Tasmin turned around in her chair and eyed her partner. She never thought Allison had enough marbles to begin with.

"I don't know. Other PPC agents get to keep souvenirs from fics."

"Not canon characters." With that statement Tasmin ended the matter.

-oOo-

Tempus fugit, Godspeed _by Clorinda_

"I don't see what you're problem is with this fic."

Tasmin poked violently at the screen of the console. Allison looked closer.

"You find that problematic?" She leaned back. "What's next? You want to go into a fic because someone parted Face's hair down the middle?"

"I would if need be."

"Well, you can fix those 'problems' on your own. I don't even own a comb."

"That comes as a surprise to me." Tasmin walked into the bathroom. "Luckily, you don't need a comb here. Just imagine what it would be like if Face gave you a massage like that."

Allison swiftly turned around in her chair. "You're okay with fantasizing about canon characters?"

"What ever you do to canons in the privacy of your own mind is no business of mine. It becomes my business if you put that stuff down in a fic."

"Ooh, I'm going to like this." Allison crossed her arms behind her head and closed her eyes.

"C'mon, let's go." Tasmin had finished packing her bag and opened up a portal.

"Can't right now. A good massage takes it's time."

"We're going now." Tasmin grabbed Allison by her shoulder and nearly threw here through the portal.

--

Face put down the envelop, stroking the letters on it softly. He looked up and was startled to see two women standing in his room.

"How did you ...?" Face started.

"Fear not, Earthling." Allison raised her hand and gave the Vulcan greeting. "We come in peace."

Tasmin growled. "Shut up." She turned to Face and put on her best smile. "We've come to give you a manicure." She put a bowl down on the table and started filling it with hot water from a thermos.

"You broke in here to give me a manicure?"

"Are you gonna look a gifted horse in the mouth?"

"That depends. Do you actually know how to give a manicure?"

Tasmin threw him a look that made Face decide to ask no further questions and dip his hands in the bowl.

"Aahw, this is nice. You know, I was long overdue for a manicure, but my regular girl, she got married and moved away." Face sighed. "Such a waste."

"Is chit-chat required for a manicure?" Tasmin asked. She picked up one of Face's hands to inspect it.

"It is when I have one of my manicures."

"I guess you just have to suck it up, Tasmin," Allison added.

Tasmin growled again. "You do it. I don't do chit-chat."

"That comes as a surprise to me."

Allison grabbed a chair and sat down opposite of Face. She fed him with made up gossip and tips for foot rubs and back massages. She ignored Tasmin multiple times clearing her throat. Face suggested Tasmin took a Life Saver from the drawer.

"I'd get it myself, but I'm a little held up."

"I think you have soaked long enough." Allison picked up his left hand and dried it off with a rough towel. For his right hand she use a little small grain sanding paper to remove the callus. "How's that for you?"

Face felt his hands. "They haven't been this soft in years. Thank you. What do I owe you."

Allison opened her mouth, but before she could answer Tasmin coughed, again.

"I guess another Life Saver for Tasmin would be pay enough for us." She slung the towel over her shoulder and picked up the bowl. Muttering 'this close' and 'never again' she preceded Tasmin through the portal.

Face wondered whether he was having a very odd dream. Then he saw the envelop again. The ink on it smugged a little more than before.

-oOo-

_A/N:_ _I can recommend all these stories, in case you haven't read them already.  
Lynch has received a new home in _A Sergeant's Choice_ by junkfoodmonkey2004._


	9. Revenge isn't so Sweet

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts from _Revenge isn't so Sweet_ by k9handler1969 in italics._

-oOo-

Allison walked into the office making gagging sounds.

"What's with you? You sound like you're trying to cough up a hairball."

"I just ate at the cafeteria."

"So you probably are coughing up a hairball."

"I want to wash my mouth with soap." Allison walked into the bathroom.

Tasmin continued packing her duffel bag. "We got an assignment," she called after her partner when she was finished.

Allison walked back into the office, her mouth foaming with soap bubbles. "I didn't hear any beep."

"It came earlier when you were out."

"I didn't hear any beep walking down the hall."

"It came much earlier. Actually, you took so long getting back, I was wondering maybe I should have gotten you from the cafeteria."

"Maybe you should have. This soap tastes better than my last meal." Allison turned around. "Let me just wash out my mouth then we'll go."

"You're not eating my good soap, are you? You keep going to the cafeteria -- against better judgment; use your own soap to wash out the taste of it."

"You got a portal open yet?" Allison returned from the bathroom dabbing her mouth with a towel.

"I will as soon as you return that towel to the bathroom. I don't want it lingering around the office."

"Right." Allison turned back to the bathroom. She heard Tasmin open up a portal. She turned back round and saw that her partner had already stepped through it. She threw the towel over a desk chair and went after Tasmin.

-oOo-

"What kind of story have we got here? I haven't had a chance to read up."

"Hannibal got kidnapped by some bad guys."

"So what are we doing at the VA?" Allison cocked her head to look at her name tag. "Mildred R.N. At least you didn't name me after Ratched this time."

Tasmin flexed her brows in a way that made Allison ask: "What?"

"Murdock is about to receive some information on Hannibal's well being."

_A package containing a videotape arrived in the mail at the V.A. hospital in Westwood, CA addressed to Capt. H.M. Murdock. Murdock received the package at about 1 pm that afternoon._

Allison checked the watch of the orderly as he passed them by. She had to run after him and stop him to get a good look at it. When she returned Tasmin was gritting her teeth.

"I was just curious about the time, that's all." Allison immediately defended herself.

"It's not you," Tasmin managed through clenched teeth. She nodded at the words.

_The lovely lady doctor had the old colonel smitten. It was getting to the point that other than their cases she was all he ever talked about. The good doctor had made quite an impression on the colonel. They were perfect for each other._

"I take it you don't like the good doctor much."

"Not in fanfics."

"Well, get over it. We're not here about her."

_He took the tape over to his VCR and slipped it in. He then sat down and pushed the play button on his remote. A few minutes later, with a horrified look on his face, wanting to throw up he hit the stop button, got up and stumbled over to his phone to call BA and Face._

"Too bad he hasn't pressed the pause button."

Allison gave her partner a horror struck look. "What? Why?"

"Just so we know if the image was really throw up worthy."

"I think you're sick." She shivered, trying to shake of the possible imagines Murdock might have seen. "I see a charge coming on." Allison nodded towards BA and Face rushing in.

_When BA and Face arrived at the VA hospital, they headed straight for Murdock's room. When they arrived Murdock still had the look on his face that he had when he had called them._

"When I read all that I wrote them up when I got my notepad from my pocket." Allison did as she said.

Tasmin ignored her partner and got closer to the room to get a better look at the TV screen. She sighed; BA was blocking most of the screen. She could hardly ask him to scoot over. She had to read the words to know what was going on instead.

It was a video of a beaten Hannibal tied to a chair. Someone threw a bucket of water over him to wake him up. Someone else laughed in the background. The Team recognized the laughter.

_They all looked at one another as they remembered and wondered how Chow had gotten out of prison. He was supposed to be there for the next twenty years, along with his drug-running buddy Tommy Angel, the prison camp snitch. They looked at one another, wondering how Chow had gotten out of prison._

"Are you sure they need us for this job?" Allison asked. "It sounds more like something for the Repetitive Department of Repetition."

"It's for us," Tasmin said softly.

"It's just that we're already a thousand words or so into the story and we haven't seen the Sue yet."

"She'll be here."

"But it's very unusual. Hey." Something seemed to occur to Allison. "This is not one of those slash stories, is it?"

"Not to my knowledge."

Allison eyed her partner carefully. "I guess, I'll have to take your word for it."

"Yes, you do that."

_They could hear the sharp intakes of breath from Hannibal as the leather struck the bare skin of his back and could see his face in their imagination trying to bite back the pain and not scream. Hannibal was not going to give Chow that satisfaction._

"Makes sense," Allison commented. "Don't give them the satisfaction of your screams, just give them the pleasure of beating you to a bloody pulp. Seriously, if they're beating you to hear you scream, wouldn't it make sense to scream?" She looked at Tasmin. "It may make them stop beating you sooner, which is good for your physical well being."

"How do you know they're only beating you to hear you scream? They probably also want to physically hurt you. This way he gets to keep his pride."

"It's worth the risk. I wouldn't care what a man like Chow thought of me. But if there was a chance he'd stop beating me, I'd explore it."

"Hannibal doesn't think like you."

"Obviously."

The Team decided they must get Hannibal out of his situation, and make Chow pay for putting him in it. While Face worked on scamming a plane, Murdock went to Dr. Richter to talk about a leave of absence. He played the tape for him, and the doctor signed some forms for him.

_"Murdock, do you know a medical doctor because I think you should take one with you if you do. From the look of the colonel on that tape, and that was two days ago. He's gonna need one..."_

"Why would he say that?" Allison sat on the back of the sofa in Richter's office her back turned to the TV screen. Tasmin had insisted they'd go there so she could finally get a good look at the video tape. "Does he think the Team doesn't know first aid, or can't find their way to a hospital?"

"It's the Sue cue," Tasmin replied.

"I like how that sounds: the Sue cue."

"Come, we have to stay with Murdock."

They followed Murdock back to his room where Face claimed he got them a plane.

"He scammed a plane from a VA room?" Allison exclaimed.

Tasmin looked at her; her eyebrows slightly raised.

"Duh," Allison replied to her own question. "It's Faceman. He could talk a blind man into buying a used car."

Following Richter's advice the Team decided to ask Dr. Maggie Sullivan to come with them. Both agents rolled their eyes in quiet disapproval. Tasmin got out the remote activator and opened a portal.

-oOo-

Hiding in the shrubbery Allison looked appreciatively at the fatigues Tasmin had donned them. Of all the disguises she liked fatigues best. She noted her name tag still read Mildred R.N. That puzzled her a little. It was not like Tasmin to overlook such a little detail. She turned to the words to see what she had missed from the moment the Team boarded the plane.

_BA's overwhelming concern for Hannibal was keeping him from thinking about being in the air._

"How sweet. In fanfics he is always so brave he doesn't need the knock-out juice."

"I guess you would have taken the sedative?"

"That, or gone catatonic."

Tasmin rolled her eyes. She produced a pair of binoculars from her duffel bag and pointed at a sweatbox inside the small encampment they were on the outside of, separated from the inside by a ten feet tall barbed fence and a few guards in strategic positions. Allison took the binoculars; they had amazing magnification. Allison could see Hannibal's face pressed against the crack of the sweatbox that allowed him to look around the camp.

"Hannibal doesn't look too hot." Allison brought the binoculars down. She chuckled. "Actually, he looks very hot, and sweaty. I meant, he looks bad."

"Of course he does. He's been here for three days. Chow's guards have been beating him for a big part of that time; all the time he was unconscious he spent in that sweatbox. From the words I can't tell whether he has received any water or food during that time, but I'd make a wager he hasn't."

"Shouldn't he be dead already? Died of dehydration a couple of days ago?"

"Medically, yes. But this is not medicine, this is fanfiction." Tasmin got two bottles of water from her bag. "Here, drink up."

Allison gave her a questioning look. "I thought you just said ..."

"I don't know whether the medical laws of fanfiction apply to the two of us. Better to be safe than sorry." Tasmin removed the cap from her bottle. "Drink up. Water should be carried in your belly not in a bottle."

Allison took this advice to heart.

In the mean time the Team arrived at the compound. They had followed one of Chow's guards. After a short recon they decided that the best way to approach the camp would be from behind the main building. Maggie would create a diversion at the front by asking a guard for directions. Face had some reservations as Hannibal wouldn't like it they got her involved.

"I don't like it either, but I'm not even considered," Tasmin whispered.

After telling Maggie to stay out of the fight, the Team went on their way.

_Maggie waited for the guy's signal. After an hour of waiting, it finally came. They were in position. Now, it was up to her. She got into the driver's seat of the van and started the engine. She pulled onto the highway and soon turned down the road to the camp. She pulled up the main gate of the camp and stopped. She got out crying, which when she saw the camp for the first time was not hard, thinking of her Hannibal being in there. She went up to the guard in hysterics, babbling incoherently about hitting someone on the main road and that she needed to call the police to report it._

_The guard didn't know what to do with the hysterical woman in his mitts. He turned around to call to the other guards for help, but that was all she wrote for him as Maggie hit him with a hypo full of a sedative and down he went. She then took off into the camp, searching for Hannibal._

Tasmin pulled her Beretta 92SB from her duffel bag, took aim and fired. Maggie stumbled forward. She yelped and cried out, clutching her left leg.

"You just shot canon!" Allison cried out. "You're only supposed to shoot Mary Sues."

"That's Maggie Sullivan. In fanfics she's as bad as a Mary Sue. And in case you hadn't noticed: they share the same initials."

"You just shot canon!" Allison repeated.

"She's a doctor; she can fix herself." Tasmin put the gun away. "Our work here is done. Let's go home." Tasmin opened a portal.

"You shot canon!" Allison had no other words for it. Her partner doing the unmentionable hampered her vocabulary. She followed Tasmin through the portal.

-oOo-

Tasmin woke up with a start. Her heart was pounding. She closed her eyes and took slow, deep breaths to quiet it down. Slowly the realization dawned on her: it was only a dream; she had not really shot canon.

She rolled herself up in her comforter. It was only a dream she had shot canon. It was probably also just a dream Allison had left a towel in the office. Tasmin decided to scold her for that one regardless.

-oOo-

_A/N: Ever since I read _Through the Valley of Cliches_ by Reckless I have been unable to take stories that feature Maggie S. seriously. This story was brought on by reading one too many of them in a short period of time._

_Tips for writing Maggie into a fic: (1) Do not take her on a Team mission; (2) Do not go to Bad Rock for medical treatment unless it is the nearest town. I'm sure that there are plenty of other rural physicians in the US that have sworn the Hippocratic Oath and will give medical assistance to the Team; (3) Do research medical conditions and their treatment._


	10. Deception: Alex's Past

_A/N: The Protectors of the Plot Continuum were created by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts from _Deception: Alex's Past_ by Murdock's Crazylady in italics._

-oOo-

Tasmin sat behind the console. She was working on a charge sheet for A-Team fics. So far they had been working on a hunch. It was about time there was an official list of charges. She was working from her memory and from the little scraps of paper that Allison had put in an envelop and marked 'file'. Tasmin knew she herself was in part to blame for this: she hadn't instructed Allison on proper file keeping. For the other part she blamed the Marquis de Sod, the Director of Personnel, for saddling her with a partner that didn't even have basic office skills in the first place. The only thing Allison had going for herself was that she had a very clear handwriting.

She heard some stirring behind her and looked around. Allison had been sleeping on the sofa and seemed to be waking up.

"Good, you're awake." Tasmin turned back to the console. "I want to pick your brain about something."

Allison quickly scrambled to her feet and ran out off the door.

"What did I say?" Tasmin asked rhetorically.

-oOo-

About half an hour later Allison returned and threw a soft ball ball at Tasmin. She hit her in the head.

"Ouch! What's that for?" Tasmin turned around to her partner rubbing her sore spot.

"We have a SEP field?" Allison exclaimed.

"It feels more like a headache to me."

"We have a Someone Else's Problem field? And you make us go into fics in disguise?"

"I thought you liked to play dress up."

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

"The first time we used disguises you picked them out, remember?"

Allison vaguely did. "That's because I thought we needed to be disguised to go round in a fic."

"We don't. That badge on your uniform creates a SEP field that obscures you from being spotted by canon, because, well, we're not their problem." Tasmin pulled her duffel bag closer with her foot, rummaged through it, found what she was looking for and popped a chew tablet aspirin in her mouth. "Disguises have some uses though. They make us fit into the background easier so OCs are less likely to spot us. The SEP field doesn't work on them, 'cause we **are** their problem. Didn't they teach you all this in Basic Training?"

"I may have slept through one or two classes." Allison looked at her feet. "I'm sorry I hit you with that ball."

"So am I."

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

"And now I'm even more sorry." Tasmin rubbed her temples. "This better be good."

Allison decided not to comment on that.

Tasmin got to her feet. "You check this fic out, while I go check what damage you have done." She walked over to the bathroom.

"By check out you mean read out from the console?" Allison called after her.

"Of course I do."

"Just checking." Allison turned to the console and started reading. Before she had finished the first chapter she was cursing herself for having already taking up all her holidays.

Tasmin came back into the office and without a word started packing up her bag. She slung it over her shoulder and with a little nod of her head indicated to Allison to open up a portal.

-oOo-

The two agents stepped into the fic without disguises. They were wearing their uniforms. Which for Tasmin consisted of black slacks, a tailored black shirt and black boots. Allison wore a black fitted T-shirt, black cargo pants and combat boots. Tasmin's duffel bag was army green; it wasn't PPC standard issue.

"You must have hit me harder with that ball than I thought. I'm seeing a green mist." Tasmin let the duffel bag slide off her shoulder and set it down on the ground. She rubbed in her eyes to see if that improved her vision. She hadn't seen any mist in their office.

"The mist came with the fic. And it's more jade or turquoise than green."

"Whatever. Where are we?"

"First chapter."

Tasmin rolled her eyes. This was not improving her headache. "Yes, of course we are in the first chapter. Where is this first chapter taking place?"

"Diner where Face meets the mother of the Sue."

"The mother of the Sue is probably also a Sue. Chip of the old block and all."

"I guess. Don't worry. The mother of the Sue dies in the same paragraph as the Sue is born. That's probably why the Sue was named after her."

"How tragic." Tasmin sat herself down at one of the tables and stared at Face staring at the Sue mother. "What does he see in her?"

"Apparently her smile." Allison was looking at the words.

Tasmin squinted at the words; this also did not improve her headache.

_Normally he looked for **Other** things on a woman, but with Alex, it was different._

"What other things are there on a woman than her smile?" Allison asked.

"I don't know. Her clothes, the way they fall."

"Really? I mean, of course I know there are those things, but are those the things Face looks at at first?"

"He's an attractive guy; he looks for attractive women."

"Most of the series was set in a time when shoulder pads for women where the height of fashion. If there's one thing that doesn't make women attractive below the neckline, it's shoulder pads. Besides, I've always figured Face to be a mouth man. Or an eye man. Something in the face, 'cause that's where he's looking when he meets someone new."

"He probably feels the same about shoulder pads as you do."

The Sue mother gave Face her phone number, and while he ate his cold dinner Allison consulted Tasmin.

"Okay, er, I've slept more than a couple of hours during Basic Training," she said a little embarrassed.

"I already thought so."

"The thing is, coming up next is a couple of months of events told in as many sentences. So I don't know what that is going to do to us time rift wise."

"We don't follow them." Tasmin sighed. "I'll accept that you didn't pay attention during boring lectures by potted plants, but could you at least pay attention to the on the job training I am giving you." She opened the duffel bag and pulled out the Fic Location Follower. "The FLF is set to manual so we're staying here." She put the FLF on the table in front of her, so not to risk that it would switch to random or always when she slipped it in her bag.

This cheered Allison up. "While we're here, you want to grab a bite to eat?" she asked perkily.

"Why are you always thinking of food when we're in fics?"

"Because food in fics is generally better than food in PPC cafeteria."

"That's probably true."

Allison waved for a waitress.

"What's surprising about the Chicken Surprise?" she asked when the woman stood at their table.

"Whether there's actually any chicken in it."

Tasmin growled.

"Er, just the special for me."

Tasmin shook her head indicating she didn't want anything. The waitress nodded and walked away.

"Could you not do that?"

"What?"

"Make witty conversation with people you made up yourself. You're too old for imaginary friends."

"I'm too creative to make do with what I have."

That comment puzzled Tasmin. She shrugged it off. "Just tell me what I've missed so far. I can't read the words with this headache you gave me."

"Let's see. Oh, Face and the Sue mother start dating. A month later she secretly meets Murdock, and a month after that she finds out she's pregnant with his baby."

"What? She jumped in the sack with him the day she met him?"

"It doesn't say, but it can't have been more than two weeks after they met. Anyway, she tells Face it's Murdock's baby and Murdock that it's Face's baby."

"My headache is just getting worse."

"Then she is diagnosed with cancer."

"You're making this up."

"Nope, someone else did."

"What kind of cancer?"

"The kind that kills you. She dies shortly after childbirth."

"Aargh. You know I feel for the mothers of these Sues, they all die young."

"Yes, but would you want to grow old if your kid was a Sue?"

"Good point. That thought cheered me up so much I think my headache is gone."

"Good. Now you can read the words for yourself."

The waitress brought Allison her food. She stared at it dubiously for a moment, then dug in, occasionally looking up to keep an eye on the words.

_Murdock had nightmares for months, following Alex's death. Screaming every-night that he was being chased by the Grimm Reaper._

"I wouldn't mind dreaming about Matt Damon as a harvester," Allison said after swallowing. "He looked absolutely gorgeous in Brothers Grimm. That one moment, that shot through the door, he looked just like Beethoven." Tasmin opened her mouth. "Not the dog," Allison quickly added.

"Hmm. But I think Grimm Reaper is someone that reaps Grimms."

"That would be Cavaldi. I think that's more your kind of dream."

Tasmin smiled mildly. "Finish up your meal so we can leave here."

Allison slowly ate her meal. To Tasmin's comment that she usually wolfed down her food she replied that she recently learned the value of chewing properly.

"Annoying PPC agents is a ground for charging," Tasmin growled.

"For charging a Sue, not a ground for charging a fellow PPC agent." Allison pushed her plate away. "But I'm all finished now."

"Okay, let's go." Tasmin stood up, grabbed her bag and opened a portal.

"Hey, I can't leave without paying."

"Paying whom? There's no one here you can pay."

Allison looked around the diner. Tasmin was right; there was no one left there. Even her plate had gone. The table was still there, though it had become rectangular instead of round. The chairs had changed from wood to metal frame.

"Stop messing with my head."

Tasmin grinned. Normally she would have thought playing with the scenery was childish, but if it got Allison's goat, it was the right thing to do.

"Get through the portal," she said.

-oOo-

"Nice. I like how this mist clashes with the trees." Allison looked around. "Is this Langley? The story is set when the Team was working for Stockwell."

"I guess." Tasmin dropped her bag on the ground between them.

"What did I miss while I was eating?"

"The Sue's four year older brother, Trent, tried to kill her a couple of times."

"Maybe we could recruit him for the PPC."

"Did I mention that on all three occasions Trent was six years old and unsuccessful?"

"So? We don't expect six-year-olds to be perfect at violent acts. That would be a Sue trade if they were."

"Good point. I'll think about it. Anyway, after the failed assassination attempts Face sends Trent to his room."

"Good idea. Make him think of a better plan."

"Well, apparently, it was because Face didn't want to hit the boy. Hannibal felt differently and after the third time he gave the boy a good spanking."

"After which BA gave Hannibal a good thrashing?"

"Nope. BA thought Hannibal was absolutely right."

"What? I think my Character Analysis Device just blew up in my pocket, without even pointing it in the direction of anyone." Allison took it from her pocket to examine the CAD. It seemed all right. "Since when are any of the members of the Team into child abuse?"

"I have no idea. Face is being the loving father, though." Tasmin nodded to the words.

_By the time Alex was 3-years-old, Face had finally taught her how to open any kind of a lock or door, and how to scam stuff. _

"Yeah, right. Three-year-olds don't even have the motor skills to color between the lines, let alone pick locks. Not to mention that they are not tall enough to reach the locks on most doors." Allison snorted. "What else can she do?" She fumbled in her pocket for her pencil and pad.

"Read, but that's not entirely uncommon at that age. Anyway, this Sue had all of them living together, and attributing in her upbringing."

"The Team lived together when they worked for Stockwell." Allison wrote down the charges she had spotted so far: OOCness, Sue powers, some mild misspellings, backstory the usual bonanza.

"Murdock lived separately."

"Well, this is an AU-fic anyway: Face has two kids."

Tasmin clenched her fists. She felt a strong urge to inflict pain on her partner, and no urge at all to suppress the earlier urge. "Just read the words."

_Hannibal had his share of love for the baby too. He always avenged her beatings from Trent, and he also showed her how to use a gun._

"Take cover." Allison dove to the ground. "Hannibal is about to explode."

Tasmin was pretty sure characters didn't actually explode upon character rupture. She threw a glance at Hannibal nonetheless before she grabbed Allison by her shoulder and pulled her back up, assuring her that there would not be bits of Hannibal flying about.

Allison dusted herself off. She cocked her head to read the words. They were just explaining that when the Team went on a mission Trent was sent to a friend's house.

_Alex always went with them._

Both agents dove into a nearby ditch. When after a few minutes still no large explosion had followed they carefully looked over the edge. They saw a four-year-old girl beat up her eight-year-old brother, with Murdock standing to the side cheering her on.

"It's this mist," Tasmin said. "I think it's toxic; it's making me hallucinate, making me see things that aren't really there."

"I see a little mini-decker going over there."

"Aargh, as if we didn't have enough trouble already. You'd think that authors would at least spell characters' names correctly, so we could recognize them despite all the OOCness."

"I think it makes sense to give characters new names after you've given them new personalities."

"Just you make sure you catch that little pest."

Allison hummed the A-Team tune to lure the mini-decker in her direction. The mini turned around and ran straight at the agents. Allison picked him up mid-run. He said his name was Hanibal and Tasmin gave him some chocolate cigars to keep him calm before she stuffed him in a jute sack.

With the jute sack slung over her shoulder Allison followed Tasmin through the portal to the next chapter.

-oOo-

"Don't we have already enough charges?" Allison whined. "I mean: there's four accounts of OOCness; four accounts of child abuse; two accounts of uncanonical children; one account of Sue powers; several accounts of misspelling, even a misspelling of a name." As if the mini-decker knew Allison was talking about him he give her a kick. "Ow. Quiet in there." A faint sniggering came from the sack. "I hate Hannibal minis. They are too much like him. But as I was saying. We have enough charges. We just add annoying PPC agents with green mist, find her, charge her and kill her."

"This is a long story. I bet there are many more charges to be found here." A smile played around her lips. "I kind of like this mist. It does obscure us from the characters."

"You think?"

"We're standing in front of the bay windows to the house looking in and neither of the OCs is noticing us."

"That's because they're too busy beating each other up." Allison put the sack down with a thud.

_"I did not!" Alex yelled as she flew in and drop- kicked Trent. He was hit hard in the stomach, and he fell, hitting his head on the hard wood floor. He yelled out in pain. He didn't get the chance to stand back up because Alex was back on him like white on rice. "You better take that back fool, for I knock your head off!!" Alex screamed, seeing red._

"Great," Allison growled. "Anime style fighting and the kid learned her words from BA."

"Don't forget the double use of exclamation points. BA doesn't talk like that."

Allison let out another growl and wrote the charges down on her pad. Tasmin suggested they would sit on the lawn. The house was so ill described that all the walls were transparent and they could look into the rooms from any position.

"Chocolate chip cookie," Tasmin offered.

"Not saying no to that." Allison took two from the pack and threw one of them into the sack. Chocolate is a substance known for its calming effect on both PPC agents and mini-deckers.

Face meanwhile separate the two children and sent Alex to her room. Trent told him that Alex had taken Murdock's chopper keys. Face believed him.

"I'm glad at least one of them is showing a little consideration for the boy," Allison said taking another cookie. "I think part of the reason he's so badly behaved is because the Team are always taking sides with the girl."

"Yeah. It never had to get out of hand this far. The first time that boy tried to hurt his sister, BA should have taken him aside and have a stern heart to heart with him. 'You know little brotha, it's the job of big brothas to look out for their little sistas. So why are you tryin to hurt yo little sista?' Trent would have seen the error of his ways, and be much more pleasant, and a big part of this story would have lost its purpose."

"Yes, because BA has that kind of power of persuasion."

"Don't mock BA."

"I'm not. It's a fact of canon that BA has that kind of persuasion."

Tasmin eyed Allison. Allison tried to assure her with her smile that she had intended no harm with her comment. This seemed to work as Tasmin turned her head to look at the words.

"Face grounds both kids for fighting and then ... something I can't make out."

_Alex scowled. Mission kill Trent ran into her mind without a cigar and she smiled._

"Kind of wish we had those babelfish in our ears," Allison sighed. "For translating Suvian to English."

"That's a different fandom."

"So is SEP fields."

Tasmin rolled her eyes trying to ignore that remark. "Let's get back to the story, shall we. BA's gonna be home soon and then the Sue is going to spar with him. And I for one would like to see how a short kid is going to spar with a huge man."

"Sure, where is this sparring going to take place?"

"In the back yard, I'm guessing. They have some kind of corral."

"So, we go over to the back." Allison scrambled up.

"I have a better idea." Tasmin grabbed Allison's arm. "We just change the layout of the grounds."

Allison started to smile as the corral appeared to the left of her and the house turned around. She was now looking into the kitchen.

"I like how you did that without making me nauseous. Nice view of the kitchen. All it needs now is Hannibal making some pancakes."

Hannibal walked into the kitchen and started rummaging through the cupboards. He took out a bowl, flour, eggs, and milk, and started mixing these ingredients together.

"I told you to leave canon alone."

"I didn't know I had this kind of power over canon."

"It must have something to do with his OOCness. It's almost like he's an Original Character himself."

"Making pancakes would be original for him, wouldn't it?"

"It might be. There's some more OOCness going on over there." Tasmin nodded her head toward the corral.

Alex was kicking the crap out of her older brother again and received the thumbs up from BA for this.

Allison snorted, then turned to ravaged the packet of chocolate chip cookies. "If BA wasn't so much bigger than me, I would like to kick the crap out of him," she proclaimed spraying some crumbs.

"I would probably help you too," Tasmin admitted.

Allison looked at her in surprise.

"A BA that just stands there looking on, cheering on, when a kid, any kid, is getting hurt, that is not our BA. That is an Original Character with a name tag. I don't mind at all kicking the crap out of some OC."

"I think the two of us could take him too. But it would probably work better if you first shot him in the knee caps."

"Fighting dirty, Allison?"

"He's twice the size of the two of us combined. It's not fighting dirty. It's evening the odds."

Tasmin chuckled. Despite that they were talking about hurting a canon character she liked the way her partner was thinking.

Allison sat back down when Face suddenly came rushing through the mist and sent Alex back into the house. BA tried to explain Alex had done nothing wrong.

_"Alex DIDN'T attack Trent Face, Trent asked for it, He wanted to spar with her and she won." B.A. said. _

"He thought that was sparring?" Tasmin jumped up. "Sparring is training without hitting hard. The way Trent was flying about the place should have made it clear to him that was not 'without hitting hard'. Or does he think that just because there was no hitting it was all right?" Tasmin was nearly foaming.

"Did you bring a dictionary? I'd like to throw it at him."

"No, I don't think I've got a dictionary, but I'm sure there's something else we can throw at him." Tasmin opened her duffel bag and started digging through it trying to find something to throw that would leave a dent, even on BA.

"Tasmin! Tasmin!" Allison grabbed her partner by her arms and tried to make her stop digging. Tasmin looked at her. "Tasmin, I was only making a joke. We can't really throw something at him."

Tasmin took a couple of deep breaths and shrugged off Allison's hands.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just lost it a little bit there. I ... I've never seen BA treat a kid like that."

"I know. Here, have some chocolate." Allison picked up a bar of chocolate Tasmin had thrown from her bag. She started to repack the bag. "I'm going to write up the Sue for making BA act like a love struck fool."

"But he's not love struck?" Tasmin wrestled with the wrapper of the bar. Allison took the bar from her, opened it for her and gave it back. "He's not following her about like a little puppy."

Allison put her hand against Tasmin's forehead to feel for a rise in temperature. "This thing with BA must have really shaken you up. Of course he is love struck. I'm sure it says somewhere he loves the little girl to bits. And he's acting like a fool."

"You're right." Tasmin swallowed her first bite of chocolate. "I'm amazed I didn't see that. But the chocolate is making me feel better. Thanks."

"That's what partners are for." Allison sat down next to Tasmin just in time to catch Face spanking Alex.

"I know it's all wrong Face is doing this, but she deserves this after what she did to BA."

"She deserves this for doing this to Face," Allison agreed. "Hey, do you think Face is taking it out on the kid that her mother cheated on him with his best friend?"

Tasmin slowly turned her head to Allison. "Using pop psychology is a charge."

"One, I'm glad you're back to your old self. Well, sort of glad. Two, again, it's a charge for Sues, not for partners."

Tasmin flexed her brows. Allison buckled under her stare.

"Really, just for Sues. Partners can say pretty much whatever they want. As long as they don't say those words to canon."

The Sue came storming from the house and went to the stables.

_Alex found lil''T and climbed onto his shiny, bare back with nothing but a halter and a lead rope._

"This Sue is giving me a writing cramp. Do we follow her?"

"Course not, we take a portal."

"That's what I meant."

"But this time we're not. I looked at the words. She's coming back and the main action is going to be played out here right in front of us."

"Sounds good to me." Allison lay down and closed her eyes. "Wake me up when there's anything good to see."

"I doubt there will be anything good to see in this fic."

"That's what I meant."

-oOo-

Tasmin poked Allison in her side when the Sue returned riding bareback with BA holding the lead. The rest of the Team had come out into the field to meet them. Allison looked up drowsily and focused her eyes on the words.

_Face stammered. He usually did if he thought Hannibal might yell at him._

"Tasmin! Tasmin!" Allison waved her arms about manically. "I'm having a bad dream." She panted heavily as if she were fighting off a ferocious monster. "Face is a spineless eight-year-old who's afraid of loud noises."

Tasmin pinched Allison. "It's not a dream."

"Reassuring words would be: it's only a dream." Allison sat up rubbing the sore spot on her arm. She threw Tasmin an angry look.

"I can't lie to you."

"Can't or won't?" Allison tucked her T-shirt back in her pants.

_A high-pitched neigh caught B.A. off guard seconds later and he dropped the lead rope and had to get out of the way as Alex made Lil''T rear up._

"What do you suppose happened in those seconds?"

Allison threw her partner a look. "You are completely going to ignore that a little kid is sitting on a fullsize horse bareback and makes it rear without falling off?"

"I thought it was a hobby horse."

Both agents looked in the direction of the Sue as she galloped away on her own two legs holding a stick with a horse's head between her legs while clacking her tongue to mimic the horse's pace over cobblestones.

"How ...?"

"I read the words. She never actually said she was riding a horse."

Allison rolled over laughing as the Sue disappeared from view.

"What do we do now?" Allison asked brushing some tears from her eyes. "Do we wait here for her to get back?"

"I just read that it takes two hours for Hannibal to think of a plan that involves sending Murdock after her."

The agents looked at each other.

"Do you suppose," Allison ventured, "that we are not in an A-Team fic at all, but that the Flowers have sold our still living bodies to a dodgy military research facility for endurance experiments to raise funding?"

"I'm not dismissing the suggestion off hand." Tasmin sighed. She took the remote activator from her pocket. "C'mon, I don't want to stay here any longer."

"You want to leave this fic without killing the Sue?"

"No, I just want to go to some other place in the fic. My eye fell on an ill chosen hyperbole that just looks awkward."

Allison quickly glanced the words, until she saw what the Sue was doing.

_Alex was dying laughing._

"Makes one wonder when she'll be done and we can go home."

"Not for a long while. There's plenty more chapters where this came from."

"I liked it better when we did the unfinished fics."

"This is an unfinished fic. Come."

Allison grabbed the sack with the mini in it and followed Tasmin through the portal hoping there would be something hard for her head on the other side.

-oOo-

The first thing she saw that suited her needs just fine was a stone column. She was about the bang her head against it when something occurred to her.

"Why are there all these stone columns around?"

"I'm rather puzzled about that myself. They're nice and green like the mist so they fit right in. Maybe something was wrong with the portal settings?"

"Maybe I imagined them because I wanted to bang my head on something?"

"Then just imagine them gone; they're in the way."

Allison tried, but the columns stayed. "On the bright side, there's something we can hide behind in case the characters finally burst."

"I can't believe the elasticity of these guys."

"I guess it has something to do with it being the 80s and nylon-lycra clothing being in fashion. Very elastic clothing that is. Leggings were made of it. Another fashion high."

"I just had the very scary image of people combining shoulder pads with leggings." Tasmin shuddered.

"It's why I stayed indoors and read books for most of the 80s."

"You're not old enough to remember most of the 80s."

"Lucky me."

"Enough of this. Murdock was just kidnapped."

_and Face, the born worrier, worried about Alex as well as Murdock. He knew how close Alex was to him. He worried for Murdock because he didn't want to think of all the things the kidnappers might do to him. Murdock was his best-friend, and Face never forgot to worry about him. "He might as well be one of my kids!" Face said to himself, because indeed, he did worry about Murdock, a lot. He worried about him as much as he would if one of his kids was hurt. He worried about Murdock more than anyone else on their team. _

"That's ... that's a lot of worrying."

"Even for Face," Tasmin added. She looked around. "We'll have to be careful around here; there are a lot of plot holes and I don't want us to fall into any of them."

The Sue was so worried for Murdock she started sparring with herself. She knocked herself out from exhaustion. While BA washed and dressed her, Hannibal and Face waited in the van for a call from Murdock. The call came. Hannibal answered it and received directions to a diner where he would get further instructions. BA carried Alex to the van and a moment later tore off.

"Where's the boy?" Tasmin asked.

Allison scanned the words and looked through the house. "I don't see him anywhere. I think the Sue has forgotten all about her brother."

"And apparently so have the Team. Write her up for that. These people are not suited to be taking care of children."

"I think we've pretty much established that."

The mini was stirring again in the sack. Allison swung it off her shoulder, thereby more or less accidentally hitting the sack against one of the stone columns.

"What do we do? Stay here or find another location for checking up on the Team?"

"I'm just checking the words for what would be a good location. The Team seem to be moving around a lot in this fic."

"Well, they would, trying to find Murdock and his kidnappers."

The agents both looked at the words; neither of them paid any attention while the mini crawled out of the sack. It ran a way a few yards, turned around and called out to Allison and Tasmin. Allison started after it. The mini got to the other side of a plot hole and taunted Allison with the direction it might take: go left or go right. Allison played this game along for a short while, then she tried to jump across. She had misjudged the size of the plot hole and fell in.

Tasmin rolled her eyes. She pulled a chocolate cigar from her duffel bag and held it out to the mini. The mini eyed her and then came over to get it. It even voluntarily stepped back into the sack. Tasmin grabbed the sack and her duffel bag and jumped through the plot hole Allison had disappeared through.

-oOo-

She almost landed on top of Allison.

"I told you to look out for plot holes and you go and jump right in one."

"Well, at least there isn't any green mist here anymore."

Tasmin glared at her. "No, it's purple. That's hardly an improvement." Tasmin thrust the sack at her partner. "And keep a better eye on the mini."

Allison looked into the sack. The mini gave her a mocking smile. Allison rolled her eyes and closed the sack.

"The action in this chapter mainly takes place in Borneo. Sounds familiar?"

"The Team once went to Borneo to save a general Ludlum and his daughter," Tasmin replied.

"That's the one."

"She's rewriting episodes now?"

The sound of thunder tore through the jungle.

"I don't remember that from the episode."

"Neither do I."

Tasmin and Allison made their way through the jungle as quickly as possible in the direction where the sound had come from. They stopped and hid in the undergrowth when they spotted Murdock and the Sue. There was some smoke coming from Murdock's ears. The agents looked at each other and then at the words.

_He fished around in his pack and pulled out a 9MM semi automatic, and he handed it towards Alex._

"I guess characters really do explode on character rupture," Allison said.

"They at least get the special effects to suggest character rupture has taken place."

_She checked it and took the safety off. Murdock smiled as she slid it into the front of her jeans._

Tasmin smiled too. "The whole point to a safety is that you don't shoot yourself accidentally while wearing a gun down the front of your jeans."

The agents followed Murdock and the Sue. The latter two quickly found the encampment the rest of the Team had stormed earlier. They hid. Tasmin signaled to Allison to get down too. The rest of the Team were taken to a lock-up where they met general Ludlum and his daughter.

_B.A., looking around as well, thinking of how much this place reminded him of Trent's bedroom, walked over and stood next to Cannibal._

A little head popped up in the undergrowth.

"Aw, not another mini," Allison whined.

"Here, use this." Tasmin gave her a chocolate cigar.

Allison wiggled the cigar. The mini locked eyes with it. It didn't move safe for licking its lips. Allison walked over to the mini and picked it up. The mini took the cigar and worked on removing the wrapper.

"No trouble at all." Allison smiled at Tasmin.

The mini took this as its cue to bite Allison in her arm. Allison stifled a scream.

"That one's called Cannibal," Tasmin said.

"No kidding." Allison opened the sack and dropped the mini in head first.

"I know we're only supposed to charge the Sue with crimes against canon," Tasmin said. "But I'm charging this one with child abuse too. BA just compared the boy's bedroom to a jail cell."

"It has been noted."

Tasmin turned her attention to the words. Apart from the addition of the Sue the story followed that of _One More Time_ pretty well. Up until the point where Murdock gave the Sue a flare gun and she caused the leaking gasoline drum to explode.

"Stealing lines," Tasmin muttered. "Stealing someone else's part is the same as stealing lines."

"Well, that's a new one. We didn't have that charge yet." Allison quipped.

"Do you have the charge of physical improbabilities yet? The six-year-old Sue is now firing her 9 mm and she is dead accurate."

"Hannibal did teach her well."

"I hate you."

"Well, Hannibal is going to take it out on her for taking the gun. Shall we go and watch that?"

"I know she's making Hannibal's character look like a Picasso, but that's no reason to look at it and discuss its artistic value."

"I meant watch the Sue get her punishment?"

"I think it's time for us to go and give this Sue her punishment."

"Finally."

"Before that we kill those OCs that kidnapped Murdock, but first we get the boy." Tasmin opened up the portal and stepped through.

"Poor kid. After all this he is going to die." Allison followed Tasmin the sack with minis slung over her shoulder.

-oOo-

_To be continued._

_A/N: At one point Tasmin and Allison encountered a number of stone columns. Tasmin suggested this was a portal problem. It was: in one of my browsers the text for chapters 2-4 was entirely in capitals. In other browsers I did not experience this problem.  
Whenever an author misspells a character's name a mini-decker is created. A mini-decker is a little man, about 18 inches tall dressed in military fatigues, and has the looks of the character he is named after._


	11. Deception part two

_A/N: The Protectors of the Plot Continuum were created by Jay and Acacia._

_Please make sure you have read chapter ten as this chapter will make more sense if you have._

-oOo-

Allison bumped into Tasmin who had stopped dead just after going through the portal.

"Die?" she repeated. "You think I'm gonna kill a kid? Don't you know anything about me?"

"As a matter of fact, I don't. I know you read SF novelizations, but I don't even know whether you like them."

"Now is not the time to discuss that. We have to get the boy."

"I'm not going to help you kill that boy. Even if under the circumstances it could be considered a form of putting him out of his misery."

"I'm not gonna kill him. Actually, I liked your idea of recruiting him for the PPC."

"Really?" Allison looked surprised. "I'll help with that."

"I think we can best hijack the bus he is going to take." Tasmin nodded at the words.

"How do we do that?" Allison asked. "We could use the same trick Murdock and Amy used in ..." She did not finish her sentence. The agents looked at each other and shivered.

"I don't think so. Let's take the option that's behind door number two." Tasmin pulled a gun from her duffel bag.

"You got a new gun?"

"How sweet of you to notice." Tasmin smiled lovingly at the gun. "This is a Colt M1911. .45 Caliber, single action." Tasmin demonstrated the gun. "Put a hole in a Sue with this, she's going down, and she ain't getting up. It was a gift from a friend."

Allison blinked. "Right. It can stop a Sue. But can it stop a bus?"

"We'll just see." Tasmin walked into the middle of the road. She stopped, turned in the direction the bus was coming from, put her feet 15 inches apart and pointed the Colt.

The bus stopped a few yards in front of her. The driver opened the door.

"Hi," Allison said. "We'd like a ride."

"Where to?"

"Where ever you're going."

"Hop on board."

Allison got on board dragging the sack of mini-deckers behind her. Tasmin climbed in after her and apologized to the driver. He gave a friendly nod in return and pulled up. The two agents were thrown into two nearby seats. There were no other passengers.

The bus turned into the street where the Team lived and stopped in front of their house. A boy and his luggage got on board and the bus pulled up. The boy was thrown into the seat in front of Allison.

"You're Trent, right?" Tasmin asked. The boy looked at her suspiciously. "I'm Tasmin and this is Allison."

"I ain't supposed to talk to no strangers."

"Says who?"

"Dad and BA."

"Hmm, are these the same people that let you travel on your own? A responsible adult would have gone with you."

"They ain't very responsible people."

The mini-deckers stirred in their sack.

"Oi, quiet in there," Allison told them.

"What's in the sack?"

"Mini-deckers."

"What are they?"

"Little monsters."

"Can I see?"

"They're kind of dangerous."

Trent's eyes grew big. "Really? Can I see?" Being a typical kid the word 'dangerous' had the appeal a red flag has on a bull.

"Okay, but no sudden movements." Allison opened the sack and revealed the mini-deckers, blinking their eyes against the sudden bright light.

"Oh, they're cute." Trent put out his hand to pet them.

"Careful with that one. He's got snappy teeth," Allison warned. Trent quickly pulled his hand back.

The bus made a right turn without slowing down much; all its passengers were knocked over. The mini-deckers took the opportunity to escape. Allison scrambled up and lunged herself at Hanibal who was standing in the middle of the isle taunting her. Cannibal ran to the end of the bus and crawled underneath a seat.

"I'll get him." Trent made a running jump over Allison and ran to the end of the bus. A moment later he pulled the mini-decker from underneath the seat holding him by his ankle. Trent returned to the front of the bus and sat down with the mini on his lap. Cannibal grabbed Trent's hand, and put it in its mouth to suck his thumb.

"He seems to like you," Tasmin said. She gave a chocolate cigar to Hanibal.

"I like him too," Trent said, stroking the mini's head. "Ouch. Hey, no biting."

The mini mumbled something in reply that could be interpreted as 'sorry'.

"Would you like to take care of him?"

"Can I keep him? Alex would so get a kick out of this."

"We'd prefer it if Alex kept her kicks inside," Allison said.

"You know Alex?" Allison nodded. "I hate her. It's like, they're always on her side, and always against me."

Tasmin and Allison smiled encouragingly at him.

"Ain't you supposed to say: 'Aaw, I'm sure it ain't that bad'?"

"No," Tasmin said. "We know it's that bad." She offered him a chocolate chip cookie.

The mini got tired of Trent's thumb and spat it out. He grabbed for Tasmin's hand, but she quickly put a cookie in its mouth.

"Would you like to come and live with us, take care off the minis?"

Trent looked at her, hope gleaming in his eyes. "Can I? No, I can't. I'm supposed to go to boarding school."

"Who's to know if you're not going?" Allison asked.

Trent thought about it, leaning his chin on the mini's head. "Just me, I guess. The others wouldn't care about what happened to me."

"That's settled," Tasmin said. "Driver, stop the bus."

The bus stopped abruptly. Hanibal almost got away again, but Trent stopped him by grabbing him in his collar. With a mini on each arm Trent followed Tasmin off the bus. Allison closed the ranks with Trent's luggage; she had slung the sack over her shoulder.

-oOo-

"You have recruited a boy," the Marquis de Sod repeated for the fourth time.

Tasmin, Allison, Trent and the two minis were standing in the director of personnel's office.

"Yes, he is a boy, but if we nourish him properly he may grow into a wooden puppet."

The Marquis did not seem to appreciate Tasmin's sarcasm. "And you have recruited this **boy** as a Sue hunter? Isn't he a little young?"

"We also caught a few minis and we've recruited Trent to take care of them," Allison explained.

"Minis are usually kept by agents as their pets."

"Not these kinds of minis."

The director of personnel, a daisy in a pinstriped suit, seemed to eye the mini-deckers. The two minis huddled together and discussed something.

"Right. I see. Here, sign this." The Marquis flicked a sheet of paper off his desk.

Tasmin caught it. "This is a blank sheet of paper."

"Yes. You bring me an unusual recruit. I will have to make up all the legal mumbo-jumbo later."

Trent wrote his name at the bottom of the paper, and everyone who wasn't a director of personnel was asked to leave. Tasmin and Allison didn't need to be asked twice.

-oOo-

Trent was left at Personnel where he would be assigned some quarters for himself and the minis. Tasmin and Allison tried to find their way back to their office. Which took quite a long time as Tasmin actually wanted to get back there, and PPC headquarters is structured so that it rarely takes you where you want to go. She finally gave up, closed her eyes and asked Allison to lead the way. Then their office was two doors down on the right.

"Right," Tasmin rubbed her hands together. "Trent's taken care of. Let's get back into that fic and fix that Sue."

"I refuse."

"What?"

"Going back into that fic, I refuse. I'm sure it's a violation of my human rights having to go into that fic. Cruel and unjust treatment."

"And how do you think this is for other readers, or for the Team even?"

"Can't we just put up a warning in the summary: 'read at your own risk'?"

"What about the Team?"

"They don't seem to be suffering too much."

Tasmin blinked in disbelieve. "This toxic mist must have impaired my hearing too. What did you say?"

"It's not like Hannibal is suffering tension headaches from OOCness."

"He's not complaining about them; doesn't mean he's not having them. But you must be aware that Face is suffering incredible lack of back bone. I'm surprised he can still stand up straight. Don't you think Face has a right to a spine?"

Grumpily Allison agreed.

"Watch out!" a young voice yelled. "Please, catch him."

A mini-decker came running down the corridor, followed by Trent. The mini saw Allison when she stepped out of the office to check what the raucous was about. It stopped and smirked, challenging her to make a move. Allison threw herself at the mini. It simply stepped out of the way. Before Allison could get up from her dive the mini got on her back and started jumping and cheering.

Trent picked him up. "Sorry about that. I thought I had locked him in the play pen properly, but he escaped when I wasn't looking."

"Mini-deckers tend to do that," Tasmin said forgivingly. "Don't worry about it."

"Easy for you to say. He wasn't jumping on you." Allison scrambled up.

Tasmin ignored her and led Trent into their office. "How are you settling in here? I see you've gotten your uniform."

Trent was wearing a black shirt, black pants and black sneakers. "It's great. And everybody is so nice. Even that woman that was bitten by Cannibal."

"Probably someone from Slash. They're into kinky."

"Kinky?"

"Allison!" Tasmin said reproachfully. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

"Ready? Are you leaving?"

"We have got to get back into that fic," Tasmin explained. "We still have to take care of Alex."

Trent was horror struck. "You're not bringing her here are you? She'll ruin everything. She always does."

Tasmin put a reassuring arm on his shoulder. The mini snapped its teeth at her. "Could you give the mini to Allison for a moment."

"Great."

The mini transfered arms. Allison pushed his head back to keep him from biting her.

"Hey, how do you keep this thing from biting?"

Trent pulled a cigar shaped pacifier from his pocket.

"Of course."

Tasmin pulled Trent to sit next to her on the sofa. "We know how bad Alex is. We won't bring her back here. Not alive, anyway."

"You're going to kill her?"

"Alex is a very bad person. She is messing with the lives of people we love. She's doing horrible things to them. We have to stop her. And the only way to do that is by killing her."

"Can I watch?"

Allison chuckled. They had brought in an excellent recruit: young, enthusiastic, eager to kill.

"Better not. Perhaps when you're a couple of years older."

"I was old enough to get the crap kicked out of me by Alex."

"I know." Tasmin stroked his hair. "But you're living with responsible adults now. And we think it's better that you're at least thirteen before you see your first Sue get killed."

"Okay. What's a Sue?"

"Alex is a Sue. There are many more like her. We put a stop to them."

"You do a good job."

"Yes, we do." Tasmin kissed him on top of his head. "Now, grab your mini so we can go to work."

"Okay." Trent jumped up, grabbed the mini and left.

"Did you notice how his English has improved after only a couple of hours with us?"

"Aaw, Tasmin, that was real sweet." Tasmin hit Allison on the nose with the back of her hand. "Ow, and that wasn't."

"If you ever tell anyone about what just happened here, I will hurt you in ways you didn't even imagine it possible to hurt a person."

Allison gave her a defiant look. She doubted that statement: she had not be asleep during the lectures on torture.

"Grab your stuff. We're leaving."

-oOo-

Next order of business was to find and kill all the other OCs that had been created. The Sue mother had already died so she was no trouble. That only left the men that kidnapped Murdock. Tasmin opened a portal in their drive way. She got her gun from her duffel bag and screwed on a silencer. The two agents walked into the living room where the four men were watching television. Tasmin coughed to make their presence known, but none of the men so much as looked up.

"What's going on here?" Allison asked.

"I don't know. Grab your Character Analysis Device and point it at them."

Allison took her CAD from her pocket and pointed it at the youngest of the men.

Royco, male, canon, out of character, 88.6

The CAD started to rattle and squeak. Allison quickly stopped pointing it. Then she carefully pointed it again to make sure she had read it right.

"These guys are canon?" She pointed the CAD at each one in turn. The CAD protested heavily. "That's the father, out of character 40.3. That's the oldest son, also forty percent out of character. And that last one gives an error message."

"That must be the Indian."

Allison gave her a questioning look.

"They're the four bounty hunters that kidnapped Murdock to get the Team. We've wasted our time here."

"The Sue rewrote _Bounty_?"

"Apparently. And we could have known that a lot sooner if you hadn't fallen down that plot hole." Tasmin put away the gun and walked out of house.

Allison followed her. "Well, if you hadn't jumped down after me, you would have known this."

"Yeah, maybe I should have just left you there in Borneo." Tasmin opened a portal.

Allison stuffed the CAD back in her pocket and looked up to step through the portal. It closed right in front of her.

Allison blinked. "I probably shouldn't have said that." Now what? Was she left here? Inside this fic? She looked around. She shivered when she thought of all the horrible things that could mean. Then she remembered how she got Hannibal to make some pancakes earlier. Maybe there was a way out. She ran around the garage and smiled to the sight of a small helicopter with a familiar pilot, just about to take off. She ran toward it and knocked on the frame. No response. She touched the pilot on his arm. She saw his lips move.

"A ride," she yelled, trying to get over the engine noise. "Can I get a ride?" She pointed up.

"What?" the pilot yelled at her.

He took off his head set and she yelled in his ear. "Can I get a ride?"

"Where to?" he yelled back.

"Langley. You're going there, right? I need to hook up with a friend of mine who's there. Can you give me a ride?"

The pilot looked her up and down. "How'd you know I'm going to Langley?"

"Never mind. Can you give me a ride?"

"Sure, kiddo. Hop on."

"Thanks." Allison put up her thumb, ran to the other side of the helicopter and climbed on board. She strapped herself in. The pilot gave her a headset so they could talk. "Isn't there a door?" Allison tried to imagine a door, but it didn't work. Maybe she should have paid more attention to what helicopters actually looked like, than she wouldn't be imagining a helicopter she caught a glimpse of once in a _MASH_ episode, Allison decided.

"No," the pilot replied. He took the helicopter off the ground. "You're not afraid of flying, are you?"

"No. Just of falling out and dropping on my head."

"C'mon, I'll sing you a song that will help you relax."

"Okay," Allison gave the pilot an anxious look. Maybe flying Miracle Airlines wasn't such a good idea after all.

«One day I'll fly away, leave your love to yesterday.»

"Could you not sing that song."

"Why? You just broken up with your lover?"

"I don't like to be reminded of flying right now."

"You are afraid of flying." It was a statement, not a question.

"I'm not afraid of flying."

«There was no more fear of flying, once the final words ...»

"Don't you know any songs about hiking?" Allison interrupted. "Or anything else ground based?"

_«The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round» _The pilot moved his head to the tune of the song.

"Stop singing songs that make me think of imminent death."

"The wheels of the bus makes you think of death?" the pilot asked. He sounded a little horror struck.

"Have you ever been in front of the wheels of an on storming bus?"

"Good point." He considered the comment.

"How about we sing that song that starts with: I've been driving all night, my hand's wet on the wheel" Allison suggested.

"That man dies at the end of the song."

"What?"

"Car crash. One more radar lover's gone."

"I guess between the two of us we don't know any songs that aren't death related."

"We could sing 'frère Jacques' there's no death in that."

«Are you sleeping, are you sleeping»

«Brother John, Brother John»

"That could work." Allison joined in, and for the remainder of the flight they sang rounds of frère Jacques.

-oOo-

"And we're in Langley." The helicopter touched down and Murdock turned off the engine.

"Thanks for the ride." Allison got out off the helicopter as quick as she could, before Murdock could ask her any further questions. She hoped Tasmin hadn't seen her. Tasmin would object against agents talking to canon. Then, Allison objected against being left behind in a fic.

She hid behind the stables and saw Murdock going into the house. Now to find Tasmin. Or to find the Sue, that would probably attract Tasmin. Allison looked up at the words none of them were lid up. She frowned at that. This didn't seem like the kind of story where nothing happened. It was getting darker and between the twilight and the purple mist -- purple apparently wasn't geographically limited to South East Asia -- she had a hard time making out where she was in relation to the text. But it getting darker was probably a good thing. The Sue would go to bed, and with the canons out of character their watchdog capabilities might be shut off and she would be able to sneak into the house, get the Sue and charge her. And then? This world would fold in on itself after the Sue was gone. Where would that leave her? She had no portal. She didn't know where Tasmin was.

Should she have stayed at the house of the bounty hunters till Tasmin came back to get her? What if Tasmin would have never come back for her? Then she would have been better off looking for Tasmin here. Allison nodded to herself. That was what she was going to do first: look for Tasmin. Allison got up and moved toward the house. She probably had a better chance of finding Tasmin nearer to the Sue. Tasmin would be trying to find a way to get close to her too.

-oOo-

"What's the matter, Murdock?" Hannibal asked.

"I think I saw something moving outside, Colonel. I'm gonna check it out." Before anyone could argue he had left the room.

The house stood far from the road and was obscured from it by trees and shrubs. There was a large open space from the shrubs with just a few trees, and that's where he saw someone creeping around from tree to tree. With his stealth he followed the person. Murdock checked himself. He had been in such a hurry to find out what the disturbance was about he had forgotten to take a gun. Well, he would just have to do it the old fashioned way. He ran for the person, knocked him over and turned him on his stomach and twisted one arm behind his back.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?"

"Murdock?" a female voice asked.

"That's my name. Who are you?"

"Allison," she replied. In the pale light of the half moon he recognized her; the girl he had given a lift earlier, with some added dirt on her face.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ow. I can't say. And you twisting my arm will only make me cry."

Murdock didn't relax his grip. He quickly padded her down for weapons and identification. He found a curious device that could be a detonator for a bomb; a little notepad and pen; and a small leather folder. He opened the folder. It contained a shiny badge with a cactus emblem and an ID-card.

"Protectors of the Plot Continuum. Agent Allison. Is that you?"

"Ya."

"Cute photo. Do you work for the government?"

"No."

"Why are you following us?"

"I'm not following you."

He twisted her arm a little harder. Sure, she wasn't following them? Then why did he keep seeing her everywhere he went? "What kind of organization is Protectors of the Plot Continuum?"

"I'm not at liberty to say."

"What does a Protector Agent do? Besides pretending not to follow people she is following around."

"I'm not at liberty to say."

He could tell form the choke in her voice that she was trying not to wince with pain. He relaxed her arm a little. He considered letting go of her. She hadn't struggled to get away; nor had she demanded or even asked him to let go of her. Either she was a professional soldier that waited her time, or she trusted him, or she wanted him to think that so he would let go of her. She didn't use any force when she asked for the helicopter ride. He quickly got up and put a hand in his jacket pocket.

"Careful, I'm armed."

"Okay." She sat up, but didn't look up to see whether he was actually pointing a gun at her. Instead she nursed her arm. "I really can't tell you what PPC is about. You already know too much."

"I'm the man who knows too much? BA would not agree."

"He thinks you're the man who knows too little."

"Exactly." They shared a chuckle. "You can tell me, though, I have intermittent memory loss."

She cocked her head and looked at him. He pointed his fingers in his pocket at her.

"On the other hand, I also suffer from intermittent memory gain."

"What's that?"

"Sometimes I remember things I don't remember remembering before."

"Such as the memories you lost earlier?" she asked.

"No, no. These are new memories. Strange memories. Memories of things I know couldn't have happened. Does that make any sense to you?"

She shook her head.

"You have a strange effect on me," he said. Murdock relaxed his guard. He took his hand out of his pocket and flopped down opposite of her.

"One day," he continues. "One day I suddenly remember spending time with my niece. We even went out on a mission to save her fiancé. And another time there was this mission with a girl kidnapped from her school. She ended up living with us. I know these things didn't happen: I don't have a niece; there isn't a girl living with us. But I remember them as if they did."

Allison was staring at him with her mouth hanging open.

"Y'know what I'm talking about?"

It was a rhetorical question, but she answered it.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"You do? Can you explain it to me?" He jumped up. "Cause all these impossible memories are making me crazy in the head. And I've got enough to worry about without getting crazy in the head." He tapped on his head and gave her an expectant look. She returned with an apologetic smile. "Don't tell me you can't say."

"I'm not at liberty to say."

He lunged at her, knocked her over and landed on top of her. She didn't even try to defend herself. When he padded her down he had noticed how muscular she was. If she put some effort into it she could have him pinned to the ground in a second. Maybe two, she was nearly a foot shorter.

"It has to do with my work for the PPC. They never told me you could remember. I don't think you should remember."

"What are you people doing to me?" He tightened his grip on her arms, pushed her down harder.

"Nothing. We're protecting you."

"Protecting? I didn't notice any protecting!"

"You're not supposed to notice."

"I notice you now. You must not be very good at your job."

"So Tasmin never gives up reminding me."

"Tasmin?"

"My partner PPC agent."

-oOo-

"What's that crazy fool doin'?" BA said looking out the window. "He looks like he's attackin' someone, but there ain't nobody there."

"Relax, BA," Face replied. "Murdock is probably out there disarming our invisible stalker. Be glad. You wouldn't have been able to see him."

"Damn right, sucka." BA walked away from the window. "Ain't nobody there but that crazy fool."

-oOo-

Murdock sat up straight. He was still straddling Allison so that she couldn't get away. She pushed herself up on her elbows.

"Do any of the others have memories like that? Do Hannibal, Face and BA remember that girl that was your niece?"

"How do you know Hannibal and Face?"

"I've been following you around, remember."

Yeah, he remembered, her and that other girl. "Where's your partner."

"Er." The question surprised her. "I haven't seen her since before I met you."

Murdock couldn't make much of the situation. He was nuts, but this was nuttier. He folded his arms and looked down at her.

"Why don't you tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth."

"You want me to swear on the bible too?"

"Nah, wouldn't want you to burn your hand." He snorted lightly. "Start talking."

"Okay." Allison lay back on her back. "That thing with your niece and the girl that moved in with you that has happened."

"You mean to say I really have a niece?"

"No, you don't have a niece."

"She died? And I hardly got to know her."

"You never had a niece."

"But you just said ... You're confusing me."

"I'm a PPC agent, a Protector of the Plot Continuum. We protect canon characters against unsavory elements such as original characters that upstage the regulars and bad slash."

"Slash?"

"Homosexual pairing."

"Like when me and Face ..."

"I'm sorry you have those memories."

"Me too." He shivered. "I always figured myself more as BA's bitch."

"I'm sure he doesn't share your sentiments."

"So what are you doing here?"

"I've been assigned to protect the plot of the A-Team."

"And what do you do when you protect?"

"We go into the story, find the Sue, charge her and dispose of her."

"The Sue?"

"Technical term for a female character that is out of control. Like with your niece. She was a Sue. First because she was your niece and second because she totally took over your part."

"But I also remember her as the girl with the kidnapped fiancé."

"If anything, you should remember her like that. We took out the Sue and toned her down."

"And what are you doing here now?"

"That girl." Allison tried to turn on her side, but Murdock was in the way. She waved her hand in the general direction of the house. "That girl is a Sue. She has you all under her spell and needs to be taken out of the story before she does any irreparable damage."

"That girl? You mean Alex? My daughter?"

"Don't you think it's strange that you have a daughter all of a sudden?"

"That's because her mother never told me about her. Face only told me a few weeks ago."

"Ah, had much of a sex life then in the VA?"

"That's between me and dr. Richter."

Allison gave her dirty mind a slap for thinking that could be anything other than a therapeutic talking session.

"Just answer me this: did you have sexual intercourse at all in 1977?"

"No," Murdock replied a little wary.

"How about in 1979?"

"Why are you asking me this? Do you want a full listing of when I had sex in the past fifteen years?"

"Not really something I want to know. It's just... If she's supposed to be your daughter, wouldn't that mean that you have slept with her mother?"

Murdock nodded. "Then why ask me whether I had sex in 1977 and in '79?"

"We don't know in which year the Sue, Alex, was born."

"She's six. How hard can it be to count back six years and nine months?"

"What year is it now?"

"1987."

"What year was it last week?"

"1983. Oh."

"See my point?"

"How is that possible?"

"Strange things always happen when there is a Sue around."

"But how could we not notice this? I mean, I'm not surprised I didn't notice, being crazy and all. But BA, he would not have stood for this kind of madness, and Hannibal ..."

"That's the spell she put you under. It has effected all of you. You, BA, Hannibal, Face."

"She sure has BA and Hannibal wrapped around her finger; like they was one of her pretty little curls." Murdock looked at the house.

"And you," Allison added.

"No, not me. I'm totally unwrapped. Like a sweety before you pop it in to your mouth." She looked at him. He looked at her. "Honest. Cherry flavored."

"Could you give me my Character Analysis Device?"

"Your what?"

"Character Analysis Device. It's that little box you took from me."

The little box. He had thrown it aside. He scanned the area. It was just within reach. He grabbed it without getting up.

"What does it do?"

"You point and read out."

He studied the box suspiciously. "I can point this thing at you?"

"Sure." Allison sort of shrugged.

Murdock pointed the box at her. Some letters lit up on the display. "Allison, female, PPC-agent, non-canon," he read out.

"That sounds about right."

Murdock pointed the box at himself. "Captain H.M. Murdock, male, canon, Howlin' Mad, Out of Character 30.82. What does that mean?"

"What?" Allison flew up, for as much as that was possible with Murdock still sitting on top of her. "What did you say?"

"What does that mean?"

"Before that."

"Out of Character 30.82"

"That. Can I see?" He gave her the device. She pointed it at him, looked at it, shook it and pointed it again. "That's unusual."

"I'm an unusual guy."

"That's true. But this ..." She shook her head. "Your character is improving."

"Say what?"

"Look, out of character 30.82 means that you are almost your usual self, but not quite. In Borneo you were so out of character you had smoke coming out of your ears."

"That's unusual, even for me." Murdock thought about this.

"Is it okay if I get up now?"

"Oh, yeah, sure."

Murdock scrambled up. He extended a hand to help Allison up. She put the CAD in her pocket and padded the dirt off her. She looked around for her badge and notepad, picked them up and pocketed them too.

"What are you gonna do now?" Murdock stuck his hands in the pockets of his slacks.

"Catch the Sue, charge her and take her out of this fic."

"Can I help?"

"You?" Allison looked at him in surprise.

"I don't want those memories anymore. If there's anything I can do to make them stop ... I want to help. Can't you deputize me or something?"

"Deputize you?"

Murdock nodded. Allison frowned her brow.

"I could be useful. If it got wings I can fly it."

"I don't really need a pilot right now."

"I have multiple personalities. Alex, the Sue, would never suspect it was me."

"You really want to do this?" She smiled at him. He nodded his head vigorously. I am going to get is so much trouble for this, she thought. "Okay." She put a hand on his shoulder. "Murdock, I hereby declare you a deputy PPC agent."

"Oh, goody." Murdock jumped around and rubbed his hands.

"Ahem."

Murdock quickly stood to attention and saluted Allison. "Agent Allison, deputy agent Murdock reporting for duty."

"At ease. We don't do that saluting stuff in PPC."

"What will be my first assignment?"

"Find my pen. You threw it away. Without it we can't write up the Sue and charge her."

"Right away." Murdock saluted and dropped down on all fours to give the grass a blade by blade inspection.

Allison also looked for the pen, but with her eyes at a greater distance. Thus preoccupied she was knocked down, again.

"Why do I keep getting knocked down?"

"Probably because you deserve it," Tasmin replied. She pressed Allison down and held the Colt to her head. "Hello, Allison, or should I say, Mary Sue?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Cork it, Blondie. I've always suspected you of being a Sue-lover." Tasmin caressed Allison's cheek with her .45. "But now it turns out you're an actual Sue and I get to put a nice big hole in you."

"What are the charges?" Allison tried to stay calm. Though this wasn't the first time she was staring down the barrel of Tasmin's gun, it was the first time Tasmin had so much satisfaction in her eyes. Allison had seen that look before. Right before Tasmin killed a Sue.

"The charge is that you are a Sue."

"That's circular."

"The charge is that you talked to canon without being provoked."

"When?"

"When you asked Murdock about that helicopter ride."

"You know about that? Besides I was provoked: you closed the portal right in front of me. You left me."

"The portal ran out of batteries."

"Out of batteries? You mean to say we're stuck here?"

"No, no, I've already recharged them. I came back for you and then I saw you talk to Murdock. I couldn't call you back without exposing myself as well."

"You're charging me with looking out for myself? How was I to know you would come back?"

"We never leave one of our own behind."

"So all those times you said 'I ought to leave you in this fic' that was just a hollow threat?"

"Yeah, and if you had paid attention in Training you would have known that."

"Aargh." Allison rolled her eyes. She tried to struggle away from Tasmin, but she was prepared for that, outweighed Allison and had her knee in a rather uncomfortable position. "Could you at least move your knee while you continue charging."

"That was it." Tasmin moved her knee.

"That was it? That was one charge: talking to Murdock when you had left me in the lurch. One charge does not make a Sue."

"Talking to Murdock and explaining about PPC to him. Making Murdock beg you to make him a deputy. That's Sue behavior. You've got him wrapped around your finger like a pretty little curl."

"I have short straight hair."

"He said your photo was cute."

"I'm photogenic."

"You have an answer for everything, don't you?"

"Have you ever met a Sue that didn't?"

"Ha, you admit to being a Sue." Tasmin straightened up and loaded a bullet in the chamber. "You are sentenced to death. Any last words."

"I am not a Sue. I have a personallity."

"At least they're original last words."

Tasmin pointed her Colt. Allison closed her eyes. She didn't want her last image to be of Tasmin splattered with her brain.

"No!" Murdock lunged himself at Tasmin and pulled her away from Allison. They rolled over the ground fighting for the gun.

-oOo-

"What's that crazy fool up to now?"

"Hmm. He's probably just playing with his dog, Billy," Face replied. "Just a little rascalling and rolling on the lawn."

"That looks more serious than a little rascalling," Hannibal said. "I'm going to check it out."

"Nothin' there but that fool," BA told him when he left the room.

"Murdock? Are you all right?" Hannibal asked as soon as he came outside.

"Hannibal? A little help here. I'm under attack."

"He can't see Tasmin."

"I'm under attack by a woman."

"What woman?" Hannibal asked, but when he blinked again, there she was: a young woman struggling with Murdock for a gun. Hannibal ran over and put his gun to her head. "Let go of the gun, sister."

Tasmin halted her struggle with Murdock. She knew the A-Team didn't shoot to kill, but she considered now was not the time to find out if they never would. Particularly not with any of them under the influence of the Sue formerly known as Allison. Murdock attacking her was just one more bit of proof. She let go of the gun.

"Get up." Hannibal grabbed her by her arm and dragged her up.

"Thanks, Hannibal." Murdock got up.

"You're welcome."

"I've found your pen."

"Thanks."

To Hannibal's surprise another woman appeared who took the pen and put it in her pocket. Hannibal quickly pointed his gun at her.

"No, no, Hannibal. This is agent Allison. She's one of the good guys."

"Sue," hissed Tasmin. "You're about to find out if strangling is possible." She tried to pull away from Hannibal.

Allison took a step back in precaution. Hannibal held back Tasmin.

"Good guys? This one doesn't seem to agree."

"She's my partner."

"**Was**."

"I take it the break up wasn't amicable," Hannibal said. Allison gave a wry smile. "Agent Allison, ha? What's your organization?"

"She's a Protector of the Plot Continuum," Murdock replied.

"Sue!" Tasmin yelled, pulled herself away from Hannibal and jumped Allison.

Allison tried to defend herself against Tasmin pounding away at her. Murdock and Hannibal separated the two agents. Allison used Murdock as leverage to kick Tasmin with both legs. Hannibal pulled Tasmin out of the way.

"I love a good cat-fight, but I think now is not the time for one."

Tasmin and Allison stood, both waiting for a weak moment in their captors' guard to attack the other.

"Let's take them inside and see if we can make any sense of them there. C'mon, sister."

"I can walk for myself." Tasmin tried to shrug off Hannibal.

"I'm sure you can, but now you are gonna walk for me."

-oOo-

_To be continued._


	12. Deception finale

_A/N: Part three. Forgive me for the length, but the original was nearly 50,000 words. Just be glad that this isn't going to be anywhere near that long._

-oOo-

Both agents were dragged to the basement of the house and a moment later sat side by side bound hand and foot. Tasmin gave Allison a this-is-all-your-fault glare.

"Now, if you two lovely ladies care to explain what you are doing here?" Hannibal took a cigar from his inside pocket, bit of the end and put it in his mouth. The agents looked at each other. Tasmin's eyes shot fire, so Allison thought it best to keep her mouth shut. "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

"They're Protectors of the Plot Continuum," Murdock said. "At least Allison is. She's got a badge and all." Murdock helped himself to the badge in Allison's pocket and gave it to Hannibal.

"Cute photo." Hannibal closed the leather folder and threw it on the work bench.

Allison tried to move away from Tasmin. She was sure at this moment her looks could kill.

"But what are you doing here?"

Still no reply from the agents. Murdock jumped in again. "They protect canon characters, that's the two of us, and Face and BA, isn't that right?" Allison nodded. "From Mary Sues, that's Alex."

"Alex is a what?"

"A Mary Sue. A character that messes with the lives of the canon characters. I'll show you." Murdock helped himself to another of Allison's pockets and took out the Character Analysis Device. He pointed it at himself.

"You told him how to use the CAD?" Tasmin rocked to the side and knocked herself hard into Allison's shoulder.

"You see: H.M. Murdock, male, canon, out of character 25.6 Hey, Allison, my character is improving."

Tasmin had rocked herself to the left again to inflict another shoulder blow on Allison, but stopped and returned to neutral position when she heard that. "Their characters are improving?" she asked Allison in a quiet voice.

"It seems so."

"Maybe the CAD is just broken."

Murdock pointed the CAD at Hannibal. He gave it a suspicious look. "John 'Hannibal' Smith, male, canon, out of character, 35.09"

"Very, very odd." Tasmin shook her head. "There's a Sue in the room and their characters are improving."

"You said yourself once that not every original character is a Mary Sue," Allison reminded her.

"Yeah, but you're not one of those. You are a Sue."

"What about you? You and that Deus ex Machina bag of yours?"

"Deus ex Machina bag?"

"Yeah, every time you go into the bag you pull out something useful."

"That's just smart packing. I prepare myself for a mission. I know what I will need on the way, and I take that with me."

"You're just the complete opposite of MacGyver, aren't you?"

"Hey, hey." Hannibal cut them off. "Now is either one of you going to explain to me what this is all about? What is a Mary Sue?"

Allison looked at Tasmin before she answered: "Like Murdock said, a Mary Sue, or a Sue for short, is a character that messes with the lives and personalities of canon characters."

"And you both are Sues?"

"No, we're Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We're here to protect you from Sues. Alex is a Sue."

"Alex a Sue? She's a little girl. She doesn't mess with my character."

"Oh yeah. So it's **in** your character to slap a ten-year-old boy in the face?" Tasmin asked defiantly.

"He had it coming," Hannibal replied. He gave Murdock an uncertain look. "Didn't he?" Murdock shrugged in reply.

"He had nothing coming," Tasmin yelled. "He's a ten-year-old boy. They sometimes hate their little sisters. Specially when those little sisters are Sues. And if you, all of you, had been a little more considerate, that boy would have been a lot better behaved, and you wouldn't have even felt the need to slap him."

"The Sue did that to you," Allison added. "She changes your personality and you don't even notice."

"Well, you'll be happy to know I have taken disciplinary measures against her for being insubordinate. That sounds like me, right?" Hannibal asked the agents. They tried to smile encouraging at him. It broke their hearts to see a canon character struggling to find his personality again. "I make her run the obstacle course a lot, and give her extra laps if she's slow. I do the same with the rest of the Team."

"The rest of the Team aren't six years old," Tasmin softly said.

"Yeah," Hannibal smirked. "Face would try to hitch a ride if I made him run an extra five miles. Alex just tries harder. Did you know that today she ran ten miles in a record five minutes?"

"What?" Allison exclaimed. "My car doesn't even run that fast."

"The fasted woman ran **a mile** in just under 4 minutes and 16 seconds," Tasmin cited. "That's the world record set in 1984. The fastest woman on ten miles would take more than 50 minutes."

"This is another example of Sueness."

Hannibal and Murdock both raised their eye-brows.

"How often have you thought about the Sue, Alex, no other little kid can do this?" Allison asked.

"All the time," Murdoc said, nodding his head for emphasis.

"She's a special kid," Hannibal added.

"She's special all right," Tasmin said sarcastically. "She has to be taken out of this story."

"And then what?" Hannibal asked.

"Then your lives will all turn back to normal and you won't remember a single thing about all this."

"Er, Murdock might remember a few things." Allison smiled awkwardly at Tasmin.

"What?" Tasmin turned her attention to her partner.

"He told me; he remembers things about the other Sues we've dealt with."

"I don't know how that is possible. Any chance you're willing to believe they were just bad dreams?" Tasmin looked at Murdock.

Murdock shrugged slightly. "I just thought I was nuts."

"I have a plan," Hannibal said. The others all turned their eyes to him. "To get to Alex you need to get past Face and BA, and that won't be easy. You will need our help, and I've got a plan."

"Hmm. Could we skip that plan and move straight on to your back-up plan?" Tasmin asked.

"What?"

"Your first plans have a tendency to back fire. It's your follow-up plans that work. So let's just skip straight to that plan," Tasmin explained herself.

"They do know us very well," Murdock said. "She's right, Colonel, your first plans are always ..." Hannibal gave him a look. Murdock might have been crazy and somewhat out of character, he still knew when to stop talking.

"Do you have any plans?" Hannibal tried to ask sweetly. He pointed his cigar at Tasmin.

"You could start by untying us, and I'd like my Colt back."

"I don't think the latter is a very good idea. You seem a bit of a hot head. But we can do the former. Murdock."

Murdock untied the ropes that bound the two agents. Allison quickly got up and went over the other side of the basement, as far from Tasmin as possible. Tasmin remained seated on the ground rubbing her wrists.

"Okay, now tell me about this plan."

-oOo-

"What's that noise?" BA asked. He got up and walked over to the window.

"BA." Face put down his magazine. "You are getting paranoid."

"No, I'm not. That's ma van."

BA rushed out of the room, out of the house and into the drive way, where he caught up with his van. It was half way down the drive with the engine running. BA yanked the door open and found Hannibal behind the wheel.

"What are you doing with ma van?"

"I wanted to go for a little drive. I guess I should have asked." Hannibal moved into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, you should." BA climbed into the van.

"Now!" Hannibal clasped handcuffs on BA's right wrist and the steering wheel. At the same time Tasmin did the same for BA's left wrist.

"What is this?" BA yanked on the cuffs.

"I'm sorry, BA, but it's for your own safety." Hannibal took the keys from the ignition and put them on the passenger seat as he got out the van.

Tasmin walked around the van and joined up with Hannibal. "You don't think he will break out those handcuffs? It is BA."

"Not unless he damages the van. He won't do that." Hannibal put his hand on Tasmin's shoulder. "Let's go in and see how Murdock and Allison have coped with Face.

-oOo-

As soon as BA had rushed out of the house Murdock walked into the living room holding a piece of rope.

"Faceman, could you help me out here?"

"What is it, Murdock?" Face put down his magazine again.

"I wanted to practice tying knots."

"Was that what you were doing out on the lawn? I thought you were playing with Billy."

"Uh, yes. But Billy just didn't want to sit still. So could you ...?" Murdock put forward his hands wrists pushed together.

"All right," Face said with a sigh. "But not too tight. I have my circulation to think of."

He put out his hands and let Murdock tie them together. Then Murdock swung the rope around Face's feet and within seconds Face was tied up the way the two protectors had been only fifteen minutes earlier.

"Well, your knots look very good to me, Murdock. You can untie me now."

"Better not, Faceman. You're not quite yourself today."

"What are you talking about? Untie me, Murdock. Untie me now." Face tried to get on his feet and hop over to Murdock.

Allison walked into the room with a role of duct tape and gave it to Murdock. Murdock tore off a strip and stuck in over Face's mouth.

"Colonel is gonna have a word with you once this whole thing is over." Face glared at him. "I can't believe you just fell for that."

"I guess he's a real blond after all." Murdock gave Allison a questioning look. She shrugged. "People say it to me all the time."

"I'll go get Alex." Murdock left the room.

Hannibal and Tasmin came in. Tasmin was carrying her duffel bag in one hand and her Colt in the other. Hannibal stood in front of Face and tsked.

"Face, Face, Face. You let the enemy overpower you this easily. You know what this means?"

Face moaned and groaned.

"Exactly, the obstacle course. You're my first customer tomorrow morning."

Face seemed to groan an 'Aaw man'.

"You should have been more careful."

Face groaned again and shook his head.

"What did he say this time?" Hannibal looked at Tasmin.

"I think he asked if you could at least take the tape off his mouth."

"Interesting proposition. Do you think we should have put some tape over BA's mouth?"

"Would you have wanted to put some tape over BA's mouth?"

"Me? I have to live with the guy. And I like to keep on doing that. Living that is."

Murdock came back into the room carrying the Sue in his arms.

"Daddy, why is Face tied up? Who are these people?"

"They just want to talk to you."

"We're agents Allison and Tasmin of Protectors of the Plot Continuum," Allison introduced them. "And we're here to charge you."

"Charge me?" The Sue clutched on to Murdock. "Daddy, are they going to hurt me?"

"Shoo, shoo, just be a good little girl," Murdock shooed.

Allison retrieved her notepad from her pocket and flipped through it for the right pages. "Alex ... do you even have a last name?"

Alex looked uncertain at Murdock. "It's Murdock."

"I very much doubt that," Allison replied. "Doesn't matter. We charge you with being a Mary Sue. We charge you with messing with the characters and personalities of Hannibal, BA, Face, Murdock and one bounty hunter named Royco, to the point that out of characterness caused smoke coming out of their ears. We charge you with turning all four Team members into child abusers. We charge you with having Sue super powers, those being: kicking the crap out of your brother at four, picking locks at three, flying a helicopter at six, not falling of a saddleless horse when it rears up, being a dead straight shot with a 9 mm, and a whole bunch of other things that are just going to give me a sore throat if I list them all."

"You lie!" the Sue screamed and tried to struggle out of Murdock's grip. "You lie and I'm gonna knock your head off."

Hannibal took the role of duct tape off the sofa and taped a strip over it over the Sue's mouth. "I've just about heard enough of you, young lady. Now you listen to this nice agent."

"Further, we charge you with redoing the episodes _Bounty_ and_ One More Time_ to give yourself a part, but in the mean time stealing Amy's part. And creating plot holes. Seriously." Allison put her pad down and looked at the Sue. "You steal a story and you put plot holes in it. You must be the worst plagiarist ever." Allison looked over the charge sheet again. "We charge you with messing up the chronological order of things. You had the Team working for Stockwell and being chased by both Decker and Lynch. Let's see, what else." Allison consulted her pad. "Bad spelling, bad grammar, couple of mini-deckers, Trent's taking care of them in case you all are wondering where he is. Bad description of pretty much everything except your own clothing. Green and purple mist. Did I miss anything, Tasmin?"

"If you're done charging already, I'm sure you have."

"Well, I could be specific about how she made each of the Team out of character, but I don't want to be here all day. What else is there? Oh, yeah, I charge you with putting Tasmin's nickers in a twist. She almost shot BA because of you." Allison put her notepad away. "You have been charged. Any last words?"

The Sue wriggled and mumbled.

"Huh, very insightful."

"What are you gonna do with her now?" Murdock asked.

"We, er, we are going to take her out of this fic. Tasmin?"

"Uh, yeah." Tasmin looked down at her gun. Usually now was the time she put a nice big hole in a Sue. With the Team standing around that was not really an option. Particularly now that they all seemed to be in character again. "I don't have time for this." With the back of the Colt she hit the Sue in the head.

The Sue went limp in Murdock's arms and he transferred her to Tasmin's arms.

"Allison, grab my bag and open up a portal."

"Right." Allison grabbed Tasmin's bag and took the remote activator from it. She opened up a portal.

"Aren't you gonna say good bye?" Murdock asked.

Allison looked up at him. "Sure. Good bye."

"How about a good bye hug?"

Allison glanced over at Tasmin who stood impatiently by the portal. "I guess I can give you a hug." Allison gave Murdock a hug.

"How about a good bye kiss." Murdock pointed at his right cheek."

"Okay."

Allison got on her toes and pursed her lips. Murdock quickly turned his head. Allison kissed him on the lips.

"Allison."

Allison slowly ended the kiss. She felt her head getting warm. "I have to go," she muttered.

Murdock grinned. "Bye Allison." He waved her good bye as she picked up the duffel bag and followed Tasmin through the portal.

-oOo-

"Now that was just horrible from the get go," Tasmin said as soon as the portal had closed behind them. "And what am I going to do with this one. I can't throw her in the incinerator yet because she's not really dead."

"Even though the incinerator would kill her?"

"Yeah, the stoker got nightmares from Sues' death screams. Since then we have to make sure that what ever we throw in is well and truly dead. But I can't shoot her here, there'll be a mess."

"Oh, please." Allison stepped forward, took a firm grip on the Sue's head and yanked it too the left. Her neck snapped as if it were a twig. "There."

"Right." Tasmin dropped the lifeless Sue on the ground like a sack of coal. She stepped over her. "Now about you."

"What about me?"

"You were a total Sue."

"I wasn't. Canons started behaving better once I was around."

Tasmin narrowed her eyes. "And you kissed Murdock."

"He tricked me."

"Doesn't matter. Give me your badge." Tasmin held out her hand.

Allison scowled. She took her badge from her pocket and slapped it in Tasmin's hand. Tasmin took a look at the picture on her ID-card.

"This really is a cute photo."

Allison rolled her eyes.

"Doesn't matter though. Go and report yourself to Upstairs for conduct unbecoming a PPC-agent." Tasmin pointed toward the door.

Allison glared at her.

"Look, loads of PPC agents are in love with canons in their fandoms, but most know to keep their distance. You went too far. You got too close to Murdock.

"I'm not in love with Murdock."

"You are too. You told him all about PPC and you kissed him. Go report Upstairs."

"Whatever." Allison turned around and stomped out of the office.

-oOo-

_A/N: At this point I usually give some pointers as to how a story could be improved, but I'm really hard put for that this time. I guess some general advice would be: try to keep the A-Team time line in check and don't make crossovers with anime series.  
The charge list Tasmin was working on at the beginning of this story has been posted on Sergeant Heretic's A-Team forum 'Yummy Cheese'. You can see there which charges Allison has missed._

_Allison was sent on disciplinary detail for conduct unbecoming a PPC-agent. That story has been posted on my website and a link to it can be found in my profile._


	13. Say 'Uncle'

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts from _Say "Uncle" _by M Cleese in italics._

-oOo-

Allison was working on her report from her mission in _Hogan's Heroes_ when an unexpected guest walked into her office. Allison blinked and reached over to poke Tasmin in the arm to check whether it really was her.

"Surprised to see me?"

"Very."

"I was just wondering how you did on disciplinary detail."

"I'm writing up the report as we speak." Allison tapped the charge sheet that was lying on the desk.

Tasmin picked it up and gave it a disgusted look. "What happened to it?"

"It rained in one chapter. It got soaked. And then it dried up."

"You need one of those plastic notepads geologists use and a grease pen." Tasmin started to read the list.

"I've missed you," Allison said, beaming a smile at Tasmin.

Tasmin looked up, a little disturbed. "Aren't you gonna ask me whether I missed you too?"

"No. I'm just going to grin at you for the next hour."

"Fine by me." Tasmin returned to reading the charge sheet. "What! You charged the Sue with knowing Hogan's Heroes from TV but not using it to her advantage? What were you trying to do? Create an even bigger Sue?

Allison jumped when Tasmin started to yell. She tried to back away from her glare.

"I was thinking." She stuttered before she regained control of her voice. Tasmin narrowed her eyes a little further. "I can think."

"Okay. Let's work with that as an hypothesis."

"What if he OC had somehow fallen into her TV and then Klink, for some reason, hires her as his cleaning lady. She recognizes the Heroes and decides to help them. Which she completely botches up of course, because they are trained professionals and she's a suburban housewife."

Tasmin continued staring Allison down. She did not relax her glare in the slightest. Allison kept quiet and waited. Tasmin put the charge sheet down.

"I guess that could work."

Allison sighed an inaudible sigh of relief. She really did not want to be put on report for botching up a punishment expedition. She quickly pulled the charge sheet out of Tasmin's direct reach.

"How are things in A-Team?" she asked.

"Same old, same old. Actually, there's a Sue I thought you might like to see."

"I doubt that."

"Uh, yeah, probably. Let me rephrase that: there's a Sue I thought you might like to kill."

"That is likely."

"Wanna come?"

"Sure, I'm about done here." Allison shut down the console and hid the charge sheet under the key board. "Let's go."

The two agents went to Tasmin's office, on the way Tasmin explained a little about what the story was about: a young actress meets Hannibal.

-oOo-

Tasmin decided to open the portal at the movie lot. Lots of people, little chance of being noticed.

"Another movie lot, another Sue that is related to Hannibal?" Allison asked.

"Very likely."

"Of all the Sues we've hunted I don't think there were two that actually were the same. I mean, considering they're cliché characters."

"Yeah, you're right. Each of them was unique. This one's again different from the previous Hannibal-relative, and I don't just mean in the sense that we **will** kill this one after we charge her." Tasmin glared at Allison "This one is about a decade older, twenty-three versus thirteen. And she has a better idea about what brings in the bacon: she's a waitress till her acting career takes off, and ..." Tasmin's voice trailed off.

Allison looked at her curiously. Tasmin seemed mesmerized. She didn't even blink when Allison waved her hand in front of her eyes. Allison turned to look at the words and saw what the problem was.

_I rushed to my emerald green 1966 Pontiac GTO._

She rolled her eyes. "Snap out off it. It's just a car."

"Yeah, but she mentioned it," Tasmin said in a dreamy voice. Allison wanted to slap her. Tasmin quickly recomposed herself. "Right. Sue's over there, wrapped up by Hannibal."

_His face reminded me of my father's. That fact always made me happy yet sad; my dad disappeared mysteriously when I was five._

"Well, she didn't waste much time before she started dropping hints about her relation to Hannibal," Allison commented. "So what's it going to be? Hannibal is the missing dad, or a brother of that dad?"

"I doubt Hannibal would mysteriously disappear. We've been over this before: if Hannibal had had any relatives he would get in touch with them; let them know he was okay."

"Very true. BA stayed in touch with his mom. All of the Team even went to see his mom. What makes authors think that what is possible for BA isn't possible for Hannibal? You don't have to kick down a door to make a phone call."

"And you're like the daughter I almost never had," he responded, adding quietly, "exactly like her."

"Well, that settles it, doesn't it? She's Hannibal's daughter. And that is her first charge." Allison pulled a little notepad from her pocket -- she had learned never to leave the office without it -- and scribbled a few words down.

Hannibal and the Sue got ready for their scene. A moment later the day of shooting ended.

"Did we just have a time rift?" Allison gently touched her head to see if it was still there.

"No, this was just an incredibly short day of shooting. Time rifts only happen when a certain amount of time passes. Never when an uncertain amount of time passes. I would have thought you knew the difference by now."

"I never stop being amazed."

Face called to tell Hannibal that he wasn't picking him up. The Sue offered to give Hannibal a ride instead. While the Sue followed Hannibal's instructions to a rundown house the two agents took a portal to the same house.

-oOo-

Cautiously they looked around a corner to see what went on next. The Sue turned into the drive way. Without turning off the ignition, Tasmin noted, the Sue turned to talk to Hannibal.

"_Um, Hannibal? I feel that you're one of the few people that I can trust. Can I talk to you about my uncle?" I asked._

The two agents looked at each other. Tasmin quietly nodded and Allison scribbled down a few words.

"I've known Hannibal for a very long time -- of course I haven't worked with him as intimately as the Sue -- but I would not confide in Hannibal," Allison said. "I would sooner confide in Face. Hannibal is too much old school: when he sees a problem he wants to fix it. But when you confide in someone you just want them to listen, nod knowingly and perhaps hold your hand. Or slip an arm around your shoulder." Now Allison started to get a dreamy look in her eyes.

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "How about we try to get through this fic without you trying to get felt up by canon? Think you can do that?"

Allison shrugged and nodded. "I can still look though, can't I?"

"I guess looking is permissible."

_As soon as we were in behind the giant double-doors, a very good-looking man with about medium length blondish-brown hair and sparkling cerulean eyes walked up to us._

"I think we discovered a new eye color for Face," Tasmin chuckled. "I've never even heard of cerulean."

"It's a kind of blue."

"I had gathered that much. Write her up for not knowing how to spell blue."

Hannibal and the Sue went into the house and met the rest of the Team. Allison and Tasmin hurried around the building till they found a window through which they could continue their surveillance of the Sue.

"Uh, I'm sorry, Emily," B.A. apologized. "It's just that no one usually comes to our, uh... meetings."

"_Well, Emily just might give us a little business," Hannibal answered for me._

"How did Hannibal know that? Did he become psychic?" Tasmin asked.

"Lots of characters do that around Sues," Allison replied. "Looks like I was right: Sue indicates she might have a problematic uncle, and Hannibal jumps on it to fix it."

"Certainly looks that way."

Tasmin rolled her eyes as the Sue almost fainted when the A-Team introduced themselves as such. "As if she couldn't have known that from hearing their names. Doesn't she read any papers? Or the LA Courier Express more specifically."

Allison paid no attention to her partner's remark. She grumbled under her breath. It was Murdock who had caught the Sue before she hit the ground. This did not sit well with Allison.

The Sue explained that her uncle was very overprotective, to the point of being a stalker.

Tasmin shrugged. "If people looked out better for their Sues we wouldn't have to go round chasing and charging them."

"Look out for them? How about keeping them on a very short leach?" Allison replied irritated.

"It works for dogs."

"And they should have a muzzle to keep them from putting their teeth in canon."

"And one of those white cone collars, to keep them from licking themselves." Both agents chuckled at that image.

Then the Sue dropped the real bomb: her uncle's name.

"_Rod. Rod Decker. Have you ever heard of him?"_

"What?" both agents exclaimed. They quickly ducked as the Sue might have heard them.

"She's Decker's niece **and** Hannibal's daughter? Since when are Decker and Hannibal in-laws?" Allison asked.

"I guess this Sue thought that since Hannibal never mentioned anything to the contrary it could be true."

"Hannibal also never mentioned anything that alluded to this possibility, and knowing Hannibal he would have taunted Decker about being related."

"He certainly would have," Tasmin agreed.

"This does explain though why Hannibal has lost touch with his family."

Tasmin narrowed her eyes. "How does it explain that?"

"Well, Hannibal wasn't too impressed with Decker's methods in Nam. Maybe he wanted to get as far away as possible in case such ethics were genetic."

"He probably wanted to get as far away as possible because he realized that his daughter was turning into a Sue. That's why he went to Nam; it was an escape."

"Found out the hard way then that you can never escape a prophecy," Allison chuckled.

"He's crying about it right now." Tasmin lifted her head up just high enough for her to look over the windowsill.

_Suddenly Hannibal grabbed me into the tightest hug I have ever felt. I looked up at his face and saw tears actually streaming down his cheeks. "What's going on? What's the matter?" I asked impatiently._

"_You're--you are--oh, Emily!" Hannibal was all choked up._

"We've got conformation on the Hannibal-Sue relation from Hannibal."

Allison dug up her notepad from her pocket to check she had written down that charge. She added the Hannibal-Decker relationship. She stuffed the notepad back in her pocket and got up to join Tasmin in staring through the window.

"_She wasn't sent by Decker, guys," Hannibal said, then cleared his throat. "Emily, I want you to go home, pack a suitcase, and meet us back at this address."_

The agents turned to look at each other. They both flexed their brows. Neither had a clue what that was about.

"After eighteen years of not even bothering to pick up the phone Hannibal has decided that he wants to spend some quality time with his daughter?" Allison suggested.

"Yeah, would have been a bit more realistic if Hannibal hadn't actually known he had a daughter."

"Does it count if we didn't know he had a daughter?"

"That would explain why we never contacted her," Tasmin chuckled.

The Sue wanted to know if Hannibal would still be at the house at her return. Then she asked why she should even do it. Hannibal answered that they were going on a little trip. This seemed to be a good enough answer for the Sue; her next question was where to leave her car.

"Apparently trusting Hannibal extends without question to everyone she meets through him," Tasmin grumbled. "I'm surprised I've never read about her in the LA Courier Express."

"As an actress?"

"As a victim of whatever."

"Right. Wouldn't be as an actress: she deserts the project she's working on without second-guessing it."

"It's a movie that's probably better off not being made at all."

The Sue left with Face to get her suitcase packed. Tasmin checked whether the Fic Location Follower was set to manual. She thought it best to stay in the mansion's garden and follow what happened in the Sue's apartment from a distance.

While the Sue packed -- twelve outfits, without wondering much whether she was packing for hot or cold weather -- Face browsed her record collection.

_I opened the door and went back into the living room, where Face had put "More of the Monkees" into the record player. He was looking pleased with himself and his timing--as I'd come out, the song "When Love Comes Knockin' (At Your Door)" had started up. "Accurate, eh?" he asked, grinning. He walked up to me, put my suitcase on the floor, and kissed me._

"Well, there's a sight I'm glad to have missed," Allison remarked.

"Not a Monkees fan?"

"That would have been a sound I'm glad to have missed. Nah, Monkees were all right." Allison started humming.

Tasmin rolled her eyes, endured it for a while, then slapped Allison in the back of her head to make her stop.

The Sue and Face returned to the house where the others were still waiting for them. It was time to bring her car to a garage.

_"This time Murdock will be riding with you to make sure you don't take off," added Hannibal._

"Why's Hannibal so desperate to keep her with them?" Allison asked. "He doesn't usually take clients with him on missions, except when he needs the client to give directions. And I doubt the Sue is able to do that here, as she doesn't know where they are going."

"Stop trying to find the rational behind what characters do around a Sue. You'll never figure it out."

Murdock told the Sue to forget about Face because he sweet-talks a new girl every week. He paraphrased the Monkees to make his point.

_I was basically in a state of shock. Murdock liked The Monkees!_

"I'm in shock too, but for an entirely different reason," Allison said.

"What intrigues me is why Sues think their likes are unique in the world. Or rather, unique to the point that they never thought they would meet another person sharing a similar like. Which in the case of The Monkees is particularly unlikely as they never would have been if only one or two people liked them."

"I'm too in shock to even try to rationalize that one."

"Good for you." Tasmin smiled.

The Team and the Sue all got in the van and drove off to Florida.

_He dabbed a wet cotton ball on the back of B.A.'s neck. Suddenly, I saw the needle in Hannibal's hand. Just from the sight of it I fainted and slowly slumped down in the seat._

"What's wrong in that scene?" Tasmin asked.

"The Sue faints a lot. Drama queen."

"There's that. And she describes what she did after she fainted."

"She could know that from waking up in that position."

"You're out off shock, I take it. And no, she couldn't have as she woke up next on the plane."

"So, she assumed that she slumped back when she fainted. It seems a common thing to do when one faints."

"Just as many people fall forward and bump their heads on the floor."

"She knew that hadn't happened because she didn't have a sore spot on her head."

"I liked you better when you were in shock."

Allison grinned. "Are we staying here while they're flying to Florida?"

"No, we're going to Florida too. But our mode of transportation is less of a hassle." Tasmin opened a portal.

-oOo-

_Smyrna Beach_.

Allison looked around the parking lot in front of the grocery store.

"Not much room for us to hide behind here."

"When in doubt put a dumpster next to it," Tasmin said and pointed to the side of the building.

Allison eyed the dumpster carefully. "I hope the garbage unit has just been round to collect the garbage."

"What garbage?"

"The smelly garbage."

"I wouldn't put smelly garbage in a dumpster I'm hiding behind. No author in their right mind would do that."

"A writer paying attention to detail would."

"Yes, a writer. But someone obsessively paying attention to detail can hardly be said to be in their right mind."

"You give the oddest compliments."

Tasmin showed a toothy grin. Then she pointed Allison to pay attention to the words.

The plane had only just taken off so Allison saw no reason to hide behind the dumpster yet, never mind whether it was smelly or not. Face took the Sue in back to talk to her about drugging BA and feelings.

_"Alright," he sighed. "Well, to start off, I love you, and I want to know how you feel about me."_

"Did Face just say 'I love you' to a woman he met a couple of hours earlier?" Allison asked.

"Looks like it."

"Does this Sue realize that 'I love you' is a statement of commitment? And that Face looks for the nearest exit when any form of commitment is brought up?"

"Sues only realize as in make happen; they don't realize as in understand."

The rest of the flight passed uneventful. Face held the Sue's hands and Hannibal watched them like a hawk, which the Sue didn't understand. This got her an eye rolling from both PPC agents, which the Sue didn't see because she was in a different location.

After the plane touched down Murdock and the Sue reenacted a scene from the musical _Oliver!_ which made the hairs in the back of Allison's neck stand up. Hannibal went behind some trees to fetch a car. That made the hairs in the back of Tasmin's neck stand up. The fact that it was a Jaguar XKE made the hairs on her arms stand up.

During the ride that followed Face and Murdock argued over who got to talk to the Sue to the point that Hannibal pulled over the car and made the Sue sit in front rather than on the back seat between Face and Murdock.

Allison turned her back to the words. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. Tasmin smirked.

"Let's get behind the dumpster. They're almost here."

The two agents went into hiding.

Hannibal pulled the car into the empty parking lot, and all got out. Hannibal announced their presence at the store door.

_"Yes, it's us. All of the A-Team are here."_

_Suddenly, the door flew open and my uncle rushed out and handcuffed Hannibal. Face and B.A. held their arms up. Being very confused, I twisted around to look at Murdock, but he was gone._

Murdock hid behind the same dumpster as Tasmin and Allison but seemed not to notice them. Tasmin indicated to Allison that she better not dare try to get his attention.

_"You go and find a plane that will get you home, and find it fast. I don't want you hanging around with these guys anymore, you understand?" Decker demanded of me._

_"Yes, Uncle Rod," I said, anger boiling up inside of me._

_He got into the truck and drove B.A., Face, and Hannibal away. Soon all of the military police were gone. I stood there, alone. Tears streamed down my face. Here I was, by myself in a strange state, with no money, nothing._

Murdock got up.

"Is she serious trying to make me believe that an uncle who personally checks up on her daily is going to leave her just like that on the other side of the country?"

"I think she also wanted to show Decker is a monomaniac; he can only focus on one obsession at the same time." Tasmin felt her forehead. "Look, what you've done. Now you have me rationalizing fics!"

Allison chuckled. She looked around the dumpster to see what was happening between Murdock and the Sue. He was holding her while she cried.

_I rested in Murdock's strong arms, looking up at him. He was tall! His beautiful eyes were filled with concern as he gazed down at me. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. All I could do was kiss him, and I did. To my surprise, Murdock responded with an equal amount of depth and desire._

Allison was off like a shot. She lunged herself at the Sue and knocked her over. The Sue tried to scramble up, but got knocked back down when Allison threw herself at her. Allison punched her in the face and put her hands around the Sue's neck. She started to squeeze.

Murdock made a move to interfere, but stopped when he heard the click of a hammer being cocked. He glanced over to his right.

"Hay-a, Tasmin. Still as scary as ever?"

"Very much so."

"You're not gonna shoot me, are you?"

"Not lethally. Allison, charge the Sue before you kill her."

Allison relaxed her grip on the Sue's neck. "Emily Smith, I charge you with being both Face's and Murdock's love interest. I charge you with Face saying 'I love you' to you. I charge you with being Decker's niece. I charge you with being Hannibal's daughter."

"I'm not Hannibal's daughter," the Sue croaked.

"Then don't drop hints that you might be." Allison hit away the hand the Sue wanted to bring to her throat. "I charge you with having Hannibal pull a jaguar from his hat. White rabbits and doves are pulled from hats; jaguars aren't. I'm charging you with being a Mary Sue. Do you understand these charges?"

"Charges? Why are you charging me?"

"Because you are Hannibal's daughter, Decker's niece and Face's and Murdock's love interest. You will now be executed."

"Executed? Murdock, help me."

"Sorry, Muchacha." Murdock looked a little helplessly at Tasmin's Colt. "There's nothing I can do for you now."

Allison strangled the Sue. It gave her a great deal of satisfaction wringing this one's neck. The Sue struggled, but it was in vain. Allison checked for a pulse to make sure the Sue wasn't faking it. She got up. Tasmin uncocked the hammer and put her Colt away.

"Hay-a, Allison."

Allison turned away; she didn't really want to talk to Murdock now. Murdock skipped around her.

"You're not angry with me, are ya?"

"Why are you always kissing Face's rejects?"

"Those are the only ones I get thrown my way in these stories. Those, and Face himself. Besides, they're not really his rejects. Those girls all chose me over him."

"Still, they all kissed him first. Wouldn't you rather have a girl that can't make a comparative analysis between the two of you?"

"Like you?" Murdock gently pushed her against her shoulder.

"I can't kiss you."

"Why? Have you kissed Face before?"

"Tasmin would shoot me."

"Tasmin likes Face?" Murdock asked surprised.

"Tasmin likes to shoot me."

"Damn straight," Tasmin added.

Murdock looked at Tasmin and shivered. Then he turned back to Allison. "Could you at least ask if someone could write me a nice girl? I want her to be about this high." Murdock moved his hand up and down to indicate a height between five foot zero and six foot two. "And I'd like it if she was a blond brunette with red hair."

"Pretty much any girl will do then?" Tasmin concluded.

"Ya, as long as she's nice. And wasn't Face's girl first."

"I guess we can ask around," Tasmin replied.

Allison gave a shy grin. Tasmin opened up a portal.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to take her with you?" Murdock called after them.

"Just put her in a dumpster with the rest of the trash. There's one over there." Tasmin pointed.

Murdock's mouth fell slightly open. He wanted to argue about this, but there was no one to argue with; both agents had gone through the portal and the portal had closed.

-oOo-

Back in the office Allison threw herself immediately on the sofa. She tried to crawl away between the cushions. Tasmin put her duffel bag on the floor and looked at her partner.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't know he would still remember you. I wouldn't have asked you to come if I had known that."

-oOo-

_A/N: Please, please, stop giving Murdock Face's sloppy seconds. I'm sure Face would appreciate it too if his dates stop ditching him for Murdock._

_The author deleted this story shortly after I had made her aware it was still on FFnet. She apologized to me for having read it. Actually it was quite well written (except for the problems mentioned above) and I enjoyed going through it a couple more times while writing this mission. I have, however, no ideas how this story could be made to work._

_In case anyone is interested in writing an A-Team love story with an uncommon hook try one of these:  
A love interest for BA  
A love interest for Hannibal that isn't Maggie Sullivan; how about that nice lady from _Fire_?  
A girl that first falls for Murdock but then dumps him for Face_


	14. You are my Sunshine

_Author's note: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts were taken from _You are my Sunshine _by Dixie Rebel._

-oOo-

Allison scrambled back up off the sofa. "Right. I'll be off then."

Just as she was about to go out the door the console beeped.

"You can't leave. If you hear the beep you have to respond."

"I had one foot out the door. This is not my problem."

"Yes, it is." Tasmin pulled her back into the response centre.

"I'm pretty sure I'm banned from this division anyway."

"You're wrong. See, the assignment report is directed to the both of us."

Allison growled in reply. She was pleased she wasn't banned from A-Team division; her protests were more out of propriety. She waited while Tasmin taped the keys on the console to pick a disguise and a location to enter the fic. Then she followed her partner through the portal.

-oOo-

The chapter they entered was set at Langley. Tasmin and Allison stood in the door opening of the vehicle bay and watched Face and Hannibal watching a helicopter land on the property. As soon as the blades stopped spinning the pilot got out.

"A female pilot," Tasmin mused. "I wonder whose love interest she's going to be."

Allison grumbled in reply.

_Of course face was the fist to introduce himself._

"_Hi, I'm Templeton Peck, and you are?" he asked as he gave her a wonderful smile._

""_Captain Carter" she answered as she just stared at him, not impressed with his smile_

"How could she not be impressed by that smile? Even I'm impressed by it," Tasmin said.

Allison gave her partner a surprised look. "You are? I thought you were a humanoid robot."

"It's called an android. Which I'm not. And if I was, even androids get the blues."

"Yes, but do they also get trembling hands or go weak at the knees?"

Tasmin shot her a look.

"Is that a mini over there?" Allison pointed at a little man running towards them. He had dark blond hair and wore a navy blue blazer over his army green fatigues. "Isn't he a little short? He can't be more than eight inches tall."

"I guess the author didn't capitalize the name properly."

The man stopped in front of the two agents and threw them a winning smile. "Hi, I'm face. And who might you two young ladies be?"

The agents looked at him.

"You got the sack?" Allison asked without taking her eyes of face.

"Uh-huh."

Allison bent down and picked face up.

"I'm just so adorable," face said.

"Quite," Allison said and dropped him in the sack Tasmin held out. "And that is one more for the collection." She smiled to Tasmin. "Actually, this is kind of nice. It's like having a real-life Face dummy. I wonder if she also does a murdock."

Tasmin slapped her partner upside the head. "Don't even think such things. Do you know how fast they can have you sitting in front of the No Drool videos? Do you like the No Drool videos?"

"No. And you can stop hitting me."

Tasmin hit her again. "I'll stop hitting you when you stop behaving like an idiot. I don't think that will be any time soon. Now, pay attention to the Words."

_Once they reached the house they noticed that Stockwell had arrived and that he and the Captain were already talking, but once they noticed their presence they went into the briefing room to finish their conversation._

"Once is a word that should be used only once in a while," Tasmin sighed, "or at least just once in a sentence. Not twice."

"Or thrice," Allison muttered.

"What?"

"Is it me, or is this Sue skipping her periods." Allison quickly pointed at the Words.

"I thought you Brits said full stops?"

"We do, but I liked the pun that came with periods."

Tasmin chuckled. "I suggest you write her up for it. You can ask her about it later."

Allison produced a pen and notepad from one of her pockets and started scribbling.

Meanwhile Face and Hannibal had gone into the house where Frankie joined them. He said he knew the female pilot.

"_she doesn't take anything from anyone, not even stockwell, I mean he begged her to be his pilot, and even offered her a job as an able agent, but she didn't even stick around long enough to hear his offer."_

"That's another mini we have to try and find." Tasmin rolled her eyes. "And what do you think Stockwell looks like begging?"

"Well." Allison stuck the pen behind her hear, and put on a broad smile. "I think he would get on his hind legs, sitting back a little, and his front paws would be like so, and his tongue out of his mouth." Allison showed what she meant.

"That would be how a dog begs. Do you think Stockwell is a dog?"

"I don't think he is a dog anymore than I think he would beg anyone for anything. If Stockwell doesn't get what he wants, he threatens."

"Or blackmails or manipulates of some sort." Tasmin nodded in agreement.

BA and Murdock also entered the room the other Team members were in. Murdock spotted the helicopter on the lawn.

"_No, some lady pilot is having a meeting with Stockwell, Frankie says she's a real firecracker." Face answered_

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Tasmin asked.

"I sincerely hope not."

"I'm thinking it's the Fourth of July."

Allison gave her partner a quizzical look. "Why?"

"You'll see."

_Once he said this they heard voices coming from the room, then the door open and Carter come walking out quickly followed by Stockwell, who was trying to keep up with her. As she and Stockwell made their ay to the chopper the men were astonished at her attitude towards Stockwell, who was a very influential man._

"Once again, improper use of the word once."

"Complemented by improper use of the person Stockwell." Allison took a note. "You know, usually I can come up with a reason why someone is behaving out of character. But I have no idea what rationally can turn Stockwell into a puppy. First she has him begging, and now she has him heel."

"Maybe she took the comment that Stockwell is an old cynic rather literally."

Stockwell introduced the Sue to the Team as Captain Kay-Cee Carter. She shook their hands and announced she would be staying for a while. Stockwell showed her to her room. Which gave the Team the opportunity to discuss how Face had struck out against her.

Both agents rolled their eyes.

"You'd think that Murdock would have at least shown more interest in the chopper," Allison remarked.

"Hmm. Jump." Tasmin grabbed her partner by the arm.

"What?"

"Jump." Tasmin tugged at her arm and both jumped up. A ripple passed underneath their feet.

"What was that?" Allison watched the ripple roll through the vehicle bay, where it bumped up a few cars. They bounced back on their wheels.

"A short time rift of undefined length."

"How can something be both short and of undefined length?"

"We're in Sue Land, remember."

"Yes, but time rift is one of our words. So it should have a proper definition."

"Okay, how long until later?"

"Not long." Allison shrugged.

"Yes, but how long exactly?"

"It's undefined."

"Just what I said." Tasmin turned her attention back to the Words.

Allison rolled her eyes. She wondered if it was perhaps time for a change in careers.

After the short, but undefined time had passed Stockwell pulled Murdock aside, told him to also move in and to take the Sue to get the stuff the both of them might need while they were staying. The Sue went to get her coat.

_Once Carter came back she was wearing a similar jacket as Murdock, but it had an apache Indian on it, and under the design it said "Sunshine" Murdock took notice as they left in Stockwell's limo._

"How many charges in that one sentence?" Tasmin asked.

"Stockwell letting them use his car; similar jacket; er, the Sue came by chopper so it's going to be a long drive." Allison scratched her head. "Murdock took notice at the moment they left in the car, though the Indian would probably be at the back of the jacket and if the Sue is sitting properly in the car, and wearing the jacket properly, he wouldn't be noticing anything that is on her back."

"And improper use of the word 'once'."

"And there should have been a full stop after sunshine, or a semi-colon at least."

"That makes it six charges in thirty-six words. If this sentence is representative of the entire fic, which has a little over three thousand words, we should be getting about five hundred charges."

"Which I'm not all going to write down. I would get serious writer's cramp."

"Charge five hundred and one."

Allison started to flex and stretch her fingers to prepare for all the note taking she would be doing.

"What the hell!"

Allison looked up startled. She wasn't used to Tasmin swearing.

"When is this story set?"

"After season five. Why?"

"After season five, that could be any time from 1987 onwards."

"Why is this important?" Allison asked calmly. Tasmin was gesticulating and she found that scary.

"The Sue just said she used to fly Apaches in the Army." Tasmin pointed at the Words. "The US Army received its first Apache in 1984. That's a bit early days for her to have flown one. Why didn't she say she used to fly Cobras?" Tasmin started to rant. "She could have put a picture of a nice big snake on her jacket, which is also more appropriate seen as Sues are usually serpents." Tasmin's voice trailed off. She took a breath of air and continued her rant. "And that's without mentioning that Apaches and Cobras are both attack helicopters. That's a combat position. Up to April 1993 women were excluded from flying attack helicopters. Write her up."

"For what? For flying Apache where she should have flown Cobra, but really couldn't have flown either?" Allison recapped Tasmin's rant. "Or for placing this story after 1995 which would mean that the Team has put up with Stockwell for over ten years?"

"Write her up for both." Tasmin grinned contently. Allison did as she was told.

With the Sue gone from the terrain Tasmin suggested to go over to the main building where the rest of the Team were so they could take some measurements of their characters. When the agents walked into the common room their mouths fell open at the unusual display before them. Despite their experience, they were still surprised every time when in a Suefic characters literally did what they are told.

_Meanwhile back at the compound the men were praying that they get their pilot back in one piece._

"I didn't know Frankie was a Muslim," Allison whispered to Tasmin. "And what is BA doing?"

BA was wearing a yarmulke and a tallit, a Jewish prayer shawl. He lightly bobbed his head while he recited to himself.

"I guess the fic saw all those religious symbols around BA's neck and just decided to pick one."

"I think we can skip doing character measurements here. Let's go and find that mini."

Tasmin nodded. Both agents turned and left the room.

-oOo-

They found the mini in Stockwell's office making phone calls and ordering people around. Then the agents took a portal and returned to the story just as the Team and the Sue were finishing dinner. Tasmin and Allison walked around to find a good position from which they could follow the fic both through the Words and through the images it produced.

_Once dinner was over Frankie and B.A went to bed,_

"Together?" Allison sounded hopeful. "Please, let this be a slash fic."

Tasmin gave her partner an odd look. "You want slash?"

"I know what just happened in the car. I checked the Words. I much rather deal with slash."

"Too bad, kid. I'm afraid it's going to be more of the same."

_Hannibal and Face were playing cards which left Murdock and Carter on the couch watching a horror movie. After Face had lost about ten hands to Hannibal he decided it was time to throw in the towel and go to bed and Hannibal agreed so they went off to their rooms_

"Excuse me?" Allison exclaimed. "Face losing ten hands to Hannibal? Why does she keep on bashing Face?"

"It's actually rather common that Sues who like Murdock bash Face. It's like Murdock can only look good by making Face look bad."

"No, it's not."

Tasmin chuckled at the fervor with which Allison protested.

_this left Murdock and Carter on the couch watching a horror movie, put two and two together and eventually you get Carter right next to Murdock clutching his arm every time there was a scary part, he eventually put his arm around he which gave him the advantage because she was now forced to bury her face in his chest._

"Apart from bad punctuation, copying a sentence and applying maths where it is not needed, what is wrong in this picture?"

"He's got his arm around her," Allison replied through gritted teeth.

"That," Tasmin admitted, "but Murdock is also watching a horror movie. He's suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Watching a horror movie is probably not a good idea."

"The Sue didn't think about that. She only uses it as an excuses so she can crawl on his lap."

"She could have achieved the same effect with a romcom."

"I hate you."

_As they watched the movie he decided to make his move, but once he did she jumped because the killer jumped out of the closet and their heads made contact. When she was making sure he was okay, one thing lead to another and there they were sitting on the couch kissing, slowly exploring each others mouths with their tongues._

Tasmin quickly tackled Allison to keep her from storming into the room and putting an end to that exhibition. She pressed her partner to the ground and put a hand over her mouth. Allison struggled underneath Tasmin; her commentary was muffled by Tasmin's hand.

"It's too early. We need more charges."

Allison protested.

"And how do you think Murdock will respond if you interrupt him now?"

Allison squirmed more. She inhaled furiously.

"He's under the influence of the Sue. I understand how you feel, but you have to wait. We kill her later."

Allison lay still. Slowly her breathing got less fierce. Tasmin thought it safe to remove her hand.

"I get to kill her," Allison said.

"Agreed." Tasmin got up and helped her partner up.

The agents looked into the room. Murdock and the Sue were done exploring and were now sleeping on the couch together. Allison's eyes narrowed and Tasmin quickly suggested taking a portal to the next chapter.

-oOo-

_The next day everyone woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs emanating from the kitchen, once they were all in the living room they went towards the kitchen and dinning area to find the table had been set for breakfast, and Carter finishing making the last pancake._

"And she's a good cook! Isn't she just about every man's dream wife? And to think only yesterday she hated them all."

"Snogging Murdoc must have had a really good effect on her." Tasmin chuckled.

Allison glared at her partner. "I never want to hear you use that word again. It sounds atrocious coming from you."

"Hey, you've snog-- kissed Murdock; how has that improved your cooking?" Tasmin teased.

"I make a killer filleted American."

"It's called fillet American."

"Not when I make it."

Tasmin made a mental note to keep Allison away from sharp objects for a while.

With the exception of some more Face bashing breakfast passed uneventful. Afterwards everyone did their chores and by noon Murdock and the Sue took her chopper out for a training round. Courtesy of the Fic Location Follower Tasmin and Allison got to sit this one out at the compound.

_Once they were at Murdock's favorite place they landed and decided to enjoy the view of the little pond. While they sat under a tree near the pond they began to get a little comfortable._

"That better be a very little comfortable."

"_Well, this may sound silly, and I know I haven't known you for that long, but I feel like I've know you forever." Murdock said wrapping his arms around her from behind, so she leaned back against his chest feeling the warmth from his body against hers, before they knew it it was time to go._

"Well, it can't have been comfortable for them to get close and having to leave in one sentence."

"Good."

Before they went back Murdock asked the Sue out on a date. They decided on the next night and nothing fancy.

_The next day was Friday, the end of the week, but that didn't really phase the team, they were on a hiatus, well they just didn't have any missions, and Stockwell told them to take it easy, so they were going to take advantage of it._

"What?" Tasmin exclaimed.

"Is the grammar giving you trouble?"

"No, I've got that one figured." Tasmin waved it away. "Stockwell makes two pilots stay at the compound and at the same time tells the Team to take it easy? What a waste of resources. What is Stockwell planning?"

"Careful there; you might actually uncover a bit of plot."

"Yeah, scary." Tasmin tried to shrug it off and turned to her partner. "Shall we join them on their first date. Sorta like chaperons."

"Hmm. Doesn't really work if they don't know you're there."

"Minor glitch." Tasmin opened a portal.

-oOo-

The agents went to the airport where the Sue kept her aircrafts. She had an AH 64 Apache, a little cargo plane and a Huey that she was planning on restoring. Tasmin didn't say anything. Her eyes just went big.

"Two brand names, one a type even. You must be pleased."

No reply.

"So pleased you are gobsmacked."

"It's not because I'm pleased." The words were almost whispered.

"Because the chopper she arrived in at the beginning isn't here?"

"You're just making it worse."

"Okay, what has the Sue done that you are lost for words?"

"She owns an Apache."

"Yeah, I see it. Looks expensive. She's probably rich."

"She privately owns a military attack helicopter."

"Oh, that's probably problematic."

"Yah."

"I wonder if Murdock picks up on that too."

"_Wow I haven seen one of these in a while." He said as his face light up like a kid in a candy store_

"Doesn't look like it," Tasmin growled.

"She probably sucked his brain out when she was sucking his face." Allison made a double growl.

As nothing else seemed to be happening at the airport the agents took a portal to the compound around the time Murdock and the Sue returned.

_when they showed up everyone was in the living room watching the game._

"_The Game_ is a 1997 movie," Tasmin commented.

"Which would set this fic in 1998 at the earliest, when the video came out," Allison assessed. "It's in line with what we estimated earlier."

"We also estimated that the Team would not be working for Stockwell for ten years."

"Yes, but I think we should compliment the Sue on showing consistency in tiny little time line details."

"I'm surprised you want to compliment the Sue on anything."

"In 1998 Murdock is fifty. That's twice my age. I don't have a papa syndrome."

Tasmin glared at her partner briefly, and then turned her attention to the Words.

The Sue apologized for her behavior earlier and Face tried to ask her out. She shot him down again.

"Aw, please," Tasmin moaned. "Face is not so desperate that he asks a woman out that clearly doesn't like him."

Allison chuckled and pulled out her notepad. "In 1998 Face is also fifty. He's probably not pulling birds anymore the way he used to."

Tasmin slapped her partner upside the head.

"What was that for?" Allison rubbed the sore spot.

"Let's go find a broomstick. We've got a Sue to kill." Tasmin set off into the building.

"Why would we need a broomstick for that?" Allison followed.

Tasmin pulled open a door, which conveniently turned out to be a broom cupboard and took out a broom. She took off the broomhead and closed the cupboard. She gave the broomstick to a surprised looking Allison and headed off in the direction of the living room.

"Ms Carter?" Tasmin asked from the door. The Sue looked up. "Could you come with us, please? Mr Stockwell would like to speak to you now."

"Alright. I guess I have to." The Sue sighed and got up.

"This way, please." Tasmin lead the way. Allison followed behind the Sue.

"Why are we going outside?" the Sue asked.

"Because some things shouldn't be done indoors," Tasmin said. She turned around and pointed her Colt M1911 at the Sue.

The Sue startled and wanted to quickly turn away. Allison blocked her with the broomstick.

"Don't be silly. You can't outrun a gun." Tasmin tsked. "Allison, please read the Sue her charges."

"Charges?"

"Kay-Cee Carter," Allison started. "Captain Carter. Sounds like the name of a comic book Superhero, or the nickname of a snooker player."

"A what?"

"Never mind." Allison flicked a few pages on her notepad. "We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we hereby charge you with bad writing, most notably the overuse of the word 'once', skipping periods and plain bad grammar. We charge you with making Stockwell keep two pilots on reserve while he has no work for them. This is an uncharacteristic waste of resources. You should have at least come up with a real plot if you wanted to get your feet under the table."

"Or your tongue in Murdock's mouth."

Allison glared at Tasmin before she continued. "We charge you with not only having flown an Apache, but also owning one. We charge you with having no one think it odd that you have done either. We charge you with making it unclear when after season five this story was set. We charge you with bashing Face. We charge you with dressing like Murdock, making him watch horror movies, having an uninteresting conversation with him that you call interesting and using a love potion on him, because I can't imagine there is any other way he could have fallen in love with you."

"Hey!" The Sue's mouth had been falling open wider and wider with each charge, but now she saw fit to protest.

"Hey yourself." Allison checked over the charge sheet and then stuffed it back in her pocket.

"I did not use a love potion on Murdock."

"Then how the heck did he fall in love with you? You have been mostly unpleasant to him since he met you and you don't dress in any way remotely attractive."

"It's because I ... he ..." The Sue stopped looking for words and just glared at Allison.

"You have been charged. Do you understand these charges? No need to answer that question." Allison held up a hand. "Your punishment for these offenses is death. Tasmin?" Allison held out her hand as if she expected Tasmin to place her gun in it.

Tasmin stepped up to the Sue and hit her in the back of the head with the butt of her Colt. Allison gave her a questioning look. "Let's tie her up to the broomstick." Tasmin rummaged through her duffel bag and held up a role of duct tape.

The two agents tied, or rather, duct taped the Sue to the broomstick and then put the broomstick in an upright position, pushing it in a hole in the ground so it stood up on its own, the Sue hanging a few inches above the ground.

"Will you do the honors of lighting the Sue?" Tasmin gave Allison a Zippo.

"You want to have a bonfire? I think that's a little sick."

"I told you it was the Fourth of July. Just light her shoe lace."

Shaking her head Allison lit the shoe lace. She stepped back to stand next to Tasmin. The shoe lace cracked as it burned up.

Tasmin grinned at Allison. "It's a good thing it is night. This wouldn't have worked as well in the day time."

The Sue shot off like a skyrocket and exploded in green, red, yellow and purple sparks.

"Yup, a real firecracker," Tasmin said.

"That was actually kind of pretty," Allison commented.

"Time to go home." Tasmin opened up a portal. "Take a shower. I think some Sue bits fell on us."

-oOo-

_A/N: Dictionary definition of "once": 1) on one occasion or for one time only; 2) at some time in the past, formerly. Using "once" where "when" is more appropriate will just make you look silly.  
I really don't mind the Murdock gets the girl kind of stories; I just would like it if there was a plot behind it. For instance, Stockwell forces them to work together on a mission, during the trials and tribulations of which they get a real liking for one another._


	15. A Chance for a New Life

_Author's note: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _A Chance for a New Life_ by Retisha Harper. _

-oOo-

Beepbeepbeep, the console said, and continued to say. Allison looked in surprise at the console. Tasmin, however, had jumped to her feet.

"Quick, give me the asbestos trash can."

"The what?"

"The asbestos trash can."

Allison saw only one trash can and handed that to her partner. Not a moment too soon. The console ejaculated a small fire ball. It flew across the room and was caught in the trash can by Tasmin. Small purple and brown flames flared up. The fire ball spit and gurgled before it slowly extinguished. Smoke crinkled up to the ceiling.

"What was that?"

"A little flame," Tasmin said as she put the trash can down.

"It was kind of pretty."

"It could have been a lot bigger if it had been properly spelled and punctuated."

Allison looked up at the ceiling. "I was wondering what those scorch marks on the ceiling were about."

**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP**

Allison jumped. She knew she should always be prepared, but the fireball had distracted her.

"That's more like it." Tasmin walked over to the console to check their new mission.

"That better not be another Murdock-lover," Allison said as she glared at the console.

"Nope, looks like a Sue in trouble story."

"And she hasn't even met us." Allison grinned wickedly.

"Let's not keep her waiting." Tasmin opened up a portal.

-oOo-

Allison tutted disapprovingly when she saw their disguises. "Blue duster coats. That's a bit dull."

"It's very appropriate for the situation," Tasmin said. She nodded to the side to indicate the Chinese laundry.

Allison looked around and started to smile. "We're going to see Mr Lee in action? Wicked."

"We should get out of the way of the Sue; she's going to come in any moment." Tasmin walked around the counter and crouched down.

Allison ran up to the counter, jumped up, pushed herself off and slipped over the counter. She crouched down next to Tasmin.

"Show-off."

"How often do we get a fic that has a counter in it?"

Tasmin rolled her eyes in response.

_Hannibal, disguise as Mr. Lee, was setting up the laundry place when a young girl, about fifteenish with blue eyes and blond hair, came running in out of breath and with a scared look on her face._

"At this moment it still could go either way," Allison said.

"In a fic that says 'about fifteenish'?" Tasmin asked. "Both about and -ish mean that the speaker thinks she looks to be fifteen. They don't need to be used at the same time."

Allison got her notepad from her coat pocket with a sigh. "First sentence, first charge: redundancy."

_Seeing the girl wasn't joking, Hannibal took her to the back room to discuss this much further. He first claimed the young girl and asked her, her name._

"Second charge: that word does not mean what you think it does."

Hannibal explained he was a member of the A-Team.

"Third charge-"

"You don't have to count them out before you write them down," Tasmin said in an annoyed tone. "Just write down: Hannibal telling her he's part of the A-Team before checking and double checking she's not with or followed by the military."

"Actually, I was going to write down: Hannibal taking this girl in the back and totally forgetting about the client for whom he was playing dress up in the first place."

"You can't know that for sure."

"I want to bet that at no point in this story that client will get a mention."

"Forgetting relevant information is a given in Suefics."

"By which it will seem that Hannibal dresses up as Mr Lee for kicks."

"But Hannibal taking on a client while waiting for one to show up is not something I would put past him."

"I'm still writing her up for never mentioning that there was a client."

"I'm not stopping you. I'm just narrowing the width of the charge."

"And a lovely job you do at it," Allison mumbled as she jotted down the last two charges they had identified.

The shop door opened and rang a little bell. Two men entered and waited patiently for Hannibal to come in from the back. One of them asked if a girl had ran into the shop.

"Those men are following her? What took them so long getting in?"

"Perhaps they were waiting for one of their colleagues to get round back to make sure she hadn't gotten away through there."

_Just then a scream from the back room came and Mandy was carried out by other man who can in from the back door._

"You read ahead, didn't you?" Allison eyed her partner. "That's how you knew this. Otherwise you never give explanations."

Tasmin grinned in reply. "It's not that hard to predict how a Suefic will continue."

"Okay. How will this continue?"

"The bad guys take the girl away and Hannibal calls in the Team."

"That's how any A-Team fic would continue."

"I told you it wasn't hard to predict."

Allison glared at her partner.

The three men dragged the Sue out of the shop and the two agents got up to follow.

_Mandy struggled and screamed all the way to the car__but no one came to help._

"Because everyone realized she was a Sue and no one wanted to get their hands dirty on that one," Allison said.

Tasmin gave her partner a questioning look.

"I've been MST-ing a bit lately. I guess I'm still in MST-ing mode."

"I wasn't saying it was a bad thing."

In the car the Sue was knocked unconscious. When she woke up she was back at the place she had tried to escape.

_She never had what people would say a normal childhood. She was abandoned from birth and was taken in by the government and was made into one of their secret projects when they found out how smart she was at the young age of three. They feed her government information and taught her how to read code, but some where along the way they had turned against the very government that supplied them with their operation._

"That doesn't sound like your average A-Team plot," Allison commented. "They help the underdog in their struggle against local bullies. Making minors part of secret projects, I'm pretty sure that's the plot of a different TV show."

"Pay attention, please. They turned away from the government, so now they are the local bullies."

"Did you eat something you shouldn't have? You sound very forgiving towards this fic."

"I don't feel any different than usual."

Allison eyed her partner suspiciously. "I'm keeping an eye on you."

Face pulled up in front of the shop.

_"So Hannibal, what's so important that you needed me here so fast?" Face asked._

"I think that counts as proof there never was a client for whom Hannibal dressed up as Mr Lee." Allison smirked at her partner.

Tasmin shook her head. "Often, Mr Lee is the first in the line of contact between the A-Team and the client. Face usually doesn't show up until at the end of the wild goose chase."

"That's not true. Face and BA should be around from the beginning to check out that the potential client wasn't being followed by the military. So it's not likely that Hannibal had to call Face and tell him to come over quickly."

"Sounds reasonable." Tasmin gave a little nod. "Well, BA is going to pick up Murdock. Shall we go see where the Sue is hanging out?"

"Does that mean getting out of these blue coats?"

"Sure." Tasmin shrugged.

"Let's go then."

-oOo-

"Dark blue coveralls. Exactly what were you thinking?"

"When asked, we're here to fix the central heating."

Allison tore a page from her notepad and gave it to her partner. "Seriously, write down what you have been eating so I can avoid that stuff in the future."

Tasmin folded up the piece of paper and stuck it in her pocket. A man walked past them carrying the struggling Sue. He took her into a room. The agents turned their attention to the Words to keep up with what was going on.

_"My, my Mandy. We try so had to give you what you want and what do you we get in return, we get you trying to tell what we're doing and we punished you hoping to teach you not to do it again. But no, you run off and tell some stranger. Now we have to punish you again."_

"Bad guys that think people should be grateful for being held prisoner. Isn't that on the Evil Overlord list somewhere as a nono?"

Tasmin thought for a moment. "I don't recall. But I think there was something there like: I will not taunt my enemies in run-on sentences. It will leave me out of breath and will undermine the fearsome effect my taunt will have."

Allison chuckled and wrote down the charge.

The Sue was beaten up and taken back to her room. Meanwhile the Team decided to help the Sue. Hannibal had memorized the license plate of the car the Sue was taken away in and Hannibal suggested getting the address of it.

_They went and found the nearest police station, where Face knocked out an officer on his way inside. _

"What?" Allison exclaimed. "Face would not knock out a police officer. That would draw serious attention to the Team. Really, why can't these Sues ever come up with a good scam?"

"We wouldn't be calling them Sues if they could."

"It would make a lot more sense if Face broke into a police car that was parked outside a donut shop and asked for the registration information over the radio, while chatting up the desk sergeant."

"A conveniently abandoned police car would be a contrived plot device."

"There's more leeway for contrived plot devices if they provide comic relief. Which having the get-away-car registered to the bad guy hangout address does not provide."

Tasmin chuckled. "It does if you put it that way."

Allison snarled at Tasmin. "And why are they handing each other the address on a piece of paper? Can't Face just jump into the van and tell BA the address as they speed off?"

"I guess the Sue didn't want to make up an address."

"We're in LA, where the streets have no names." Allison flicked a page on her notepad. "I'm writing her up for it."

"What makes you think we're in LA?"

Allison gave her partner a look. "Were you hit in the head recently? Mr Lee's laundry is in LA. Hannibal never used the Mr Lee disguise outside of LA."

"Doesn't mean the Sue knows this."

Allison gave her a blank look. Tasmin returned the look. Allison shook her head.

"That comment. I have no words for it. I'm gobsmacked." She sighed and turned her head back to the Words. "Team's here."

_There Hannibal laid out the plan._

_"OK, guys. Were going to split in two teams. BA, you're with me. I want you two to come through the back way, BA and I will come through the front."_

"Ah, the infamous pincer movement," Tasmin said.

"At least you recognized that."

Murdock and Face went to the back, where Face picked the lock. Hannibal and BA opted to kick the front door in.

"Despite this mentioning of front and back doors and rooms and hall ways I still can't shake the image that we are in a abandoned warehouse."

"You have to work a little harder and picture a mansion with no security in the surrounding grounds."

"That's too bad. There's no problem with Face knocking out a few security guards."

_Walking in, they found the inside was completely high tech. Something completely unablibeous from the outside. Walking further down the hall, both Face and Hannibal tripped the alarm._

Allison and Tasmin covered their ears as soon as the alarm started to wail.

"Have these guys never heard of a silent alarm?" Allison yelled at her partner. "One that will only go off in the office of the security. That way not tipping off the intruders so they can be caught in the act rather than escape?"

"These guys are high tech on the inside, but they haven't got as much as a security camera on the outside," Tasmin yelled back. "The Sue escaped from this place. Do you have any reason to assume their inside security is going to make any sense?"

The Sue was woken up by the noise of the alarm and of her Sue-friend banging on the door. The Sue-friend said there were four intruders..

_This got Mandy thinking. The A-Team has three fugitives and a mysterious fourth. Could this be them?_

"No, you don't," Allison yelled. "You have been held captive since you were three. You have not heard of the A-Team. And you most certainly haven't heard about a mysterious fourth member of the A-Team. The A-Team has three members as far as anyone officially knows. And as soon as I can take my hands of my ears I'm going to write you up for that."

The Sue and her friend were very excited the A-Team had come to rescue them. Then one of the bad guys stood in the door way.

_Mandy ran up behind him pushing him out of the door way. Grabbing Sara, they began running down the hall._

"How did she manage that? Did he turn around?"

"Looks more like she had found another exit to the room."

"There's too many charges for me to just remember. I have to start writing them up." Allison scrunched up her face as she lowered her hands and quickly wrote up the charges. Then a thought occurred to her. She tugged Tasmin at her sleeve. "Don't you have ear plugs in your duffelbag?"

"No, but I will have next mission."

"I will be hearing impaired next mission."

According to the Words each of the four Team members went a different direction. Hannibal entered the employee recreation room. On the TV there played a home video of the abuse of the Sue. Hannibal decided to put on a uniform of a foot-soldier. Then he left the room and ran into Face, Murdock and BA.

_Just then they heard running, but this wasn't from the solders. This was much more quite. They watched as two girls ran around the corner as if they were looking for something._

"I hope it's the off-switch of the alarm."

The Sue was startled by Hannibal in uniform and ran off. Hannibal managed to catch her. She was happy to see him.

_"Where were you two running to?" Face asked._

_"The power room," answered Sara._

Tasmin chuckled. "You just made a correct prediction of this fic. You too could be writing Suefic."

Allison glared at her partner. "My comment had nothing to do with writing Suefic, but everything with getting away from loud noises. In a proper Suefic the noise would have stopped because the Sue had just forgotten about it."

The Sue and friend revealed their plan to blow up the place by overloading the circuit boards in the power room.

"And I'm back to thinking this is a warehouse or perhaps an office building."

_Reaching the power room, the girls opened the door and walked in. Without waiting, the two of them went to work, turn everything up to maximum power. Then Mandy went to the main power source. Looking at Sara, Mandy turned the last knob and took off running._

"I have no idea what just happened in there."

'The A-Team was made obsolete," Allison replied. She was glad the alarm had finally stopped wailing.

"Turning everything to full power is not going to make the place blow up. If there is too much of a demand on the system a fuse is going to blow."

"Unless they replaced all the fuses with gum wrappers."

Tasmin gave her partner a look.

"I saw it on _MacGyver_."

The agents ducked when they heard the first explosion.

"How long do we have to stay here?" Allison asked. "I think it's getting kind of dangerous."

Tasmin looked at the Words. "The Sue is going to be thrown into a wall and Hannibal is going to fight a 'baddie' to death before he takes her out of the building."

"Baddie?"

"That's what it said."

"But baddie is a cutesy nickname. You don't use that unless you want to mock the bad guys and render them powerless."

"Yep. This must be the first time Hannibal won a fist fight on semantics rather than points." Tasmin took the remote activator from her duffelbag. "Let's go to hospital and charge this Sue."

-oOo-

"Isn't she supposed to be conscious when we charge her?"

The two agents stood in the Emergency Ward of the hospital, both of them wearing blue scrubs.

"Oh, she's conscious," Tasmin said. She dropped her duffelbag on the Sue's abdomen and the Sue flew up. "Hi, there." Tasmin grinned. She picked up her bag. "We're Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We're here to charge you. Allison."

"My ears are still ringing."

"Never mind that. Charge her."

"That was the first charge."

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Charge her properly. We don't want any trouble over technicalities."

Allison sighed. "All right. Mandy, we charge you with errors in spelling, grammar and punctuation. If you have trouble writing English you should get someone to help you. We charge you with not providing a client for whom Hannibal would dress up as Mr Lee."

The Sue looked confused from one to the other. "Client? There was no client. Hannibal came to rescue me."

"You're the client then?"

The Sue nodded.

"All right. In that case we charge you with giving Hannibal telepathic abilities." Allison made a note. "Hannibal dresses up as Mr Lee when he knows he's going to meet a client. So he can check out the client without giving himself up. He does not dress up as Mr Lee hoping some business for the A-Team will run into the shop. And by the way, he is also not going to dress up as a foot-soldier when he already has tripped up the alarm. Dressing up as a foot-soldier is done to stay unnoticed. The alarm already kind of gave him away. Second-"

"Third," Tasmin interrupted.

"Well, look who's back to normal. Third. Thirdly we charge you with having Face punch a police officer rather than use his smooth talking to get registration information of a license plate. Fourth, having the car of the bad guys registered to the address of their head quarters. That's a contrived plot device. So is having no security on the outside of the building."

"Perhaps they were just dumb criminals," the Sue tried.

"Dumb criminals with no purpose. That's another charge."

"What? They had purpose."

"What? Feeding you with government information? Why were they feeding you with government information? Was Congress worried that the Library of Congress would burn down sometime and that the Proceedings of the House of Representatives would get lost? So rather than make a few hard-copy back-ups they fed all that information into a human."

"No, no. Government information."

"The House of Representatives is part of government."

"Well, technically," Tasmin said. "But commonly the executive government of the Trias Politica is referred to as the government and the legislative government is called parliament. Thus the term government would refer to the President and the ministerial departments and not to the House of Representatives, or Congress."

The Sue and Allison both looked at Tasmin who returned a blank look. Allison addressed the Sue while she made a head-jerk in Tasmin's direction: "Sometimes I think she is part of a secret government project where she was fed information."

"I don't know anything that can't be found on the Internet."

"The Internet was a government project. Your government's Department of Defense invested in its development because they saw a means in it to start up society again after a nuclear holocaust."

"The Internet was first developed by the scientists of CERN."

"That doesn't mean DoD didn't have a paw in its further development."

"Are you done charging me?"

Allison and Tasmin broke off their argument to look at the Sue.

"Silly, Sue." Allison grinned. "Reminding us she is still here. Let's see what else is there." Allison flicked between the pages of her notepad. "I guess we can sort of forgive you for the modest description of the building you were in. You were held captive there so you probably never even saw it on the outside. Or at least not at a time you were able to give it a good look. Oh, yes, we charge we with making the A-Team obsolete for this story."

"No, no, they weren't obsolete. I needed them."

"For what? For setting off the alarm? They're the **A**-Team. Special Forces. They can booby-trap the enemy's bed with him still in it. Theoretically," Allison said to Tasmin. "This A-Team is a bit too much of the barging in type to booby-trap sleeping people. But you." Allison poked at the Sue. "All you had them do was set off the alarm. Anyone could have done that. I used to live upstairs a shop for a while and the first shop-assistant in would always set off the alarm. You could have hired a girl from Boots to come and rescue you."

"But she wouldn't have been able to find me," the Sue said pointedly.

"Well, an Avon lady then, or a pizza-delivery guy, or anyone who comes to the door."

"They wouldn't have come in if the door was locked. And the door was locked." The Sue got a smug look on her face.

Allison glared at her. "A burglar then. The point is and remains: you had the A-Team in this story, but didn't really need them. You booby-trapped the fuse box yourself. And for that we charge you with being a Mary Sue. You have been charged. Do you understand these charges?"

"No. Why are you charging me?"

"Because we are Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We survey fanfiction. We come forward and charge in cases of crimes against fanfiction in general and the Continuum of the A-Team in particular. You have committed the previously mentioned offenses. Your punishment is death."

"You can't do that. You have no right," the Sue shouted, but she was cut off by Tasmin who pulled a pillow from underneath her head and smothered her with it.

Allison raised her eyes brows. "Are your guns broken?"

Tasmin shrugged and after checking the Sue's pulse threw the pillow aside. "I thought about what you said and thirty-one ways to kill a Sue."

"You now have three ways to kill a Sue. Congratulations. Let's go back to the office to celebrate."

"Not yet. We still have that Sue-friend to take care of."

Allison groaned. "All right. Let's go look for the other Sue."

-oOo-

The agents found the Sue-friend, who was part of the same project as the Sue, in the main waiting area of the hospital. She was making a phone call to her parents.

_"Hello," answered her mom._

_"My it's me, Sara."_

_"Sara, what is it? You sound upset."_

"Is it so odd for me to assume," Allison started, "that if you have one orphaned prodigy on the project that your other prodigy is also an orphan?"

"I don't really see why it would have to be. But it would make sense to some extend that they would not let the Sue-friend keep in close contact with her parents."

"And what kind of parents would let their fifteen year old daughter work for a top secret government project?"

"Well, we already couldn't figure out what these bad guys were up to. This certainly doesn't help."

The Sue-friend asked her parents to come to the hospital and hung up, then she went back to sit with the Team. A doctor came to tell them about the Sue.

_"She stabled."_

"Oh, yes. Very stable." Tasmin chuckled.

The Doctor asked how the Sue got her bruises.

_"Some men that held us for many years, didn't like some of the things that she did to stop them. So the beat her up and did some other things to her," Sara answered._

"That was not a phone call we just heard from someone who was being held for years," Allison said. "That was a phone call from someone who speaks to their parents regularly and not under any kind of threat not to say too much."

The Sue-friend got up to stretch her legs. Her parents arrived and the three of them went to the cafeteria. The two agents followed them. In the cafeteria the Sue-friend started to tell her story.

Tasmin interrupted her. "Excuse me, we're Protectors of the Plot Continuum. You're a Sue." She pointed at the Sue-friend.

Allison coughed. "Proper charging."

"Sara. We charge you with being a Mary Sue. We charge you with aiding and abetting another Mary Sue in making the A-Team obsolete in a rescue operation. We charge you with being held captive for many years, but still having the kind of relationship with your parents that normal teens have. When a person has been held captive for many years we expect a little more emotion on reunion with their parents than 'I'm glad you're okay' and 'how's your friend?' You have been charged. Your punishment is death." Tasmin opened up her duffelbag.

The family looked at her stunned.

"Does this hospital have a psychiatric ward?" the father asked the Sue-friend.

"I don't know."

Tasmin dug up her Colt M1911 and her silencer. She screwed the silencer on and shot the Sue-friend. The father got up to stop Tasmin. Tasmin felled him too. The mother was last.

"We're done." Tasmin put her gun away.

"Don't we need to deal with the bad guys?"

"They were faceless and generic. For all we know the parents were the bad guys in disguise. That's probably how the Sue-friend kept in friendly contact with them. The parents are now dead." She opened a portal.

"Fair enough. Let's go work on those other twenty-eight ways to kill a Sue." Allison hopped through the portal.

-oOo-

_A/N: A few words on backstory and character/bad guy motivation: it has to make sense. An organization that holds one girl captive and uses abuse to keep her captive, also holds another girl captive which they let make phone calls to her parents as if she is on Summer camp? That doesn't make sense. Seen as this backstory in a way reminded me of _Pretender_ I would have expected better. After all there is a proverb among writers: better to steal cleverly, than to invent badly._


	16. Angel's Lullabye

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics from _Angel's Lullabye_ by Bunny._

-oOo-

Allison pursed her lips when she saw their disguises. Fair enough, they were at a club in 1981. Still, was that any reason to become a fashion victim? She shuddered. There was a tune playing in the background and she tried to make the most of the situation by dancing to the music.

"First charge, anachronism," Tasmin said.

Allison stopped dancing and looked at her partner. "What are you talking about?"

"That song you are hearing. That's _She's a beauty_ by The Tubes and was first brought out in 1983. It has no business in 1981."

Allison nodded. She retrieved the pen she had stuck behind her ear and made a note on her notepad.

Face walked in and sat down next to a blonde. He offered her a drink and she offered him her hotelroom.

Allison blinked. "At least she gave her name first." She scratched her head. "Are we going to the hotel too? I'd much rather be disguised as a chambermaid."

"I think it's better we stay here." Tasmin readjusted the duffelbag over her shoulder.

"You're just doing this to spite me, aren't you?" Allison eyed her partner.

"Course I am. My whole reason for being is to get you riled up." Tasmin turned around and walked over to the bar to sit on a stool.

Allison stared after her with open mouth. Tasmin was losing it, she decided. Any PPC agent had one reason for living: to rid fics of Sues. In the in between time they aggravated their partners. Cautiously she went over to the bar, all the while keeping a close eye on Tasmin, alert for any sudden movements.

When Face was asleep the Sue left the hotelroom without waking him.

"At least that's over," Allison tried.

"It's not over yet," Tasmin replied. She scowled at the Words. "In a couple of days they are going to meet again. And she is going to tell him that she is pregnant. With his child."

"What? How? Multiple how? How does she even know this a few days after they had sex? Did she do a pregnancy test already? Are pregnancy tests that accurate? I thought they couldn't tell until the zygote had properly nested in and that takes more than a few days. And how did she find him so quickly? I thought they had a one-night-stand. Did they exchange phone numbers before they fell asleep?"

"Yes, thank you." Tasmin shook her head. "As you may have guessed the fic answers none of these questions."

The Sue further announced she was married and wanted to sign over full rights and custody to Face.

"I don't think she can do that," Tasmin said.

"Huh. She could at least first ask Face if he'd like custody."

"I don't mean that. Her husband has legal parental rights over every child born during the marriage, even if he isn't biologically the father. Both legal parents have to give up their legal rights as a parent for an adoption to be possible."

"I don't think that's a concern for this Sue. All she's concerned about is that she can't afford to divorce her husband."

"Yeah. As if adultery isn't grounds for divorce," Tasmin mumbled.

"And if she really didn't want to have this kid why doesn't she get rid of it before going through a pregnancy? She's probably still eligible for the Morning After pill."

"That I don't think. I guess she really likes to find out what it is like to be pregnant."

"She should talk to my Mum. She's got some stories that make you want to sterilize yourself with a pair of scissors."

Tasmin half grinned. Then she turned back to the Words. "Face is so stunned by all she has told him that he can't even say 'no' anymore. They are going straight over to a lawyer that probably should have his bar license revoked. Signing over a child to a fugitive. Now how is that going to meet the requirement to provide a stable home for the child?"

"I've spotted another anachronism: Face is worried about Decker. In 1981 that would be Lynch." Allison made a tally on her notepad.

_''Everything seems to be in order, Monica...'' the man said, coming into the room, shuffeling through some papers._

"Right. Write up the Sue for letting an adoption procedure take minutes rather than weeks."

"Way ahead of you on that one."

After Face and the Sue left the lawyer's office Face told her as much as he thought she needed to know about the Team.

"Which would be nothing."

Allison nodded in agreement.

_''The A-Team?'' she repeated again for the fifth time. ''How did I not pick this up?''_

"Because you had a one-night-stand and didn't exactly waste time on chit-chat," Tasmin replied.

"Oh, I know how that could have worked. Face was about to come and went 'oh god, oh god, oh I'm a member of the A-Team'."

Tasmin glared at her partner. Allison looked away bitting her lip in an attempt not to laugh.

"You shouldn't snub it though," she said after she had more or less regained composure. "Mata Hari was shot because the French thought that strategical secrets made suitable pillow talk."

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Face isn't French."

Allison chuckled, but stopped when Tasmin hit her in the back of the head.

Face took the Sue to meet the Team. They talked for a while, but none of them voiced any concern over Face adopting a child.

"You'd think that Face of all people would have an idea of what kind of home life he'd want for a child," Allison said.

"The Sue probably figures that with Face's experience in an orphanage he wouldn't want that to happen to his own child."

"And with Face's own experience as a fugitive he probably wouldn't want that to happen to his child either."

The Team agreed to leave now, but to come back around the time the baby would be born.

"That would give us about nine months to knock some sense into the Team," Allison said.

"We're not gonna talk to the Team. Things always get out of hand when you talk to the Team."

Allison rolled her eyes. "Once," she said. "They did once. And the Team became helpful in sorting the Sue out. They could be here as well."

"We're not dealing with an ordinary Sue here."

"I think not ordinary is a characteristic of every Sue."

"That Sue is doctor Monica Quartermaine. A character from _General Hospital_

Allison shrugged. "So? Never heard of it."

"It's a long running drama series. We have to return that Sue to her own fandom."

"The sooner the better, I'd say."

"Well, nothing interesting is going to happen here for another nine months. Let's do like the Team and come back when the baby is due." Tasmin got the remote activator from her bag and jumped off her stool.

"And please, some normal clothes for disguises this time."

-oOo-

Allison looked around the living room. "Whose place is this?"

Tasmin pointed to Face sleeping on the sofa.

"No one we're going to meet then." Allison turned her attention to the Words. "You made us skip quite a bit."

"Not much interesting happened in the meantime." Tasmin put down her bag and walked over to Face. She carefully picked up the baby sleeping on his chest.

"That's interesting though." Allison pointed a few sentences out.

_"Ahhhh, well... I dunno, Hannibal..." he admitted, raking his fingers through his golden-blonde hair. "A child is... you know what I'm saying here?"_

_"A heavy responsibility?" he guessed._

_"Yes! I..." he almost admitted he was worried about being able to handle it, but he just... couldn't..._

"What's interesting about it?"

Allison threw her partner a look. She frowned at her holding the baby. "While the Sue is in labor it finally occurs to him that it may not be a good idea to have a child. Why wasn't that the first thought on his mind? He even sat in that lawyer's office and thought about being a fugitive. Why didn't it occur to him then that fugitive and child is a bad combination?"

"Making sense is not the strongest point of Suefics."

"But it could have occurred to the Sue that none of them have current addresses, with the exception of Murdock, and he's not allowed to adopt due to reasons of sanity. The only one for which I could see this work is BA. If he got a baby that the mother wasn't capable of taking care of he would call his mum." Tasmin didn't reply so Allison continued. "You know what's funny? He named the baby Emily. Hannibal had a daughter named Emily."

"That's just a coincidence," Tasmin replied. "This Emily is going to be a canon in _General Hospital_."

"Will you put that baby down? We're not taking her with us. We already have Trent and the minis."

"Of course we won't take her with us. As I said, she's canon." Tasmin placed the baby back on Face's chest being careful to place her on her back.

There was a noise at the door and the agents quickly dove behind the sofa.

Hannibal came in and woke Face up. He told him the Team was going on a mission. Face asked the Team to help him interview prospective sitters.

Allison grabbed Tasmin by her wrist. "You are not getting up and applying for the job."

"What makes you think I want to do that?"

"The way you were holding that baby a moment ago."

Tasmin didn't reply, but looked away.

Face turned down all the candidates. Allison groaned about having seen that scene in a movie some time. Finally, BA called his mother and Mrs Baracus immediately flew from Chicago to LA to help out. That made Allison and Tasmin both groan.

_"Oh, isn't she just the most precious thing?" Mrs. B cooed, picking Emily up. "Oh, Face, I can see she takes after her Daddy..."_

"The child is a week old," Allison mumbled. "At this moment she looks like most babies: small with little hair."

Baby Emily stuck her thumb in her mouth and Face removed it insisting it was bad for the shape of her mouth. Mrs Baracus put some bitter tasting stuff on the thumb to make the baby stop putting it in her mouth.

This made both agents pop their heads out above the sofa to look at the scene with their own eyes.

"Do week old babies already suck their thumb?" Allison asked. "I know they don't really cry yet at that age. They just holler for attention. So there's probably other baby related things they can't do yet."

"Most babies start sucking their thumb at around two or three months of age, but some already suck their thumb in the womb. And it's not a problem they suck their thumb until they get their permanent teeth." Tasmin shook her head. "I can't believe Mrs B. is indulging Face in this. She ought to slap him upside the head and tell him that it's okay for babies to suck their thumbs for the first two or three years."

"I think perhaps Mrs B. didn't come flying all the way out to LA. I think she sent a clone."

"I wouldn't be at all surprised if that was the case." Tasmin ducked down and started to crawl towards her duffelbag.

Allison sat back and looked on in wonder. Tasmin got the remote activator from her bag and opened a portal.

"Where are we going now?"

"Borneo. Or as the Sue calls it Bornio."

-oOo-

The agents sat squatted in the shrubbery overlooking a small compound.

"This looks awfully familiar," Allison said.

Tasmin turned to the Words. "The Team are hired by the WSB, the World Spy Bureau, to get one of their spies out of Borneo."

"WSB? I thought the whole point of spying was that you did it on your enemies. Particularly enemy nations. Who would hire an internationally operating freelancer for that? They'd probably spy on you in return."

"Idea poverty." Tasmin shrugged.

"And even if there was such a thing, can't they take care of their own? James Bond never needed the A-Team to get him out of a pickle."

"That's because the A-Team are always particularly incompetent in Borneo," Tasmin said as BA, Face and Hannibal stormed the compound and managed to get caught, again.

"This is that episode again!" Allison exclaimed. "It already got mangled by a Sue once. By the way, a Sue that also thought it was a good idea for Face to take care of children. What is it with Sues and Borneo that it makes them want to nest?"

"What is it with Sues and wanting to butcher _One More Time_?"

"Because it's fun to see the Team stumble into the kitchen?"

"It's not like the Team didn't stumble into things any other time."

Both agents watched as the events of _One More Time_ unfolded in the absence of both female characters that had been present originally.

"Hey, is Amy going to make an appearance at all in this story?" Allison asked. "What would she make of a fugitive raising a child?"

"I don't know. Let's go see." Tasmin took the remote activator and opened a portal.

-oOo-

Allison looked around the apartment. "Where are we now?"

"Mrs Baracus' apartment. After the Borneo mission Face took care of the baby a couple of days and then she went to Mrs B.."

"Wouldn't it be easier to just leave her with Mrs B.? Best chance for a stable home life."

The Team and Amy arrived and received a warm welcome from Mrs Baracus.

_Amy, though, nearly got the shock of her life when she saw Face go to the bassinett and lift up a baby-girl that was unmistakably his..._

"The baby is now two weeks old," Allison said. "The only thing unmistakable at first glance is that BA isn't the father. Unless she has 'Face's girl' written across her bold little skull in waterproof marker."

Tasmin slapped her partner upside the head.

"All right," Allison said stepping out of arm's range of Tasmin. "She doesn't have anything written on her skull."

Amy was surprised to hear Face was raising a kid on his own.

"Why are we the only two bothered by the fact that Face is going to haul this child across country on a regular basis?" Allison exclaimed.

"It gets even worse. They're going to drop Amy off in LA and then they are going to drive to Port Charles to visit the Sue."

Allison blinked. "LA is in California."

"And Port Charles is in New York."

Allison shook her head. "It's bad enough Americans don't know world geography. But to not even know your own geography. Is there anything in the Words to imply that they took Amy to O'Hara airport so she could take a flight to LA?"

"Nope. It says they dropped her back in LA."

"They drove two-thirds across the country to give someone a lift home? And then they drive all the way across country to pay someone else a visit? With a baby on board? I hope the child cried all the way so they realized the stupidity of their actions properly."

"I blame the Internet : it makes distances disappear."

-oOo-

In Port Charles the Sue convinced Face to let her take out the baby and Tasmin and Allison decided that this was the time to step in. The Sue had taken the baby to her place of work. Which was good, according to Tasmin; it meant she was in her own canon.

"Monica Quartermaine, could we talk to you for a moment." Tasmin flashed her a badge.

"Uh, yes, I guess so. I think we better step into my office where we have a little privacy."

The agents followed the Sue as she led them into an office.

"Do sit down. What is this about?"

"We understand you recently had a baby." Tasmin looked pointedly at the baby in the Sue's arms. "And then you signed over full parental rights to a known fugitive."

"He is the baby's father. But it this is about him ... I don't know where he is right now."

"So he just left you holding the baby?" Allison asked.

"Yes, he did."

"We don't believe you," Tasmin said. "But that is not the point. We're here because your involvement with Face is screwing with the canon: it makes Face think of Decker years before they first heard of him; it makes them meet Amy and Mrs Baracus years before they first met them; it makes them stumble around Borneo years before they ought to; it makes them run up the mileage on the van, what with them based in LA and their nanny in Chicago."

"I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is that it is distorting canon. If you wanted to have a baby with Face, okay, have a baby with Face, but could you at least take into consideration that he is a fugitive and a soldier of fortune? The A-Team is an 80s TV show. These guys are not metrosexuals. They'd probably laugh at metrosexuals and call them Sissies."

"I don't see what can be done about that now."

"We want you and that baby out of Face's life." Tasmin pulled a small metal case from her duffelbag. She opened it and gave one of the sunglasses in it to her partner. The other she put on herself. Then she took the neutralizer from the case. "Please look into the red light." She pressed the button and the neutralizer emitted a red light and a high pitched sound.

Monica, formerly the Sue, sat back in her chair, dazed.

Tasmin packed up the equipment. "Let's take that baby to her proper place in canon, and go home."

Allison picked up the baby. "She going to be all right, you think?" She nodded to Monica.

"She's going to feel a bit groggy for a few hours, but she'll be okay." Tasmin opened up a portal. "Let's go."

-oOo-

_A/N: The difficulty with crossovers is that you have to do justice to both fandoms. I don't really know _General Hospital_ so I don't know whether that was done justice here. I do know the A-Team and I find it unlikely that any of them would take the responsibility for raising a child while still a fugitive. Not being able to have a normal family life is an issue that occasionally comes up in canon. If you want to give Face a child and/or home life give him a pardon first._

_At one point I said that Mrs Baracus flew out to LA to babysit. The story at that point could also be interpreted as that the whole Team flew to Chicago to bring the baby to Mrs Baracus. But since that means that they had to get BA on a plane twice (in one day) that version of the story was even more silly than Mrs B flying out to LA to babysit._


	17. More Glitches

_Author's note: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. More glitches._

-oOo-

Shattered by _Cindy Ryan_

Tasmin and Allison were doing inventory. That is, Tasmin was doing inventory; Allison was lying on the sofa doodling on her notepad.

"One FLF, slightly scratched and dented." Tasmin put it in her bag. "One CAD, fried. One CAD, never used."

"That's not true."

"When have you ever used it?"

Allison frowned her brow while she thought. "Well, that one time it gave an error message. And that other time it gave an error message. I think I also got a few proper readings out of it so it's probably not broken."

"Good." Tasmin put the device in her duffel bag.

BEEEP

"We're not in," Allison said and turned to a clean page on her notepad.

"As if that would really matter. The console would just beep again until we answer."

Allison drew in a deep breath. "Well, so much for a quiet Sunday morning."

"It's Wednesday." Tasmin pressed some keys and studied the mission assignment.

"But it is still June."

"It's March."

Allison sat up and rubbed a hand through her hair. "I think I better not ask you what year it is."

Tasmin looked over her shoulder and grinned. "It's just a glitch. Murdock is in a pickle."

"He always did say he was condiments." Allison got up an followed Tasmin through the portal.

-o-

She looked around the warehouse. In the middle of it stood an armored car. Face and Murdock were busy handling four men. "Are you sure there isn't a Sue in this story?" Allison asked. "The way Face and Murdock took out those four men was dodgy to say the least."

"We're not here for a Sue. A preliminary study showed there was not enough evidence to make a case. We're here for Murdock." Tasmin pointed over to three men near one of the walls.

_"He ain't..."The henchman replied but instantly broke off his sentence as Murdock_

_pressed the butt of his gun against the man's temple. _

Tasmin scrapped her throat. "Excuse, Murdock?"

Murdock looked around. "What are you doing here? There are no Sues here." He pointed the butt of the gun to Tasmin.

"I'm here for you." Tasmin took the gun by the handle and easily lifted it out of the hand of the surprised looking Murdock. She turned the gun over and pressed it back in his hand. Murdock was now holding the handle. Then she guided Murdock's hand so the gun was pointing at the henchman again.

The henchman looked at her in fright. "What are you doing, woman?"

"My job. Do continue, y'all." Tasmin stepped back and Face and Murdock immediately turned their attention back to the henchman and the reason they had him slammed up against a wall.

"I still find it dodgy," Allison said as she followed Tasmin back to the response center. "I had a look at the Words. And in that little scene in the warehouse, Face was called Face twice, then once Peck, twice Face and once Peck again. It was like reading the Quickstep."

Tasmin sat down at the desk and rubbed her temples. "Against better judgment I am going to ask you to explain that one."

"Quick, quick, slow. Quick, quick, slow." Allison smirked.

"Lie back down on the sofa and pretend to be helping me with inventory."

-oOo-

A Sergeant's Choice _by junkfoodmonkey_

"This is goodfic," Allison said looking over Tasmin's shoulder. "There'll be no Sues there. Unless the author fell down the stairs and hurt her head."

"There's a glitch."

"This is very goodfic. There'll be no glitches unless FFnet is under random attack of grammarsites."

"She had one of the characters perform a salute indoor. It is inappropriate to salute indoors."

"C'mon. I see indoor salutes all the time on TV."

"Okay, there are circumstances under which one salutes indoor. These being when reporting to an officer or when on guard duty. Neither is the case here." Tasmin pressed a key and a printer started rattling.

"This could be interpreted as reporting to an officer."

"Then that interpretation is wrong. It's the colonel that comes to the captain's desk. Not the other way 'round. Plus, she's not his commanding officer."

"Has anyone ever told you you are anal?"

"No."

"Is that because they don't speak to you?"

Tasmin rolled her eyes and picked up the documents that had just been printed. She put them in a folder. "Are you coming?"

"Oh yeah. Don't want to miss this."

-o-

The portal took them right outside Captain Benson's office. Allison studied their disguises.

"I'm just guessing here that gold does not outrank silver."

"That would be a correct assumption." Tasmin grinned. "C'mon."

The agents walked into Benson's office. The captain, who was nearly hidden by piles of folders, sat at his desk holding his head in his hands.

"Captain Benson?" Tasmin said.

Benson looked up, saw the two women and the folder one of them was holding. "Just put it on one of the piles." He sat up straight. "I will take a look at it later."

"It's of importance that you should look at it as soon as possible." Tasmin held out the folder.

Benson took it and put it down in front of him. "What does it say? The A-Team were sighted on the terrain?"

"The documents are Field Manual FM 22-5 appendix 9, and Army Regulation 600-25."

"Instructions on salute?"

Tasmin smiled and nodded. "Just a small reminder."

"I'll have a look at it then."

"Very well. Bye."

The two agents turned around and left the office. Benson sighed and opened the folder.

-oOo-

_Just a few glitches that needed to be taken care of, nothing serious. And though _Shattered_ does switch epithets to the point of annoyance, it's not a hanging offense._


	18. You Lift Me Up, Flying Lessons

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts taken from _You Lift Me Up_ and _Flying Lessons_ by Nubiangeek._

-oOo-

Allison sat down on the cushioned lid of the crate. "I fail to see the relevance of this disguise: a multipocketed vest, a funny hat with thingies on them." She pulled the hat from her head and pulled on one to the colourful decorations.

"They're flies."

"I think I know what a fly looks like."

"For fly fishing."

"What?"

"I thought it best we'd follow most of this fic from a distance. This is Spring Valley. The Team will come here later to sort out a case."

Allison turned her head to the Words. "Where are they now?"

Tasmin shrugged. "They haven't been introduced into the story yet."

The Sue was introduced, though, as she tried to convince her mother to leave her husband. The mother wouldn't budge and the Sue left the house instead. When she got home a chlorophyll-soaked cloth was pushed over the Sue's mouth which knocked her out.

"I wonder from which plant the chlorophyll came if it suddenly has the same characteristics as chloroform," Allison said.

"Just write her up for using the wrong word."

Allison chuckled. "You know this mission isn't going to get any shorter if you don't let me make any jokes."

"Yeah, but it's gonna feel like a lot longer if I do let you."

The fic fast forwarded two months. In that time the Sue's mother had been killed, the Sue had been deemed crazy and taken to the VA where Murdock was staying.

_She had been watching him for weeks. She had hoped that she weren't hallucinating, but people seemed to be coming in and getting him and then bringing him back later. The other residents seemed too out of it to notice. She only noticed when they eased up on her meds. They always managed to come and go when the staff was sparce and different people were working. Oh, she had checked him out well._

"I think that is called stalking."

"It doesn't count if it doesn't bother him."

"It's bothering me."

"Yet, she's not stalking you. Rather, we're stalking her." Tasmin chuckled.

Allison glared at her partner. "If I can't make any jokes neither can you."

The Sue asked Murdock for help and explained her situation to him. Murdock seemed to believe her and contacted Hannibal.

_The next day, Templeton Peck arrived at the V.A. He had paperwork giving him orders to take out H.M. Murdock and Patricia Treemont who were going to be married at St. Mark's Cathedral later on that day. The nurse, who had known Mr. Murdock for a long time, thought that it was so sweet that Mr. Murdock and the new girl were getting married._

"Sweet?" Allison huffed. "Not in my world. Would you call this marriage sweet?"

"I would call it illegitimate. Murdock's insane. He cannot sign contracts. Marriage is a legally binding contract. It is not sweet that he is getting married. I know Face pulls the wool over these people a lot, but they can't be that incompetent."

Allison nodded in agreement.

The marriage scam was a ruse to get the Sue to meet the Team so she could tell them in person what was going on. The Sue's story was that her stepfather killed her mother for her money, blamed it on her, had her declared insane and put in the VA.

"Criminally insane people are not put in psychiatric hospitals with veterans," Tasmin noted.

"What if they are both criminal and veteran?"

"I guess it would depend on when and where they committed the crime. If it was while still in the military they might, but most likely they would be sent to a place that doesn't have Murdock's VA's open door policy."

Though the Team didn't see how they could help the Sue, they decided to help her anyway. Hannibal suggested the Sue went back to the VA and pretended to be Murdock's wife. Seen as that would make her part of the Team she needed a nickname.

"How is that making her part of the Team?" Allison jumped up and glared at the Words. "It's making Murdock her bodyguard. Nothing more. It does not require her to get a nickname."

"Calm down, sit down and write down. Where's your notepad? I'ven't seen you use it yet."

Allison sat back down on the crate and pulled a tattered notepad from one of the pockets of her vest. She pulled a pencil from another pocket and scribbled a few notes on an empty page.

At the VA the nurse that had let the Sue get off with Murdock and Face was getting an earful from the Sue's stepfather. But he also saw the benefit of this for his own plans.

_"Okay, fine, fine. Can I see her at least. I want to make sure she hasn't made a mistake." Oh, how sweet, thought Nurse Dixon, a loving father caring about his poor, deranged daughter._

"Nurse Dixon is obviously incompetent," Tasmin growled. "At least incompetent for working at a psychiatric hospital. She dotes too much. She ought to be working at a petting zoo."

"I've already got incompetent staff here." Allison made a tally behind the note.

The stepfather's visit greatly disturbed the Sue and Murdock called in the Team to tell them about it. The Team came to the VA.

"I'm starting to have doubts about the competency of the Team too," Allison said. "They never used to come to the VA in the day-time unless disguised, and at night they had the guise of night. What are they doing sitting all open and exposed on a picnic bench on the VA's grounds?"

"I think the influence of the Sue is making the staff more gullible that usual, and the Team less cautious. I also think that is a charge."

Time at the VA passed quickly, but the Team made no progress on getting the dirt on the Sue's stepfather. Murdock started to take a liking to her company.

_Face had broken them out a couple of times for training. Pepper showed off her kickboxing finesse by beating up Face._

"Humph. I could beat up Face."

"If I recall correctly, he beat you up."

Allison grunted in reply. "Why are we getting these Murdock-lusters anyway? Don't they write any other Sues any more?"

"You know how the PPC works: you always get what you don't want."

"You never seem to get what you don't want."

"I got you."

_Hannibal had been contacted about another mission, so Face was sent to retrieve Murdock and Pepper. they all met at Face's condo to discuss the mission._

"Why aren't they working on the Fred mission?"

"I guess protecting her is the Fred mission."

"No, working on the Fred mission is Hannibal thinking up a plan and the Team executing it that would make Fred no longer a threat to the Sue and they could stop protecting her."

"Guess the Sue just wants to spend as much time with Murdock as she can." Tasmin shrugged and tried to suppress a smile. "Honestly, can you blame her?"

Allison eyed her partner. "I can and I will."

"Good girl."

"She should have made her a journalist," Allison said after a pause.

"How do mean?"

"The only women that spent prolonged periods of time with the A-Team were Amy and Tawnia. Journalists."

"That's true." Tasmin smirked. "What's also true is that we've never seen a Sue that was a journalist."

Murdock pulled Hannibal aside for a private conversation. He was having second thoughts about taking the Sue on their mission.

_"Look Murdock, we told her that she can be part of the team. We can't welch on the deal now. Besides, you said that she could take care of herself." He had. He remembered her beating up Face and smiled._

Allison cringed.

"The dialogue not belonging to the person doing the remembering bothering you?" Tasmin asked sweetly.

"Sure, that's it. Got nothing to do with Hannibal making strangers part of his Team."

The Team drove to Spring Valley where Hannibal explained his plan.

Tasmin took a pair of binoculars from her duffelbag. "I've got visual on the Team now."

"Maybe now is a good time to get across this lake. Get a little nearer to the Team."

Tasmin lowered the binoculars and looked at her partner. "I don't think quite yet. We'll take a portal when we have enough charges."

"You don't have to worry about me. I've learned my lesson."

"You've also just nearly broken your pencil."

Allison looked down at her hand and at the pencil that she was holding that was no longer straight. "Wood just isn't as durable any more as it used to be."

Hannibal's plan was that the Team would pose as the new hired help. Not long after a few cronies came to pay them a visit. Hannibal greeted them from behind the counter of the fishery's rental.

_"No we're not here to go fishing, old man. Are you the jerk running this place?"_

_"Well, I might be. then again, I might be your mama." Hannibal was deliberately saying things to tick them off._

"Gosh, really? I hadn't been able to tell from his choice of words."

"Hm-mmm. Hannibal's words are always ambiguous."

The agents looked at each other and chuckled.

The cronies started to pick a fight and the rest of the Team and the Sue filed in to fight them off. The Sue fought two men at the same time and Murdock was not paying attention to his own fight out of worry for her.

"At least Murdock doesn't seem to get hurt from his negligence." Allison studied the Words. "Or the Sue didn't think it important to mention."

_After they had thoroughly defeated Weinberg's men, they went running out presumably to tell their boss._

A group of men ran from the cabin, but Tasmin couldn't tell whether they were the cronies or the Team. She lowered her binoculars. "Ambiguous use of pronouns. I can totally see Hannibal going over to Weinberg and gloating that he has beaten up his men."

"From what follows I think those are the cronies. The Sue is now picking a fight with Murdock for watching out for her."

Murdock said he couldn't tell her why, and she touched his face to show she understood.

The scene briefly went dark. When light returned the cronies did too, armed to the teeth and trigger happy.

_Pepper had gatheredd the children and run for cover. Murdock was trying his best to see where she had gone. then he chided himself and tried to think of her as just another member of the team._

"He should have told Hannibal that he fancied her and then Hannibal would have insisted she'd stay behind."

Tasmin quietly patted her partner on the shoulder.

The Sue was hiding in a shed. One of the cronies dragged her out holding a gun to her head.

_Pepper hated to think that she would be the cause for a ruined mission. She had to do something. So, she decided to make her move._

_Using her elbow, she rammed as hard as she could into the man's ribcage._

_"Run!" she shouted to the kids._

"I thought she did **not** want to be the cause of a ruined mission? How is putting everyone in jeopardy going to help there?"

"Behaving stupidly and getting away with it, another charge," Tasmin said cheerfully.

The crony took aim to shoot the Sue, but Murdock jumped in the way and got shot. Hannibal shot the crony. Then he sent Face and BA to get a doctor. Murdock was taken to one of the guest rooms.

_Pepper was by his side secretly blaming herself for his being shot. _

"Oh sweetheart, it's no secret you are to blame."

In his delirium Murdock tried to talk to her, but she shushed him to be quiet. After the doctor had seen to Murdock and the Sue had had some sleep herself she started to think about what Murdock had been trying to tell her, and about her own feelings for him. She thought about something that had happened in the VA.

_She was beautiful, he thought. Just the thought of her in the shower with water and soap sliding over her body and he would have to take a shower. A cold one._

"Huh?" Allison frowned at her partner. "I thought we were having one of her flashbacks. How does she know what he's thinking?"

Tasmin merely cocked an eyebrow in reply.

"Oh, yes. Wishfulfilment. Still, this shouldn't have been introduced as one of her flashbacks.

While the Sue was sitting vigil with Murdock, Face broke into Weinberg's office to find out what he was doing. He returned to the resort and told the Team Weinberg didn't want to buy the place to turn it into a bigger resort, but to turn it into a landfill.

"You have heard of permits?" Allison shouted. "Zoning committees? You can't just start a landfill somewhere. This is nature. It would make more sense to start industrial woodlogging in this forest." Allison turned to her partner. "Or where all these trees made up by you? Is this place in fact a dump already?"

"This place is fictional any way you look at it, but you're right about the permits."

Face suggested it would get Weinberg into a pickle if a TV station would do an item on how great the new resort would be. Hannibal liked the idea. He commented that Weinberg would be guilty of fraud if he tried to back out.

"Huh, how does that work?"

"I don't know. Fraud is wrongful or criminal deception intended to result in financial or personal gain. Technically, Weinberg is already guilty of fraud if he is deceiving everyone that he wants to buy the resort to develop it into a more profitable resort while he wants the site for a landfill. Cooperating with the TV show item would just make him a fraud who's trying harder."

"From what I've seen so far I doubt Weinberg would cooperate in such an item."

"We'll see."

Allison cringed as she looked at the Words again. "Mushy love scene. With all kinds of wrong in it."

"I think the words mushy and love already pretty much sum that up. Did you have anything particular in mind?"

"First, Murdock gets shot in the shoulder." Allison made a tally with her fingers. "But as soon as the bullet is out and a bandage is on he wraps his arms around the Sue. That has got to smart. Though it's not mentioned. Then," Allison tallied on the next finger, "she closes her eyes, and without opening can see that his eyes look like burning coals. Which is probably a good thing that they aren't really burning coal, because that's probably going to smart as well. And then, in the paragraph where they finally kiss, she can tell he's unsure and he feels like he's going to faint. That kind of POV has got to-"

A sudden gush of wind picked up the two agents. A moment later it deposited them on a green lawn near a brick building with safety grids bolted to the windows.

"-smart too." Allison finished her sentence. "Ow." She had fallen on her left side. She sat up, rubbed the sore spot and looked around. "Where are we and how did we get here?"

Tasmin was looking as bewildered as Allison. "It seems the story has suddenly ended."

"What? Does that mean we are never going to find out if the TV crew scam is actually going to work?"

"I guess not." Tasmin got up.

"But why are we here? Aren't stories supposed to go on pause if they're not finished?"

"I thought so too. But from the Words I gather that this is a sequel to the previous story."

"How can there be a sequel if the first story is not finished yet?"

Tasmin turned to her partner. "Another form of Sue logic. They're not exactly known for never making continuity errors."

"Neither is The A-Team," Allison muttered as she picked herself up. "Anyway, what have we got?"

"Not sure. The Sue is having nightmares, but it's not clear whether they are actual dreams or that it is a metaphor for something incredibly dramatic happening."

The agents looked at the Words. It seemed the Sue, like the agents, was back at the VA. She answered a phone call from her stepfather.

_"What do you want, Fred?" She wasn't ready for what he had to say._

_"Do you remember. . .when you were fourteen - when I took you for the first time?" She stiffened when she heard these words._

"I vaguely remember that the Words from the other story said something about the Sue accusing her stepfather of 'touching' her when she was fourteen." Allison glanced at her notepad to see if she had made a note of the euphemism.

"Right, but he denied the accusation and no one believed her."

"Why would he start reminding her of the events now? Can he still get in trouble for it?"

"I'm not sure. Most states have a Statute of Limitations on rape, even statutory rape. So it all depends on where the rape took place, when the authorities were notified, and how long ago it all took place. We don't know any of this, so it could be that he is in the clear."

"Still seems strange that he would phone her up now."

"Well, who knows how the mind of a socio-path works. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You seem to know about everything else, and it does take one..." From the look of Tasmin's face Allison thought it best not to finish that sentence.

The Sue managed to hang up the phone. She said to herself that she could not tell Murdock about this conversation.

"Why not?" Allison demanded. "Fred's a bully. The A-Team takes care of bullies. Sounds like a perfectly good reason to talk to Murdock."

"Perhaps the memories are too painful for her to talk about."

"Don't you start."

Tasmin smirked in reply.

The ground started shaking. Both agents fell down.

"What's happening?" Allison shouted.

"The next paragraph is all muddled. It's unclear whether it's happening in the now or whether it's a sudden flashback; whether it's the Sue's POV or Murdock's." Tasmin had pushed herself up on hands and knees and was studying the Words.

"But we're nowhere near the Sue. We're following the story through the Words. Shouldn't we not be affected by bad paragraphing?"

"If the effect is bad enough to throw a reader out of the story, the effect is bad enough to shake us up no matter where we are."

"And when is this shaking going to stop?"

"As soon as the muddling of paragraphs will stop."

Allison gave her partner an incredulous look. "Do you mean to say that we might have to endure this for the rest of this mission?"

"There may be some lulls."

"There may also be that I sprout wings and become airborne. Come to think of it: why don't we use the disguise generator to disguise ourselves as fairies or angels or some other winged creatures?"

"Because those creatures don't exist in this canon. We can only disguise ourselves as canon creatures."

"There's pigeons."

"You want to be disguised as a pigeon?"

"Not necessarily, but if it gets me off the ground. Or we could be hawks, or eagles, something big and predatory. We could rip the Sue apart after we charge her."

"All right." Tasmin managed to rumble through her duffelbag and find the portable disguise generator. She pressed a few buttons.

Allison flapped her wings. "That's much better." She saw that her partner had not changed a bit. "Why are you not a bird?"

"One of us has to stay human and charge the Sue."

"Shaking of the ground not bothering you then?"

"I've got that covered." Tasmin jumped up and grabbed Allison by her legs.

Allison shrieked and flapped her wings to lift the both of them off the ground. "Have I mentioned lately that I hate you?"

"I'm sure you have."

"It's one of those things that I just can't say often enough."

The Sue was becoming more and more unapproachable, and though she had told no one what was going on, Hannibal made the right guess that sorting out her stepfather would be helpful. Or, he realized that he had left the Fred mission on the shelf for long enough. Face found out that Fred was under investigation from the FBI for illegal arms dealing. Hannibal saw a point of entry for a plan.

_Pepper had pretty much lapsed into a catatonic state. This made it easy for Face to get them out claiming to take Pepper to a facility better suited to care for her._

"Yeah, because a hospital that specializes in care for veterans suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome is not suited very well to deal with civilians suffering post traumatic stress."

"I think that one goes down to incompetence of VA staff. I've already written that down a few times."

"You should also write down the FBI for incompetence. Apparently they can't find the Sue because she now goes by the name of Patricia Murdock. Despite that there should be official records that a Patricia Treemont was deemed criminally insane and sent to the VA."

"It's probably the VA staff that got those records lost." Allison let out a chuckle at Tasmin's groan. "And you will have to write it down yourself. I can't hold a pad and pencil with these wings. Let alone write something down while flapping them."

"I can't write anything down either. I'm holding on to you."

"Yes, I'd appreciate it if you stopped doing that."

"Can't, until the bad paragraphing is over."

Allison grumbled.

The Team took the Sue to an apartment, where she climbed onto the balcony in confused state. They managed to talk her back into the room and entertained the possibility that the Sue might be drugged.

"What the hell." Tasmin let go of Allison and fell down to the ground.

"What?" Allison asked after she had come down. The sudden weight loss had caused her to soar up.

Propped up on an elbow Tasmin pointed at the Words.

_I was back in the jungles of 'Nam._

"Murdock is doing a voice-over on one of his flashbacks?"

"It's not Murdock. It could be Murdock. I'm not sure." Tasmin looked panicked. "Then there is white space and another I-person starts talking, and that one is definitely the Sue. But these first memories can't be the Sue's."

Allison swooped down and picked Tasmin up by her shoulders. "It's better you don't stay on the ground for too long. Let's go to Virginia."

"Why?" Tasmin tried to crane her neck to look her partner in the eyes, but bird anatomy being what it is and the fact she was directly underneath her made that impossible.

"The Team are going to Virginia. And a change of scenery might do us some good too."

"Okay." Tasmin pulled the remote activator from her pocket.

-oOo-

"It would have been okay if you had set my disguise back to human." Allison ruffled her feathers.

"We're still in the fic. I thought you might not want to take any chances."

Allison grunted. For the moment the ground had stopped vibrating which probably meant the paragraphing problem had been sorted. She hopped around on the drive leading up to the house.

"Why is the Team going to Virginia, by the way?" Tasmin tried to find her place in the Words.

"The Sue's mother's house is in Virginia."

"That's very interesting," Tasmin said after a moment's thought. "For a number of reasons."

"One is of course that there are mental hospitals in Virginia. There would be no need to stick her in one on the other side of the country. But then, the Sue would probably explain that one by claiming that the stepfather wanted her as far away as possible. Should have send her to the Gobi desert. That's approximately on the other side of the planet."

"I also was thinking that Virginia doesn't have a Statute of Limitation on rape. The stepfather was incriminating himself making those phone calls to her."

"I'm sure he either doesn't know about the Statute of Limitation or he doesn't care about incriminating himself. He'd probably just claim she was crazy again."

"Yes, but that's why she should have told the Team, like you said. They could have placed a wiretap and collected evidence on the guy."

"Are wiretaps legal in Virginia? I know that in Maryland it's not allowed to record people's telephone conversations without telling them."

"They would be doing them in California. Okay, California's Invasion of Privacy Act prohibits the recording of confidential conversations without consent from both parties, but A, she's in a mental institution so one could claim that it's in her best interest her telephone conversations are not confidential, or B, she could tell her stepfather the moment he starts talking that she's recording the conversation and if he doesn't hang up that implies consent to the recording of the conversation."

"And you think he'd be that stupid?"

"Well, so far everybody else has been that stupid."

"Fair enough."

Face walked up to the house and rang the doorbell. He introduced himself to the maid who opened the door as a reporter that wanted to ask some questions about the death of the Sue's mother. The maid sang like a canary. Or rather more like a crow, as what she had to say was not pretty. She told Face the Sue had been put in a sanatorium. So Face and Hannibal decided to present themselves as FBI agents and have a chat with the Chief of Staff.

_"Her parents first brought her here for treatment when she was fourteen. She was belligerent, getting into trouble at school. We think that she was distraught over her biological father's death and her mother's subsequent remarriage. She took it out on her stepfather. She accused him of molesting her. No one believed it - not even her own mother. Of course I cannot reveal any conversations that I had with the young woman. Patient/doctor privilege. All I can say is that she is very sick."_

"I think under doctor-patient confidentiality he's not even supposed to say all that he has said," Allison said.

"There's a difference between doctor-patient confidentiality and doctor-patient privilege. One is..." Tasmin trailed of as she noticed the glare of her partner. There was something decidedly disconcerting about the glare of an eagle. "Yeah, without a court order just about the only thing he could mention was that, yes, he knew her."

Face and Hannibal were not put off by the doctor's claim and asked about the treatment the Sue received. A question which the doctor with only a little hesitance answered.

_"She was given Haldon, an antipsychotic drug. It is a standard treatment that we use here to control psychotic behavior."_

"And that, he shouldn't have said either. What does this Sue think doctor-patient privilege means? Disclose everything as long as you don't give transcripts?"

Face found out the Haldon drug was an anti-psychotic, but could also cause psychotic symptoms. The Team concluded from this that someone was deliberately drugging the Sue to make her look crazy.

"Which is of course a much simpler conclusion to jump to than that she is behaving psychotically because she hasn't been taking her anti-psychosis medication for a few months."

"Now, that would not be very fitting for a story with a paranoia themed plot." Allison smirked.

Tasmin noted that a smirking eagle did not look less disconcerting than a glaring one. She turned back to the Words. A moment later she let out a loud, piercing scream. She turned over her duffelbag and started to wolf down all the chocolate she could get out of their wrappers.

Allison frantically looked over the Words to find out what could have caused this behaviour.

Hannibal and BA went into the Sue's room because she was having another psychosis.

_B.A. really didn't want to go in. He hated being around crazy people, but he cared for Pepper. He fought to keep the tears back. _

"Well, I've always thought any Sue was so bad she could make a grown man cry."

Tasmin threw a bar of chocolate at her partner and nearly hit her in the eye.

The Team took the Sue's inhaler away from her, because they believed this was how she was receiving the anti-psychosis psychosis causing drug. They discussed the possibility that the Sue did kill her mother, perhaps under the influence of the drug.

Hannibal and Face went to see the stepfather posed as two FBI agents.

"It is so not Face's style to use the same scam twice."

"It's so not Hannibal's style to avoid direct confrontation," Tasmin replied with a mouth full of chocolate.

"I think we can add Virginia police to our list of incompetent professionals. The stepfather calls the police because he finds the Sue holding a gun standing over the body of her mother, and they don't immediately arrest her. Rather, they accept that her stepfather won't even let them question her. They should have arrest him too, for obstruction of justice."

"I've given up on anyone doing anything that is expected of them in this fic." Tasmin threw down the last wrapper and started packing up her duffelbag.

"The Team are going to set up the stepfather with a phony weapons-deal. Want to go see that? There'll be guys with guns."

"This is the A-Team. Not having guys with guns is a chargeable offence."

-oOo-

The set-up seemed to work. Until BA saw that Fred tried to sell them weapons without firing pins. BA and Face started shooting and Fred fled the scene. On foot. He ran into Hannibal, who offered him help and took him to a warehouse. There he was confronted with the Sue.

And all were confronted with the two PPC agents.

Murdock and Hannibal were undecided whether to point their guns at Fred or at the woman that was holding two guns and pointing them at them.

"Patricia Treemont, a.k.a. Pepper."

The Sue's eyes grew wide as Allison started speaking. She shook her head. "Did you hear that? The eagle spoke."

"I'm not hearing anything," Murdock said. "You're supposed to be off those drugs. If anything, I should be hearing the eagle."

Allison coughed. "Try not to be smart. Pepper, you're a Mary Sue. That is why you can hear me. I'm a Protector of the Plot Continuum and that is why I am charging you."

"Murdock." The Sue pulled on Murdock's arm. "The eagle is talking about charging me."

"Charging?" Murdock blinked and slowly lowered his gun. He started to look absent-mindedly.

"Murdock, Murdock!"

Allison flew up and grabbed the Sue by an ear with one of her claws. The Sue screamed and tried to beat her away. Hannibal quickly glanced at the bird attacking the Sue, but decided to keep his gun pointed at the woman pointing a Colt M1911 at him.

"Stop that, and I'll let go."

The Sue stopped beating the agent.

After one last tug Allison let go. She landed on the ground in front of the Sue. "Let's see. Charges. As I can't hold a pencil, everything has to come from memory. One, you're a Mary Sue. Two, you might be criminally insane, but rather than be put into a mental institution for criminally insane for observation you are brought to a mental hospital for veterans. Three, everyone working at that hospital is incompetent. Four, the FBI is incompetent. Five, the police are incompetent. Six, you are incompetent. Several scenes were very confusing as to what was happening when and to whom. Plus you put Murdock's thoughts about you in one of your own flashbacks." Allison tsk-ed and shook her head. "And worst of all, seven, the Team are incompetent. They are just walking into the VA without disguises and they take a stranger on to the Team. Murdock's not paying attention to his own fighting, and you got him shot. The Team doesn't get to work on the Fred mission immediately, Hannibal tells Face what scams to run, and Face runs the same scam twice, probably because Hannibal didn't tell him to do otherwise. And Fred here's incompetent for thinking he can get away with everything, even incriminating himself. And," Allison thought for a moment before continuing, "nine, that doctor is incompetent for quoting doctor-patient privilege, but not applying it. Ten, the Team is jumping to a rather odd conclusion that you are being drugged into psychosis. Particularly since the last prescription for your inhaler was filled at the VA which would make them accomplices to Fred and the doctor. Or very, very incompetent. But I already had that one. Eleven, writing a sequel before finishing the first story."

"That's not really a charge," Tasmin said.

"It isn't? Well, I was done charging anyway. Your punishment for your crimes is death." Allison flew up and started pecking and clawing away at the Sue. The Sue screamed for help and Murdock. She tried to beat Allison away. Allison did not let go of the Sue until she was dead on the floor. She hopped away from the dead body and spat out some flesh. "That was disgusting. I'm never doing that again."

Allison turned around to Fred, who had not moved since the two PPC agents barged in on the scene. "Fred Wallis, we are aware that much of your stupidity is due to her stupidity. Still, we charge you with obstructing justice and getting away with it. We charge you with sticking her in a mental institution that is both on the other side of the country from where you are, and not meant for civilians. We charge you with incriminating yourself, and we charge you with sabotaging a phony illegal arms dealing. It's a very bad idea to try to rip off potential criminals you've never met. If you have a brain Tasmin will now blow it out."

Tasmin shot Fred.

"PPC agents," Murdock said. He looked around. "Where's Allison."

Tasmin jerked her head towards the eagle. "I gather that you can't understand what she's saying."

"Nope." Murdock made a gesture that he would like to pet the eagle on the head, but then thought better of it and jerked back his hand.

Tasmin smiled. "Good."

Allison glared at her partner.

Tasmin put away her guns. Hannibal shook his head and put his gun away as well. A door to the warehouse opened up and BA drove the van in. Hannibal and Murdock took one look at the bodies, then each other, and quickly ran for the van. With screeching tires it drove off.

"Nice, Allison. Nice." Tasmin grabbed the remote activator from her pocket. "Let's go sort out the extras and then we can go home."

"Home?"

"The office. And get you out of that disguise."

-oOo-

_A/N: In TV episodes and films flashbacks and dream sequences are a very powerful tool (though on occasion overused) to transfer the thoughts and feelings of characters. It's a lot harder to pull off in writing without confusing the reader. Film has the advantage that you can immediately see that a scene is taking place on a different location (and if all else fails they use back-and-white). Written text requires at the very least that paragraphs are properly spaced so there is no confusion over to what scene they belong, and if that doesn't work, put the flashback or dream in italics.  
Unless the point was of course that the reader should be just as confused as the character suffering the dreams and flashbacks. In that case, everything worked just fine in this story._

_A/N #2: __This was Tasmin and Allison's 25th mission together. I'm not quite sure whether that calls for a celebration or not._


	19. A Night To Remember

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts taken from _A Night To Remember_ by Emerald Princess 20._

-oOo-

Tasmin surveyed the crowd in her response centre: what were all these people doing here? She saw Allison bouncing from one little group of agents to another, holding a large bottle of rum and speaking amicably. Tasmin felt a pain in her side. She glared down at the chubby blonde that had poked her. "What are you doing?"

"I just- I just wanted to see if you were real," the agent stammered.

"You must be new here."

"Yeah, wow. 25 missions. I just had my first. 25, that is... wow."

"Don't overexcite yourself."

"I don't think I could make it up to 25, or 20 even."

"Well, not if you go around poking unsuspecting, senior agents," Tasmin said mildly and patted the agent on the shoulder. She turned away from the blonde and wondered what could make all these people leave.

The console came to her aid and let out a loud and long beep. The chattering in the room came to an immediate stop. All heads turned toward the console, anxiety was a common facial expression among them.

"Everyone that's still in here in 10 seconds is coming on this mission,"Tasmin said.

When the dust had cleared, Allison, who sat on the floor where she had fallen after Tasmin had grabbed her by the scruff of the neck, said: "Wow. You really know how to clear a room."

Tasmin shrugged and walked over to the console to check out the mission. A moment later she turned around to glare at her partner. "You asked for a change of stories. You challenged the Laws of Narrative Comedy. I don't want to hear one word that could be contrived as a complaint coming from your mouth. You brought this on you yourself." Tasmin stabbed the keys on the console with more malice than usual. A portal opened and the two agents went into the fic.

-oOo-

"We're going into badfic and I can't complain? What kind of sadist are you?" Allison looked around the ball room and surveyed the bobbing and bouncing crowd of dancing teenagers. Then her eye fell on her own disguise: a prom dress. "I repeat my question: what kind of sadist are you?"

"This fic is set at a junior prom. I thought it best if we blended in."

"Then why are you blending in as an adult supervisor and did you make me wear this?"

"Must have been the Laws of Narrative Comedy that did that." Tasmin suppressed a chuckle.

"You can't blame everything on them. Particularly not if the colour fuchsia is involved." Allison glared at her partner.

"And you think I know what colour fuchsia is?"

"You may have a point there."

Tasmin bit her tongue and turned around to see if she could spot Face anywhere. He was on the dance floor with a young girl.

_So far the night had been perfect. She was dancing with the man of her dreams. His strong arms held her close. She could feel his burning gaze looking at every inch of her. He led her for a while and she then led him._

"Charge, Face can see every inch of this person despite holding her close, which would leave very awkward angles for looking."

Allison rolled her eyes. "And how do you suppose I write them down? This dress doesn't have pockets. Or did you hide the notepad in the corsage?" Allison jabbed her wrist at her partner.

Tasmin rolled her eyes in turn. "Use mine." She handed her partner a notepad and pen she dug up from her duffel bag. "And add that this Sue seems unaware that in ballroom dancing the convention is that men lead. A convention Face is unlikely to break."

The music changed to a tango, and while Face made the Sue spin, the change in tenses made the PPC agents spin.

_Templeton Peck takes Susan into his arms and leads her into a breathtaking tango. They own this dance floor. He spins her around and around until she was dizzy and takes back into his arms._

"Oh, yeah that tango is breathtaking. The way a lump wedged in your throat is breathtaking." Allison beat herself on her chest is if to clear her windpipe. "First of all, tango is a sensual dance. There is nothing sensual about making your partner dizzy. You're supposed to make her feel good. If Face wants to make her feel good by making her dizzy, he'd stand a much better chance if he took her into an amusement park ride that spins around. Spinning is a salsa move, anyway," Allison said with slight disgust. "Not something you do in a tango, not more than once, not unless you are going for something that is not even recognizable as a tango any more."

Tasmin nodded. "I hope you've written that all down."

"How about I rant and you write for a change?"

"I could rant about the bad grammar."

Allison crossed her arms. "Go on then. Let's hear it."

"I can't while your watching. It's like peeing in public." Tasmin walked away, leaving her partner shivering in disgust. She strolled around the room to the table where Face offered a seat to the Sue.

_He quickly walks around her and sits down by her side. "Would you like something to drink?" he asks. "I'll have whatever you're having." She responds to him._

"Take a note: speaking in the same..." Tasmin looked around. Her partner had not heeled. She was still on the other side of the ball room, shivering. Tasmin tried to make her come over by the power of her glare. It seemed to work as Allison came over.

"In your opinion, as an asexual, a kiss on the forehead does that spell 'daddy's little girl' or 'come to papa, baby'?"

"I'm not an asexual," Tasmin said.

"Someone in this fic must be, 'cause there is nothing seductive about Face kissing a woman on the forehead. It's gesture of being protective and caring. If you want to be seductive you aim for the mouth. But then, it's a Sue."

"And you want to stay away from her mouth as far as possible," Tasmin agreed. "She might actually eat you."

The Sue got up and walked out onto the balcony where Face joined her a moment later with two glasses of punch. After disposing of the drinks he wrapped his arms around her. The Sue admitted to being cold and Face gave her his jacket.

"Is this story part of a challenge?" Allison asked. "Try to put as many romantic clichés into a fic: guy pulling out the chair for the girl, getting her her drink, wrapping his arms around her from behind, guy giving up his coat because his lady is chilly. If a guy behaved like that on a date with me I'd've punched him half way through the evening."

"Yes, well, try to refrain from punching Face." Tasmin glanced at the Words. "In stead, you may want to get some punch for us."

"Why? You don't usually approve of eating the food in the fic." Allison carefully eyed her partner.

"The romantic clichés are going to continue for a while."

"Say no more." Allison turned on her heels and made her way over to the buffet line.

_Face turns her around. His ocean-colored eyes gazing into her greenish-bluish eyes. They move closer together. Susan wraps her arms around his neck. Face moves closer to her. They two well-dressed couple kiss. Fireworks explode and bands played._

"I have no idea what is worse." Tasmin shook her head. "Face's eye colour, the redundancy, the sentence that doesn't make sense, or the fireworks comment?" She checked her clip and considered shooting the kid who lit the fireworks on the balcony now. Waving her gun at him proved enough of a threat as the boy rushed back into the dance hall.

The boy rushing past her nearly made Allison spill her drink. "Do you want the spiked or the not-spiked punch?"

"Someone spiked the punch?"

"No, they're all too dim for that." Allison jerked her head to the crowd on the dance floor. "But it could be spiked if you want it to be. Then again, it could also be apple juice or milk." The colour and consistency of the drink in the glass Allison held out to her partner turned to that of milk.

"If you stop fooling around with the details, I won't tell you what you just missed."

"Deal!" Allison gave the glass to Tasmin and quickly stepped away from her lest she should change her mind. She turned her attention to the dance floor.

_Hannibal Smith sees his second in command and his lady love getting to know each other better. "I love it when a plan comes together!" he says as he turns around and takes hold of a beautiful redheaded woman and takes her into his arms for a breathtaking tango._

"Oh, come on! Not all tangos are breathtaking. Besides, I would have figured Hannibal more of a line-dancer."

"Why's that?" Tasmin had turned to her partner after her outburst.

"Because it's the only dance you can do while chomping on a cigar. All dances where you dance face to face with your partner you risk burning them."

Tasmin dropped her head and stared at her feet for a beat. Like a shot she lifted her head again. "You're forgetting one thing about Hannibal though: when has he ever been encouraging about Face's love-life?"

"Something must have snapped when he started taking tango lessons." Allison quickly jumped out of arm's reach of her partner. "Writing down OOC Hannibal."

Tasmin shook her head and turned her back to her partner. Face and the Sue had finished kissing and were now hugging. Tasmin shook her head at that too. She was glad the chapter had come to an end, and with that the prom.

"_What do you want to do now?" Face asks. Susan adjusts his tuxedo jacket on her shoulders. "I have a room across the street at the Adam's Mark."_

Tasmin looked from the Sue to the Words and back at the Sue. It were Face's lips she had seen moving, but it was definitely the Sue's voice she'd heard say the last line. "Bad paragraphing leading to confusion about who's propositioning who."

Face checked with the Sue if she was sure about the indecent proposal she made him. She kissed him in reply. The Sue and Face left.

"C'mon." Tasmin grabbed her partner by the shoulder.

"Where're we going?"

"Across the street to a hotel room."

"Yuk. This is a junior prom. That Sue's 16 or 17. Face is twenty years older. This is the US. Is that even legal?"

"We're in Alabama. The age of consent it 16 here."

"Still, the age difference is a major yuk-factor."

"Yes, but bad taste is not a charge."

"It is if canon characters of fine taste suddenly display bad taste."

"Face has dated younger women before."

"Not so young that he couldn't offer them a glass of champagne while wooing them. And why are you defending this Sue?"

"I'm not. I'm holding a Socratic investigation."

Allison stopped walking, collected her thoughts and caught up again with her partner. "Just remember that Socrates received the death penalty for his practices."

Tasmin chuckled and held open the door to the staircase for her partner.

"Why aren't we taking a lift?" Allison took off her shoes. "High heels and stair climbing don't belong together. Don't you know?"

"Remember that Socrates was given the death penalty for asking too many questions."

Allison threw a shoe at her partner. Tasmin ducked the size four without effort.

Face and the Sue made it to their hotel room kissing passionately along the way, barely pausing to go through the door. They ended up on the bed together.

"_I need to you ask you something." Susan wraps her arms around his neck. "What?" "Have you ever done this before?" A brief silence fills the room. She rolls out from underneath him and walks over to the window. Face walks over to her._

Tasmin and Allison stopped in front of the hotel room door. Allison leant against the doorpost to catch her breath from running up the stairs.

"First the clichés and now the melodrama. If this also has purple prose sex I'm going to smack a bitch."

Tasmin frowned at her partner. "I wish you'd stop picking up phrases like that in the employee-lounge."

"What are you talking about? If there's purple prose sex in there I'm going to thump that Sue. And then I'll charge her."

The Sue admitted she had never had sex, but that she had always wanted to make love to the man of her dreams.

"Always?" Allison made a face. "So, it's like a childhood dream of hers? I don't think I started to dream about proper sex until I was fifteen or so."

"Late-bloomer?"

"_Face, I want you to give me a tour of life's sensual pleasure's. I want to feel like a woman who is loved, even if it's for one night."_

Allison balled a fist. "When do we go in?"

"Just a little bit longer."

Face and the Sue kissed and started to undress each other. Face asked again if she was sure this was what she wanted.

"I'd be surprised if there was going to be any sex even if we weren't going to break it off -- and we are going to break it off. We are going to step in before they have had time to talk about condom use."

"They aren't going to talk about condoms. This is a romance fic; condoms aren't romantic."

"Neither is being asked whether you're sure. That question is a real mood killer. Yet it is asked repeatedly."

The Sue assured him she was sure. They went into the bathroom.

"Tasmin? Foreplay is about to begin. If we don't want to catch them naked we must move quickly."

Tasmin pulled out her Beretta 92SB and screwed the silencer on. "Now we go in." She shot the lock of the door.

Allison kicked the door in for purposes of decorum. The door gave in easily and she stumbled into the room. The door banged against the wall. Attracted by the noise Face and the Sue came back into the room. They had not yet undressed any further. They startled when they saw two women, one with a gun pointed at them.

"You, get dressed and get out." Tasmin picked up Face's shirt and tuxedo jacket and threw it at him.

Face hurriedly put on his clothes and ran out of the room.

"Face, come back. Don't leave me here like this," the Sue cried out.

"If he'd been in character we'd've been in trouble," Allison remarked.

"You. Sit. On the bed."

The Sue stumbled and nearly dropped herself on the floor in front of the bed. She cried for Face once more.

Allison tutted. "With any luck he's already forgotten about you. And could you put some clothes on." She threw the Sue's dress at her. "Strapless bras always look a bit painful to me."

The Sue used the dress to cover herself holding it in place with her hands. "Who are you and what do you want?"

"We're agents Allison and Tasmin of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We want to charge you."

"Charge me?"

"Hmhmm. We charge you with being a Mary Sue; with inviting Face to your junior prom, I'm surprised they even let him through the door; with dancing a 'breathtaking' tango, while what you actually did only had in common with the tango that it involved two people and a dance floor. It was more like murder on the dance floor." Allison consulted her notes. "Let's see, technical charges. We charge you with bad grammar, apostrophe abuse and switching tenses multiple times. Rule of thumb when it comes to tenses: pick one and stick with it. Although you did seem to stick to present tense in the end. We charge you with having two people talk in the same paragraph. We're you trying to make us as dizzy as Face was making you? That's another charge: making Face a bad dancer. Even if spinning is part of the dance, making your dance partner dizzy is not.

"Further, we charge you with sucking all the seductiveness out of Face, making him ask the 'are you sure' question over and over again, and using every romantic cliché in the book. And by book I mean a 1960s romance novel. We charge you with making Hannibal out of character by having him encourage Face's love making to a minor, or to anyone of the female persuasion for that matter. And by love making I mean that 1960s phrase for flirting. Which technically Face didn't actually do because of all those clichés. Face does not use clichés like that. So, you had him out of character too. That's another cliché you used: why can't you Sues be happy with just one of the guys out of character? Still, I suppose we should be happy Murdock and BA were left out of the story. Anything else?" Allison looked at her partner.

"Charge her with giving Face ocean-coloured eyes," Tasmin said.

"What?" Allison slapped the Sue. "That's for using purple prose. Face's eyes are blue. Not that horrid grey colour it has by the time the Atlantic rolls up on the English shore."

The Sue was near tears. "Why are you being so mean to me?"

"Because you were employing melodramatics at the start of a love scene. I'm sure there are men out there that are turned on by insecure women that run away from them rather than confidently say: 'I've never had sex before, but I'd like some now'. I doubt Face is one of them though."

"You just ruined my perfect evening." The Sue started to cry.

"You did the same to mine. Your evening is about to get worse, though. You've been charged. Tasmin will shoot you now."

The Sue didn't even look up before Tasmin put a neat bullet through her head. The Sue slumped back over the bed.

"That takes care of that." Tasmin unscrewed the silencer.

"You know, we have a dead body here. And Face was just seen running away from the hotel. They might think he did it," Allison said.

Tasmin shrugged. "I think such a story has already been written."

"Really? I haven't heard of it. Can't have been badfic then," Allison mused as she followed Tasmin through the portal back to their response centre.

-oOo-

_A/N: Lots of girls fantasize about older men (FFnet is evidence of that, and so is Catherine Zeta Jones), but for these stories to be entertaining to other people they have to be realistic (would this man fancy a girl this young?) and/or very well written. Romance clichés don't do the trick for me, but that's just a personal preference. What is not a personal preference, but rather a rule of writing is: don't have more than one person speaking in the same paragraph. Also, the main action in the paragraph and the dialogue in the paragraph should belong to the same person. At least, if you want to avoid any form of confusion among your readers._


	20. Beware of Darkness

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts taken from _Beware of Darkness _by rita. _

-oOo-

"Why are we hiding in the kitchen?" Allison asked. "I only see canons." Despite not seeing the point to hiding, Allison asked her question in a hushed tone. "You can't possibly still think I still want to grope the canons. I haven't even come near one in ten or twenty missions."

"It's not about that. This is bad slash and you can never tell what that will do to the characters. And I think it's closer to ten."

"Why do you never give advance warning we're going into slash?"

"I thought you preferred going into fic unprepared."

Allison grumbled. Tasmin had always warned her to prepare for fics or it might bite her in the arse sometime. She'd never thought it would be in the form of an argument used against her.

Face had conned himself into a range style house and gave the Team and Amy the grand tour. Or however grand the tour of a three bedroom (one converted to recreation room), two bathroom house can be.

_Amy yawned loudly and ostentatiously, distracting the others from further praise to Face. 'God knows the man praises himself enough. He doesn't need anyone's help,' she thought, pasting a false smile on her face. _

"That doesn't sound quite like Amy," Allison said dubiously. "I'm sure she can do the fake yawn and the false smile when she wants to get some information from someone for a news report, or tries on a con of her own. But to her friends ... ?"

"Told you."

Amy seemed to be on romantic nicknames terms with Murdock. She was also tired and asked Face where they could sleep.

_"How about the rec room, Facey?" Murdock said hopefully, waggling his eyebrows._

"Facey? I guess Murdock is sleeping right there in the hall way."

Face didn't punch Murdock in response to the new nickname, but BA nearly did for suggesting the rec room. Face offered the master bedroom to Murdock and Amy, the guest room to Hannibal and BA got the rec room. Face took the room that was annexed to the garage, and had not been part of the tour.

_"Let's go, HM; pick up our bags," Amy ordered, walking back towards the master suite._

Murdock protested, but Amy did not relent, so he picked up their bags and followed.

Music started to play in background.

"Did someone turn on the stereo? Must have been BA, accidentally ran into it in the rec room."

"Actually, this is a songfic."

"Is it chargeable?"

Tasmin shrugged. "Song's _Beware of Darkness_ by George Harrison. It's a 1970 song, so chronologically appropriate."

"Yes, but is it appropriate to quote the entire lyrics?"

"Lyrics in a story is like putting poetry in: not everyone is going to get just what the author meant by it. Not really one of our concerns."

Allison looked up at the Words. Some of them had an unusual sparkling quality to them. After five lines the Words became their usual shade, but due to the sparkle of the lyrics the Words to the story were harder to make out.

Murdock was having a dream. He stood in a clearing while a man with a machine gun approached him. Murdock backed away. The man shot into the trees. A body fell onto the ground; it was Face.

Murdock woke up with a start, but Amy was unsympathetic to his nightmare. She dared him not to turn on the lights and told him to leave off telling her about his dream until the morning.

"Someone's cranky when they haven't had a proper night's sleep."

Murdock fell asleep again and was back in his dream. He tried lucent dreaming techniques to get out of it, but they failed him. Face was still on the ground wounded. Amy appeared in the dream offering Murdock a hug. Then Face got up, stumbled off into the woods, and started to cry.

"That's odd. I can hear sobbing too."

"That's because it's not just in Murdock's dream."

"This house needs sound-proofing. I mean, if we can still hear what's going on at the neighbours'."

"I only wish it was going on at the neighbours'."

Murdock got up and felt his way around the room to the door.

_Behind him, Amy made disgruntled sounds as she realized her arms were empty. Again. "If you leave now, don't come back," she said clearly._

Murdock closed the door behind him and went to Face's room.

"C'mon. This is our moment. Let's go." Tasmin jumped up.

"Our moment for what? There hasn't been any slash yet."

"Our moment to charge the imposter." Tasmin dashed out of the kitchen.

"What imposter?"

Tasmin was already too far down the hall to hear Allison's question. She ran into the master bedroom and without turning the lights on jumped onto the bed, gun poised at Amy. "Hello, imposter."

"What? Get off the bed, you idiot." Imposter!Amy scrambled around to turn on the lights. She turned back to give the idiot a further piece of her mind, but her breath halted in her throat as she stared up the barrel of a Beretta 92SB.

"Imposter!Amy, presumably called Amy Amanda Allen Murdock. We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we're here to charge you with crimes against the A-Team."

Just then Allison entered the room. "What are you doing?"

"I'm about to charge the imposter."

"I'm just as appalled by Amy's behaviour as you are, but why are you so sure she's an imposter and not just possessed?"

"Get a CAD, take a measurement." Tasmin had given all her replies without taking her eyes of Amy.

Allison grabbed the duffel bag which Tasmin had dumped by the foot of the bed and searched for the CAD. When she pointed the device at Amy it let out a loud wail. IMPOSTER, the display screamed. Allison quickly turned the device off.

"All right. How did you know that?"

"There's a news paper on the kitchen table. Front page carries a story with the byline: from our foreign correspondent Amy Allen. She never would have left the chance for more front page reporting to go house-warming with Face. Can I charge now?"

"Sure, go ahead." Allison raised a hand in resignation.

"Imposter!Amy, we charge you with impersonating a canon character and making her bossy and domineering. We charge you with bashing the character you are impersonating. We charge you with doing this to bring two characters closer together. If you want to have slash in a story, kindly leave Amy out of it. Or at least don't turn her into the wife from hell. We charge you with making Face cry in his sleep. We charge you with Murdock using the nickname 'Facey'.

"You have been charged. Do you understand these charges? Your punishment will be death. You will be executed now." Tasmin rattled off the last four sentences and she shot the imposter.

"Face is going to hate you for ruining his sheets," Allison said.

Tasmin jumped off the bed and returned her gun to the duffel bag. "This world is going to fold in on itself in a moment. He need never know."

-oOo-

_Character bashing is a bad thing, particularly if it is used as a plot device to drive two other characters into each others' arms. If the only reason you can bring two characters together is by mutual hate of a character they like in canon there is something wrong in that relationship. Take OOCness as a hint that some things are just not meant to be._


	21. A Bad Dream

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _A Bad Dream_ by Sakara. This story has some convoluted references to slash. And its mission got kind of lengthy._

-oOo-

Tasmin and Allison stepped through the portal into the apartment the Team shared. The place was a dump, and, for some inexplicable reason, the best Face had been able to get.

_They had decided that living together would be a far safer option, especially when the military was looking for them 'en masse'._

"And here I was thinking that en masse meant in a group." Allison shook her head. She pulled a small notepad from one of her pockets and flicked through it to find an empty page.

"It does mean in a group."

"Then why are they all living together? Why are they accommodating the military police?"

"Why are you thinking Sues actually know the meaning of the words they use?"

"Because she spelt it correctly so she must have looked it up?" Allison posed her reply as a question.

Tasmin opened her mouth to reply, but closed it again when nothing came to mind that could refute the logic of Allison's statement.

The Team discussed their next mission -- freeing the daughter of a client -- and that something was fishy about this client. BA had followed the client but given up when he got near a military base.

"That's no way to make sure that someone has no relations to the military," Allison said. "Unless vicinity to military bases is reason to turn a client down."

Hannibal considered the whole thing was an elaborate set-up to capture the Team by kidnapping a woman so her father would go to the A-Team. Hannibal seemed to like the idea that someone was playing cat and mouse like that. Despite that, he believed that the woman was a real victim of kidnapping. So he devised for the Team to go on a stakeout of the estate where she was supposedly held lasting several days.

During that time nothing much happened. Murdock tried to break the boredom by spilling coffee on Face, although the suggestion in the narrative seemed to be that Murdock tried to get a rise out of Face.

Tasmin glared at her partner.

"What? I didn't say anything."

"This is a pre-emptive glare."

From the stakeout the Team learned that the "father" was indeed working on setting up the A-Team. The Team, however, kept receiving photos of the daughter showing the scars of torture, and maintained their conviction that she was an innocent victim.

"Because as an actor Hannibal would be able to tell the difference between real blood and fake wounds."

"Not too bad," Tasmin replied. "We should try more often to find in-character explanations for why they are behaving stupidly."

Allison squinted at her partner. "You know, you really ought to try to smile when you are making a joke. So the rest of us know when you are kidding and when you aren't."

"I never kid."

_No one had a better plan, and no one made plans like Hannibal, so they continued. The limousine drove to the gates._

Allison fell on the lawn. "Bugger. The FLF is on the blink again."

"No, it isn't," Tasmin replied as she got back to her feet and readjusted her duffel bag over her shoulder. "I've set it to automatic."

"What? Are you insane? Could you at least warn me before doing a thing like that? Lunch today was bad enough without having to taste it again." She burped. "Where are we?"

"At the estate where the Sue is being held. The Team is about to come to her rescue. Pay very close attention: the Sue may be quizzed on this later."

The guard at the gate asked if they had an appointment. Hannibal made a wisecrack and the guard signalled to have the gate opened.

"Just like that? While on the stakeout they saw that people were getting body searched before being let on the grounds."

"It's so hard to get good help these days," Tasmin mused.

Hannibal knocked out the guard by pulling his arm through the opened window, which made the guard hit his head on the hood of the car and lose consciousness.

"Should have been the roof of the car," Tasmin said.

"Hannibal isn't even in the driver's seat, so how he could have reached the guard without him jumping back is beyond me." Allison took a note of bad fight choreography.

While Face provided covering fire, BA drove the limo through the gate. Somewhere along the tree-lined lane to the manor they stopped the car, got out, slit a tire and went into the trees.

"Oh, I want to see what their getaway plan is," Allison said. "They just immobilized the vehicle they came in, plus it's blocking the driveway so they can't use any other vehicle as their get-away car. Off-roading is unlikely because these trees make up a pretty dense perimeter, at least, if they can provide cover from view. And why are the Team scaling these trees?"

"Bad choice of words, no doubt."

While some of the guards were distracted themselves with the limo, others searched around the house. Hannibal sent Face and BA to go round back; he and Murdock went in through the front door.

_Waiting for a break in the patrolling guards, Hannibal and the captain took the chance, stealthily and quickly knocked out the two men, dragging their bodies in the house when they ascertained the coast was clear. Hopefully no one would notice for at least a while until they had found the girl._

"Whoever is running this operation should have invested in quality of guards rather than quantity. All's in panic because someone broke through the gates, and these two are just lazily patrolling as usual. You'd think that one would look in the opposite direction of the other so that, A, they could cover more ground, and, B, no one can sneak up on them. They didn't even fire a shot before being taken out."

"Also note that the Team is trusting on luck rather than a good plan."

"Their stakeout probably showed that BA is wearing more gold than these guards have brain cells."

A third guard was knocked out before BA and Face reached the hallway. They waited downstairs and Hannibal and Murdock went upstairs to search for the Sue. They found many bedrooms with double beds and one with a collection of SM toys. Then they went up to the attic.

_There must have been at least a dozen or more naked people tied to the array of king sized double beds. _

Their beds all had name tags and Hannibal found out that these people were celebrities or men from the military. He wanted to help them, but Murdock told him they were just there for the girl. They could send the police for the others.

Allison felt her head with both hands. "I don't think I hit my head. It doesn't feel like I hit my head. Then why do I hear Murdock make this crazy talk?"

"Because he is crazy?"

"Not this kind of crazy. He's the 'let's untie as many of these people as we possibly can before we get caught' kind of crazy."

"Well, write down the charge, and add that the Sue is calling this place a harem."

"A harem? A harem is the women's quarters of the house. There are men here."

"Even if there weren't men, calling the attic of horrors a harem would be slightly off."

"In the spirit of writing down charges efficiently: this is another example of incorrect word usage."

Hannibal started to undo the Sue's restraints but was shocked by what he saw. Murdock finished the job for him and picked her up to carry her down the stairs. Face and BA were involved in a bit of a scuffle, but managed to rid themselves of their assailants. The Team ran into a room. Hannibal suggested they jump through a window and climb aboard the conveniently parked truck.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say the Team had had inside help to make this getaway plan successful."

The abandoned limo had apparently been towed by the guards because it was not blocking the driveway and the Team made a successful escape.

-oOo-

The transition from the estate to Face's latest scammed apartment went a lot smoother than the previous move. Allison gave Tasmin a surprised look.

"Chapter break," was the simply reply.

Allison looked around the place. "Wow, Face again went all out to get the worst place imaginable. Guess you can't expect too much from a scam that has to be conducted while on a rescue mission. Why didn't they just take her back to the previous flat?"

Tasmin shrugged. "Perhaps that place didn't have a bath?"

"Though I love to take baths, in case of emergency I can manage taking a shower."

"You don't understand: the bath is a plot point."

"Huh?"

"Murdock is giving the Sue a bath."

"Why?" Allison asked slowly.

"To wash the dirt off her."

"No other reason?"

"Doesn't look that way."

"Why is washing the dirt off her a plot point?"

"So he can see her scars and have a flashback to knowing her before."

A lot of dirt came off the Sue, turning the bath water black, and revealing she had very pale skin. He emptied the bath and ran her another one to continue washing her. She told Murdock her name was Butterbee. He told her who he was, and introduced the Team. She interrupted him; she already knew who the Team were.

"Even though she has been unconscious up until Murdock was alone with her, so she hasn't actually seen any of the others."

_Murdock reacted to restrain her but she was too quick. She had him pinned to the bathroom floor, face down before he knew what was happening._

"We should have been in the bathroom with them," Allison said.

"We can't risk being found out yet."

"But I want to know how she managed to find enough grip in a wet bath to leap at Murdock, turn him over and pin him down to the floor."

"I imagine she made a big splash."

The Sue told Murdock she was the girl that was thrown into the Team's prison cell when they were at a VC POW camp. To prove this she asked Murdock to clean her neck. It showed a brand of the Vietnamese word whore.

Allison looked around the compound that had fluidly come in place of the apartment's living room. "Murdock's flashback?"

Tasmin nodded.

"Now I finally understand why you had us disguised as men."

"There are no women at POW camps. At least not in the camps where the soldiers are kept."

"Sure there are," Allison replied. "There are loads of them in _Hogan's Heroes_."

Tasmin closed her eyes briefly before replying. "Please weigh fanfic on its historical accuracy before even considering making comments like that."

Allison suppressed a chuckle. "Nice fight." She nodded her head in the direction of a small cluster of people.

_Sofia went flying through the air as the VC guard punched her square in the face. She jumped up and moved forward again, grabbing hold of Face's arm, and with surprising might that the guard had not expected, pulled him free. _

"Ah, yes. There we have Sue Number Two."

"The younger version of Sue Number One. No problem, same Sue."

"We have to charge older and younger versions of Sues separately."

"Great, just great."

_'Ha,' she said in Vietnamese. 'You filthy pig fucker can't stop an American girl, you pathetic excuse for a VC!'_

"What's a fifteen-year-old American girl doing in a Vietcong camp? Did her parents think this was a suitable location for a summer camp? Had they really wanted to send her to boot camp, but found out those didn't exist yet during the Vietnam War?"

"I haven't seen the explanation yet," Tasmin replied. "She's just here, speaking Vietnamese and offering to take a beating instead of the Team."

The Junior-Sue was dragged off to the torture chamber.

"What's the point in beating a girl? I thought the VC tortured for information and to break spirits. She's not likely to have any useful military information, is she? Or has the USA government started drafting teenage girls for combat positions?"

"How do you think the spirits of the Team are going to be after a teenager has taken a beating for them?"

"This Sue is actually helping the VC to make the Team submissive? I don't know whether I should be appalled or impressed by this plot twist."

"Appalled would be a pretty safe bet. I don't think the Sue realizes what she is doing."

The two agents were returned to the apartment where Murdock informed the Team that the woman they had rescued was the girl they knew from their POW camp. Hannibal nearly collapsed when he heard the news.

_'It has to be her. She knows who we are and what we do, I've quizzed her. It has to be Sofia. She's even the right age Hannibal, and she remember things, ya'know.'_

"Which makes me think -- when is this story set? The Team is still hiding from the government, so it's pre season five, but Murdock seems to be living with the Team rather than at the VA, which never happened."

Tasmin shrugged. "It doesn't say, but the Senior-Sue's age should give us a clue, as we know that the Junior-Sue was fifteen in the POW camp."

"That's, of course, helpful, since we don't know when they were in the POW camp, and we don't know how old this Sue is either."

"The Team are still calling her a girl. She can't be much older than eighteen."

"Hummpf. People are still calling me a girl too. And I'm a bit older than eighteen."

"People never call me a girl."

"I doubt they ever have." Allison waved a hand. "Anyway, let's put the cut-off age for calling someone a girl at twenty-five. That would put this story clearly before the start of the show."

"Works for me."

The Team were all deeply impressed that Senior-Sue was the girl from the POW camp: they thought she was dead. The agents watched them as they moved about to be alone with their thoughts.

Tasmin and Allison were returned to the POW camp. Hannibal sat on the floor cradling the Junior-Sue.

_He wanted so badly to get revenge for the girl, but they had him exactly where they wanted him. _

"It seems the Sue's tactics to break the spirit of at least Hannibal have been successful."

The VC guards dragged the Sue out while Hannibal tried to cling to her. A moment later a gunshot was heard.

"And that was the final blow," Allison noted. "Hannibal is now a wreck. How will he ever get over his cowardice?"

"I don't think the Team were tortured much in their POW camp."

"Huh?"

"Not tortured much or it didn't affect them much."

"How do you figure that?"

"The show's a bit foggy on when they were at the POW camp, but I suspect it was before they robbed the bank of Hanoi. That means they were deemed fit for active duty after they escaped from their POW camp. Whatever happened to them, it didn't turn them into a sobbing mess."

"Or they hid it well."

"Why hide it from your friends when you have failed to hide it from your enemies?"

"Because they were embarrassed and wanted to go back in to seek revenge? They could have just had acute stress disorder, which can resolve itself with time."

Tasmin narrowed her eyes. "Possibly, but ASD is set on by a traumatic event, not by a prolonged series of traumatic events."

"You're being nitpicky."

"Just write down that the Sue aided the VC in breaking the Team, and that the Team were turned into sobbing messes. That's two charges by the way."

"I'd count them as five," Allison said as she scribbled the note down. "Hey, who turned off the light?"

"We're back at the apartment."

"These smooth transitions are really something else. Now, where's the light switch?"

Tasmin pulled Allison behind the sofa. "Shh."

"What-" Allison started, but the rest of her comment got muffled by Tasmin's hand.

"The Senior-Sue has just gotten out of bed while everyone else is asleep."

The Sue stumbled into the living room and made her way to the telephone.

_Yeah they think I'm Sofia, I slipped up and told Murdock who I was, but I covered well... They think I remember some of the harsher memories… no I just pretend… Soonish, we'll have them soon. Promise._

The Sue went back to her room and Tasmin let go of Allison.

"That was stupid. What if not all of the Team had been asleep? She could have been found out. What kind of undercover agent is she? Is this her first job or something? I'd say amateur, but I don't want to insult any Olympians."

"If you don't know what to call it, perhaps you should shut up about it."

"I would, but I really like the sound of my own voice."

"It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it."

Allison paid no attention to Tasmin's last remark.

The Sue didn't quite make it back to bed. She passed out in front of the bed and woke up Hannibal, who had fallen asleep sitting watch for her. Hannibal picked her up and put her back on the bed.

_He quickly undressed her, removing the gown with out disturbing her. His hands brushed the broken skin on her shoulders and arms, briefly pausing at his own thoughts before continuing with his task._

"His task being acting grossly out of character."

When he was satisfied the Sue was comfortable, Hannibal went to Face and Murdock's room. His quiet knock on the door was quickly answered.

"Amazing that Face can hear a quiet knock, but he didn't hear the Sue knocking over a lamp when she went to the living room a moment ago."

"That's probably because she didn't knock over a lamp."

"She should have, in the state she's in. Plus it would have added to the suspense: was she found out or wasn't she."

"I hope you're not still trying to find plot in badfic."

"It's my Rorschach test."

-oOo-

A week passed in which the Team moved again, but made no attempt to find a better place for the Sue to stay, such as a hospital. Nor did they question the fact that their client, supposedly the girl's father, had not come for her yet. Strangest of all was that Face did not complain that they were not paid in full for this mission.

But perhaps that was because Face got his 'revenge' in another way. As part of the deal to get their latest digs, Hannibal had to perform as the lobby clown.

"Please tell me this apartment is part of the Disney complex."

"Personally I was hoping for a casino."

The agents were in the kitchen with Hannibal, who sat on a kitchen chair. He had a vacant expression in his eyes. Allison waved her hand before his eyes, but he did not blink. Tasmin peeked around the slightly ajar kitchen door into the living room. Murdock was acting a clown to entertain the Senior-Sue. She asked if she was depressing Hannibal.

"Well, yes, but it's not your fault," Tasmin replied. "It's just that his internal organs start to shut down when he's been exposed to Suefluence for too long."

Murdock told her what the deal was. The Team thought she had been dead, and now that she was back, it brought up all kinds of bad memories they had failed to tuck away.

_Murdock tried to struggle to find the right words_

Allison sniggered. "This Sue just has a way with words. She makes Murdock say something daft and still he can't manage to struggle with what he wants to say."

The Sue started to feel confused; she had not been briefed about Hannibal being responsible for any deaths. She started to wonder if her job was worth doing.

"I thought she was an undercover agent. Or at least someone familiar with the concept of chain of command. Isn't it the highest ranking officer that is responsible for actions taken? So if Face killed someone, it's Hannibal that is responsible cause he's the one giving Face his orders."

"Apparently she also developed a soft spot for Hannibal, if his sad eyes can make her question her work ethics.'

Allison hurt her head against the wardrobe. "Ouch. What?" She gave the closet a confused looked. "Where did you come from?"

"It's part of the furniture in Murdock and Face's room."

"What are we doing here? What happened to smooth transitions?"

"We're in a short flashback to the night before."

"I don't think I want to know what they were up to last night. It's bad enough the Sue put them in a slash relationship without working out any of the details, such as Face suddenly stopping to pursue women."

"Take it easy. They're just talking."

"Have you ever been privy to a conversation about sex that you were not part of? It's just as unpleasant as being privy to a sexual act you're not part of."

"It's not sex talk either. Just listen."

_'I know it sounds stupid, it's the little things.' Face said quietly as the two of them snuggled up under their blanket. _

"They're snuggling!"

"That's not sex."

Allison threw Tasmin a look. "It's a public display of affection."

"We're in their bedroom. Even considering Face's track record, that's hardly a public place."

"If it's not a public place then how did we get in? Oh, we're not any more." Allison's smile broadened as she realized the agents had been transferred again, smoothly this time. The Words lit up dimly, providing the only light. Through them Allison learned that they were back at the POW camp. Her smiled dropped.

The Team was sitting in the dark cell. The Sue's actions of putting herself in their place had given them new strength.

"Personally I think it's the Sue's removal from their immediate surroundings that has made them stronger."

"They will be weakened soon enough. The Sue is about to be returned to them," Tasmin replied. She crouched down beside a few other POWs.

"What are they doing here? They're not mentioned." Allison pointed.

"True. I created them. They provide cover for our presence."

"Isn't Junior-Sue going to notice them and wonder what they are doing here?"

"I'm banking on her just having failed to mention that it is a group cell. If not, and she actually thinks that the Vietcong are going to put four prisoners they captured together in a cell together -- and just the four of them -- rather than separating them, it's a charge."

"Divide and separate sounds like a good war tactic."

"Precisely."

The door to the cell was opened and a bundle was thrown in. It was Junior-Sue and the Team immediately saw to taking care of her. BA took the rags from her and Hannibal started cleaning her wounds with water they had saved up.

"Good thing too the guards have turned the light on." Allison sat down next to a lethargic looking soldier. "They wouldn't have been able to see much a few minutes ago. Also," she pointed at the soldier, "couldn't you have gone for a little more personality?"

"Junior-Sue thinks that torture breaks people's spirits all the time. She's not going to give him a second glance if he looks the part. You should take a cue from him."

When the Sue was cleaned and rested, Hannibal spoke to her and told her she couldn't switch places with them again.

_'Bullock's colonel. No one can take that shit, not even you.' _

"What's livestock got to do with anything?"

Tasmin hit Allison in the back of the head.

Allison glared at her partner. "It's just a question. Before she took a beating she was American. Another question would be, why did the VC try to beat British into her? And make it flawed?"

"Because Junior-Sue is an imposter," Tasmin whispered back.

"Really?"

Tasmin hit her partner again. "Please pay attention. We already know she's working with the VC. Not keeping her accent straight falls in line with that. What is baffling is that the Team is falling for it."

Grumbling Allison rubbed the back of her head. "You shouldn't be hitting me. What if the Sue notices?"

"I think I could convince her that one of us is a VC spy."

Allison gave her partner a short and hard look to gauge her. She tried to shake of the wave of eerie feelings that washed over her.

Junior-Sue argued that nice blokes like the Team didn't deserve to be tortured and that she could stand her own ground.

_'Why not? Because I have breasts and a hymen?' _

"If she still has a hymen those torturers are not very imaginative."

Tasmin glared at her partner. Allison returned an innocent look. The story switched back to Senior-Sue and the agents were back in the kitchen. They and five POWs.

"Tasmin?"

"Oh, really." Tasmin rolled her eyes and the men were gone.

Hannibal, however, was still in the kitchen. He was rummaging through the cupboards to find things he could use as part of his clown's outfit and make-up. Allison gave Tasmin a questioning look and nodded in Hannibal's direction.

Tasmin shrugged. "Just make sure he doesn't pick up any of the sharp edged cutlery."

Through the door to the living room the agents could hear Murdock ask the Sue why she had protected the Team in the VC camp. The Sue could not come up with a good answer, not actually having any memories of having been there. So she said it was because she liked them.

"Did the Team ever bother to ask what she was doing at a VC camp, or were they just too smitten with her to notice the oddity of her presence?"

"They seem to have noticed that it wasn't an _ideal_ situation. But despite that they became like a family."

"I think that is the story that got Murdock landed in the VA."

-oOo-

Another week passed and the Team, i.e. Face, was looking for new lodgings. Senior-Sue was looking for an opportunity to complete her mission.

_Hannibal himself was trying to work out where they, him and Sofia, stood. He felt like he was cheating Sofia of a memory, a memory that at some point, she would need to remember if she was ever to stay with the team._

"At least this Sue is not making up any phony reason for the Team to make the Sue a member. I hate those fics." Allison pulled Tasmin's bag closer and opened it to find something edible. She found a few energy bars and threw Tasmin one.

Hannibal was contemplating that he was falling for this Sue, who was a mystery to him. Though the age gap worried him; the fact she could be a threat to the Team also.

Allison stole a furtive glance at Tasmin. She bit her lip before asking, "How large is that supply of chocolate you brought?"

"Large enough. I hope."

First Hannibal and Senior-Sue played an unnamed piece of piano music together -- which Face had thought Hannibal -- and they got their hands a bit tangled up. Then Hannibal retired to his room to get ready for his clown performance. The Sue came in and helped him apply his make-up. While sitting on his lap.

_Unknowingly she bit her lip gently, causing her to jump with the arousing touch._

"Will you hit me if I say that made perfect sense?"

"Yes."

"Then it's a good thing that made no sense at all."

"Comments like that should also get you smacked."

_But no matter what he was thinking, he still wanted her, wanted those lips that were glistening, inviting him._

Allison dove into the duffel bag and produced two large bars of chocolate. "Two weeks ago he couldn't look at this girl because the VC had ordered him to beat her to a bloody pulp, which he did, and then they took her away and supposedly shot her. Now he's worried he can't kiss her because he's thirty years her senior." She took a large bite of the chocolate and munched it thoughtfully. "Nope. Still not making sense. And I'm taking into consideration that men have less blood in their brains when they've got a woman straddling their lap."

"I won't think any less of you for it."

After the Senior-Sue kissed Hannibal she started having further doubts about her mission, and about the responsibility of the A-Team for her past. She rang her contact to work out her feelings and make excuses for fumbling up her mission.

_'Yes Arthur, I told them that she hadn't actually been shot and had just been isolated, then sold to whoremongers later.'_

Tasmin raised her hands in frustration.

Allison indicated that she should open her bar of chocolate. "We shouldn't be surprised that this Sue is stupid enough to call her contact twice from an A-Team safe house."

"It's not that. I don't know where we got the idea she was any kind of professional. Probably because Arthur was mentioned in connection to the Army. But he's as big an idiot as she is. The VC is a communist army. Communists abhor prostitution as a social evil. I'm sure they had their private uses of prostitutes, but I doubt they would do any business with them like selling them women. If this Arthur had been a professional he should've known that."

"Perhaps he was setting Senior-Sue up for a fall? I think I heard somewhere in the beginning of this story that he wanted to be rid of her."

"He didn't say that, but whatever he was saying in no way made sense."

"We're kind of used to that, aren't we? Nothing in a story making sense?"

Tasmin nodded. "I'm starting to understand why you try to make something out of nothing. You need it to keep from spinning around." She gave her chocolate a contemplative look. "Personally I still prefer chocolate, but your way is probably better for your complexion."

"Not if you start hitting me in the face to make me stop."

Tasmin grinned and looked up at her partner. "I'll try not to. After all, I don't want to leave any visible evidence of what in a sense is bad behaviour on my part."

"I think that one goes into the 'thank god for small favours' category."

_Sofia held the phone away from her ear, hoping that his yelling would attract any attention._

"Argh, all this talking to you has made me mishear part of that sentence. Is she hoping the yelling wouldn't attract any attention, or that it would attract some attention?"

"You're asking me for the rational behind her behaviour?"

"Just to sort out this typo."

"Eat your chocolate. I'll write down the bad grammar."

Arthur griped about losing money because Senior-Sue was not in his attic of kinky games. To convince the Sue she should continue her mission he told her:

_Girl, they killed your parents, destroyed your village and to top it all off, took your bloody innocence! I gave you everything, I gave you your memories, gave you a way to avenge the wrongs in your life. Just do it!_

"Let me see if I can make sense of this: Sue is working for him as a human punching bag stroke puncher, and that apparently is not the wrong in her life she needs to avenge. Your bonus questions are on syndromes named after Swedish towns."

_She felt conflicted. She didn't feel like she could betray these people, they made her feel safe, wanted for who she was._

"Uhm, no. They think you are someone they used to know. I doubt they want you for who you are."

"Well, she did say she was confused."

Contemplating her memories and whether or not to go through with her mission, the Senior-Sue fell asleep.

-oOo-

Over breakfast the Team decided to question the Sue about Project T. After all, Arthur had let that name drop some two weeks earlier. It was about time they found out what it was about. But the Sue could offer no help. She was startled when Face suggested it was all a little convenient that they found her.

"What? It only took them two weeks to figure out that if someone hires you to find their daughter, and the guy is suspect, but you go ahead with the job anyway and the girl turns out to be someone you last saw in a VC POW camp, there may be something fishy going on?"

"We may be dealing with an entirely different A-Team. It seems they never even called the police to get those people out of the attic of horrors," Tasmin said. "They just read in the paper that Arthur has set up shop on the other side of the state."

"Other side North-South or East-West? Assuming we're in California it's a valid question."

"In a world so warped that the A-Team does not free people chained to beds, but papers report these people have moved to a new location, California probably has entirely different dimensions and is hiding behind Canada, sneering at us."

The Team started badgering Senior-Sue with questions about Arthur because they needed her help to bring him down. The Sue got up and ran to her bedroom. Then she ran into the living room. Hannibal got up and left. The Sue talked a bit to Face about Hannibal and Face was sure he saw Junior-Sue in her. Hannibal came back into the room and he and the Sue argued about whether he thought she was a whore. The yelling scared Face so much he sought refuge in Murdock's arms.

_Sofia fell with a thud back into the cage._

Allison crashed into the bars and got her head stuck. "What the bloody... What happened to smooth transitions?"

"There are no smooth transitions when there are no scene breaks." Tasmin fished the FLF from her duffel bag and changed the setting to manual. She slid down to the floor with her back against the bars.

"Oh yes, just relax, why don't you. Don't worry about your partner one bit." Allison tried to pull her head free.

Tasmin lazily glanced over to her. "There is a very easy way to get unstuck."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Allison pulled on the bars.

"Distance between the bars isn't specified."

The gap between the bars became wider and Allison was able to free herself. Rubbing her neck, she sat down next to her partner. "So, did the Team get an upgrade or a downgrade from prison cell to cage?"

Tasmin shrugged. "Looks like Murdock has gone catatonic."

Murdock was sitting in a corner just staring blankly. Junior-Sue picked up a blanket and cooed at him. He let her wrap the blanket around him. She went to sit with Hannibal to talk about her torture.

_No one here knew how old she really was, after everything she'd done to be in here, they thought much older. Hannibal and the Team knew she had lost her parents, and that she had led the rebellion, but much about her was a mystery._

"A rebellion is a group of people that act up in violence or open resistance against an established government," Tasmin lectured. "A resistance is a group of people acting against an occupying government. If this story is set after June 1969, when the VC set up a provisional government of South Vietnam, the Sue might have been able to pull off the term resistance. But that was more a government in exile and the government of South Vietnam was also still in office. It wouldn't stick where I'm concerned. No, technically, in South Vietnam, the Vietcong is the rebellion. Another clue this Sue is an agent for the VC."

"Could she be forming a rebellion in North Vietnam?"

"Whatever for? That would have her get caught by the North Vietnamese, and not put her in touch with the A-Team."

Hannibal was shocked to hear the Sue was not yet sixteen.

"Is his attention directed at the wrong details or what?" Allison asked.

"I think I see an explanation for that problem. Look at what he said in response."

_blimey_

"So, the VC have tried to beat British into him too. More successfully, I might add. I don't see how that's an explanation. Other than that he seems to have brain damage." Allison glared at her partner who seemed to have a private chuckle.

Hannibal needed to think it over for a bit, but decided he was not going to let her young age bother him.

"No, not when that should be the least of your concerns." Tasmin shook her head. "Hey, want to go back to the 80s? Senior-Sue's gonna drug the Team."

"I think I'd prefer to stay here. It's nice and quiet now."

"Sure. We'll just read the Words."

Senior-Sue was stirring sleeping powder into the custard when Hannibal came home. She was very nervous and near tears when Hannibal entered. She pulled away from him.

_Hannibal watched as she reached for the pan on the stove, picking it up and moving with it towards the stove. The pan was in danger of being dropped, her whole body was shaking with tears; Hannibal slipped his arms around her waist, trying to pull her towards him._

"Yeah, like that's going to help with a pan."

The pan ended up back on the stove, and fighting off Hannibal's caring arms, the Sue and Hannibal ended up sitting on the floor. Senior-Sue said something that struck Hannibal as odd. Then the custard overcooked.

_Seeing that they could at least save some of it, he tasted the liquid, pulling a dish from the cupboard. It tasted odd, and he took another mouthful, maybe the milk was off? Then it clicked. It was drugged. He turned to look at the traitorous bitch._

"Hannibal doesn't do small doses, does he? Taking mouthfuls of a substance that's boiling hot and tastes off."

"What did you expect? He's probably still suffering neural damage from all the torture he underwent here."

"But when he finally jumped to a conclusion he did realise treason was involved, and not that he accidentally ate BA's porridge."

When the rest of the Team came home the kitchen was a mess and in the Sue's room the phone was off the hook. BA put the horn to his ear.

_'To repeat this message press one.' The female operators voce was light, chatty. _

"There's an I in voice, an apostrophe in a possessive, and no need for an operator if the messaging service has keystroke response."

"You'd think that at least the last one was self-evident."

"Unless the computer was built by Thermians. Then there's only one person that can tell the computer what to do."

The message was from Arthur. He threatened to expose Senior-Sue if she did not bring him the Team. Face instructed the others to pack their bags. They were leaving.

"Is it too much to hope that they take a hint and think that the Sue has taken Hannibal to wherever she went? And that the rest will go and find him?"

"At this moment I wouldn't be surprised either way."

Senior-Sue had taken Hannibal to Arthur's new brothel, though whether she had taken a taxi or Arthur had sent for a car remained undisclosed. Arthur saw to it that the Sue tied Hannibal to a bed while he himself contemplated his plans to make the Team part of his stars and studs for hire collection. He was very pleased with himself and the way things had gone.

Allison raised a hand.

"Yes?"

"Arthur's not a very good strategist. If he had competent guards at the beginning of this story, he would have been able to capture all of the A-Team at once, and not go through all this nonsense of feeding the Sue memories that are hers or fake or whatever, and end up with only one of the Team."

"Very good. You may charge him with that later."

"Really, charge Arthur? Isn't his stupidity Sue-induced?"

"The stupidity of the extras is always Sue-induced, but they are still chargeable offences. And it's not like Arthur is fighting particularly hard against them."

_'It's ok, we'll wait until tomorrow when they've made a plan. Everything will be ok then.'_

"See? He's actually going to wait for the Team to come up with a plan first." Tasmin shook her head. "And he claims to have done research on the Team."

The door of the cage the agents shared with the Team and the Sue was yanked open. All the prisoners were taken from their cages and Allison and Tasmin followed. The guards seemed to be upset because someone had stolen some food. They singled one man out and whipped him. When that didn't result in any confessions they let him go and turned to the next group.

_The next moment found Hannibal's cell brought to their knees._

"Suddenly I think it wasn't such a good idea to stay at the POW camp after all," Allison said, kneeling next to Tasmin.

"Relax, we'll be fine. We're not of importance in this story."

Hannibal and BA were picked up and restrained as the head guard went along the line to threaten and accuse. Face was deemed too ill for the crime and thrown roughly to the ground. Murdock decided to confess. Junior-Sue yelled at him he shouldn't. She was pulled up by the hair.

_Getting her aim perfect she got him full in the eye. More weapons became trained on her as he wiped his face. Behind her she heard BA and Hannibal get released and they rushed over to Face._

Allison and Tasmin took their chance and slowly backed away from the scuffle. "I think this is the first time that I'm grateful that in a 500-yard radius around a Sue all guards are incompetent."

The guards all wanted to take a punch at the Sue and none of the Team or any of the other prisoners took any interest.

"A bit ought, don't you think? The Sue was always offering to take punches for everyone, but now people can step in to take a punch for her, no one does."

"I guess everyone has finally realized she's an agent of the VC."

While the Sue rolled into a ball to lick her wounds, the story switched back to the 80s, where Face, Murdock and BA tried to scam their way into Arthur's office. The scam consisted of Face and Murdock quarrelling and BA using the resulting scuffle to enter the office unnoticed. In a secret cabinet BA found a pile of folders, stuffed all of them in a briefcase and rushed back out.

In a motel the three men studied the documents and were astounded at what they found.

"Why were they looking for documents in Arthur's office if they didn't think there would be anything worthwhile in there?"

Tasmin threw her partner a questioning look. "After all we've been through in this fic and others, do you still need to ask? The Team goes into the office to find documents because Arthur's a businessman and businessmen always have documents. Although I can't imagine what you'd need to expose a businessman that, according to the papers, just moved his brothel."

The information fell into three sections. The first section contained everything about the A-Team, but mainly their time at the POW camp. The second section was about the Sue. The third section contained forged documents and newspaper articles about the death of the Sue's parents and copies of documents from the other two sections.

"Most be bad forgeries if they can tell at a glance that they are fakes."

"Well, the Team are of course able to tell which documents tell lies about them and which don't."

Allison bobbed her head from left to right.

Meanwhile Senior-Sue decided that it was time to rescue Hannibal. She took out the guard by his door and two well-placed kicks to the chest and face of a man about BA's size unexpectedly took care off him. She then started to undo Hannibal's restraints. A third man came in and attacked the Sue, but just before he could kill the Sue, Hannibal distracted him by tapping him on the shoulder and punching his lights out. Hannibal then proceeded to move the two men out the room and barricaded himself and the Sue in.

"Why is he not making a run for the door?" Allison said incredulously. "He's encountered Arthur's guards before. He ought to remember they're about as useless as a chocolate teapot. He'd probably meet no resistance at all if he casually draped the Sue over his shoulder."

"Everybody behaves stupidly around Sues. Everybody."

Allison shrugged. She looked around. The action had picked up again at the POW camp. "How long before we charge the Sues? This one just got her hands tied together and hung over a hook above her head and she still manages to rub her neck."

"Oh, is that the infamous scene where Hannibal is forced to torture the Sue?" Tasmin jumped up excitedly and peered around the camp to find the torture cell.

"He didn't take much persuasion. Someone held a knife to Murdock's throat and Hannibal didn't even test their bluff."

"He's been around here longer than we have."

"Which brings me back to my original question: how much longer will we be here?"

Tasmin ignored her. "Hannibal is showing unusual relish in this torture."

"Just dealing with a Sue the way she's supposed to be dealt with."

Tasmin turned to her partner. "Not even we would deal with a Sue this way. I know hardly any agents who'd enjoy torture this much, and we know she's a Sue. To Hannibal, she's a teenage girl. And he has become some kind of machine. They tell him to hit her, and though he shows remorse before the first blow, he keeps on hitting her until they tell him to stop. It's like Hannibal is some kind of machine." Tasmin had turned back to look at the scene in the cell. "A torture machine."

"Note taken," Allison said. She was a little squeamish and trying to look pretty much anywhere else in the camp. Not that there was much to look at; the Sue had been decidedly unclear about what the compound looked like, how many cages and cells there were or even how many guards and prisoners there were. The Sue may have simply not known herself, being locked in a cage all the time, Allison decided.

A gunshot made Allison jump. "What was that? Did they fake shoot the Sue already?"

"No, Hannibal didn't start his next 'assignment' quick enough, so someone shot the wall Murdock's leaning against to spur him on. Did we charge the Sue already with changing epithets? She keeps switching from HM to Murdock in this scene. And she calls Hannibal John."

"I think that one's iffy. Perhaps she feels more comfortable calling Hannibal John."

"No one calls Hannibal John. Particularly not people that are on friendly terms with him."

"Are you now arguing for the charge of name calling or giving further evidence that she is an agent of the VC?"

Tasmin cocked her head and looked at her partner. She squinted. "Both," she decided.

"Of course you do." Allison scribbled on her pad.

"What's going on there?" Tasmin pointed at the Words.

Senior-Sue and Hannibal were having a conversation about the last time they saw each other in Vietnam, and he tortured her within an inch of her life. He feels bad about that, she forgives him, and they end up in a passionate kiss.

"I think ten years of guilt and remorse just don't stand up against a good cock-teaser." Allison grabbed her partner by her sleeve and pulled her closer. "I'm not sure how much more of that kind of nonsense I can take without starting to hurt someone. So I repeat my question: how much longer?"

"I guess we can pick off Junior-Sue in the next flashback. I doubt she's going to add much more stupidity to the charge list." Tasmin delicately removed her sleeve from Allison's hand. "But I still would like to know how the Team is going to rescue Senior-Sue and Hannibal from that brothel."

"They go in without a plan and manage to not get killed on the way out. Same thing as last time."

It started to rain and Allison shivered.

_It was raining in 'Nam, and the prisoners were being held in the river, temporary walls of reed and other fragile materials._

"She did not just make it rain all over a country that is nearly 130 _thousand_ square miles in area and measures 1000 miles north to south."

Allison shrugged. "That's what the weather is like in England." She pulled up the collar of her jacket to keep the water from leaking onto her skin.

"I think it's time to charge." Tasmin pulled her duffel bag closer and pulled a disguise generator from it. She gave herself and Allison VC disguises, which were also rapidly soaked.

The agents walked over to the river. Junior-Sue was asking Hannibal what was going to happen to her once they were out of the POW camp.

'_I'm not gonna see you guys again am I? I mean, you guys not only wouldn't want a teenager around; you simply can't.' Sofia sounded a touch hurt, but mostly she sounded consigned to the fact; accepting. 'I'd be a risk, and God knows the Army can't put me up.' Sofia paused a second, waiting for a response, but none came, and she continued._

'_I've got no one left now. No where to stay, no where to put me. I can't go to an orphanage, I'm too old for that, and I wouldn't be able to fit quite in. No one would want to adopt a damaged 16 year old born, bred and tortured in Vietnam.'_

"She's born of American parents. That makes her an American. Doesn't the US government take care of its own?"

"Of course, but not if they consort with the enemy, but I'm sure the CIA would like to have a word with her about that. So, she'd definitely got somewhere to stay."

The Sue related some pop psychology about no one back home being able to understand what the tortured soldiers had gone through. She explained to Hannibal that she had done what she did because she liked the Team and they needed someone to take care of them.

"She's like their guardian angel." Allison said with a smirk. "Yet, she could not protect them against gross character disruptions."

'_Sofia, we'll find a way...' Hannibal was silenced by the approaching VC, and feeling their approach was just possibly one of their worst timings. Hoping that he would be able to talk to her later, Hannibal fell into silence looking at Sofia. Sofia couldn't read the face that had just gone blank, and Sofia felt hurt, but didn't have a chance to ask him or even think about it, because they had come for her. _

Tasmin trained her Colt M1911 on the Sue and commanded her in Vietnamese to come out of the river. Allison tugged at the Sue's arm, but she did not come easily. More dragging than escorting the Sue, the agents took her to the torture cell where at least they would have a roof over their heads.

"Recognize this place?" Tasmin bit at Junior-Sue.

The Sue spat at her.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Allison gave a nod to Murdock who was sitting in catatonic state in a corner of the cell. "I'm not liking that much."

"He won't notice a thing of what is going on here. Start charging."

"Sofia Pinedale, civilian, we are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and A-Team in particular." Allison shivered. "First, we charge you with making it rain all over Vietnam. Second, we charge you with being a woman, a girl in a prisoner of war camp. Third, we charge you with being an agent for the Vietcong."

"You what? Have you been paying attention? The VC tortured me. They wouldn't if I was one of their own."

"I'm not going to debate that last point, but the points in favour of being an agent are..." Allison counted them out with a show of fingers. "A woman getting tortured instead of one of the Team can actually aid in breaking their spirits. Taking Face's place in torture was thus not helping him, but helping the VC. You said you were part of the rebellion while the VC itself should be considered the rebellion. Plus Tasmin here thinks you're a VC because you don't call the Team by their nicknames but by their given names."

"That's ridiculous."

"Again, not a point I'm going to debate. What is ridiculous, however, is that torture here seems to make Americans start to talk in British slang. Blimey says the Limey, not the Yank. What is ridiculous is that you handle being tortured better than Face or Murdock. What is ridiculous is that Hannibal treats you as an equal. What is ridiculous is when the guards let go of BA and Hannibal and all started pounding in on you, BA and Hannibal didn't come to your aid."

"I guess they were on to you," Tasmin added with an evil grin.

"Those are all charges by the way. Further we charge you with turning Face into a weak, sobbing mess. We charge you with turning Murdock catatonic; his brand of crazy is alternative personalities. We charge you with turning Hannibal into a torture machine. He needed only minimal encouragement to torture you a lot." Allison chuckled. "I also think he was on to you."

"And we charge you with Hannibal's objection to raping you was that you were a virgin. Hannibal's objection should have been that it was rape."

"I think that's about it." Allison flicked back and forth between the pages of her notepad and scanned it for further charges against Junior-Sue. "Oh, here's one more: unusual elasticity of limbs. In short we charge you with being a Mary Sue and disrupting canon. Your punishment is death. Tasmin will shoot you now. For real."

Tasmin shot the Sue through the head. As soon as her body hit the ground, the soft trickle of rain on the roof that had formed the background music to the charging stopped.

"What's going to happen to the Team now?"

"As usual, they are going to forget the Sue was ever here."

"Of course. What I meant was: what's going to happen to the Team that's future to this situation? They don't have the Sue as a motivator any more."

"Not their Vietnam memories of her, but there are still the memories that they rescued her and that she kidnapped Hannibal. So it's not like killing Junior-Sue is going to reset everything. That's why we have to dispose of both of them."

"Let's get to it then."

"First, we have to throw that Sue in the incinerator. Grab her legs." Tasmin pulled the Remote Activator from her duffel bag.

-oOo-

When Tasmin and Allison returned to the fic, they took up a room in the house of horrors and followed the proceedings of the story through the Words.

_The afternoon wore on, and Face and the others had no leads, and no idea where to start looking._

"Seriously? They think the Sue took Hannibal; they think the Sue is working for Arthur; and they read in the paper that Arthur has set up shop on the other side of town, or state. How many more clues do they need to come here and start shooting the place up?"

Tasmin frowned at her partner. Her eyes gestured towards the notepad.

"Yes, well, if I wrote up every instance of stupidity by someone on the Team in this fic, I would get writer's cramp."

Face pointed out to the others that they needed to find out where Hannibal was and whether or not the Sue should be rescued too. BA argued that they left no one behind. The phone in the van rang. It was the Sue. Face told her they knew she was set up. She was relieved and told them when and where to meet her at Arthur's brothel. Hannibal would explain the rest of the plan once they were inside. Then the Sue disconnected.

Allison held up her hand as if to collect on a bet. "Told you they would be going in without a plan."

The Sue had broken into Arthur's office -- apparently a different one than the Team had visited earlier that day -- and was rummaging through his cabinets and drawers to find his bookkeeping. She too found a secret drawer. In it she found lists with names of people that worked or used to work for Arthur. There was a noise at the door, someone trying to get into the office, and the Sue hid behind a curtain. She was saved from being found out by a ringing telephone.

The Sue overheard the phone conversation; Arthur wanted to be picked up from the airport and the Sue was to be killed. When the guard left the office, the Sue went out the window and shimmied up the drainpipe back to the attic. In the attic, Hannibal was having an argument with one of the other 'residents'. The Sue pulled them apart. The man called Hannibal on bad strategies; Hannibal argued that his plans always came through.

'_Not from what I heard. Word in the military is that you're a renegade, a man whose plan's never work the way they should.'_

"Word in the military is that his plans don't work right? Even if they are still talking about a man that escaped a military prison some ten years ago, they would be talking about that fact, or what he had done to be thrown into the brig." Tasmin grabbed the notepad from Allison. "And his nickname is Hannibal, after one of the most talented commanders in history. They don't give higher ranking officers ironic nicknames, at least not if they are going to mention those nicknames to their faces."

"Plus he never would have made it to the rank of lieutenant colonel if he never got the desired result."

"One word: Lynch." Tasmin flicked the notepad back at Allison, who just managed to catch it.

The Sue deflected the argument and asked Hannibal how many weapons they needed so she could tell Tem.

"She's also not calling them by their proper nicknames. Well, Murdock and Face she isn't."

Hannibal decided that only the military people who were capable of shooting would get a gun. The rest would stay with the Sue in the attic while the A-Team and the five from the military liberated the brothel. Hannibal told the Sue she couldn't have a gun either. She accepted this and went back down to meet the Team.

The Sue undid the top button of her blouse and tousled up her hair. Then she went into the guardhouse. There were three guards in the little house already, and three more entered shortly after she did. They asked her what she was doing out there.

_I thought you might wanna have a bit of feminine company._

"She should have sent in fanon!Face," Tasmin growled. "I'm more masculine than he is."

One of the men hit the Sue and pinned her down to the table. The Team arrived and the guards jumped up to take them down. The one pinning the Sue down was so distracted ordering everyone around that he did not notice the Sue was fumbling for his crotch and his gun until she pointed the latter item at his groin. He called off the other men.

The guards were in awe of BA and quickly overpowered. The Team took their guns and locked them in the guardhouse.

_That made four in total from their loot._

"These guards are getting more incompetent by the minute; that's four guns from six guards. Usually it's the other way round."

"It's impossible to say whether these guards did not take enough guns with them, the Team didn't do a proper search, or the Sue just can't count."

"That last thing is obvious. She counts four confiscated guns, mentions that Hannibal wants six in total, and concludes that they need three more."

"To which none of the Team says, 'you don't count right', or, worse, 'let's get them from our stash in the van'."

"There, there now, Tasmin." Allison patted her partner on the back. "No need to get so frustrated. What do you think the odds are that there is a phone line in the guardhouse and the Team did not dismantle it or break the phone?"

"You're not helping me relax."

The Team and the Sue make their way through the shrubbery. The Sue tells them Arthur is on to her and that he will arrive in about ten minutes.

'_What?' Face said tripping over his own feet as they moved on._

'_What's the matter Facie? Getting slow in your old age?' Murdock said in a teasing voice._

"This Sue is also not helping me relax. Did you leave any chocolate?"

Allison was well ahead of her and had dug out the last two bars of chocolate from the duffel bag.

"Face tripping over his own feet," Tasmin mumbled as she chewed on her chocolate. "Face being called Facie."

"At least the spelling is original."

Tasmin glared at her partner. Allison held out the last bar of chocolate to ward her off. Tasmin grabbed the bar and turned her eyes back to the Words.

_Face slipped into the equivalent of a locker room. This was a large dining room converted into a dingy locker room._

Tasmin let out a scream. "I don't have the patience for this any more. The equivalent of a locker room? If it has lockers in it, it is a locker room. If it doesn't have lockers, but employees are required to change into their work clothes there and leave their clothes behind on pegs, then it's the equivalent of a locker room."

"We already knew that the Sue didn't use the dictionary to look up the meaning of words," Allison said in a soothing voice.

Tasmin ravished the chocolate.

There was a camera in the locker room, but it was not pointed at Face. He was able to stay out of its line of view until he got to it and disabled it. In the corner of the room there was an unlocked weapons cabinet, where the Team stocked up. The Sue filled them in on what little she knew of Hannibal's plan. The Team then proceeded to go up the stairs. They encountered a guard, but he was quickly unarmed and made prisoner.

Murdock entered a room. A little scuffle followed and the Team were now prisoners of Arthur. Hannibal was already tied down to the bedpost and Murdock, who had been knocked out, was tied down next to him. Face and BA were ushered to the side.

Allison put three thick lines underneath the charge that Arthur was a bad strategist.

Arthur explained that he had been on to the Sue. Then he had her tied to a pillar. The other people from the attic were huddled together in a corner, guarded by a person with a gun on the other side of the attic. Arthur then started to taunt the Team, and cut the Sue with a knife. He was shocked to find the Sue had stolen documents from his office and asked her why she was still helping the Team after all they had done to her.

'_My name is Sofia, as you well know. If you touch them I'll break your neck.' _

"An impressive threat, coming from someone tied to a pillar."

Arthur mocked the Sue and told her she'd have no place on the A-Team. Murdock regained consciousness and said she was a friend. BA called her his little sister and Face pointed out that the Sue would give up everything to protect them. Hannibal called her a guardian angel.

Tasmin buried her face in her hands. "Just a little bit longer," she muttered. "Just a little bit longer. The Team has to be out of the attic before we charge the Sue."

Murdock and the Sue started to wiggle themselves free from the ropes that bound them. Arthur put a knife to her throat again. The Sue freed herself from her bonds and banged her shoulder into Arthur's stomach. Some more bad fight choreography followed, but the Team won and left Arthur and the guards out of commission. The people that had been held captive in the attic cheered.

The Team decided to make things final, grabbed their guns and rushed down the stairs.

The moment they had passed the door to their room, Tasmin jumped up, grabbed her duffel bag and ran up the stairs to the attic. Allison was right behind her.

The Sue was holding a gun and pointing it at the guards. Tasmin shot it from her hands.

The Sue turned around and glared at her. "What ...?"

"Sofia Pinedale, a.k.a. Butterbee, we are Protectors of the Plot Continuum," Tasmin said, grim determination marking her face and voice. "We are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and A-Team canon in particular. Allison?"

The bit characters, guards and victims alike, just stared at the two agents. Even the few of them that had a gun did not intervene. Without the Sue telling them what to do they did nothing.

"First, we charge you with crimes against punctuation and grammar. We also charge you with using words you don't know the meaning of. Second, we charge you with a whole bunch of stuff the Team would never ever do, but under your influence they did. You have been charged."

Tasmin took her eyes off the Sue to glare at her partner.

"What? I thought you wanted to get this over with quickly."

"Quickly and properly. Just talk fast."

"All right." With a sigh Allison started flicking through the pages of the notepad that contained the particular charges against this Sue. "Charge Two A, the Team are all living together to make it easier for the military to arrest them. Two B, the Team takes on a dubious mission. Two C, they stake out the place for two weeks. Two D, they go in without a plan. Two E, they only rescue you while there are plenty more people that can be rescued."

"What?" one of the men said. "They were here before and didn't free us? They only rescued us now because one of their own was captured? Those--"

"Thanks, but I'm not finished yet. Two F, they keep you and take care of you for two weeks. Two G, they don't think this is in the least bit fishy, at least not for longer than thirty seconds. Two H, the Team fails at putting two and two together when Hannibal is kidnapped. Two I, scamming a way into Arthur's uptown office for no particular reason. Two J, going into Arthur's brothel without a plan a second time." Allison looked up at the Sue. "Although, I appreciate all this going in with only a goal, ill-prepared and lacking an exit-strategy, as a pastiche of US military strategies of the past five decades."

The Sue returned a glassy look.

"That's just charges against the Team as a whole. Charges against individual members: Two K, Face scamming bad living quarters. Two L, Face tripping over his own feet. Two M, Murdock calling Face Facie. Two N, Hannibal worrying about the age gap between the two of you rather than worrying about the fact he had tortured and raped you. Two O, Hannibal feeling bad about having raped a virgin, rather than about having raped a person. Two P, after knocking out a few guards and some other guy, Hannibal locks the two of you in a room, rather than running the hell out of this place. Two R through Z, Face and Murdock in a romantic relationship for no particular reason.

"Having run out the alphabet, I will now move on to a different set of charges. Third, we charge you with being a Mary Sue. Three A, you made the A-Team behave stupidly and out of character, as mentioned above. Three B, you get enough leverage jumping out of a wet bath to knock down a man that outweighs you by at least thirty pounds. Three C, knowing the Team came to rescue you even though you were unconscious. No wait, that's a charge under Two; Two some letter, the Team not being suspicious of you. This one is for you, Three C, bad sensual scenes with Hannibal and you playing a piano piece together and you applying his make-up. And what was that Lobby Clown thing all about?

"Three D, managing to take out a guy that is BA's size with a couple of kicks in not very vulnerable places. Three E, using idiotic and improbable plot devices, to wit: placing a woman in the same POW camp as the Team; trying to capture four men by luring them to a place from which you let them escape, then kidnapping one of them so the rest can be lured back to the place so they all can be caught." Allison looked up at the Sue again. "That could have been simpler."

The Sue squinted at the agent and crossed her arms. "Anything else?"

"Some bad fight choreography, but that's about it. Do you understand these charges? And don't think too long about the answer; Tasmin's a bit impatient today. Your punishment is death and she wants to execute you."

Before the Sue could make a comment, Tasmin had shot her.

"Right." Allison turned to Arthur who turned slightly pale. "As you may have noticed, Arthur Hammerstein, I did not charge her with the guards being incompetent, as in they searched all visitors to the premises, but let the Team just pass through; guards not being able to tie nods properly, allowing people to escape from them. Those charges we saved for you. Further, we charge you with coming up with one of the daftest plans ever to catch the Team. You had them on your grounds the first time. Why didn't you catch them then? Or were you counting on your guards being incompetent and being given the slip? No need to answer that, we're not interested. We only want to charge and execute you.

"Let's see, what else have we got for you...? Having two offices which both have secret drawers where you keep incriminating documents. Personally, I would have either filed the one with the fake memories for the Sue under fiction or destroyed it. Ever heard of the concept 'hide in plain sight'?"

Arthur opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by a shot through the head.

"You're supposed to wait until I've finished charging."

"I was just trying to hurry things along. It was not like there was anything big coming any more."

"A couple of charges that he did things that are listed as things not to do on the Evil Overlord list." Allison surveyed the room. Guards and victims were all staring at her. "How many of you have had speaking parts in this fic?"

Two men hesitantly raised their hands. All the other bit characters vanished from the attic.

Allison gave them an apologetic grin. "Sorry about that."

Tasmin shot them too. "That's that," she said, returning her gun to the duffel bag. "That wasn't too much trouble, now was it?"

Allison looked at her in astonishment. "Have you been paying attention to yourself for like the last half-hour?"

"What's done is done." Tasmin pulled the Remote Activator from the duffel bag and opened a portal.

"Did this fic perhaps damage your short-term memory?" Allison asked as she followed her partner through the portal. "And if it did, where do I get me one of those?"

-oOo-

_A/N: I like the premise of a girl whose memories have been tampered with and she tries to entrap the A-Team because of that. That's about all I liked of this fic. The Team were behaving utterly stupidly, and so was everyone else because the Team got away with things they should not have ever gotten away with. Also, a girl in a POW camp? Not likely. In most wars civilians, even members of rebellions or the resistance, are kept separate from military prisoners. If you want the above mentioned girl with the tampered memories to be someone they knew from their POW time, put her on the other side of the fence, perhaps trying to get some food through to them._


	22. New Recruits

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts taken from _New Recruits_ by Wolfman and Sketch._

-oOo-

"Desert camouflage,"Allison said with a disgusted look. "What were you thinking?"

"Fic takes place in the desert," Tasmin simply replied.

"I'm blond. I can't wear beige. I really hate this disguise you picked out."

"You hate all the disguises I pick out."

"That's not true."

Tasmin raised an eyebrow.

Allison thought it over. "Yeah, that is true." She looked around. "So, where are we?"

"Somewhere in Iraq."

"Can you be a little more specific?"

"Somewhere in Iraq in a foxhole."

A foxhole formed itself around the two agents.

"Ill-described fic, ha?"

"Yup."

Two nearby explosions made Allison duck deeply into the foxhole, her hands covering her ears.

"What was that?"

"I'm not sure and neither are the authors." Tasmin pointed at the Words.

_Chief Warrant Officer 2nd class, Matt "Duke" Krueger scampered across his squad's defensive position finding only dead bodies to greet him. With thunderous explosions four grenades or mortars exploded near by and knocked Krueger off his feet and defining him. _

"Well, at least they knew the impact was character forming." Allison pushed herself up to look over the edge of the foxhole. She saw a truck driving away.

The American had been caught by the Iraqi Republican Guard. After roughing him up they threw him in the back of a truck.

"I wonder how this collaboration worked," Tasmin pondered.

"There's two OCs. Perhaps they each took care of writing about one of them."

"So, each a chapter or a scene in turn." Tasmin nodded. "That's most practical. Going over each sentence together would take too much time."

"I think the advantage of a co-author is that you already have a beta-reader."

Duke assessed he was a POW. The truck he was in ground to a halt. He was thrown out and broke his left leg.

"Hmm. Time rift coming. Hold on."

"To what? There is nothing here, but sand and rock."

The time rift rocked the world around her as much as the explosions had done earlier. When she looked up again Allison found she was still in the foxhole, but the colour scheme was now black and white.

"What?"

"We're in a flashback. In movies they're often shown in black-and-white. The fic is just trying its best to keep up."

"Whose flashback are we in?"

"The Sue's. **She** is Commander Shane 'Eyes' Miller of the Royal British Commandos."

"I think she means Royal Marine Commandos."

"I think she means a different unit all together. The commandos don't take on women."

"Perhaps her first name confused them. They thought she was a boy."

"I think they would have found out about their mistake during her first physical fitness exam."

"Perhaps she is extremely flat-chested and hairy."

"Shut up." Tasmin glared at her partner.

Allison looked around. There wasn't much to see: a hill, a building and a dirt road. Up on the hill the Sue and a comrade lay in sniper position.

_all she was told was that the guy was an Important Iraqi Leader, the only person she knew that fit that discription was Saddam Hussein, himself, "so" she thought," they want me to take out Saddam unoffically, I don't have a problem with that!_

"What?" Allison jumped up. Tasmin quickly pulled her back down. "Does she have any idea how much trouble the military would officially be in if word got out that one of their officers got the unofficial assignment to ambush and kill Saddam?"

"Calm down, will you?"

"Hey, it may not bother you that this Sue is claiming to be British yet she has no qualms about sooting the principles of democracy and fair trial we are supposedly bringing to Iraq, but it does bother me."

"Hey, it bothers me too. Particularly, that she chose to take out Saddam while he was standing trial."

Luckily for the reputation of Britain as a democracy bound to the Rule of Law, the Sue and comrade fouled up and missed the convoy they had been waiting for by a few degrees.

_The new Lt decided to get cocky and said "why don't you try and take another shot at him!", She replied under her breath something about 'One Shot, One Kill' and that a second shot would give away their hiding spot._

"Actually, it's the first shot that gives you away," Tasmin commented. "But if the second one follows close enough you can still catch them by surprise."

"I don't think you should give the Sue tactical advice." Allison sat cowering in the foxhole. She didn't like all these explosions much. She wondered how she had been able to sit through each and every one of the episodes of the A-Team.

"She could sure use some." Tasmin shook her head.

The Sue opened fire on the convoy with her rifle.

"An AWM .338 Lapua. Nice." Tasmin licked her lips. "Don't see why she translated the caliber to metric units, though."

"Probably because here Britain has gone totally metric. In this warped little world this Sue has created I bet I can't even buy a pint anymore."

"Write her up for that. And write her up for mistaking an AW, a long range weapon that has a five round feed, for an IW, a submachine gun with a thirty round feed. What point is there to using an accuracy weapon if you're not going to 'pay attention' to whom you take out?"

"No point," Allison concurred.

"You've only got five rounds. You better make them count."

"No point in ranting to me either."

"She would have stood a better chance using her handgun."

One of the Iraqis got close enough to the Sue to poke her in the gut with his own rifle. The Sue was dragged away to a truck and the flashback ended.

Colour returned to the world around Allison. She pushed herself up from her sitting position and looked around for the Words. The Sue was sitting in a prison cell singing songs to comfort herself.

_Land of Hope and Glory_

"Shut up," Allison hollered.

Tasmin raised her eyebrows at her partner.

"Always wanted to say that sometime." She grinned.

"Couldn't you have said it a little more quietly?"

"Doesn't work the same if you say it quietly."

The Sue didn't seem to be bothered by Allison's outburst as she kept on singing. Her voice, however, suddenly became muffled. The agents exchanged looks.

"Change of scene with change of POV," Tasmin determined.

In the cell next to the Sue's Duke woke up. Their introductions to one another were followed by an explosion that made the walls collapse.

_"C'mon, get a hold of yourself Krueger, time to climb out of hell and get back home." Thought the beaten and hurting Warrant officer, slowly he made his way out of the rubble and into the night air finding chaos._

"That man must be in excruciating pain. He just broke his leg and now it gets caught under debris."

"Would it be too much to ask to imagine that the Iraqis that imprisoned him had put a cast on his leg and gave him plenty of morphine to fight the pain?"

"I don't think the world of this fic is that warped."

The Sue also dug herself out of the rubble.

_Location: Somewhere in Iraq_

_Time: 0547 Local_

_Shane looked over at the Army Ranger_

"Whom she couldn't see because morning twilight hadn't started yet, it was a new moon and the explosion had damaged the village's generator so there wasn't any electrical light either."

"You're forgetting about the fire that was started by the impact of the projectile."

"You're not helping." Tasmin glared at her partner.

"Besides, there was no mention of a generator, or a new moon."

"The Words previously said that it was August, 24th 2006. New moon was at August, 23rd 2006 at about 11.00 PM. Should still be new moon now. In fact, today moonrise is going to take place after sunrise. And sunrise doesn't take place until after 6.20 AM."

Allison gaped at her partner. "How do you know this?"

Tasmin shrugged. "It's the sort of thing I know."

"What, of every where?"

"Try me."

"Sunrise time of Perth on the 12th of February 1993?"

Tasmin thought for a moment.

"Southern Hemisphere too difficult for you?"

"Ten to six in the morning, give or take a couple of minutes."

"Moonset in Cardiff on 21 May 1975?"

"3 AM."

Allison gaped at her partner some more. "Look, Rainman," she finally managed, "you mind if we stop by in Vegas or Monte Carlo after this mission is over?"

"I don't count cards." Tasmin scrambled out of the foxhole.

"Doesn't matter, I'm sure they have a sideshow for freaks," Allison muttered. She got up and cautiously followed her partner.

The Sue had laid Duke down in a comfortable position to get her sidearm and knife. They were still in the hiding place where she had left them. Duke kept falling in and out of consciousness.

_She carefully lifted Krueger and started to almost drag him off in the direction she had originally arrived in when she came on this Op. They made a slow trek of about 60 Klicks before the cool evening air hit them, and another day in the scorching heat and thirst became their main worry, just as she was hoping to find a good place to hole up and find some food, she noticed a faint glow in the distance._

"We're not going to follow them are we?" Allison asked. "I'm not a commando. I'm pretty sure I **will die** if I walk 60 kilometres in the desert without water. I happen to know Iraq has hot cloudless summers."

"I have water."

"Sun's not even out and you have sunstroke."

Tasmin chuckled. "We're taking a portal. I'm not taking the risk of having to carry you 40 clicks." She opened a portal.

"Can you even lift me?" Allison asked as she stepped through it. "I bet I've got at least 20 pounds on you."

-oOo-

The glow the Sue had detected came from a small camp. Tasmin told Allison to make a note that the sun had not set yet so there was no need for glowing fires. And that Duke, despite his broken leg and being dragged for 60 clicks, could still head off in some direction on his own. Tasmin started to smile.

'"What?" Allison asked. She tried to get comfortable behind the little sand dune they had chosen for a hiding place.

"Duke's my first Marty Sam, a male Mary Sue. They are rare."

"Really? I caught a Gary Stu on my second mission."

"Was that in that fandom where you ran out of Sues after three missions?"

"That be the one," Allison replied cheerfully.

Tasmin glared at her partner. She pulled a pair of night vision goggles from one of her pockets and turned her attention to the Sue. Despite Tasmin's claim that the sun hadn't set yet the fic had decided to follow the Sue's lead and made it dark.

"Where did you get those?"

"They came with the uniform."

Allison rolled her eyes. Of course they did.

"Charge: the A-Team has made a fire in enemy territory that can be seen from a distance."

"Are there any other kinds of fires?"

"No idea, but I doubt the A-Team would be making one of the first kind."

Allison searched her pockets and found a small penlight. The light helped her write up the charge. She quickly flicked it off before the Sue would notice its glow too. She was starting to take a liking to this uniform. There were all kinds of useful things in its pockets.

"You know." Tasmin put down the night goggles and turned to Allison. "The whole walking sixty clicks in about thirteen hours wouldn't have bothered me much if the Sue had first made a splint for Sam's broken leg, used whatever rubbish was lying around to build a travois, and scavenged for twenty minutes to find some food and water."

"What is a travois?"

"Sort of a sledge. She could have put Sammy-boy on it and pulled him through the desert. I'm sure commandos are dedicated to not leaving one of their own behind, but don't they teach them how to do that without getting killed in the process?"

"I would think creative survival skills would be an important part of their education."

"Exactly. Write the Sue up for having failed commando training."

Allison flicked on her penlight. "Not surprising as the RMC doesn't take on women."

"That's not necessarily the same. In 2001 the RMC accepted three women for commando training. None of them finished for various reasons, but that the RMC doesn't take on women obviously doesn't mean they won't give them commando training."

Allison nodded and turned off her penlight after she had jotted down the charge. She hadn't found any night goggles in her uniform pockets so she settled for following the fic through the Words.

The Sue crept up to the four men around the fire until she could make out the faces of three of them: BA, Hannibal and Murdock. Suddenly the fire flared, sending up a bright white light.

Tasmin pulled her night goggles off with a scream. "I think she has blinded me." Tasmin rubbed a hand over her eyes. "What happened?"

Slightly panicked Allison looked over the Words.

_All she could make out of the fourth was the color of his hair, which was a mousy blonde, which was neatly cut but that was all she could see from where she was._

"It seems our Sue was able to make out Face's hair colour who was sitting between her and the fire."

Tasmin grunted in reply. "All hair gets a golden glow in firelight."

"She called him mousy blond."

"He's not going to like that."

"Don't think she's going to say it to him face to face."

Tasmin felt around for her goggles. "In the meantime, she's caused me to see spots. Why couldn't she have just seen his silhouette and said something about his shoulders?"

"Probably because readers know Face as the blond guy with the smile. Not as the guy with the strong shoulders that don't require shoulder pads." Allison swooned. "Hmm. Face's shoulders. Face has nice shoulders. I'm glad the A-Team often went on missions that required a wardrobe for him to show them off."

Tasmin coughed. "Could you pay attention, please. Until my vision returns I have to rely on your eyes to keep track of this fic."

"Right." Allison returned her attention to the Words that glowed up in the dark as stars only she could see. She narrated the short summary to Tasmin.

BA and Hannibal got up to inspect the noise the Sam was making. The Sue crept up closer to Face and waited for Murdock to get up and go into one of the tents before she jumped up and put a knife to Face' throat.

"Plot contrivance," Tasmin noted. "If Murdock hadn't gotten up she could have waited for the fire to turn cold before making her move."

"What I find interesting is that she heard Murdock and Face talk to one another, but didn't deduce from their accents they might be friendly forces."

"Perhaps she thought they were Americans that had crossed over to the dark side."

"She didn't think anything of their accents."

The Sue gave Face instruction and then removed her hand that had been covering his mouth. Murdock returned.

_She slowly removed her hand from 'Face's' mouth, just as his ball cap wearing friend returned from the tents and sat down next to him._

"Without noticing her," Allison added.

"Did our Sue become invisible?"

"That, or she gave Murdock night blindness."

"He couldn't have become a pilot if he had night blindness."

"Then there's the option that the Sue can actually hide in Face's shadow."

"And Face is so impressed by being held at knife point he forgets to give Murdock winked coded messages."

"Do they have those?"

"I don't know, but they know each other through and through. One look and they know there is trouble."

"It gets worse though. With Murdock there still sitting beside them she manages to whisper some more into Face's ear."

"Perhaps Murdock is supposed to lull her into a false sense of security." Tasmin chuckled.

"The A-Team doesn't do false sense of security. They do the 'point gun to head of enemy and take away their weapons' kind of security."

"Good point."

"I mean, did she give him sunstroke? In the flickering light he sees someone holding his friend at knife point, the patch on her arm shows she's British. Oh well, he thinks, the British are our buddies-"

"We never think that."

Allison briefly grunted, then she continued on Murdock's supposed trail of thought: "I'll just sit down and see if there is also something sharp she'd like to point at me. Has he never heard of dress up?!"

"Have you never heard of keeping your rants short so we can get through this fic quicker?"

Allison grunted again, but didn't start an argument on lengthy rants.

BA and Hannibal brought the Sam back to the camp.

"Part of her plan was for her comrade to get caught by potential hostiles? I think we've just met our dumbest Sue to date!" Tasmin exclaimed. "She drags him nearly forty miles through the desert and then she lets him get caught?"

"That may not have been part of the plan." Allison started to laugh. "I think this is the first time we are both ranting about the Sue."

"Yeah, I noticed too. You don't usually rant. Do you need some chocolate to make you feel better?"

"Thanks, I found the stash in my own uniform." Alison pulled a block of Swiss chocolate from her pocket, opened the packet and broke off a piece.

The fire flared up bright white again.

"What was that?" Tasmin grabbed for Allison's arm. Her vision was still mostly blotches, but she had noticed that.

Allison checked he Words. "Apparently the Sam can see the Sue where Murdock couldn't and now he gives away her position.

_Shane groaned and stood up shaking her head in disbelief at what Duke had just done, the men in the group including the Blonde haired 'Face' guy (when had 'Face' gotten up?, she thought), were looking towards her in shock as they saw the light of the fire glinting off of her knife which she still held tightly in her hands to protect herself if the occasion arose. _

"The Sue started yelling at Sam," Allison narrated. "Her plan was for the Sam to get caught so who ever had him could give him medical aid, but now she was a prisoner too."

"A long-winded prisoner."

"Sunstroke must have made her delirious."

"Nah, delirium is a core characteristic of a Sue."

"Hannibal asks her what is going on and the Sue goes off on a rant about being given away again."

"Ranting seems to be contagious."

"I'm not sharing my chocolate with her." Allison broke off another piece and started chewing on it. Her jaws moved menacingly and she didn't stop to give Tasmin the play-by-play.

_As she looked over at this man, she noticed that he had alook of understanding on his face and that he was nodding his head at the words she had just told them, she then realised that his face was quite good looking considering he had the peak of his cap pulled low over his eyes._

Tasmin knew from the "umph" her partner made it was better not to ask.

"Apparently Face wants to comfort her," Allison said in the time it took her to break off another piece of chocolate.

"Why? Did she drop the knife, take a shower, put on some pretty clothes and some make-up?"

"Nope, because she has two X-chromosomes."

"Face performed a DNA test on her?"

Allison scowled at her partner for a moment before she realised that they were both commenting on the same faulty Sue logic: Face making a pass at any woman under any circumstance. She swallowed her nasty reply. Instead she read the Words and said: "The Sue finally decided to rattle off her name, rank and serial number. To the surprise of everyone."

"They're surprised at a female commando, at least that's something."

"Nope, they seem to be surprised that a commando can rattle off her name, rank and serial number."

Letting out a deep sigh Tasmin dropped her head against Allison's shoulder.

Allison quickly stuffed some chocolate in her partner's mouth. "Don't give up now. We'll make it through this. We've been through worse," Allison said to lift her partner's spirits.

"When? " Tasmin moaned.

"Er, I can't quite recall, but there must be some reason I blank out large chunks of the mission we've been on."

"Sounds reasonable." Tasmin sat up straight again. "It also seems my vision is returning."

The Sue continued to tell about her mission and how it had gone wrong.

"Everything you tell now doesn't have to be tortured out of you later." Tasmin felt around for her duffel bag and pulled out two bottles of water. She passed one on to Allison.

"True. Thanks." Allison screwed off the cap and took a large gulp. So did Tasmin.

_Shane stopped and shuddered, the group noticed this even though she had tried to hide the fact but without any luck._

_Before anyone could move to comfort her she once more continued,_

Tasmin nearly chocked on her water. "What's with all the comforting for crying out loud? She's a Green Beret; they're Green Berets. They do not sit around the campfire holding hands."

"I think the Sue is showing why the RMC doesn't take on women."

"And a good job she does of it too." Tasmin pulled a bar of chocolate from one of her own pockets, and almost ate it wrapper and all.

_Shane looked the man squarely in the face and replied in a voice that dripped with venom, "The S.O.B. beheaded my Lieutenant right in front of me, no questions asked, no trial, no nothing! _

"Ah, well," Allison said calmly. "You were about to bestow the same honour on Saddam. Don't expect fair trials from your enemies if you are not at least willing to offer them yourself."

"She is entitled to a little anger. She was about to kill someone in front of his men, no questions asked, no trial, no nothing. We know how upset the Iraqis got over that."

"Good to hear your sarcasm returned in the wake of your vision." Allison toasted Tasmin's water bottle with hers.

"I think the sarcasm was never gone."

After the Sue had related her entire story up to the point she met the Sam, Hannibal introduced the A-Team. The Sue was impressed. The Sam was still falling in and out of consciousness. It caused the view of himself to switch from first to third person.

_Voices tumbling around my head saying things everything fading in and out slowly ever so slowly the sounds become words and words shortly thereafter convey meaning and the haze slowly starts to lift from Duke's mind._

He heard the Sue bantering with the A-Team and either recognized her voice or her trademark response. He asked her how her brother was. The shock of recognition caused the fic to switch to present tense shortly.

"Oah,"Allison groaned. "Too much chocolate. I'm feeling a little carsick."

"I don't think it was the chocolate that did that," Tasmin replied. "I think it's this fic that is suddenly pressing heavily upon us. I'm even getting a little short of breath." Tasmin drank her water bottle empty and returned it to her duffel bag.

"What's causing that?"

Tasmin pointed up. "The Words are all bold. They're pressing on us as clouds on a hot day."

Allison felt a wind rustle through her hair. "Time rift?" she shouted over the accompanying noise.

"No, helicopter," Tasmin shouted back.

_As if on cue a blacked out MH-53 made a landing about 100 yards away from where we were all sitting. The doors opened and red light spilled out, the next thing I knew I was assisted up and we all made our way into the helicopter. Only one person was carried and it was not Duke._

"I suggest we take a portal and discuss somewhere else whether the Sam should have been the one being carried." Allison choked on some sand that was blown in her mouth.

"I doubt discussion is necessary." Tasmin opened a portal nonetheless and the two agents went through it as quickly as possible.

-oOo-

The portal had brought the agents to a den.

"I think I may have taken us a little too far," Tasmin said.

Allison eyed their new disguises: power suits. An unusual choice for a disguise, but not one she disliked a priori. "Whatever. I'm go not going back into that sandbox. You'll just have to read up on it. " Allison discovered the new disguise came with a holster in the low of her back. It was, however, empty.

Tasmin sat down on the edge of the table and turned her attention to the words.

The helicopter took the A-Team and extras to a little airstrip where a Leer Jet was waiting. BA had woken up and was complaining about having to get on a plane. On the plane was a CIA man that complained about the A-Team taking live cargo with them; the Sue and the Sam complained that the CIA man had no consideration for the POWs that had just been tortured. Everyone got over their gripes -- the CIA man grudgingly -- and the plane took off.

"_Well, looks like we have some decisions to make here people, do we recruit them or let them go on their merry way?" Hanable asked his team._

"What!" Tasmin jumped up.

"That's an unusual mini. Guess we have to find that plane after all."

"I didn't mean that. Hannibal doesn't know these clowns from Adam and he wants to recruit them on this Team. What does he think they will add?"

"If they are really clowns, lots of merriment."

Tasmin narrowed her eyes and glared at her partner.

"They're Soldier!Sues. It would be surprising if they didn't join the Team." Allison waved it away. "Now, question. Why does my disguise have a skirt, but does yours have trousers?"

Tasmin shrugged. "You have better legs than I."

The Sue and the Sam were taken to a CIA safe house where they received medical attention. A few days later Hannibal went to visit the Sam and gave him two options: to return to his unit or join the A-Team. He gave him a day to think about it. Then he went over to the room of the Sue.

The door to the den stood slightly ajar and the two PPC agents watched what was going on, peering carefully around the door.

_standing in the doorway was Shane with her hair down and slightly damp, wearing shorts and tee shirt that read 'I may be a Pain in the butt...' on the front and on the back it read, 'but I'm a Military Pain in the butt!. "_

"I want one of those CIA issue T-shirts,"Allison said.

"What makes you think it is CIA issue?"

"Well, it's not army regulation; she didn't have an overnight bag with her when she escaped the prison cell; I doubt the CIA had let her go shopping just yet from a safe house, thus the CIA must have supplied that T-shirt to her themselves."

"Fair enough. Put it on your Christmas list. And while you're writing that down, write her up for twirling around for Hannibal to show it off."

Allison took a note while Hannibal went into the room.

_"What can I do for you Colonel?" asked Shane as she picked up a brush from the dresser and noticing his smirk in the mirror 'He's reading the shirt' she thought, and started to brush her long hair into a long ponytail that hung down to her butt, even tied up her hair was longer than regulation dictated, but she hated having short hair, it just wasn't her._

"And write her up for breaking regulation and getting away with it."

"It's a Sue thing."

"Short hair isn't her thing," Tasmin taunted. "Long hair isn't the army's thing. Or does your army have a thing for long hair?" Tasmin looked at her partner.

"Er, if I'd have to guess: no. But who knows that kind of Mohawks they have underneath those Beefeater hats."

Hannibal gave the Sue three options.

"Why is she getting three options?" Allison asked.

"Because he knows she's fickle." Tasmin shook her head. "Not only does she get more options she also gets to think about them longer."

"I was just thinking. Here we have two Sues, one clearly a bigger Sue than the other."

"I'm not so sure about that yet."

"Which one do we kill first?"

"First we charge them, then we kill them."

"Not really an answer to my question."

"We have to go. This chapter has come to an end." Tasmin opened up a portal.

Allison closed the door of the den. "We're not going back into the sandbox, are we?"

"Not just yet." Tasmin picked up her duffel bag and jerked her head sideways to indicate Allison should step through the portal.

-oOo-

When the story continued six months had passed. The Sam had joined the Team, the Sue had not. Yet. The Sue was drilling a batch of new commando recruits. Allison and Tasmin had joined the drill line in their disguises of a six foot tall and a six foot one tall man respectively.

_"I personally know of a 'Yank' who has survived more shit than most people and walked out of hell all fucked up, but alive!, I don't even think that you lot have what it takes to do that yet! That is the reason you are here to learn how to get out alive if you are caught!" Shane added with some vehmence._

_One recruit got's cocky and went, "Oh Yeah!, and how would you know about that Ma'am?, I thought that incident was classified!"_

Allison coughed lightly to get the attention of her partner who stood next to her. "A recruit knows about a classified incident," she said from the corner of her mouth.

Tasmin coughed back. "A recruit speaks before spoken to."

The Sam came bobbling up to the Sue wearing a pair of shorts, a T-shirt and a tan beret.

Allison shivered. "It's late February. We're in Devon, England. I know it's warm for the time of the year, but it's hardly weather for wearing shorts."

"Should be about ten degrees Celsius now. That's fifty in Fahrenheit."

"What? Are you a human thermometre as well?"

"It's a statistic." Tasmin shrugged.

Allison decided to ask no further.

The Sue greeted the Sam and asked how he was doing. The Sam said he had a new job and that they'd like her to join too.

_" You remember the guys who pulled us out of the cat box?"_

_" Yeah" replied Shane, all the while the mouths of the recruits were getting wider and wider with all the new info they were hearing._

"This is supposed to be Britain's finest? They can't even control their jaw muscles."

"Cut them some slack. These men are trained to face the atrocities of war, not the atrocities of fiction. Most PPC agents twitched when they saw their first Sue."

"A lot of PPC agents twitch at every Sue they meet."

_"it means me giving up my cushy job baby sitting these newbies and training them to be 'the best of the best', and my regular paycheque."_

_"Well that will all be taken care of, if you decide to join us."_

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it," Tasmin said. Allison chuckled. The Sue glared in their direction. Quickly they both stood to attention.

The Sam suggested going to the range for some target practice.

_The recruits groaned at the mention of the range_

"Defamation of character of Royal Marine Commando recruits," Allison growled.

"I thought we already had that one."

"No, we already had defamation of character of the Royal Marine Commandos. This is a different charge."

"If you say so."

The Sue told the recruits to be at the range in 20 minutes with their equipment and dismissed them. The line-up turned about face and set off in line at a running pace. Tasmin and Allison ran in-line with them, but turned right when the group passed a conveniently placed motor vehicle. The agents cautiously looked over the hood to further follow the antics of the Sue and the Sam.

According to the Sam the Sue had scared Face into still being afraid of strong willed women.

"Yeah, right," Tasmin said. "What's with these Sues and always putting down Face?"

"I think it's revenge. Face would never look at a girl like Sue twice, so he has to be punished for his insolence."

Tasmin quickly ducked and pulled Allison down with her as the Sue and the Sam walked passed the truck the agents were hiding behind.

_"How many 3x5 notecards do you think we can liberate before we can get to the range?"_

_"How many do you need?", asked Shane reaching into her jacket pocket and holding up a wad of 3x5 notecards 8" thick, "I always bring more than I need, in case I need to relieve a little stress!", she added with a grin._

"Those were note cards?" Allison said. "I thought she was anatomically a little lopsided."

"Well, she is, if one of her hands is big enough to hold on a wad of cards that is eight inches thick."

"Typo or bad maths?"

"If it's a typo it is most likely she mis-hit the four or the five. That's still pretty thick."

"Or she mistook the numerical keypad on the computer keyboard for the keypad of a phone or remote control and meant to hit the two."

"The two would be possible to hold on to. Still would make her look lopsided, though."

The Sue and the Sam continued with their jibber-jabber until they were out of sight and hearing range of the two agents. Allison leaned against the wheel of the truck. "Do we charge them now, and by that I mean, before they get their guns and cannons?"

"I don't know. We definitely have enough charges against them for being Sues male slash female, plot inconsistencies and defamation of character of established institutions, but we haven't got all that much on them for misrepresentation of the A-Team."

"We have bashing Face, Hannibal out of character for wanting to recruit them, and Murdock OOC or night blind for not seeing her. And BA forgetting his fear of flying on the plane."

"Not really enough. I suggest we wait until they have hooked up with the A-Team again."

"That could be a while. They're probably first going to show off their targeting skills at the firing range."

"I say we wait."

Quietly the agents waited by the truck. After a while Allison got bored and asked Tasmin how long they had been waiting already.

"About two minutes."

"Feels more like two years," Allison replied. She leaned back against the wheel.

A portal opened a few yards in front of the agents. A projectile was thrown from it and the portal closed again. Both agents ducked to get out of the trajectory of the piece of paper wrapped around a brick. It made a dent in the truck.

Tasmin picked up the brick and removed the note. "It says here we can't come back to headquarters until we have charged the Sue."

"We knew that already." Allison rolled her eyes. "Do they even know you're on this mission? You'd never go back without charging the Sue." She stood up. "It doesn't look like there's going to be any action any time soon. I'm getting hungry. Let's find these Sues, charge them, kill them and go back to the office."

"Fine." Tasmin got up too. "But if it turns out we did not have enough fandom charges, it's going to be your head that's going to roll first."

"If we hurry we can just catch up with the Sues." Allison started at running pace in the direction of the Sue and the Sam. Not much later she had caught up with them.

"Commander Shane 'Eyes' Miller?"

The Sue turned around when Allison called her name. "Yeah?"

"We're with the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We're here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and A-Team fandom in particular, but since you managed to write an A-Team fanfic with hardly any A-Team in it, I will mostly charge you with the former."

"What are you talking about, charging me?"

Allison ignored the question and pulled her note pad from a pocket. "We charge you with being a Mary Sue. You are a woman in the Royal Marine Commandos -- which for some reason you call the Royal British Commandos -- which doesn't have any female commandos. You take on an assignment to kill Saddam in an ambush, while the British military would never give you such an assignment, particularly not because Saddam was standing trial at the time you took a shot at him.

"We charge you with dragging a man -- him," Allison pointed, "through the desert during the day for 60 kilometres and without water. Not to mention that he outweighs you by at least 60 pounds."

"Excuse me. I'm a commando. That's how dedicated we are to saving our buddies."

Allison looked up. "Shall I add defamation of character of the RMC to the list of charges? You are making them look stupid by not applying any survival skills or tactics before setting off for a trip through the desert."

The Sue glared at her. She might have attacked Allison, if it weren't for the fact that the agent stood out of arms reach and Tasmin had a gun trained on the Sue.

"Further we charge you with not knowing when the sun rises or sets in Iraq, thus making it light when it should be dark and dark when it should be light. We charge you with translating the caliber of a gun to metric units. We charge you with using a long range weapon with five rounds for randomly shooting around."

"I was panicking."

"You sure were. But considering the training you were supposed to have had, that's no excuse. Oh yeah, we charge you with defamation of character of RMC recruits. They don't have loose jaw muscles and most of them have shot a handgun before they made it as a recruit.

"Then we have a bunch of charges against you for making the A-Team look stupid. They would not make a fire in enemy territory that could be seen from a distance. Murdock would notice if there was someone sitting right behind Face holding a knife to his throat whispering things at him. Face would not offer comfort to a fellow Green Beret, particularly not if that person had moments earlier held a knife to his throat. The guy has some standards: he does not come on to women who have threatened to kill him. Hannibal would not ask someone they had just pulled out of the desert to join the Team. How would he possibly know you could be of use to the Team? And BA does not fly."

"Are you done?" the Sue asked as Allison paused to study her notes.

Allison shrugged. "Pretty much so. You have been charged. Do you understand these charges? Your punishment is death. Tasmin will execute you now."

The Sue started to argue, but Tasmin caught her off by shooting her in the head. The Sue fell to the ground. The Sam quickly raised his cane and threatened the agents with it.

Allison gave him a weary look. "Chief Warrant Officer Second Class, Matt 'Duke' Krueger. We charge you with bad spelling, bad grammar, switching point of view and tenses. We charge you with still being able to head off in some direction with a broken leg after having spent a day being dragged through a desert without any water. We charge you with being asked to join the A-Team without the Team knowing who you are or whether your leg will ever properly heal. Seen as it is now six months after you broke it and you are still walking with a cane, I can't really see how you could be of much use to the A-Team. Other than that the four of them are probably geriatrics in this story, and despite your bum leg you are probably the fittest of the lot.

"We charge you with not being carried aboard the helicopter despite your injuries, with wearing shorts in winter and with being a Marty Sam. Your punishment is also death and Tasmin will also shoot you."

Tasmin had fired her gun before Allison had finished talking.

Allison put her note pad away. "That's done. Do we need to find that recruit that spoke out of line and shoot him too?"

Tasmin thought about it for a moment. "Let's leave him. He's own stupidity will probably kill him sooner or later." She returned her gun to her duffel bag and pulled out the remote activator. "Let's get you fed."

-oOo-

_A/N: Giving exact times and dates for when scenes are taking place requires that the circumstances -- like whether it is dark or what temperature it is -- match those times. Fair enough, most readers will not look up the exact temperature it was in Devon on 26 February 2007, but most have enough grasp of geography and climate to think it was too chilly to wear shorts and a t-shirt. It's little details like that that can throw a reader from a story just as easily as a trek through the desert._


	23. Penny and Sky King

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts taken from _Penny and Sky King_ by Dr Spleenmeister.  
_

-oOo-

"We're going back to Nam," Tasmin stated after glancing through the Intelligence Report.

"Another POW Sue? A Soldier!Sue? If all these Sues are so into equal treatment of men and women, would it kill them to find out when the Equal Rights Act was passed?"

"You have a point there: perhaps the ones that did research were killed."

"And we're going to kill the one that didn't."

The agents shared a conspiratorial chuckle, but stopped abruptly when each noticed the other was laughing too. Tasmin quickly turned to the console to open a portal.

-oOo-

The scenery was mostly non-descript. There was a clearing lined by some generic trees. The agents hid in the undergrowth and watched as the Sue managed to land a tattered helicopter. Murdock came rushing across the clearing to help her out. When she was out they both ran away.

_It exploded in a blaze of light, heat and deafening screech of metal being blown apart and the two of them were blasted off their feet to slam hard into a stack of cargo containers nearby._

The scorching heat of the fire ball reached the agents too. Tasmin indicated they should move further away.

The Sue had sustained a few injuries: at least one broken rib, and a concussion. She managed to get up, but her swift movements caused her to fall down again. Murdock reproached her for stealing a defective chopper from their enemy. After she had coughed up some blood he helped her to her feet.

_He winked down at her, his concern for the junior pilot shining in his eyes; he had all but raised Penny since she signed up for the US Air Force at the tender age of sixteen._

Allison glanced at her partner. "What would it take for you not to rant about a sixteen-year-old girl getting a position only eighteen-year-old boys are eligible for?"

"Murdock is US Army, not US Air Force. It's unlikely he would be her mentor, if he did any mentoring at all. Murdock's always been more of a fly-boy than an instructor. But he certainly wouldn't teach Air Force people while he's in the Army."

"Mixing up US military branches," Allison answered her own question.

Murdock continued his reverie.

_She was too young to be out here really but she had proven to be so adept at flying that his superiors had overridden his concerns over her inexperience and sent her out into the field under his command._

"Inexperience was not a reason to not be sent into the fighting. Neither was being too young. Did this Sue never listen to songs like _19_ or _Eve of Destruction_?"

"Is this a charge?" Allison asked. "Cause there's no reason to think Murdock would not think some soldiers are too young or too inexperienced."

Tasmin grumbled something that Allison took to mean 'no'.

Murdock had treated her as any of the other airmen under his command. Only last month he had made her clean his chopper with her toothbrush for disobeying an order.

"That must have been some order she disobeyed," Tasmin noted. "I've never thought much of that kind of punishment, and neither does the Army, at least not any more. Cleaning a chopper is extra duty, a form of nonjudicial punishment. Cleaning a chopper with a toothbrush is degrading. Extra duty can only be given to enlisted men. She should have been given a court martial if Murdock didn't think allowed forms of nonjudicial punishment were appropriate." Tasmin paused a moment before chuckling. "I guess we'll just have to give it to her."

Murdock and the Sue stumbled towards the one-man base where Murdock had parked his own jet.

Tasmin blinked. "Why did this Sue give him a fighter jet? Where did she get off thinking this was a good idea?"

_Quickly gunning the engines to life Murdock thanked the Heavens that the General had given him this modified Harrier to fly the last couple of missions in, it meant that he had space to lay Penny out comfortably and still get up and out of the jungle canopy with the minimum of fuss._

"A Harrier Jump Jet? Where did he get one of those? Not from this general; the US Army did not own any Harriers."

"Perhaps Face scammed it for him," Allison suggested.

Tasmin glared at her.

"He managed to get a Cadillac in the Vietnam jungle."

"Not the same thing. He's even got a modified one so he can lay someone down in the back seat. Does she think the Army is made of money? I think rather than spend money on modifying a fighter jet to transport wounded, they'd buy a few more helicopters for medivac."

"That depends, if you think that occasionally you want to transport someone to hospital at Mach 3, like a general, it might be an idea to kit out a fighter jet for that purpose."

Tasmin glared again at her partner. "Harriers don't fly Mach 3. Plus it's very difficult to get an immobile person into the back seat of one, unless one of the modifications was a crane or a lifting device, and I very much doubt there is room to put a person down comfortably."

Murdock flew the jet to a field hospital 50 kilometres from the one-man base. He kept talking to the Sue to keep her conscious, but soon she stopped responding.

_As the hospital finally came into range he slipped quickly out of his seat and ducked into the tiny area where Penny was laid out._

Tasmin raised her arms in the air and dropped them down beside her. "Why do I even bother any more? I don't know why I bother any more." She shook her head and hung it low. "How hard is it to do a little research? Surely, if you want to give Murdock a plane or a chopper or a jet, you find out the specifics of the thing? Cause you'd want to know where you're parking Murdock's ass. And then you'd find that in a fighter jet, with the canopy closed, Murdock's ass is doing just that: staying parked. Cause there ain't a whole lotta room to manoeuvre inside the cockpit of a fighter jet. It's a fighter jet, for Pete's sake. Not a freaking cargo plane. Not that a cargo plane has room to dance the hula, but at least there you can get up and walk into the back."

"Er, Murdock's about to get shot down. Perhaps we should go to the field hospital," Allison ventured to ask in what seemed to be a lull in Tasmin's rant.

"I guess you're right." Tasmin rolled her shoulders to loosen the muscles and dug through her duffel bag for the remote activator.

-oOo-

Tasmin and Allison arrived at the crash site just as Murdock was climbing into the back of the cockpit. In the crash the stretcher with the Sue on it had smashed into the bulkhead, leaving a dent in the wall and the Sue twisted and broken.

_Falling to his knees he crawled to her head, undisciplined tears streaming unchecked down his face; there was no way she was surviving the crash._

"If she dies, we have a slight problem," Tasmin said.

"You'd think once the Sue's dead the problem is solved."

"If she dies in the story she leaves a lasting impression on the characters."

"Okay, that would be bad," Allison replied. She could barely contain herself from stepping in and pulling the sobbing Murdock away from the Sue. "Maybe we should get in and charge now?"

Tasmin put a hand on her partner's shoulder. "I just thought of a way we can charge her for the devastation her death causes and still catch her alive."

Allison looked at her partner. "How?"

"You'll see."

Murdock apologized for not having flown fast enough.

"Yes, nearly 900 kmh on a 50 kilometre trip is not fast enough." Tasmin noted. "It would have taken him nearly five minutes to get to the field hospital, including take off and landing."

"Surely, the crash has cost him a few more minutes."

The Sue replied he was great and that he was still the Sky King. Then she died.

_The sounds of the oncoming rescue party were lost on him as he burned the image of her face onto his retinas and into his memory for eternity. Reaching out a shaking hand, he closed her eyelids and removed her dog tags before clambering out of his gasping hole in the plane's side._

"That said 'dog tags', didn't it? The plural?"

Allison nodded to confirm and Tasmin tsk-ed.

"He's supposed to take one to show she's dead and leave one so the corpse can still be identified at a later time. Taking them both kind of defeats the purpose of having dog tags."

The Team then appeared at the crash site and Murdock collapsed in BA's arms. The Team took him to the field hospital were Murdock was checked out. The medical team quickly determined he was physically fine, but mentally he wasn't.

"At this moment in time they could still diagnose him with shell shock, a temporary condition. It's too early to tell whether there will be long lasting effects."

_The Doctor took a steadying breath, "Captain Murdock is mentally unstable."_

"I thought I recognized him. What's he doing here?" Tasmin said.

"Who's here?"

"The Doctor. It's not entirely surprising. Sues, after all, can be considered an alien invasion that's trying to take over the world."

"Anyway, the Sue's dead; this mission was a waste of time. Let's go home."

"Not yet. We still have to charge the Sue." Tasmin pulled the remote activator from her duffel bag.

"We can only charge the live ones. And this is not the kind of fandom where we can resurrect the dead ones."

"We don't need to resurrect her. We'll just go back in time." Tasmin opened a portal.

Muttering "of course" Allison followed her through.

-oOo-

"Murdock's medivac jet is about the crash." Allison pointed up. "I think you should have taken us back a little further. The Sue dies of the injuries she sustains in the crash."

"It'll work." Tasmin fiddled with the buttons on the remote activator. "I've just opened a portal in the bulkhead of the Harrier. When the Sue's thrown against it in the crash she should land at our feet."

Allison frowned. She looked up and saw the jet get hit by a missile. The jet went down. It cut through some trees before impacting with the ground. Twenty yards from the agents a portal opened and ejected a stretcher. The stretcher had so much momentum it tumbled over a few times before coming to a stop at the feet of the agents. Allison jumped back. Tasmin bent down to turn the stretcher over and revealed the Sue that was tied to it.

The Sue tried to spit some sand from her mouth. "What happened?" she asked weakly.

"The jet crashed."

"Was I thrown out?"

"You could say that. " Tasmin smiled. "Penny Smith, a.k.a. Songbird, we're Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We're here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and A-Team fandom in particular.

"We charge you with being a woman in the Air Force seemingly in a combat position. We charge you with Murdock being your direct superior though he's not even in the Air Force. We charge you with receiving nonjudicial punishment in the form of extra duty while you're an officer and can only receive nonjudicial punishment in the form of a reprimand or a restriction to limits for half a month. At least form Murdock, or rather, from someone with his rank.

"We charge you with Murdock flying a Harrier jet, while the US Army did not have any of these jets during the Vietnam War. We charge you with having the Harrier jet modified so it can function for medivac. I take it you didn't take economics in school."

"I'm in a lot of pain," the Sue managed to say. "I don't know any more what I took in school."

"I'm guessing English, 'cause your spelling is excellent. You could do with more commas and periods, though. And a few less adverbs and adjectives, but that's a matter of taste." Tasmin cocked her head. "We further charge you with having the A-Team suddenly show up at the field hospital, with the Doctor showing up there too, and with Murdock getting diagnosed with mental instability."

"Well, isn't he?"

"It's the suggestion that his breakdown was caused by a plane crash that we don't like," Allison explained.

"But BA said-"

"BA made a pun," Tasmin cut her off. "He's got quite the sense of humour. Anyway, you have been charged. Do you have anything to say."

"I guess I screwed up badly."

"You could say that."

"I'm sorry."

"Hmm, your punishment for these crimes is death."

"Oh..." The Sue took in a raspy breath and seemed to want to say something more, but the breath escaped her. Her head lolled down.

Allison bent down and checked the Sue for a pulse. She found none. She looked up at her partner. "She died on us."

Tasmin sighed. "That was to be expected. Her injuries were pretty bad."

Allison got up. "It feels like we did not finish our job."

"We did." Tasmin gave an encouraging smile. "We took her out of the story. We charged her."

"Seems more like she took herself out of the story."

"Sometimes that happens. That is not a bad thing." Tasmin opened up a portal. "C'mon, I'll buy you a hot cocoa."

-oOo-

_A/N: Sometimes after you've reviewed them an author admits that their story had some bad mistakes and pulls their story for a rewrite. My compliments to those authors. Even if they rob me of a scalp to put on my belt ;-)_


	24. Loose Ends

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _Loose Ends_ by Howlin' Mad Suzie._

-oOo-

"You wanna see Stockwell beg?" Tasmin asked her partner.

"Haven't we been to that fic already?"

"You thought that was unique behaviour?"

Allison sighed and sat up. "Okay, let's go see Stockwell make a fool of himself unbecoming a retired general. And while we're at it, see if anyone else is making a fool of themselves unbecoming a retired general. And kill the Sue that is causing all that behaviour unbecoming generals, or anyone else for that matter."

"Great." Tasmin punched in the coordinates and opened a portal.

-oOo-

Allison looked around the fairground. "This would be one of the last places I would ever imagine Stockwell going. So where is he? The Merry-go-round? The cotton candy stand?" Allison smirked at her partner.

"Huh." Tasmin looked at the Words. "There was some begging in a prologue scene, but we went too far ahead for that. Not much sense in going back."

"I feel you have lured me into this fic under false pretences. Is there anything happening in this fic I would rather not know about?"

"Isn't that a given? Never mind. Murdock's over there, and the woman he's ogling is the Sue."

"Oh, thanks. One of those again."

"Well, you know why Murdock gets so many Sues: they are just making up for the fact Murdock never got the girl in canon."

"Neither did BA. Can't they fling themselves at him every once in a while?"

"They'd probably bounce right off him. He wouldn't even notice if anything had hit him."

"The big guy is Sue resistant. A much coveted characteristic." Allison chuckled. Tasmin poked her in the ribs and reluctantly she directed her attention at the fic.

_She was of average height, nicely proportioned, maybe late twenties, with shoulder length chocolate brown hair that was barely tamed by a red head scarf which framed the most beautiful face he had ever seen._

"I take it I write her up for Murdock having been blind for the past forty years," Allison growled as she pulled a notepad from one of her pockets.

"For that, or for some bad punctuation."

Murdock stared at the Sue, and would have probably floated over to her if he had not been called back to reality by someone with the power to deny him payment. He turned his attention back to his job.

A scene break followed. The scenery turned dark and deserted. The scene change had taken the agents out of the fairground.

The Sue was standing by a bus stop. Murdock walked over to her. Though he did not understand what was happening to him, Murdock started to talk to the Sue. She didn't seem much in the mood for chitchat. Murdock was about to turn away, when he decided he couldn't leave without asking her if he could give her his phone number. She replied he could give her a lift instead.

Which Murdock happily did. The smile quickly dropped off his face, though, when he turned the ignition and then turned to look at her and saw her pointing a gun at him. Murdock could kick himself for falling for such an easy trick. The Sue told him to drive to a nearby motel.

It started to rain. The agents quickly ran for cover under the shelter at the bus stop.

Murdock was silent and contemplative during the short drive to the motel. He thought about how he was caught, about looking for a way out, but not wanting to leave her, and that his usual crazy routine would not work on her.

"There are three reasons Murdock would not be talking crazy: A, he's unconscious; B, he's been told **very** explicitly to shut up and most likely been gagged; or C, the Sue doesn't know how to write him crazy," Allison listed.

At the motel the Sue knocked Murdock in the back of the head and he collapsed onto the floor.

"Now, that would work to make him stop talking crazy."

-oOo-

Allison sighed after stepping through the portal and seeing her new disguise. "Maid service?"

"We need to be inconspicuous here."

"Maid service without a cart is inconspicuous to you?"

"Go get a cart then."

Allison rolled her eyes. "There's a cart over there." She pointed her thumb over her shoulder.

"Over there is not over here. Go and get it."

Allison rolled her eyes again and walked down the corridor to get the cart.

Tasmin tried to see through the window into the motel room where the Sue kept Murdock. Thin curtains covered the window on the inside. All Tasmin could see were some silhouettes. She turned and leaned against the wall next to the window. The walls were paper-thin so she could hear pretty well what was going on inside the room. She signalled to her partner to be quiet and take up position on the other side of the window.

Murdock woke up. He found himself bound to a chair and gagged. The Sue ripped the tape off Murdock's mouth and pulled up a chair to sit in front of him.

"_Okay, so what do you want? Who do you work for?"_

"Odd opening questions," Allison noted. "Wouldn't he start by asking her who she was? She never told him that, did she?"

Tasmin shushed her partner.

The Sue said she held him at gunpoint because he had killed her brother. Murdock denied the accusation. It turned out that the Sue's brother was someone Murdock had done a tour with in Vietnam, and the unfortunate brother had been killed on a mission.

"_I've recently been informed by a mutual acquaintance of ours that it was you that killed him. However, this mutual acquaintance is an arrogant, manipulative little shit so you get the benefit of the doubt until I'm able to verify he's telling the truth, and he has been known to… sometimes"_

Murdock immediately guessed the arrogant shit was Stockwell. He denied the accusations made by Stockwell, and went on to claim Stockwell knew the truth.

_He debriefed me after that mission himself._

"Stockwell knew Murdock in Vietnam?"

"It's the first I've heard of it."

"Could he have?"

"Murdock would have mentioned it to the rest of the Team if he had."

"That's true." Allison made a note of adding an unlikely alliance to Murdock's backstory.

_She stood up and looked away thoughtfully. There was honesty in the mans face. She had always been a good judge of character._

"During this mission, however, she will show to be very bad at keeping people in character," Tasmin said. "In the same vein she's probably also good judge of punctuation, but bad at applying it herself."

Murdock put two and two together and concluded that Stockwell wanted him dead. Which meant the Team might be in danger too. He told the Sue he had to go. The Sue needed to have a think. She stuck a fresh piece of tape over his mouth and went outside.

Tasmin opened the door to the room next door and the agents quickly jumped to the task of pretending to be cleaning something. The Sue barely paid attention to them when she paced up and down the corridor. She thought about what Stockwell had told her. She had believed him at the time, but she also believed Stockwell wasn't beyond manipulating someone like her into killing a man he wanted to be rid of.

Tasmin stepped close to Allison and whispered in her ear. "Stockwell wouldn't trust on manipulation if he wanted a job like this done. Not unless he had some leverage over the person that would make it unlikely for them to back out of it. Most likely a 'their life for your life' kind of deal."

"I also don't think he's quite beyond paying for a hit."

The Sue wondered what Stockwell would do to her and Murdock if he found out that his plan had backfired. She got her answer when she caught a glimmer of something across the road. She went back inside.

The agents cautiously came out of the other room to listen in on what went on between Murdock and the Sue.

The Sue cut Murdock free. He got up and said he had to get to a telephone.

"_No, there's no time."_

_In a swift movement he grabbed both her wrists_

"_Why, you gonna kill me now little girl?" he growled threateningly._

"She already killed his character. She might as well finish the job and kill his body too."

The Sue relaxed her muscles, letting him think he got the better of her, then she tensed up and head butted him. He went down and called her a crazy bitch.

"Why do some women try to change the men they claim they love?"

"In order to make them more perfect?"

"I don't think perfect has a comparative. Perfect means without flaws."

"Perhaps they are trying to put some flaws in," Tasmin suggested. "Perfection just gets boring after a while."

"There are plenty of reasons why you wouldn't want to introduce Murdock to your parents as your new boyfriend. Wouldn't need to add verbally abusive to that list."

The Sue gathered up her things and told him that they both had to go out of town. Someone still wanted him dead, and her too.

"Despite what I said earlier," Allison said, "I really only want her dead."

"I think she's talking about someone else."

The Sue said Murdock could go on his own or come with her, but that she was taking the car.

"_My car? In that case I think I'll come with. Where are we going?"_

"Why? Does he still have payments on the car?"

Murdock suggested a remote cabin he knew as a get-a-way.

"Or did his 'I'm sane' card expire?"

Tasmin pulled Allison back into the neighbouring room and closed the door. "Best to stay away from the windows," she said in reply to her parent's questioning frown. "There's a sniper on the roof."

_She had the advantage over him in that she was expecting the hail of bullets the second they emerged from the room together._

"When I say sniper I'm just being polite. I mean some idiot with a machine gun and no sense of direction."

The Sue pushed Murdock to the ground and fired back. Murdock crawled into the car. A few moments later the Sue sat in the seat next to him and he drove off with squealing tyres. Not much later Murdock and the Sue were under fire from a car behind them. The Sue fired back, but was almost out of bullets. She suggested they would have to lose their pursuers on foot. Murdock questioned her sanity.

"And rightfully so."

A helicopter was added to the team of pursuers. Murdock followed the directions of the Sue and parked the car behind a large department store. They left the car and ran into the store. The Sue grabbed some items of the racks while running. Murdock went behind a door and came back with a couple of blond wigs. The two of them slipped into a dressing cubical together and a few minutes later emerged in their disguises.

Then they casually walked out of the store.

"I'll just add shoplifting to the list of charges."

_Outside the chopper was watching the store exit from up above. Stockwell was in the passenger seat with a pair of binoculars, but if he noticed the couple walking passed the shop window that had two bald mannequins in it, it never occurred to him that it could be them._

"At the very least, add that Stockwell is going for overkill instead of certain death. And that Murdock wasn't spotted when he grabbed the wigs of those mannequins." Tasmin pulled the remote activator from her duffel bag. "Let's go that cabin in the woods."

-oOo-

There was only one small dirt road leading up to the cabin. The agents arrived shortly after Murdock and the Sue did. While Tasmin and Allison hid around the corner, Murdock and the Sue carried their groceries into the cabin. Despite its secluded location the cabin was well equipped. It had a bathroom and even a record player.

"If no one followed them this would be a good place for them to hide."

"It would also be an ideal place for her to kill him. It would be weeks, if not months, before he was found here. If he was found at all."

"Men." Tasmin shook her head. "Tell them you will steal their car and they blow all caution to the wind."

"Nothing comes between a man and his wheels," Allison agreed. "Though, if I had to pick anyone from the A-Team to put their car's safety before their own, I would have picked BA."

"BA loves his van and he would certainly throw himself in front of it if someone tried to steal it. He would not invite a Sue that had threatened to kill him into his van. Not unless she was tied up like a meat roll, and even then he wouldn't want her in his van as she might stain the upholstery."

The agents snuck around the cabin. Through a window they watched the scene that took place inside the cabin.

Murdock slumped into a kitchen chair and buried his head in his hands.

"Has he called the rest of the Team?" Allison asked.

"Hmm, doesn't say." Tasmin checked the Words. "They stopped for gas, burgers and groceries. I'm pretty sure at least two of those stops would have had a payphone. So he should have at least tried to contact the Team."

The Sue tried to comfort Murdock. He said it wasn't her fault.

"_If it hadn't been you it would have been someone else… and for the record, I'm glad it was you."_

"I'll take that as an answer to my question whether the Team already know Stockwell's out to kill them: Murdock hasn't told them yet. He probably hopes they too will have assassins they can fall in love with."

Murdock went to sit outside. It wasn't until it had turned dark that the Sue came to join him with some whisky she had found in one of the kitchen cupboards. Murdock asked her what Stockwell had told her. She said it didn't matter.

"_I think it's obvious he was just hoping I'd kill you for it and not ask any questions first"_

"_But you're not like that?_

"Stockwell isn't like that either," Tasmin said softly. "Stockwell is actually a pretty good judge of character. He knows who he can manipulate in what way. And he certainly wouldn't ask someone that is liable to get a bad case of morals to commit a murder."

"The Sue implies her history made it reasonable to think she would not get bothered too much by morals."

The Sue told Murdock her life's story. She immigrated with her parents and eigth-year-old brother from the Soviet Union when she was two. Five years later her parents were killed in a car crash and the children were taken in by a colleague of her father. He had owned a plane and taught both children how to fly. From then on the brother wanted to become a pilot.

"Er, the brother fought in the Vietnam War. He was born in the Soviet Union. Did the US Army employ foreign nationals?"

Tasmin bobbed her head. "They did employ people born abroad. I don't think there would have been a problem there. Particularly not if the brother went through naturalisation."

"Even though he was born in a communist country and would be fighting other communists, they would have no doubts he would change allegiance? During the Second World War the US put US citizens of Japanese and German ancestry in war relocation camps because they might be spies for the enemy."

"True, but there were also Nisei, second generation Japanese immigrants, who fought in the US Army. I think the army itself would not be a problem for him, but certain military positions, such as Intelligence and Special Forces, would be off limits."

"Right." Allison thoughtfully rubbed her nose with her index finger.

"This whole discussion has caused us to miss the list of talents of the Sue."

"Were any of those talents an indicator of her moral stance later in life?"

"Well, I've always had my suspicions of people who speak more than two languages fluently."

"_Please… I'd like to know more about the person who's prisoner I am"_

"_You're not my prisoner any more"_

"_Yes I am"_

"No, you're not. You came with her voluntarily," Tasmin said. "The figurative, if not the literal, meaning of prisoner implies that one is usually a prisoner against his own will."

"Again you're talking semantics, while the real problem is that Murdock is warming up to this person. That he'd rather stare meaningfully into her eyes than get off his bum and warn the rest of the Team."

The Sue was unwilling to tell her life's story, but somehow felt forced to tell it. Her adoptive mother had died of cancer, and after her brother was killed in Nam; her adoptive father killed himself the following Christmas.

Allison rolled her eyes. "You see, the reason I'm this screwed up psycho bitch is because everyone I cared for had died on me when I was barely even eighteen. People dying is a reason for mourning. It is not an excuse for anything else."

"If she would use it as an excuse for flexible morals, it would show she was mentally unstable and a likely candidate not to be hired by Stockwell, because he could not rely on her to finish a job he wanted her to do."

The Sue said she had felt dead inside and not cared any more. Then one day she met an Army recruiter and ended up in Vietnam. Stockwell came to meet her there. He had told her he had known her brother and that they had been good friends. The Sue and Stockwell had gone for a drink and he had persuaded her to help him with a project of his.

"Even if I can imagine Stockwell being in Nam – not everyone went there – I find it hard to imagine he would have been rubbing elbows with people ranked below him, let alone paying courtesy calls on their relatives. Other than to express sympathy for their loss."

"Perhaps Stockwell was already working on his master plan here. He knew that he had to be friendly to the Sue so that one day he could use her to kill someone her brother had worked with. Stockwell has that kind of foresight. He probably also knew the A-Team were going to be fugitives before they even got the orders to rob the bank of Hanoi."

Tasmin glared at her partner.

"We don't know much about how Stockwell operates. Perhaps he really does prey on emotionally unstable mourners."

Tasmin growled and turned her attention back to the Sue and Murdock.

The Sue continued that this project involved high-ranking officers that were selling information to the enemy. One day Stockwell finally received some intelligence he could make stick: he had information that one colonel would order a commando unit to rob the bank of Hanoi, which would be a set-up for the unit to be captured by the North Vietnamese and become a political embarrassment for the US.

Murdock was shocked at what he heard. He urged her to finish her story.

The Sue said that Stockwell for some reason did not want to stop the robbery, but that he did want a copy of the orders the colonel – Morrison – had given.

"See, I told you Stockwell knew the Team were going to be fugitives!"

Tasmin gave her partner a shove.

Colonel Morrison had once shown an interest in the Sue that wasn't just professional. Stockwell thought he could send her to him with some fake documents and she could charm the colonel in a ploy to get her hands on the orders.

"Never one to point out logical fallacies," Allison said, "but wouldn't Morrison notice if in his administration his orders were replaced by fakes?"

"I think she means fake transfer documents, though I admit the Sue's being a bit ambiguous here."

The Sue arrived in the evening when Morrison was debriefing the pilot who was to fly the commando unit for the Hanoi bank job. She avoided meeting the pilot. Then she reported to Morrison. He was happy to see her and left her alone for a few moments. The orders she had come to get were right there on the desk for the taking, but when the Sue did, Morrison returned to his office. There was a struggle and the Sue shot Morrison with the gun she had received from Stockwell.

"Rather than a gun, Stockwell should perhaps have given her a microfilm camera. Or weren't those invented yet?"

"Sure they were invented. Perhaps he needed the original documents for authentication purposes."

Murdock was very exited to know whether the Sue had walked away with the documents.

She said she did. She also said Stockwell wanted the documents destroyed. The commando unit had not been caught by the enemy and no one seemed to be interested in the truth. The Sue speculated that everyone that knew the truth had ended up dead. Stockwell would have tied up all the loose ends.

"He didn't tie up the loose end that's flapping her mouth here."

Murdock wanted to know if she had destroyed the documents. The Sue was surprised at his excitement, but admitted she had not destroyed the documents.

_Murdock almost collapsed with his sigh of relief and steadied himself with another sip of whisky._

"The real Murdock – not this version that is inebriated with a Sue and alcohol – the real Murdock would have jumped up, dragged her up and urged her to go and get the documents so his friends could get their pardons before this fake!Stockwell kills them."

The Sue had not been able to bring herself to destroy the only evidence of the truth and had kept the documents. It had proved good leverage over Stockwell when the Sue wanted out of his employment. She had threatened to make the documents public if he did not leave her alone.

"I doubt Stockwell is going to be much bothered by the publication of orders that exonerated a team of Special Forces and indict a dead colonel. His name isn't on the orders. There may be a little embarrassment for him if the reason is mentioned why the documents only showed up over fifteen years after the crime, but he'd probably be able to minimise that embarrassment without effort. Probable deniability."

The Sue's version of Stockwell thought the orders very important, however. He traded information about the death of her brother for the documents. Or so he thought. The Sue had given him copies of the orders.

"Oh, wow, this Sue is going to get the Team their pardons. That in itself should be a charge."

Tasmin raised her eyebrows at her partner. "You don't want them to get their pardons?"

"Sure, but this plot is just made up of too many coincidences. Murdock and her brother worked for Stockwell; Stockwell sends her to get the orders that could get the Team their pardons; she gets the orders just before the shelling starts; Stockwell doesn't destroy the orders himself, even though, according to this Sue, he's particular about tying up loose ends; she doesn't destroy the orders even though they had no apparent use to her; Stockwell sends her to kill a man for whom the orders have use. Too many coincidences. You get one outrageous coincidence per story. All other plot developments need to be character driven, or follow from something that a character had done or neglected to do."

"True, though here I think the problem could have been solved if she had gotten hold of the documents in a way that did not involve Stockwell. And perhaps Stockwell should not be involved either in her coming after Murdock."

"Take out the involvement of Stockwell?" Allison thought about it for a moment. "That would be one step. But she also shouldn't have got hold of the documents before the shelling. Years later, on one of her bad girl mission would be better. Best if she hadn't even been in Vietnam."

"Why not?" Tasmin almost sounded pleading. Allison gave her an odd look. "She's the first Nam-Sue that researched the place women had in the US Army in the Vietnam War. Of all the Sues, she's the only one that should be in Nam."

"Okay, she's been to Vietnam, but she's never met Stockwell, 'cause she doesn't seem to know him very well, or at all for that matter."

Tasmin nodded.

Now it was Murdock's turn to talk. He told her he knew the commando unit that did the Hanoi job. He also told her about the guilt he had felt at not having been able to testify for the Team on their original trial because he was deemed an unreliable witness due to his PTSD. The Sue held his hand to comfort him. She was surprised to learn that the Team was now working for Stockwell. Murdock explained the Team had to work a number of missions for Stockwell while he worked on securing them their pardons. Stockwell had offered to have them continue working for him once the pardons came through, but Murdock and the Team hadn't decided on that yet.

_At least we know why Stockwell wants you dead now… if you were just a liability that would be bad enough, but your 'no' vote could lose him this A-Team, and it's clear he has decided he wants them._

"That makes no sense," Tasmin said. "If Stockwell wants the Team, he's not going to get them by killing its members."

"Unless he thinks: 'if I can't have them, no one can'."

"Even if Stockwell was that small minded, he'd wait before killing off the Team until he indeed did not have them any more."

Murdock suggested the Sue could get the Team their pardons. The Sue declined, though. She held the proof that the Team were innocent, but explaining how she got it would be signing her own death certificate. Murdock said he would get a message to the Team in the morning and that Hannibal would then come up with a plan.

Allison made a note that Murdock had not gotten a message to the Team yet.

-oOo-

"Why did we leave the cabin?" Allison whined. "Murdock was just cooking breakfast. It smelled wonderful. We could have snagged some leftovers while the Sue was getting dressed."

Tasmin merely raised an eyebrow. "I thought it was about time we took a look at what the Team was up to."

"If it isn't breakfast I'm not interested." Allison rubbed a hand over her stomach. "Did you bring any food? Murdock was cooking the Sue half a full English, and it made my mouth water."

Tasmin had set the portal to open in the lounge where the Team was hanging out.

Face sighed as if he was tired of having the same discussion over and over again.

"_BA, you heard what Stockwell said. Murdock left town for a few days with a woman he met."_

"Face thinks this makes sense and is nothing to worry about?" Allison nearly toppled when she leaned forward, trying to look into Face's eyes to see if he was making a joke. "Surely they are all aware that everything Stockwell says is suspect?"

"Not to mention that if Murdock went away for a few days and could not tell the Team himself, Stockwell would not be the one taking a message for him."

Hannibal thought it suspect that Murdock had not told them he was seeing someone, but Face didn't think that strange. He thought Murdock hadn't said anything because he didn't want BA or Hannibal ruining things by being overprotective.

"Overprotective? Has this Faceguy met Hannibal? Or is this a completely different Hannibal? Murdock wouldn't think Hannibal would ruin his chances with a woman. That's more a Face thing. And it's not because Hannibal is being overprotective, but because he has a sense of humour not everyone appreciates."

"That could be interpreted as being overprotective."

"Really? I would just think he made an effort at being obnoxious. Anyway." Allison waved it away. "Murdock is much more appreciative of Hannibal's sense of humour in that regard than Face is. But this Face person here, he either doesn't know Murdock or Hannibal and he certainly doesn't know himself. 'Now is not a good time to start disobeying orders'? Face, mate, it's your friend who's gone missing. Do a character measurement of him. Perhaps he's a replacement."

"If he was, he would have noticed us by now. But he most certainly is not in character."

Murdock hadn't shown up for lunch the previous day and Face had found out he also hadn't shown up for work. Then Stockwell had -- of his own accord -- offered them the news that Murdock had gone out of town for a few days. Hannibal found this a paralysing lack of information. He suggested they'd keep listening to Talk Radio for a message from Murdock.

Allison made notes of the lack of punctuation as well as the lack of character. Then she gave Tasmin a pleading look and asked to be taken back to the cabin, or to some other place where she could eat.

-oOo-

There was no one at the cabin when the agents returned. Allison set herself to the task of finding the leftovers, but found that the Sue and Murdock had been quite homely: everything they hadn't eaten they had thrown in the trash and then they had done the dishes. She sat down at the table and sulked. Meanwhile Tasmin read the Words to see what Murdock and the Sue were up to.

Murdock had made the call to Talk Radio and they were now driving back to the cabin. The Sue tried to make conversation and asked Murdock about the tiger on his jacket, which her brother had painted. She wondered why something that reminded him of the war was so precious to him. He replied that she would understand if she knew him better. She asked if she would have that chance. Murdock replied that he felt like he had known her his whole life.

Tasmin rolled her eyes. Unceremoniously she dumped her duffel bag on the table. "I put some candy bars in here before we left. Dig in, but leave some for me."

Allison did not need to be told twice. She had caught a glimpse of the Words and did not like at all where things were going.

"_You do remember I tried to kill you yesterday?"_

Murdock retorted that she had not tried to kill him. She had thought about it, but not tried.

"Next person to use semantics like that is going to get shot in the kneecaps," Allison growled. She took a bite out of the bar of chocolate she had unearthed from Tasmin's bag.

Tasmin turned her head to her partner. "Where would you get a gun?"

Allison pointed at the duffel bag. "I've noticed there were two in there. Can't be that hard to get my hands on one of them."

Murdock told the Sue that he liked her. That he found something irresistibly attractive about her. The conversation started to turn flirty.

Allison chomped on the chocolate. A car pulled up by the cabin.

"Quick. They're back." Tasmin grabbed her duffel bag and in one sweeping motion returned all the items that Allison had scattered across the table back to the bag.

The agents ran into the bedroom and left the cabin through the bedroom window. Hunched over they snuck around the cabin and saw the Sue enter it from the front. Murdock was wearing a strangely odd smile when he watched her going in.

Allison dropped to the ground and leaned her back against the cabin wall. She pulled the chocolate bar she had been eating from the pocket she had stuffed it into before they had to make their exit. "I'm guessing this Sue is going to get the Team their pardons and we are going to hold off charging her until she does."

Tasmin nodded and sat down next to her partner. "I'm afraid so."

"I think I need more chocolate."

Tasmin handed her another bar.

-oOo-

"So, this cabin, it's Murdock's?" Allison asked.

"He said he inherited it a few years back."

"Then Stockwell would probably know about it."

"That would not be an outrageous assumption."

"Not a very safe hiding place from Stockwell then."

"Nope."

Allison looked up at the sky and noticed it was turning dark again. "Just another notch on the charge list."

-oOo-

Allison woke up with a start when she heard the doors of the van slam shut.

"Team's here," Tasmin announced.

"Already?" Allison yawned. "I wasn't expecting them for another day or two."

"Considering Murdock and the Sue got here in a few hours time, and the Team took about twenty, I'd still say they took their time."

Hannibal, BA and Face went into the cabin where they found Murdock and the Sue in bed together.

"What did I miss?"

Tasmin looked at her partner and opened her mouth. She thought better of what she was about to say and instead said, "You don't really want to know."

Murdock explained why his bed partner was pointing a gun at the Team.

"_Helen's… well, she… she was sort of sent to kill me by Stockwell."_

"_Stockwell?" said Hannibal with concern._

"_Kill you?" said BA with disbelief._

"At least BA's surprised that Murdock's in bed with a woman that was sent to kill him."

"The others are probably just assuming that he took lessons from James Bond on neutralising the enemy."

Allison glared at her partner. "They too should realise the unlikelihood of that being successful."

Tasmin smirked.

Murdock put on some clothes and led the Team outside to tell them the Sue held the proof that could get them their pardons.

The Sue had not much confidence in their talk. At least not when it came to her. She was sure they would sacrifice her if they could save themselves. She decided to leave. The van was parked out front with the side door open, a rifle casually lying across a back seat; the Team were conveniently having their talk at the back of the cabin.

"I take back whatever I said that could have been interpreted as BA being in character," Allison said. "He'd be near the van if there were a killer on the loose, and if he wasn't, he would have made sure it was locked."

"And never ever would he have left a rifle where a kid could easily get their hands on it," Tasmin added.

"Don't think there are going to be any kids sneaking around these woods."

"There could be," Tasmin replied. "I heard some noises like kids playing."

"You must have super sensitive hearing. I didn't even hear a bird. We're in the woods. Where is all of nature? Did the Sue scare off the little creatures?"

"That, or she thought 80s, acid rain and didn't write them in."

The Sue took the rifle and went back inside to pack up her stuff. When she returned the Team was waiting for her, and not about to let her go. They wanted the orders and they wanted her to take them to them. So not much later, the Team and the Sue took a commercial flight to Zurich. The Sue kept the orders in a safe deposit box at a Swiss bank.

"Of course, Swiss." Allison rolled her eyes. "Land of fondue, cuckoo clocks and banking secrecy. I always felt the latter was the odd one out, you know, compared to cuckoo clocks. That bird can't even keep the time a secret."

Tasmin rolled her eyes in turn. "Rather than pondering the difference between banks and clocks, you might want to take note of the fact that BA is so excited about getting his pardon, that he stayed conscious during the flight."

"What? That's an eight or nine hour flight. Surely he napped?"

"Actually, it doesn't say." Tasmin pulled the remote activator from her bag. "He just states he hates to fly, but there is no mention of him putting up a fight or anyone knocking him out. But Hannibal implies all of the Team noticed when Murdock slipped away with the Sue to join the Mile High club. Let's go to Switzerland."

"You quickly changing the subject doesn't mean I didn't pick up on the club comment. That's something I really didn't need to hear."

"Sure you do. It's a charge. You have to write it down." Tasmin hopped through the portal.

-oOo-

The portal had taken the agents to the Zürich-Milano International Express train. They installed themselves in the compartment next to the Team and the Sue.

After the Sue retrieved the order documents from her safe deposit box, she and the Team caught the International Express. They were on their way to Milan to meet Amy Allen. The Sue had a bad feeling that Stockwell was aboard the train too. She fetched her gun and a knife from her bag. Her hunch was right: a moment later Stockwell pushed open the door to their compartment.

"And now things are getting interesting." Allison rubbed her hands.

Tasmin shushed her. She pulled a stethoscope from her bag and put the plugs in her ear. She climbed on the seat and put the resonator against the dividing wall.

Allison pulled one of the plugs out of her ear. Tasmin give her an annoyed glare. "You've got one of those for me too?"

"No." Tasmin pushed the plug back in her ear and turned her attention to the wall.

Allison flopped down in one of the seats and stared out the window. Once again she'd have to make do with the Words. She'd really ought to start thinking about that smart packing stuff. Just the thought that she'd have to lug stuff around for hours which she was only going to need for five minutes was keeping her back.

Stockwell greeted all and closed the compartment door behind him.

_Stockwell flashed him an angry look, "Colonel, I offered you and your men an opportunity and you have betrayed my trust and broken our agreement."_

"I trust that Stockwell is aware that if he is sending assassins after members of the A-Team, he's the one that is breaking the agreement."

There was no response from Tasmin. Of course not, she had those plugs in her ears. Allison sighed.

Stockwell said he was well ahead of the Team and showed Hannibal a Polaroid picture of Amy bound and gagged.

"I wonder if he was sent that picture by courier."

"Like we thought." Tasmin pulled an earplug of the stethoscope from her ear and looked at her partner. "Stockwell knew Murdock and the Sue were hiding in Murdock's cabin, and he immediately came into action. It's been three days since Murdock was tied up in that motel, plenty of time for Stockwell to make his arrangements."

The Sue offered herself up in exchange for Amy.

"_I want the orders too, the genuine article this time, no clever forgeries"_

The Team all agreed in silence, and Hannibal gave him the documents. Stockwell examined them and then set fire to them.

"What? Just like that? After he's already been fooled once concerning these documents? Why doesn't he take them back to a lab and have them C14 dated or something?"

"C14 dating is not that accurate. But testing these documents to see if they had any of Morrison's prints on them would be in the realm of possibilities."

"Stockwell has Morrison's prints on file?"

"He could have. It would make more sense than him falling for the same trick twice."

"We don't know yet if he did."

"C'mon, Stockwell's been behaving like a right idiot throughout this entire fic. Why stop now?"

Allison conceded that.

Before the Sue could leave with Stockwell, Murdock gave her his jacket. As a passing gift Stockwell told the Team they were no longer working for him, and also did not have his protection any more.

"After he has worked so hard to keep them in his employment." Tasmin shook her head.

"Hmm. I'd half expected him to say: and now you're mine, all mine. Haha," Allison cackled.

After Stockwell and the Sue (and his Abels) had left the train at its next stop, Murdock noticed that the Sue had left her bag behind. He opened it and found an envelope addressed to the A-Team. It contained a note from the Sue, and the original orders Morrison had signed. The Sue had fooled Stockwell a second time.

"Seening as that is about all the plot development we're going to get out of this story, I suggest we go find that Sue and charge her." Allison flicked through her notepad. "I've got a few things to say to her."

"Good idea." Tasmin rolled up the stethoscope and returned it to her bag. She pulled out the remote activator and opened a portal.

-oOo-

It had only taken bureaucracy three months to realise that the Team had presented them with original order documents and not clever forgeries. The Team were granted their pardons (despite the fact that since their court martial and escape from fire squadron, they had no longer been wanted for the Hanoi Bank job, but for the murder of Colonel Morrison). After some soul searching and head scratching about what to do with their freedom, they decided to go into business as a team of troubleshooters. Basically, they would do what they had always been doing, but now they would have to send proper invoices to their clients, and charge them VAT.

The Team threw a party when they opened up their business and invited many of their former clients and their friends to come and celebrate with them.

Amongst this crowd Tasmin and Allison searched for the Sue. She was not hard to find: she was wearing Murdock's jacket and thus kind of stuck out to Allison. The agents managed to intercept her before Murdock did and pulled her into one of the glass walled offices to the side of the reception area.

"I like how this glass is frosted," Allison said. The walls behind her immediately turned from transparent to opaque. "Means no one else is going to notice we're having a little chat." She gave the Sue a pleasant smile. The Sue just looked wary in return.

"Helen Moore, or Helen Rodchenko, or whatever name you go by these days after having faked your own death, we're Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we're here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and A-Team fiction in particular."

"I always love this part." Allison flicked to the first page with notes on Helen in her notepad. "We charge you with bad punctuation, daft plotting and bad characterisation. We charge you with being a bad influence on Murdock. Murdock showed, under your influence, behaviour remarkably unlike himself. Apparently you were so scary he did not talk crazy, yet he came with you when you let him go but said you were going to steal his car. Though warning the Team that Stockwell might be after them was the first thing on his mind, it was not the first thing he did after shaking off whoever was after him. Instead, he took you, his once assassin, to a remote cabin to escape Stockwell, even though Stockwell may have very well known about that cabin. We charge you with Murdock being very forgiving towards anything you did and falling for you almost instantly, despite the fact that you tried to kill him." Allison looked up from her notepad for a moment.

The Sue's eyes were transfixed on Tasmin's gun, but dashed over to Allison when she stopped talking.

"Look, we don't mind if Murdock and his would be assassin become unlikely alliances. We have a problem with the fact that he has absolutely no reservations about trusting her." Allison turned back to her notepad. "Next, we charge you with giving Stockwell a part in Murdock's backstory. We doubt he was in Vietnam, and if he was, he wouldn't have known Murdock there. Murdock would have told the Team if they had been old acquaintances. We charge you with having Stockwell behaving unlike a retired general, and worse, unlike himself. Stockwell is not so stupid that he would hire a bunch of people who all fail at killing one man. He would not take part in chasing that man by helicopter. Stockwell doesn't do overkill; he goes for certain death. And he would not fall for the same trick twice. Further, we charge you with saying that Stockwell would tie up all the loose ends, yet this whole plot is based around the fact that he left two ends untied, namely you and the documents of original orders.

"We charge you with being sent to take the original orders, rather than take microfilm pictures of them. We charge you with having your brother know Murdock. We charge you with having said brother paint 'Da Nang 1970' on Murdock's jacket, while your brother was killed in 1969. We charge you with there being all together too many coincidences in this story, amongst others, BA conveniently leaving his van open, out of sight and with a rifle across the back seat. We charge you with having BA out of character like that. Face was uncharacteristically trusting of Stockwell, and Hannibal wasn't his proactive self either.

"Lastly, we charge you with shoplifting." Allison closed her notepad. "In short, we charge you with being a Mary Sue."

"Additionally, we charge you with the suggestion that despite your many years of doing dirty work for Stockwell, and, only a few months ago, mutilating a woman so her corpse could not be identified and others would think it was you, that despite this, you could still be capable of forming loving and committed relationships. Unless you have two separate personalities that you can turn off and on at will, that is not very likely. Dirty work like that leaves a mark. Particularly on someone that fell apart after the death of a loved one. Other than that, compliments on doing your research. But it isn't enough of a redeeming factor."

"You have been charged. Your punishment for these crimes will be death. Tasmin will shoot you now."

The Sue made a swift movement to grab her own gun, but Tasmin was quicker. The Sue died with a very surprised look on her face.

On the other side of the glass wall the murmur of conversation stopped.

"It can't have been because people heard your gun." Allison looked at her partner.

"The story is resetting itself. The Team didn't rent these offices; they didn't go into business for themselves. Etcetera." Tasmin returned her gun to her bag and pulled out the remote activator. "Let's go back to the office."

"Good, there I can get a proper meal."

Tasmin gave her partner an odd look.

"By proper, I mean it's warm."

Tasmin nodded and followed her partner through the portal.

-oOo-

_A/N: A story in which two people have to form an unlikely alliance could be good, if it showed the characters resist the alliance at first, but gradually learn that they must trust each other, and even that they can trust and respect each other. None of that here. Murdock seemed to have fallen head over heels for his assassin and simply forgave her all her faults. People in love do look kindly on the flaws the object of their affection has, but trying to kill someone is not on the same level as nail biting. And try to watch out for the number of coincidences you put in a story, if too many things happen that are a little bit too convenient, the story becomes unrealistic (and annoying). _


	25. Over the River

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _Over the River_ by Alanda. There are some mentions of slash in this story._

-oOo-

The agents stepped into the lounge of the Langley house. The Team was putting up Christmas decorations in the living room. Murdock and Face were fooling around with the mistletoe. Allison ignored that Murdock called Face 'Facey'. She walked up to Christmas tree and snagged one of the candy canes BA had just put up. Before she could put it in her mouth, BA pulled the piece of candy from her hand.

"Wait until Christmas day," he told her sternly. He turned around and tied the candy cane in the tree again using a little red ribbon.

Allison was stunned. She slowly backed away from the tree and nearly tripped over a box of Christmas decorations. This awarded her another stern look from BA. She quickly scrambled over to Tasmin. "He saw me," she said in a hushed voice to her partner. "And he spoke to me. He took candy away from me."

"BA took candy from a baby? He must be out of character."

"I'm serious!"

Tasmin pulled the Canon Analysis Device out of her duffel bag and pointed it at BA. "Bosco 'BA' Baracus, canon male, out of character 83.3 percent. That's a lot this early in the story." Tasmin pointed the CAD at the other people in the room and they all displayed similar results. "This is bad. They are all so much out of character they can see us."

"They don't seem to mind us, though." Allison gave her partner a worried look. She looked around the room. Face and Murdock were too busy being affectionate with each other to notice the agents. BA, Hannibal and Frankie just shook their heads and laughed at the other two men.

"Perhaps they think we are Abels."

"Abels don't hang around the Langley house this much, do they?"

"They do in this story." Tasmin nodded towards the open door. Just outside the room a small group of Abels were putting up decorations in the hallway.

A door slammed and Stockwell came into the room shouting at Carla. He told her he wanted to know immediately when a 'she' arrived. Then he turned around and told Hannibal that the only Christmas present the Team was getting from him was a two-week holiday.

"Is that a paid holiday?" Allison asked. "Cause that's kind of an expensive gift."

"I don't think Stockwell pays them, period."

"He's given them room and board. And for two weeks he's not getting anything in return."

Tasmin shrugged. "Write down the charge, though, that Stockwell seems to have his offices at the Langley house, and that the Team got to see him upset over something."

The Team wondered what Stockwell was shouting about.

_"I have no idea, but when whoever she is gets here, I would love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation."_

"That's a pretty good idea for a disguise setting," Tasmin said.

"No, it's not. They can see us. I'm not in the mood to be flattened by a flyswatter."

"That's actually a very good point."

A few hours later -- Allison had managed to snag a candy cane without being spotted by BA in the time they waited -- the doorbell rang. A woman, surrounded by Abels, came into the house and was brought to Stockwell's study. Through the door only Stockwell's side of the conversation could be heard. He was very angry.

The agents ventured out into the hall way and, along with the Team, learned that the woman, the Sue, in Stockwell's study was one of his agents, one of his best agents. Lately, however, she had become a drunk, an arsonist, and a risk-taker, putting her life and that of other agents in danger. Stockwell could not have that. He told her that the Team was going to babysit her.

"Sometimes I wish babysit actually meant sitting on top of a baby," Allison lamented. "And smothering it."

Stockwell stormed into the living room, red-faced.

_"You vacation is over. Your next mission is to watch the agent in there. She's know as Blackbird. Be careful, she's my top assassin. Or use to be. If she keels over, bury her in the backyard. Deep."_

Then he stormed back out.

Allison made a note that Carla was running ahead of him.

The Team were hesitant to find out who the assassin was that they had to babysit. Rather, they spent a few more minutes discussing what they would do over the holidays, or would have done. Two Abels walked through the living room. One flipped a coin. Then one of them made his way, reluctantly, to the study. He came flying out moments later and ran away. This finally piqued the curiosity of the Team. Or at least that of Hannibal.

He didn't need to go into the study as the Sue had decided on this moment to come out. She was surprised to see the Team.

_"Maybe I do need to stop drinking. Hannibal? B.A.? Face?" She leaned against the doorway. "Am I dead?"_

"Not yet," Tasmin said. "But I'm sure you are working on the arrangements of that."

Allison stifled a giggle.

The Sue walked over to the bar and fixed herself a highball, without the ice, and probably with the quantities of whisky and ginger ale swapped. She proposed a toast, downed her drink in one, and fixed herself another.

Murdock took the glass from her and threw it in the fireplace.

_"Savanah? What the hell is wrong with you? What's going on?"_

"He talks to her like he knows her."

"He knows her first name without being introduced to her."

"This is very disconcerting." Allison shook her head and tried to make herself as small as possible behind her notepad. If character bits were going to fly she didn't want to be hit by any of it.

Hannibal also knew the Sue on a first name basis and, after Face had helped her to the sofa, he asked her what was going on. The Sue told him.

_"Well Colonel, where do I start? Uhm...about a year ago I turned on the news and found out my father's unit had been killed for committing his murder. I guess I sort of lost it, started drinking quite frequently, and was kicked out of the medical society for conduct unbecoming of a member. Then about eight months ago Stockwell sent me on a job where six agents were killed. Needless to say, he blamed me for his mistakes. Then I came home this afternoon to find my husband of six years packing his shit up to leave me. So, I did what any bitter wife would do." She stopped and grinned coldly. "I blew our house up." She stopped to light a cigarette. "Then I hopped a big ole jet airliner and was met at the airport in Richmond by some of Stockwell's goons. I believe ya'll know the rest."_

The Team were stunned.

So were the agents. They were stunned that Stockwell would send an alcoholic -- who had probably lost her medical license due to malpractice caused by being an alcoholic -- on a mission.

Then the Team became caring. Hannibal sent Frankie away, who happily left.

Allison watched him go with envy.

_"You've been through hell, haven't you?" he asked softly._

"I smell something burning," Allison said.

Smoke came from Tasmin's duffel bag. She quickly opened it, rummaged through it and pulled out a smoking CAD. It was red-hot and burned her fingers. She dropped it and shook her hand vigorously to cool off her fingers. "I had turned it off before I put it in the bag. I swear I did."

Allison gave her a stern look. "That's two CADs you've broken already."

"That's about average."

"Not if you've only used them in about four missions."

Hannibal felt responsible for the Sue. She was the daughter of Colonel Morrison, and he had been a good friend. He knelt down in front of her and offered her a hug.

"Let's look on the bright side," Allison said. She smiled broadly at her partner's glare before continuing, "at least our CAD won't break." She quickly ducked a swatting motion from her partner.

The Sue started to sob and Hannibal consoled her. All four A-Team members offered her their handkerchieves when she wanted to blow her nose. She explained Stockwell had never told her that they were not dead.

"Why would Stockwell tell her that?"

"I know why he won't tell her. The Team still alive is on a need to know basis, and she didn't need to know."

"Obviously, but she's suggesting there's a reason he should have told her. For instance, because she knows them very well. Though the Words explicitly suggested that the Sue and the Team had never met."

"Suggestions are generally implicit, rather than explicit."

"Words said, 'the team had not known about her until nine years ago, and they had never been able to find her after that fateful night'. And since it was not made explicit what 'fateful night' is meant, I am not at fault for assuming it is the night they learned about the Sue's existence. If she had meant something else, she should have phrased her sentence better."

Tasmin nodded. "Charges for everyone behaving like they are old friends."

It turned out Stockwell also had not told the Team that the Sue's mother, and Morrison's wife, was his daughter.

"Charge for being the uncanonical daughter of one character and the uncanonical granddaughter of another."

Allison scribbled it down. "I'm afraid to think of any other liaisons with canons she could come up with."

"And a charge for being surprised that Stockwell doesn't discuss his private life with his employees."

"We could have guessed already that this is another Sue that doesn't know Stockwell very well, despite claiming that she does."

_"You didn't know Murdock? I would have thought with your connections to my family..." her voice trailed off as she noticed Murdock violently shaking his head._

"And again Murdock neglected to mention that he knew Stockwell before." Allison rolled her eyes and sighed. "I wonder if he has a good reason for that this time."

Murdock quickly brought the Team up to speed: both he and Morrison had been working for Stockwell in Vietnam. The Team accepted this as enough information. They knew Murdock would tell them more when he was ready.

"It seems his reason was that he was not ready to tell them," Tasmin said.

"That is bollocks. If Murdock had done some jobs for Stockwell before, he would have told the Team. Regardless if it would bring back some bad memories for him. He would have told them so they would know what kind of man he is, and would be a little less often surprised about how he handles things."

"I doubt Murdock withholding this kind of information would sit well with any of the Team, considering how often Stockwell withholding information has put them in danger."

There was a quick time shift in which everyone but Hannibal had gone to bed. The front door opened and Stockwell came in. Followed by Hannibal, he went up the stairs and knocked on the Sue's door.

_"Grandpa? I'm sorry." She started crying in earnest again. "I'm sorry I failed you." Stockwell took his granddaughter in his arms, unable to control his own tears. "No honey. I failed you."_

"I'm sorry I had to witness that."

"It was either that or listening to Face and Murdock getting ready for bed and telling each other sob stories."

"Does this mean we're skipping the sob stories?"

"Nope. We're just skipping the getting ready for bed." Tasmin threw open the door to Murdock and Face's bedroom and ushered her partner in.

Face was upset that Murdock had never told him he had worked for Stockwell. It had made him feel stupid.

"Can you imagine how stupid Murdock feels working for Stockwell again, but this time voluntarily?" Allison asked.

"I think you may have found the reason why he had not told them before: he felt stupid."

Allison glared at her partner.

Murdock gave as a reason that it was a time of his life he would rather forget about altogether.

"Because it makes him feel stupid," Tasmin added.

Murdock was now willing to tell Face everything he wanted to know.

_"Did you love me in Vietnam?"_

_"Yes."_

"I wish this fic would skip the things I wouldn't want to know."

"Yes, maybe we ought to do that," Tasmin said after a quick glance at what was to come. She pulled the remote activator from her bag and opened up a portal.

-oOo-

The portal brought the agents to a gym where the Sue was kicking the stuffing out of a punching bag and Frankie was watching in awe.

_"Wish I could do something like that." he said it so softly,_

Frankie added that he wasn't very good at fighting and didn't feel like he was a member of the A-Team. The Sue offered to teach him some moves.

For two hours Allison watched the Sue teach Frankie, while Tasmin read a book. Then the Sue excused herself, because she was going shopping with Carla.

"I thought the Team had to babysit her. Why would Carla take that job?"

Tasmin dropped her book in her duffel bag. "Sues like to be friends with everyone. Usually it's just the Team, but this one's friendly with Frankie and Carla too."

"And Stockwell. They hugged." Allison shuddered.

The Sue bumped into Hannibal on the way out of the gym. She asked if she could talk to him about something. She told him that he should spend some more time with Frankie, might make him feel better about the Team.

"She does realise that Frankie is still within hearing range, doesn't she?" Allison asked. "That he may not like that his mummy talks to the bullies for him."

"I don't like that Hannibal says she's right and that he should be more considerate of Frankie."

The agents followed the Sue, who, rather than directly hit the showers after a few hours workout, walked around the compound. Behind a barn she saw Murdock practising his pitching skills. Then she went into the house, and saw Face watching Murdock. She walked up to him and watched him watching. She mentioned she had heard them talking and said it was good they were talking.

"It's good they were talking about how stupid they felt? They aren't women," Allison said. "They are men. Eighties' men. They don't talk about their feelings."

"She's a shrink." Tasmin shrugged. She reverted back to the Words.

"Applying pop-psychology." Allison made a note.

"Seems that after we left, Murdock told Face that when he first arrived at the VA he was physically and mentally abused by at least one of the orderlies."

"Of course, you can't have slash without giving them reasons to cuddle."

"You'd think that if an author had Face and Murdock in love, that would be enough reason for them to cuddle. Yet, they keep adding angst. And not even angst of the good sort."

"What is angst of the good sort?"

"It varies, but in the case of slash in the A-Team, angsting about their homosexual feelings versus their own homophobic feelings and those of others. There's enough to angst about being gay in the Eighties without having to add abuse."

The Sue then went to her room to lie on the bed.

"She's never going to take that shower, is she?" Allison said. "They say that Sues all smell like roses, but this one doesn't."

Carla walked past the agents and knocked on the Sue's door. She came to get her, not to go shopping, but because Stockwell had an assignment for her.

"He needs her to stink out a few bad guys." Tasmin smirked.

The Sue left on an assignment. Rather than going with her -- the Sue went with three other agents and Tasmin and Allison could have easily taken their places -- the PPC agents decided to stay at Langley. After all, the Sue had a bit of a track record of getting the people on her team killed, and the agents weren't in the mood for being on the receiving end of that. Instead they walked into the kitchen where Murdock and Face were chatting about Christmas presents.

Face told Murdock he never used to get much for Christmas when he was a kid.

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Here we go. More whining." She pulled up a chair and glared at Face.

He took no notice of her as he told Murdock about all the crappy gifts he used to get as a kid.

"My dad's about the same age as Face is," Tasmin said. "He did not grow up in an orphanage, but on a farm, had about eleven sibs. He was number five and there was one more every other year or so. He got the same kinds of gifts as Face."

"Twelve kids? That is an orphanage."

Tasmin glared at her partner. "It still doesn't give Face the right to whine. Orphanages are pretty good charities. Some rich benefactor that wants to do good by playing Santa."

_When I was twelve, I wanted a Red Rider B.B. gun. I dreamed about it for months. I kept thinking that maybe if I was good enough, I would get one._

"Believed in Santa at the age of twelve?" Allison nearly fell over with surprise. "Wouldn't it be better to tell all the kiddies there is no Santa, so they don't feel bad about getting all these crappy gifts?"

"Considering it was an orphanage run by nuns, they should have told the kiddies there is no Santa because the kiddies were worshipping a false idol."

"I thought Santa was derived from a Catholic bishop."

Tasmin grumbled. She turned her attention away from the two men and stared at the Words. They narrated of the adventures of the Sue on mission. "Pen and paper at the ready," Tasmin instructed her partner.

The Sue was running through the woods. The mission had not gone according to plan, at least not her plan. She called an Abel on a secure radio channel.

_"The egg has broken. Repeat the egg has broken."_

_"Co-ordinates?"_

_"Pre-set. Jack be nimble and be quick. There are two candlesticks."_

_"How many bags of wool?"_

_"Four bags. All full." There was silence after her last coded words._

"What kind of code is that?" Tasmin grumbled. "Any one can break that: the mission has gone wrong. There are two deaths and four captured. She might as well have just said that."

"And she's on a secure radio channel. Why would she need code anyway?"

"Because that's what spies do: they talk in code."

The Sue further announced that the Abel did not have to wait for her. She radioed another Abel and told him to proceed to pick up. Shortly after, a helicopter landed, the Abels boarded, and the helicopter left. The Sue was on her own. She ran toward the compound under siege and took out the leader of the militia. She slit a guard's throat with her knife, and when she reached the compound she started throwing grenades all around her.

"Stockwell sent only four people to deal with this militia? The phrase suicide mission gets a whole new meaning."

Tasmin hummed, concurring. "I first thought Stockwell was an idiot for sending an alcoholic on a mission, but since this is more suicide than mission, I understand better."

"Even if he's sending his own granddaughter?"

"He already expressed not caring very much whether she should live or die."

The Sue's charge caused confusion and havoc on the compound. Members of the militia were shooting wildly around themselves and killing each other. The Sue picked one of them off with her rifle and continued her run towards the office. There she wildly threw papers all around her till she found what she was looking for.

"She would have been quicker if she had just thumbed through the file cabinet until she found the file she needed. Throwing things about is not very time efficient. Plus, you may slip on one of the files you threw on the ground, fall and get hurt."

The Sue was caught just as she stuffed the file she came for down the front of her jacket. After a few witty exchanges she shot the man between the eyes and made a run for it.

_She continued down the hallway screaming into her radio. "Contact! Contact! Pre-set co-ordinates! Coming in hot! Coming in hot! Contact! Contact!"_

"And now she wants them to come back for her? Didn't she tell them to leave a light on for her on the back porch?"

"Something like that." Allison nodded.

"That should have been code for 'I'll find my own way back'. That isn't code for 'I'll give a ring when you can come and pick me up'."

"Perhaps their code isn't as easy as you first assumed."

"The Abel understood it the same way as I did. Charge her with endangering lives because she changed her mind."

The Sue was picked up and brought to a military base. The commanding officer gave her his office so she could make a few phone calls in private. She first made a phone call to confirm the mission had been successful. Then she called a travel agent. While she was on hold, she looked for a first aid kit and bandaged her injured leg. After she made her travel arrangements, she put on some civilian clothing and left the office, still wearing her balaclava.

"She packed a pair of trousers and a sweater in her bag when she got ready for this mission, along with the grenades and the rifle? Is she one of those smart packing people like you?"

"There was never any mention of whether she packed all these things, or whether the base chief kept these things in his office for her, like the first aid kit. First aid kits are generally kept a little more publicly. So charge, for finding a kit in a desk drawer and pulling some clothes from out of nowhere."

"And for still not having taken a shower."

"Goes without saying."

The Sue caught her red-eye flight to Virginia and worked on her Christmas list on board.

The agents experienced a jerky motion that indicated a time lapse. Face and Murdock had long since left the kitchen. It appeared to be early morning now and Murdock was taking a shower.

"At least someone is," Allison commented.

_He grinned as he looked at his hair in the mirror. 'Treatments are working.' he thought happily._

"He's getting implants? I hate this Sue."

"More than usual?"

"Most of them don't change his looks along with his personality. If they are going that way, can't they just change his name too and be done with it? Cause if it don't look like a duck, don't walk like a duck and doesn't even say quack, we can safely assume it is not a duck. Or a canon character."

Murdock went down to the garage and slipped into his black Jaguar. He was able to afford that car because he was still on the pay role of The Company. He had a desk job these days, but he used to be the original Blackbird. The Sue had inherited his call sign and often came to him for advice. This day, they simply ran into each other at a local coffee shop. They chatted some about the Sue's mission, then Murdock asked her for a favour.

_I remember you saying you sometimes collect antiques._

Allison bent over and bashed her head on the kitchen table. "She's just the perfect cure for whatever ails anyone. Meanwhile, she's giving me a headache."

"I think you will find that's the kitchen table."

Murdock got up. He had to go to a meeting with an attorney to make his will.

_You get everything, and when Face is a free man, you hand it all over to him. You get $25,000 out of the deal._

Allison turned her head to Tasmin. "What if the Sue dies before Face? Which seems likely with her lifestyle."

"What if the Sue changes her mind by the time Face gets his pardon? Or has run some bad investments and there's no money left? If you ask me, he should turn all his assets into solids, like gold. Then bury his gold and leave Face a treasure map. That way Face could enjoy the spoils of Murdock's riches even when he isn't a free man."

"But the Sue wouldn't change her mind. Haven't you noticed that she always has the best interest of any member of the Team at heart. And that she and Murdock have the kind of relationship where you just don't cheat on each other." Allison nodded, sort of, as her head was still lying on the table.

Tasmin cocked her head. "The kitchen table must provide some interesting insights into human nature. Everyone can be bought, for the right price."

"Sues can't. It's what makes them Sues."

"Twenty-five thousand dollars is a rather low keepers fee. We don't know how much Murdock owns, but it seems to be considerably more than 25k. And the Sue probably also makes a lot more money on her missions, considering how good she is and all. She would think she's worth more than 25k."

Murdock left after paying the bill and the Sue pulled out a cell phone to hunt for a 1962 BB gun.

"She pulls out a cell phone?" Allison finally picked herself up. "I thought those things were the size of refrigerators back then."

"Not quite. It only weighed 28 ounces. That's a pretty light refrigerator. It was more the size of a brick."

Allison grumbled. "Charging her with making 1987 technology the same size as twenty-first century technology. I think after we charge her, we should bash her head in with that brick. Add a little irony to the punishment."

Tasmin grinned. "That would do nicely."

It had turned night and the agents heard some noise on the stairs. Tasmin put a finger to her lips to indicate to her partner to stay quiet. Allison rolled her eyes in response. The agents peeked around the doorframe into the hallway. The Sue was being led out of the house at gunpoint.

"How did that guy get into the house?" Allison whispered after the door had closed behind the two.

"In a puff of smoke probably," Tasmin replied.

The agents crept towards the door and opened it slightly. The man that held the Sue at gunpoint was distracted by a whistling noise, made by Hannibal from his balcony. The Sue rolled away from the gun.

"Why is everyone hanging out on their balconies in this fic?" Tasmin asked. "It's mid-December, the daily mean is about 35 Fahrenheit. It's early morning and Hannibal is just sitting leisurely on his balcony. He's from California. He'd be freezing."

"I'm from a cold climate," Allison added, "and I'm freezing. Can we please go back inside?"

The exchange of gunfire had woken up the rest of the house. Everyone rushed out of the house -- in whatever they wore to bed. The Team split up to find the Sue and the perpetrator. A third shot was fired and a red car drove away. The Sue was not found, but Murdock had been shot. Face rushed over to hold his hand. A 'med-flight helicopter' landed in the yard and the paramedics loaded Murdock on board. The rest of the Team were left behind.

_Face stumbled towards the helicopter and fell to the ground screaming, "MURDOCK! MURDOCK!"_

"I'm guessing coot," Allison said.

"What?" Tasmin turned her head to her partner.

"Obviously it isn't a duck. I'm trying to figure out what kind of bird it is instead."

"Oh. Sounds more like a screamer to me," Tasmin said. "Plus they are more closely related to ducks than coots."

Hannibal and BA picked Face up from the ground and brought him to a waiting car. Frankie joined them and they all went to the hospital where Murdock was taken. The agents decided to take a short cut via portal.

-oOo-

The Team, minus Murdock, where sitting in a waiting room when the two agents arrived at the hospital. Frankie offered to get them all some coffee and left. A moment later Stockwell turned up. He nodded his head to indicate wanted Hannibal to step outside for a moment for a chat. Stockwell made a few caring enquiries. Hannibal ran a hand through his hair. He was worried about Face.

"I'm fairly certain that is already out of character behaviour," Tasmin said. "I mean, have you ever seen Hannibal in canon with his hands in his hair?"

"Not unless he was trying on a wig."

_"He won't make it without Murdock."_

"Make what without Murdock?" Allison asked. "Sand castles? An entry for the Chelsea Flower Show?"

"Those, of course, but I think Face is supposed to be a basket case that can't stand on his own two feet without Murdock acting as a crutch."

Stockwell was understanding -- which was more than could be said about the agents. He also had a good idea who had been behind the events of the early morning.

"Stockwell doesn't say 'we have a good idea'. It implies he's not certain about the information he is about to divulge."

Stockwell thought it was the doings of an old adversary of the Sue. She had once been captured by him, but managed to escape, and killed his son while she was at it.

_this is the first time he has been able to find her._

"It's bad enough that he knew who to look for, let alone where."

"Shouldn't the Langley house have better security? I mean, Stockwell has his offices there, you'd think he wanted to protect them from intruders. Someone just walked into the place and walked out with someone at gunpoint. Plus, he knew exactly which was the Sue's room. And as far as I remember there weren't any labels on the doors to indicate who slept where."

"Inside man?" Tasmin suggested.

"Would make sense. Now, why aren't they jumping to that conclusion?" Allison nodded her head to the offending canons.

"Why does canon ever not do what we expect them to do? Because there's a Sue involved."

"But she's missing now. Shouldn't her influence diminish?"

"They are talking about her. If you say her name she can control you. Why do you think we never call the Sues by their given name?"

"I think I've heard about this power somewhere else."

"But since you asked, let's find out where this Sue is." Tasmin pulled the remote activator from her bag. The agents took a portal back to the Langley house.

-oOo-

The Sue was hiding in the bushes while there were still some of the thugs looking for her.

_"Keep looking. have Jones and Forrester check the roads again. Remember she's tricky. But she will be made to pay for her transgressions."_

"That's a bit mildly put by someone whose son she's killed." Allison pulled her notepad from a pocket. "I think she did a little more than cross a line there."

The boss of the outfit then left. The others left soon after because the woods gave them the creeps.

"I wonder when they have their next employee appraisal."

"I wonder when the Abels that were putting up the Christmas decorations a few days ago will get their next employee appraisal. None of them came out to have a look after the first car left."

"Perhaps they are only able to tag mistletoe to the doorpost."

Tasmin narrowed her eyes. "Let's just say that no one here is good at the job they are supposed to do. Except the Sue, and she's pretty bad at it too."

Before the second set of men left the Sue heard them mention one of the Team had gotten shot. She knew it had to be Murdock.

_She had fought it, but she knew in order to catch Springfield, she was going to have to become something she never wanted to be._

"Mundane?" Allison asked. "You're already a murderer with no remorse to speak of. Can't really imagine what would be worse than that."

_She opened her eyes and looked around. She was no longer Savanah Morrison. She was no longer the doctor, the wife, the friend, the lover. She was a machine trained to kill. She had made mistakes in the past, but she had learned from them as well. She was an assassin._

_And she was pissed._

"Finally, the alcoholism is acknowledged," Allison said.

Tasmin just shrugged in reply.

The scenery went black and a week passed. The Sue was still missing, though her car had gone missing too a few days earlier. Tasmin and Allison decided to pick up with the action at Stockwell's office at the Langley house. Stockwell introduced the Team to their pilot and explosives expert on the mission to extract the man that had shot Murdock -- Frankie wasn't coming on this mission as he was thought to be too inexperienced by Hannibal and Stockwell.

_Face turned and looked at B.A. nervously. "Are you o.k. with this?" Face asked._

_B.A. turned and gave the con man a hard stare. "For Murdock, I'll fly."_

"Of course he does." Tasmin sighed. "He couldn't even fly when his momma needed his help. But the bane of a man's existence means more to him than a boy's momma."

Allison nodded while she scribbled.

The Team and the pilot got on the helicopter and took off towards Georgia. The pilot informed them they had to pick up another agent Stockwell wanted on the mission. The agent in question -- the suddenly not so missing Sue -- decided she wanted to be picked up while driving her car at high speed. Face was instructed to secure a ladder and then throw it down. The Sue climbed out of the car window, grabbed the ladder and climbed up. The car went off a cliff.

"Brakes not working?" Allison asked. The agents had stayed behind in the office, and Allison had taken the opportunity to put her feet on the desk.

"She must have sabotaged her own car."

The Sue and the pilot, who appeared to be her husband, then engaged in a rather childish shouting match. Well, the Sue's input was childish; the pilot dished the Sue a few home truths.

"Did we already have the charge of Stockwell making stupid decisions about who to send on missions?" Tasmin asked.

"I think we determined that he really, really wants to see her dead. I'd like to add that he doesn't care who goes down in the process." Allison scratched the top of her ear. "Do you think, that in his own convoluted way, Stockwell is dealing with this Sue?"

"Could be. But he's no protector of the plot continuum. If he were, he wouldn't risk the lives of the Team like that."

The story fast-forwarded again. The mission was over. The Sue had killed the bad guy, and the Team seemed to rejoice over this.

The agents gave each other incredulous looks.

"I know the Team has a violent streak, but I don't think they approve of murder. The guy that was killed wasn't even the guy that had shot Murdock."

"The Team thinks he did it," Tasmin replied. "But you're right. The Team doesn't pass judgement beyond the point that they chase the baddies away or round them up for arrest, so they can be properly tried by a jury."

"I think I see the Sue and Face sitting outside." Allison pointed out the window. "Let's go charge her."

Tasmin nodded.

Face had received a fake file about Murdock from Stockwell, and picked a fight with Murdock over it. The Sue stepped in and gave Face a file on himself. Face was shocked to find it was not real, and was very sorry he had believed everything he had read about Murdock. Then the Sue gave him another file.

_"This is Murdock's real file. Straight from the company."_

"Of course it would be no trouble for the Sue to get her hands on that one, what with her ability to walk through solid concrete walls."

Face was shocked even more when he read about what Murdock really had to go through. And then the Sue added a little story of her own. In a letter from her father to her mother she had learned that Murdock one time had taken a beating in a bar fight. When her father went to investigate at the bar he heard a few officers talking.

_Apparently, they had caught Lieutenant Peck out back and given him the beating of his life. They went into detail how they had been planning it for days. They were all pretty proud of there little scheme. Their only regret was that they had not_

_been able to get out of him who his lover was. They never saw my father listening. Well, my dad was a pretty smart man. He figured out real quick that Murdock must have heard about their little plan, and had taken one of your shirts to make them think he was you. In the dark and in their drunken state, they never noticed the difference. Once dad thought about it some more, he realized who your lover was. Really didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that part out. He was so pissed, and he knew he couldn't report it, so he did_

"Excuse me." Tasmin tapped the Sue on the shoulder. "Why couldn't Colonel Morrison have these officers court martialed? Beating up an officer is considered a very bad thing in the army."

The Sue gave her a disturbed look. "Because if he reported them it would come out that Face and Murdock had a relationship."

"True," Tasmin said. "But these officers should have reported that themselves. The fact that they didn't makes them punishable by court martial under Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice, subchapter X. The fact that Face and Murdock were possibly guilty of conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentlemen, Article 133, and sodomy, Article 125, will not excuse these officers from the charges that can be brought against them. The way I see it--"

"Here we go." Allison rolled her eyes.

"These officers your father didn't report could be charged with Article 81, conspiracy, and Article 128, assault. The fact that they knew they were beating up an officer, even if they beat up a different officer than they thought they were beating up, makes matters worse, for them. Because they cracked some of Murdock's ribs, Article 124, maiming becomes relevant. Article 133, conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman, is always relevant. And Article 134 can cover all their other offences.

"Your father," Tasmin jabbed a finger at the Sue, "could also be charged under these last two articles, if ever found out, and under Article 107, making a false official statement. If he had written a report on Murdock's injuries in a bar fight, and had not included his findings at the bar, he would have knowingly made a false statement. Now, ask yourself, would a military man like your father have really risked a dishonourable discharge and five years confinement for a couple of love-birds?"

The Sue blinked.

"Hadn't thought about that, had you? Allison will charge you with a few more things you don't seem to have thought about."

"Where to begin, where to begin."

"Her name would be a good start."

Allison rolled her eyes again. "Savanah Morrison, also known as Blackbird and Abel 24, we are protectors of the plot continuum and we are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and A-Team fiction in particular."

"Crimes!" Face exclaimed. "She hasn't committed any crimes."

"She made you believe in Santa at the age of twelve, and turned you into a pansy."

"Oh." Face turned away from the agents to sulk.

"Realisation that what she did to him was wrong will set in shortly," Tasmin said. "The sooner you start charging, the quicker that will happen."

"Savanah Morrison, we charge you with being a Mary Sue. You are the uncanonical daughter of one canon character, and the uncanonical granddaughter of another, making the two of them related, and Stockwell would have mentioned this bit of personal information to them. 'You wouldn't expect me to help the men that confessed to the murder of my son-in-law, now would you?'" Allison tried in her best impersonation of Stockwell. "Further you are the protégée of a third canon character. We charge you with being an alcoholic, but this not having any effect on the story. Except for the part where you always blame others for your mistakes and never take responsibility yourself. That is rather typical behaviour of someone with a drinking problem. What isn't typical is that others forgive you your mistakes or simply ignore them, think you the best ever at whatever, and that someone like Stockwell would send you on missions. I know the types of missions he usually has are suicide missions and the people doing them expendable, but kitting out the mission with a drunk is not something even he would do.

"While we're on the topic of out of character behaviour... We charge you with removing the backbone of each of the canon characters. Face is not a pansy and a basket case that could not make it without Murdock. BA does not fly. No, not even for Murdock. He himself would say, 'especially not for Murdock'. Hannibal does not offer hugs on his knees and does not sit around with his hands in his hair. He also does not need leadership advice from you. Murdock would not be keeping things like knowing Stockwell from the rest of the Team, and the rest of the Team would not be all understanding if he had. They also would want to know how he knew you, when they, for some reason, had been looking for you, but never found you. And these are men of the eighties." Allison gestured towards Face, who was still sulking. "Or at least, that's what they're supposed to be. They do not talk about their feelings. The only emotion they show is aggression, and they will probably disagree with you that aggression is an emotion.

"We charge you with sending Frankie out of the room every time things get interesting. He is not a seven-year-old boy. If you didn't want them in the story, couldn't you have just given him a bad case of the flu? It's epidemic this time of the year." Allison coughed in the direction of the Sue who turned her head away in disgust. "We charge you with not taking a shower after a two-hour workout. We charge you with not taking a shower after a mission, but still putting on clean clothes. We charge you with pulling these clean clothes from out of nowhere. We charge you with using pop-psychology. We charge you with being a bad spy: you use an easy to crack code, have a very inefficient file cabinet search, and you endanger lives by changing your mind about whether or not you should be picked up at the end of the mission. We very much think you were to blame for the agents that got killed on a previous mission. We also charge you with showing off by going solo on a mission and that whole thing with the helicopter and the ladder. Was there any point to that action?"

The Sue gaped.

"We charge you with picking a childish fight with the pilot. We charge you with having pockets that are bigger on the inside, because they can hold a 1987's cell phone."

"It isn't that big." The Sue pulled the phone from her pocket.

Allison took it and weighed it in her hand before she continued charging. She pointed the antenna of the phone accusatory at the Sue. "We charge you with ignoring that in December the average temperature in this part of Virginia is 35 degrees. Californians do not stand around on their balconies in temperatures like that. They huddle in a blanket by the central heating, mumbling about never having been this cold in their lives. Particularly, poorly people like that." Allison nodded her head to Face. "Those are your charges. Your punishment for these crimes is death. Do you have anything to say?"

"You have a lot of unresolved issues. It is clear that you don't have good stress relief. When was the last time you had sex?"

"Added charge," Tasmin said, "using pop-psychology on PPC agents."

"My stress relief is killing Sues," Allison said. She brought the phone, popularly nicknamed the Brick, down against the side of the Sue's head. The blow killed the Sue. "Right. Do we have to neutralise the canons or will canon just pop back into shape now the Sue is dead?"

"Let's just neutralise them to be on the safe side." Tasmin rummaged through her bag to find the neutraliser kit.

"And we have to find and kill that pilot."

"Nah, he can live. He wasn't put in this story to make the Sue look good."

"Actually, I think he was."

"Well, in that case she failed miserably. He was a pretty interesting character, even if he only got a few lines." Tasmin handed Allison a pair of sunglasses. "Face, if you could look this way, please."

-oOo-

_A/N: If there is a character in a story that has a real problem, such as alcoholism, that problem should be treated as a problem. Here, the only evidence of a drinking problem was in the beginning of the story, when Stockwell confronted the OC with her behaviour for one time only, and the character's utter selfishness and refusal to take responsibility for her own mistakes. Everyone else behaved as though there was no problem and they forgave all mistakes made. This does not add to the realism of the story, and does not make the character sympathetic. If the character has a real problem, she ought to be treated as if she has a real problem. This can also mean that other characters cover her mistakes with a blanket of love or turn a blind eye. Here, the other characters seemed to be ignorant of a problem, where they should have been aware of it._


	26. Please Don't Ever Leave Me

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _Please Don't Ever Leave Me_ by Suzie and Georgia._

-oOo-

"Oh dear," Tasmin said. "Oh dear."

Allison studied her partner from the other side of the response centre. Some ten minutes earlier a mission assignment had come in and Tasmin had started reading the Intelligence Report. She'd only said 'oh dear' since, but she'd said it a good three dozen times.

Finally, Tasmin turned around.

"Oh dear," Allison said seeing the expression on her face. "That bad?"

"Yes. I'd almost say troll, but the fic in question is in an archive. That would imply some kind of filter for trolling."

"That is, if the archivists actually have time to scan fics for trolling."

"True."

"So... we go in?"

Tasmin nodded. "You should take some carsickness pills first."

"I never get carsick."

"Just a precaution. The authors are tossing around verb tenses as if they were salad ingredients."

"Authors? Fanfic is really putting a strain on the concept of two know more than one." Allison popped the two pills her partner offered her into her mouth and swallowed.

"Ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Allison eyed the keys on the console that would set disguises and open a portal. "No point in postponing the inevitable. Though we could get lucky and be killed during the end of the world or the umpteenth invasion of Headquarters while we wait."

Tasmin rolled her eyes and thumped the console button. She ushered her partner through the portal first.

-oOo-

The portal brought the agents to a living room.

"So, what have we got, fic-wise?" Allison took being disguised as a nurse as an indicator they were at the VA, though the living room setting kind of threw her off.

"Bit character Sue and Gary Stu."

"That's at least novel."

"Some bad slash-"

Allison growled.

"... involving the Gary Stu."

Allison frowned. "That's both novel and growl worthy. Where are we?"

"Face's apartment." Tasmin walked over to the bedroom and pointed at Face standing in front of the mirror. "That's him."

"He still looks the same. I managed to recognise him."

_Templeton Peck stood in front of his mirror. Today was the day he was going to asked Murdock to married him?_

"He what?" Allison asked.

"I guess he either had pre-proposal jitters, or he's going to ask Murdock if they got drunk on their last trip to Vegas and got hitched."

Allison glared at her partner. "I thought you said the slash was with the Gary Stu."

"There's some sort of love-triangle. Actual, it's a slash fantasy story."

"That better mean it has dragons."

"Not dragons, but there's another fantasy animal."

"A unicorn?"

"You'll see."

_Suddenly there was a knock on his door. He went to answer it only to find a box. Face picks the box up. He shook it to make sure it was safe._

"The letter bomb had a detonator set to tense shifts and blew up."

"Yeah, generally shaking is a real good way to determine whether something is an explosive or not. And by good I mean quicker than calling in bomb squad."

The package contained pictures of Murdock, an audiotape and a videotape. Face played the audiotape.

_The voice was rough. I know where Murdock is 24/7 break up with him or he died_

"Even if that sentence had had all the necessary punctuation in place, it still would not have made any sense." Allison pulled the notepad from her pocket. Funny how no matter what the disguise was, the notepad always ended up in the pocket.

"I think it's an interesting concept, making threats in the past tense. It means they will carry out their threat first and when you give in to the blackmail, they will undo it." Tasmin chuckled.

"At least you think this is funny."

The videotape was a home movie of Murdock. The voice-over told Face there was a team of people stalking Murdock and that Face must break up with him. Face screamed at the TV that he would not break up with Murdock.

"Oh dear." Tasmin quickly dove into her duffel bag and produced the FLF. She checked that its switch was set to manual. She blocked it with her thumb so it wouldn't reset itself to automatic or random.

"I guess it would be too much to expect this fic to have scene breaks."

"That's why we have this." Tasmin held up the FLF.

The agents looked at the Words to follow the proceedings at the VA. Murdock was getting ready for a date with Face.

_Murdock step of the bathroom dress I white suit with a black tie. He stood and poses for Georgia._

"Murdock in a suit? That I've got to see."

"No, you don't."

"C'mon, it's totally OOC. Seeing is believing." Allison tried puppy dog eyes, but a quick glare from her partner told her that wasn't going to work.

After Murdock had dressed he waited for Hannibal, in the guise of an old man, to come and pick him up.

_"Hey fool he's been busy all day. Man he really loves you. But for the life of me I don't know why."_

"Was that Hannibal? Without visual I couldn't really tell."

"Hmm, yes, perhaps we should go to the VA after all." Tasmin threw the FLF in her bag, grabbed the remote activator and opened a portal.

-oOo-

The agents waited at the steps of the VA and sure enough, a moment later Hannibal and Murdock emerged from the building. The men walked over to the van where BA was waiting for them.

_BA rolled his eyes and growled. "C'Mon to Thu van foo', o'else i'll throw ya ovah ma sholda." _

"He what?"

"I have a Fangirl Translator. It should be able to help out." Tasmin pulled another device out of her duffel bag and pointed it at BA. She showed Allison the read-out.

"'Come back Thursday when I'm ovulating'? I don't think that's right."

"The device is supposed to translate Fangirl to English. I guess it doesn't work when a canon is doing the talking." Tasmin returned the device to her bag.

The agents quickly ran for the van and hopped in after Murdock. BA drove the van to a restaurant where he dropped off Murdock and the agents. Murdock said good-bye and BA and Hannibal drove off.

Allison looked at Tasmin. "Slash, a Gary Stu, and Hannibal and BA acting like giddy schoolgirls. At least the fantasy label wasn't wasted."

The agents turned and followed Murdock into the restaurant where Face was waiting for him.

_Murdock was beautiful. He was not dress in his usual clothes but dress like a God._

Allison wrinkled up her nose. "Murdock's pale from spending way too much time indoors. A white suit makes him look like a corpse. I say we charge this Stu with making Face in to necrophilia." Allison turned to a blank page on her notepad. The pad was brand new. The amount of times Tasmin had said 'oh dear' had made her think she needed it.

Murdock and Face sat down at a table. Then Face saw a man point a gun at Murdock. The agents saw the man too. He was very openly waving a gun around in a restaurant. All the other restaurant patrons ignored him. Face said he had something to say to Murdock.

_"Murdock. I don't think we should see each other any more."_

The agents blinked.

"No, Face would say, 'Excuse me for a moment', leave the table, disarm the man with the gun, and if that didn't lead to a bar fight, return to the table adjusting his tie." Allison knew which scene she had expected to see, if Face had been in character.

Face screamed at Murdock that he didn't love him any more. Murdock ran out of the restaurant and was hit by a car in the street.

The agents ran out of the restaurant to watch the scene that unfolded next.

The driver of the car that hit Murdock was a nurse from the VA.

_"Oh Murdock, I, I killed you." She glanced around; people were coming out of the restaurant._

"This is a medical professional," Tasmin said. "We have to trust her judgement."

Allison gave her partner a shocked look.

"It's probably the white suit that caused her to call his death."

Face came out of the restaurant. When he saw Murdock on the ground he dropped down next to him and started to sob uncontrollably. A waitress told him off for showing he cared after he had broken up with Murdock. The nurse suggested they put Murdock in her car to take him to hospital.

"What's wrong with calling an ambulance?"

"She just pronounced him dead. No need for an ambulance."

"Then a coroner. Or someone that actually knows how to feel for a pulse."

_They carefully loaded Murdock into the backseat, and Face sat with him holding his hand._

"It's a good thing she wasn't driving a compact."

The nurse also judged Face for breaking up with Murdock.

"Why is everybody that doesn't know Face from Adam being so unpleasant to him?"

"It's a knee jerk reaction. I also find a crying Face quite revolting."

-oOo-

The agents took a portal to the hospital and arrived there shortly after the nurse had urged BA and Hannibal to come to the hospital without explaining why.

_Face slowly looked up at her. "I killed him! I killed him!" He screamed over and over again. Georgia, being a nurse, knew the signs of someone becoming hysterical and slapped him hard across his face._

"Can we file a malpractice suit against her?" Allison asked.

"In the eighties physical abuse of psychiatric patients was still called medical treatment."

Allison rolled her eyes and sat down sulking.

BA and Hannibal came in. BA was wearing a golden jumpsuit. They walked up to Face and asked him what was going on.

_Face shook his head and lost it again. "I killed Murdock."_

_BA and Hannibal stared in shock as Face cried again. "Face. What do you mean? I killed Murdock!" Hannibal exclaimed._

"I feel an 'I'm Spartacus' moment coming on."

"I feel a charge for bad punctuation coming on."

Face started to explain he had made Murdock sad. BA manhandled him and Hannibal tried to calm BA down.

_BA crossed his arms, "not until Face spills his guts."_

"Then BA pulled out a machete and stabbed Face in the abdomen. He slid the knife sideways to make a tear big enough for Face's bowels to spill through."

Tasmin frowned at her partner.

"Oh, come on. It's that kind of story."

The nurse blew up at BA. Hannibal asked her who she was.

_"Why are you so important to this whole thing?" Hannibal asked._

"If only Sues were always asked this question." Tasmin shook her head in sadness.

The nurse explained who she was, including the part where she ran over Murdock. BA let go of Face and Face continued to explain. He was about to tell Hannibal about a package he had received when the doctor walked in. Face collapsed when the doctor gave some bad news.

Tasmin and Allison were smacked into a wall at the VA when the fic suddenly fast-forwarded three weeks.

"I swear I will glue that switch in place," Tasmin said after she had sucked some air back into her lungs.

Her partner slowly slid to the ground. "We should get paid danger money."

Face walked past the agents, not sporting any form of disguise.

"I need to re-evaluate my health insurance. I don't think it covers this."

"You need to pay attention. Richter just threw Face out of the VA for breaking up with Murdock."

"I never thought I'd say this, but... whatever happened to homophobia?"

"Cowering in a plot hole, no doubt."

"I wish I could cower in a plot hole."

"Get up." Tasmin tugged on her partner's sleeve.

"Did the Team solve the case of the stalker package? It's been three weeks."

"No, they didn't."

"That's a nice big plot hole. Bet I could stretch out in there. Take a nap." Allison's face got a dreamy expression.

"Get up!"

The car accident had left Murdock catatonic, and unresponsive to any stimuli.

"Is that normal? Can car accidents cause catatonia?"

"What do you think?"

"I understand catatonia as the brain shutting down, but differently from a coma."

"Catatonia is not a medical condition of it's own. It's often associated with psychiatric disorders like schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder, but also some medical disorders such as stroke or a rare side-effect of some anti-psychotic drugs."

"So, if Murdock had gotten a blood clot in the brain because of the car accident, that could have caused this?"

Tasmin shrugged. "It's a bit of a stretch."

Everyone, including Face, blamed Face for Murdock's current state.

"As if Murdock had no responsibility to look before he crossed the street."

Tasmin gave Allison a surprised look.

"Everyone is treating Murdock as if he was some kind of retard. That's character bashing. I can't stand it. And that nurse that drove the car should also take a big chunk of the blame."

Face got in his car and drove away. His car phone rang. It was Murdock's stalker calling to compliment Face on a job well done. Face buried his head on the dashboard.

"Charge for Face trying to bury his head 'on' something, rather than 'in' something. Although I doubt it's any easier for him to bury his head in the dashboard."

"Is he still driving? I'm glad we didn't hop in the car with him."

"The Words didn't say he stopped. Although they do say he's starting the car."

"Is that because everyone knows that Face is a responsible driver, who'd never drive and talk on the phone at the same time?"

"More like someone didn't read through the fic and notice the continuity error."

An orderly with the distinct appearance of being one of Hannibal's disguises walked past the agents and went to Murdock's room. He sat with the non-responsive Murdock for a while. Hannibal was frustrated and sad -- near crying -- about his team-mate's state. Then he wheeled Murdock from his room to the grounds where BA was waiting.

The agents followed and noted that BA wasn't wearing a disguise either.

_BA stepped out of character and knelt in front of the wheelchair too._

"That may be a clue that this might actually be a Sue parody," Allison said.

"I don't think parodies ever work if their grammar isn't up to scratch. What's funny about bad grammar?"

"Nothing, unless it leads to utter verbal confusion."

Hannibal and BA both had a hard time keeping the tears from rolling down their faces.

"I hope the CAD doesn't have a semi-sentient switch and switches itself on. It would probably blow up in your bag."

"I left it in the office as a precaution."

"Smart thinking." Allison didn't add that she wished she had been left in the office. It would probably have gotten her smacked.

Then Murdock was kidnapped right from under BA's and Hannibal's noses.

"They must have been blinded by the tears in their eyes." Allison made a note.

As soon as they realised that Murdock had been taken away from the VA, Hannibal and BA sprinted to the van to give the kidnapper pursuit. A tractor-trailer put an end to their chase. They decided to go home and think of a plan.

Murdock's kidnapper took Murdock to an old abandoned house and forced himself on him. Murdock could not react, but he could still think.

_Murdock suddenly remembered Face. His one true love._

"Face is a flying machine? Too bad we're still at the VA and he isn't, because, again, that is something I'd like to see."

The only thing Allison saw was Tasmin raising her hand to smack her partner, but leaving her hand hanging in mid-air.

"This fic is sucking the murderous intent out of me," she explained. "I... I..."

"This is bad. What happens if we have to confront the Stu?" Allison cautiously took a step back. She wasn't entirely convinced her partner was just putting up an act.

"I need chocolate." Tasmin delved into her bag.

Murdock thought life had no meaning now that Face didn't love him any more.

"How many clichés can you put in one scene?"

"Doesn't that depend on the length of the scene?" Tasmin spoke with a mouth full of chocolate. She offered her partner some, who happily took the sweets.

_"I know you want me sweetie, but not just yet but soon my precious one soon."_

"Precious," Allison hissed. "Let's dub the Gary Stu Gollum."

"Let's not. A crossover is just about all we need."

Back at Hannibal's apartment, BA and Hannibal found Face, who had tried to kill himself through alcohol poisoning. A last glimmer of Face's character had at least insisted the alcohol should be quality whiskey.

_But now that Murdock's life was in what looked like jeopardy, finding a drunken Face made Hannibal really upset._

"He stomped his foot and pouted." Tasmin gave an impression of how Hannibal acted and Allison had a fit of the giggles.

Hannibal dragged Face into the shower, turned on the cold water tab and, when that didn't stop Face from sulking, he hit him. After putting Face to bed -- without a bedtime story as he had been a naughty boy -- BA found a videotape in the living room Face had been watching. He and Hannibal watched it and decided they needed to have a word with the nurse who ran over Murdock.

"They're coming back here. Let's go see."

The agents quickly rushed into the building and towards the reception area.

A little later BA and Hannibal marched into the VA and demanded to see the nurse. The nurse in question did not appear to recognize them from their encounter at the hospital three weeks earlier, despite the explicit notice she had taken of BA.

The agents watched from around a corner in the corridor as the nurse took Hannibal and BA to Murdock's room and noticed he was gone. Hannibal unloaded his frustration that Murdock had been kidnapped while he was standing around and watching onto the nurse.

"Right, that sounds very much like Hannibal, blaming someone else for his own mistakes."

Tasmin just pointed at the notepad in reply.

The nurse said she'd ask if anyone had seen anything unusual.

"Considering the number of times the Team take Murdock form the VA they probably have some kind of protocol on how to deal with him not being in his room."

Hannibal and BA left the VA again, and the agents turned back to the Words to follow the next scene.

The old abandoned house had become an apartment building about to be demolished. A policeman stopped the Stu from entering. The Stu shrugged his shoulders and left, leaving Murdock helpless in a building that was about to come down on him.

"This is the Stu that kidnapped Murdock because he loved him so much? Is this an acceptable personality disorder he is displaying?"

"Based on his obsession to have Murdock, but not really caring when he got him, I would say he's a sociopath. But sociopaths generally can't stand losing. He'd probably be plotting his revenge against the policeman."

The policeman decided to have a look in the building to see why the Stu wanted to go in. He found Murdock. His partner recognised Murdock and decided to take him back to the VA.

Tasmin hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. "Never mind trying to find out what he was doing in that building or how he got there."

Allison gave her notepad a dubious look. "How long was that Intelligence Report you read?"

"Long. I'm starting to think it did not even cover half the stupidity there is in this fic."

"Might I suggest we also try to keep the amount of stupidity we cover to a limit."

"The worst is yet to come."

"Oh dear." Allison tucked the pen behind her ear. "Let's go outside, so we can at least have some fresh air."

"We're still in LA. Fresh air is a relative term."

"I'm sure the authors forget all about the air pollution. Which is kind of nice of them."

-oOo-

The agents hadn't been sitting on the front lawn for long when the two policemen showed up to drop Murdock off. The men explained to Face -- who had introduced himself as Murdock's doctor -- they had found him in an abandoned building 50 miles south.

"Is that even within their jurisdiction?" Allison exclaimed.

The policemen, who were original characters and thus could hear the agents, turned around to look in the direction the sound had come from.

"To serve and protect, ma'am," one of them said.

"It's part of the service," the other one added. He tipped his hat.

Allison gave them dubious looks. "If you say so."

Without asking questions that might protect other patients from ending up in similar situations, the policemen left Murdock in the care of his doctor and went away.

Face knelt before Murdock. He produced a ring from his pocket.

_"I was going to ask you to marry me."_

"Gasp! That was the first time that sentence was grammatically correct."

"What are the odds of that?"

"At a guess? I'd say the improbability drive could have run quite a few miles on it."

Face hugged and kissed Murdock.

_I'll be right here when you say your first words._

"His first words were 'mummy' and 'daddy'. To which Face replied, 'I'm not your mummy or daddy'."

"Considering the insanity of this fic, Face' reply would probably be, 'Yes, I want to be both your mummy and your daddy'." To be on the safe side, Tasmin fished another bar of chocolate from her bag.

Just as Face got back to his feet, the real doctor Richter came outside. He demanded to know what was going on. BA and Hannibal, who had been sitting in the van watching the VA since they talked to the nurse, joined the little group. Murdock was the only one who knew what was going on, but he could not speak.

_Face looked down at Murdock and knelt down beside him. He noticed that Murdock looked distressed. "What is it Murdock? Why do you look so upset? Are you reliving something? I wish to God that you could talk."_

"What is it, girl? Bark bark. Did Timmy fall down a well? Bark bark."

Tasmin smacked her partner in the back of the head. "Murdock is not Lassie."

"Tell that to the Stu." Allison shifted a little further away from her partner while rubbing the back of her head.

Murdock was taken back to his room and in the night he was raped by the Stu.

"I did not need to know that." Allison made a dive for Tasmin's bag to help herself to some more chocolate.

In the morning the Stu incriminated Face. The nurse, whose only sign of intelligence seemed to be that she could string words together into semi-coherent sentences, believed him right away. Murdock wanted to shout out who had really raped him, but all he managed was to visualise Billy. He sent Billy to go and warn Face.

Billy ran to Face.

Face turned around and saw the dog.

"Oh, no," Allison moaned. "It really is a Lassie fic." She buried her face in her hands. "How much longer?"

"We're at 30 percent of this fic."

"Please tell me we've already had the worst of it."

"Uh..."

"What's worse than Face being able to see Billy, when sober?" When there came no reply Allison looked up at her partner. "All the Team seeing Billy?"

Tasmin gave a wry smile. "That's not even the worst of it."

Allison held up a hand. "Don't tell me. I don't want to know. I intend to look the other way when it happens. Literally. But if possible, not figuratively."

Though Face was appalled he was talking to an invisible dog, Billy quickly straightened him out, Murdock needed help and Face was the only one that could give it to him.

Doctor Richter decided that Murdock should be moved to a different VA, away from Face. While Billy distracted the two men who were loading Murdock into a van, Face got behind the wheel of the vehicle and drove off.

"I'm guessing Billy is an Animal Stu," Allison said.

"Yeah, he's well past the stage of cute animal friend."

"You know we're not going to score any sympathy points in the PPC if we kill the dog."

Tasmin nodded. "But that dog is thoroughly screwed up. He'd never be a reliable pet again."

Face took Murdock to a secret place by a remote beach only he knew about. Then he called Hannibal and BA.

The agents discussed whether they should go to the beach house too. In favour was 'seeing is believing'. Against it was that they were now safe at the VA. In a short while the beach house would be crowded with OCs and a very OOC A-Team. Allison flipped a coin and they decided to stay put.

Hannibal quickly accepted the explanation that Face could see Billy. Particularly when he started to see the dog too. BA was more reluctant. BA and Hannibal decided to go to the VA to convince the people there of Face's innocence. When they were gone Face crept into bed with Murdock to hold him.

_Face soon fell asleep with Murdock tightly in his arms not knowing that somehow Forester had found them, and that somewhere very close, the monster lurked, awaiting his cue to pounce and consume his unsuspecting prey._

"Somehow? The shoddy writing is reaching new depths. It doesn't even give a reason any more for the deus ex machina."

"That kinda is the meaning of deus ex machina."

"It would have been so easy too. All that was needed was a little mention that the Stu had been stalking Face too. That's how he knew about the beach house on the secret beach and decided to go and look for Face there."

The Stu went into the bedroom, gun ready. Face heard the safety flick off and leapt up to disarm the Stu. In a struggle the gun went off and brought Murdock out of his catatonic state. The bullet had wounded Face. Murdock jumped on the Stu and started pounding on him, but the Stu escaped.

"Okay, perhaps you were right. We should have been there to see how that happened."

Face turned out to be all right and Murdock showered him with kisses.

_He grabbed Murdock and looked into his chocolate sparking eye ._

"Then again, Murdock spouting a chocolate fountain from his eye socket is perhaps a sight best not witnessed."

"At least it was just the one," Allison added.

The Stu made some cronies 'apparate' and laid a siege on the beach house. There was no way for Face and Murdock to get out. Together they thought real hard and made Billy reappear. They told him to go warn BA and Hannibal.

The Stu started to send in his cronies one by one so Face and Murdock could easily take care of them and disarm them. BA and Hannibal arrived in time to take out the last of them. However, while everyone was busy fighting, the Stu managed to kidnap Murdock.

"Can we put a stop to this right now?"

"We're only halfway through the fic."

"Halfway? I guess it is time for a what is yet to come trailer."

Tasmin, feeling this was a request that could be obliged, put on a formal voice. "Yet to come, the Stu drugs Murdock and flies him off to Venezuela. BA and Hannibal stop believing in Billy. Is this the end of the invisible dog? Will his master be saved?"

"Stop that." Allison swatted at her partner, but missed. "Could you at least give me a couple of earplugs so I can keep my brain from leaking out?"

Tasmin rummaged through her bag before handing her partner a little box.

Allison rolled two yellow foam plugs in her hand to warm them a little to make it easier to roll them tight before inserting them into her ears. She nodded to the Words. "Says there that BA and Hannibal are glad to hear that Face thinks he can hear the invisible dog."

"And just below that it says that Hannibal thinks even the dog can't help."

"So far the dog has been of more use to them than the nurse, but they keep going back to her for information."

"And that's why the nurse is a Sue. We think she's dense, but the Team treat her like she's Delphi's Oracle."

"To be fair, she talks in riddles enough to pass for an oracle."

Tasmin hit Allison in the back of the head. Demonstratively Allison rolled the earplugs up and inserted one in each ear. Holding them in place with a finger she waited for them to expand. "Sorry, I can't hear you," she mouthed to her partner. Which earned her a glare.

Billy managed to steal a map from the Stu and brought it to the Team. They then knew where Murdock was headed. BA drove them to the nearest airport. Face told the customs officers that he was Special Forces and more or less walked straight on to a plane.

Allison pulled one of the plugs from her ears. "What the heck?"

"You have to remember that airport security was a little less tight back in the eighties."

"But this lax? On an international flight?"

The ground stewardess told the Team the plane for Venezuela left from gate 12.

"You know how they say that given enough monkeys theycould type up the works of Shakespeare?"

Tasmin nodded.

"I think this airport scene is what they pulled off the typewriters after they put that to the test."

BA did not have to be drugged to get on the plane. He didn't even complain after Hannibal had told him he could stay behind if he didn't want to come. Billy used all his powers to make himself visible to BA. He told BA to hold on and when BA did he took him to Murdock.

_"Oh swell this is just terrific." Whined Face. "BA disappears and in plain sight of everybody else." _

_Hannibal cut him off from whining again. "I'm sure if BA disappeared out of the plane, that it must've been Billy_

"Are you sure the Stu drugged Murdock? And not Hannibal and Face instead?" Allison felt her head. "Or us?"

"I didn't eat or drink anything that came from this fic, so I doubt it."

"Perhaps the hallucinogenic is airborne?"

Face was upset Billy hadn't picked him to take to Murdock.

BA knocked the Stu out and then Billy took him and Murdock to a hospital. A young woman offered BA to be his interpreter because he didn't speak the language of Venezuela.

"Please don't tell me this Stu doesn't even know they speak Spanish in Venezuela?"

"Technically people in Venezuela speak a number of other languages too."

Allison shot her partner a dirty look.

"But the official language is Spanish. That this woman is named Rosita did give the impression someone knew what language they spoke."

BA called the airport, had them page Hannibal and told Hannibal to come to the hospital.

_BA hung up the phone and turn to Rosita. "Rosita if this is a catholic hospital? Why don't they understand_

_English?"_

"Because..." Allison stared at the wall opposite of her for a few minutes. "I can't think of anything witty why Catholics would not speak English. Or rather why BA would assume all Catholics speak English. That would -- perhaps -- not be a stupid assumption if this were a hospital founded by the Church of England. But then still, he's in a bloody foreign country. He's been in bloody foreign countries before. Or does he think that all Catholic hospitals abroad must have been set up by American missionaries? Is he unaware that Catholicism is the religion of South America? Where they usually don't speak English?"

The Team arrived at the hospital. Shortly after, the doctor came in and told them that Murdock needed to be moved to a larger and better equipped hospital, preferably one in the US.

"He better be saying that because he wants to be rid of the Americans." Allison balled her fists. "And not because of supposedly third world health care in Venezuela."

The Stu summoned his secret weapon and told it to kidnap Murdock. Then it told it to replace Murdock.

"This is getting stupid!" Tasmin exclaimed.

"Getting stupid?" Allison queried. "You have been paying attention, have you not?"

Fake!Murdock and Face quickly ran off to Vegas to get married, but BA put a stop to that by calling out the fake's real name.

"Guess what its real name was."

"I don't know. Rumpelstiltskin, something."

"That's right. Its name is Something."

Allison gave her partner a weary look. "I am of course not in the least bit surprised."

Something disappeared into nothing. The Team ran back to the van just in time to answer the phone call from Murdock. He announced he was going to marry the Stu. Billy reappeared and took the Team to Murdock, and then returned all of them to the van.

Tasmin pulled the remote activator from her bag. "There's a few more charges down the line, but I've had enough." She opened a portal.

"Since when can we just pick a random moment to go and charge the Stu?"

Tasmin turned to glare at her partner. "You want to stay here? You're more than welcome to."

"I'm coming," Allison hurriedly said. She pushed past Tasmin and jumped through the portal.

-oOo-

The portal took the agents to just outside the VA. The Stu was standing there, leaning against a tree. Next to him Something took shape.

"Manny Forester?" Tasmin stepped up to him. "We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we're here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and A-Team fandom in particular."

"No, you don't." The eyes of Something started to glow.

"Yes, I do," Tasmin replied. She threw a small box attached to a cable towards Something.

"You leave Manny alone. You go back where you came from." Something came closer to Tasmin.

When the shape was above the box Tasmin stepped on the foot button on the other end of the cable and the box opened up. It sucked Something in. Something writhed and screamed and disappeared into the box. Tasmin took her foot off the button and the box closed. Some smoke came off it, but Something was trapped.

"As I was saying," Tasmin said while she walked over to the box to pick it up. "We've come to charge you."

Allison took this as her cue and quickly rattled off the charges. "We charge you with bad spelling, bad grammar, and bad punctuation. We charge you with bad characterization. Face and Murdock are not two mentally unstable, screaming, spineless thirteen-year-olds. Hannibal and BA would never accept seeing Billy so unquestioningly. We charge you with many, many plot contrivances, Manny." Allison barely took time to chuckle at the pun. "We charge you with just knowing where Face took Murdock, with having people work for you, while it is unlikely you can pay them. How much does an orderly make?"

The Stu shrugged. "I don't know."

"We charge you with managing to kidnap Murdock out from everyone's noses not once, but twice. With flying him to Venezuela. With-"

"It was not me. It was all Something's doing!" the Stu whined.

"Yes, in retrospect all these things make sense. They, however, should have made some sense from the start. At the very least, clues should have been left that bad plot continuity was caused by supernatural involvement, not just bad writing." Allison studied her charge sheet. "Ugh, the rest of this is just too stupid to repeat."

"Do it anyway," Tasmin said. "I for one do not want to be reminded of this mission by the Sunflower Official."

"All right, all right. Where was I? Oh, yes, plot contrivances. We charge you with setting this story in an alternate universe where same sex marriage exists, but homophobia doesn't. We charge you with everyone hating Face for breaking up with Murdock, and with no one blaming Murdock for not looking before he crosses the road. We charge you with everyone treating Murdock as a retard. We charge you with making Murdock catatonic after a car accident, and then three weeks later have him just jump out of this catatonic state without any ill effects. He should have suffered some muscle atrophy.

"We charge you with making all of the A-Team out of character. They are naturally resourceful, don't give into threats easily, would have followed up on the stalker package Face received within three weeks, and put on disguises when walking into the VA through the front door. And BA does not talk jibber-jabber or stay conscious during an intercontinental flight, or any flight for that matter. We charge you with making the police incompetent, in the sense that they serve, but do not protect. We charge you with making the airport security incompetent. Face is charming, but he isn't that good.

"We charge you with having enough of a way with words to give Murdock a chocolate sparkling eye, but not enough to give your phantom creature a name that isn't laughable. We charge you with continuity errors. That good enough for you?" The last question was directed at Tasmin.

"Works for me." Her partner nodded.

"You have been charged. You are sentenced to death. Tasmin will shoot you now."

Before the Stu could object Tasmin shot him.

"Okay, where's the mutt? I have to charge him with only having enough power to be seen by people who believe in him, and then also showing himself to people who don't believe in him."

"I don't believe in the invisible dog. How am I going to see him to shoot him?"

Allison gave that one a good ponder. "I guess we should go find the nurse first. I can't believe her stupidity, but I'm quite sure you can see her. And shoot her."

The agents stepped into the VA and had no trouble at all finding nurse Benson; they just imagined her talking a break at the ground floor nurses' station, and there she was.

"Georgia Benson?" Allison called.

The nurse jumped up. "Yes?"

"We are protectors of the plot continuum, and we are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction, but mainly with being as dumb as a horse's arse."

"What?"

"You're supposed to be a nurse, but you don't even know how to feel a pulse. We charge you with pronouncing Murdock dead without checking his vital signs, and, when he turns out to still be alive, with not waiting for an ambulance to take him to hospital. We charge you with not recognising BA when meeting him for a second time. Of course, I don't know your social circles, but I do believe BA has a rather unique look. Lastly, we charge you with the fact that despite being dense, the A-Team treats you like bloody Delphi's Oracle." Allison hit her forehead with her left hand. She inhaled deeply before looking up at the nurse again. "Tasmin will now put a bullet in that pea-brain of yours."

The nurse was dumb struck, so to speak.

Tasmin returned her gun to her duffel bag after shooting the nurse. "I'm glad that's over with."

"Me too," Allison concurred. Then quickly added, "I can't wait till our next mission."

Tasmin frowned at her partner.

"I hope it is something just as marvellously exciting."

"Have you been eating any of those coloured pills they have at this institution?"

"No, just trying to sidetrack the..., you know, laws."

"I don't think they fall for cheap tricks. I think you may actually get what you asked for."

"Oh, bollocks."

-oOo-

_A/N: I don't really know where to start with some advice for a fic like this. Well, reading things through before posting them is always a good idea. I don't think that was done with this fic, not only because there were many tense switches, some even within sentences, but also because of some rather obvious continuity errors. Oh and, even when writing a fantasy story, realism, in the sense of believability, is a good thing._


	27. Viva Las Suckas

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics were taken from _Viva Las Suckas_ by element115._

-oOo-

"Let's go for pizza," Tasmin said.

Allison eyed her partner. "You want to share a meal, with me? Why are you opening a portal?"

"A-Team is helping out some pizza makers. And we're helping them out."

"That probably means that the last thing we'll eat is pizza." Allison slumped her shoulders and followed her partner through the portal.

-oOo-

The agents arrived in the fic just as BA pulled the van into the parking lot of the restaurant. Hannibal pointed at the "closed" sign. BA found it odd the restaurant would be closed on the busiest night of the week.

_"Somethin' ain't right, man," B.A. said, stopping the van._

"Charge one, driving in circles on the parking lot."

Allison rolled her eyes, pulled a pencil from behind her ear and made a note in the pad she had managed to grab before going into the fic. "Hannibal could have just read the sign from a moving ve-"

A small time rift knocked Allison off her feet and placed the Team at the door of the restaurant.

"How come you didn't fall?" she growled at her partner.

"I pay attention," Tasmin replied. "Get up. We need to get into that restaurant too." She pulled the remote activator from her bag.

-oOo-

"We could have gone by portal before that time rift happened," Allison said.

The agents were in the restaurant behind some conveniently placed plants. The restaurant was empty save for the owner, Tony, who was sweeping the floor.

"Doesn't he have a Hoover?"

"He's Italian, not English."

"Doesn't mean he doesn't know about household appliances. Besides, Hoover was a US industrialist."

"Shh."

Tony let the Team in.

_"What's goin' on Sam?" said B.A._

"Calling the character by the wrong name. Sam's the brother."

"Technically, he's not calling him by his name, is he? There should have been a comma after 'on' for him to call Tony Sam. Now, he's just asking him what's happening on Sam. Or what kind of ingredients go on Sam."

Tasmin hit Allison in the back of her head.

Tony explained that his brother was kidnapped by Tommy Armone to force him to sell his restaurant. Face, of course, knew this thug, and his connections.

"Some times I wonder whether Face could have gotten his pardon by becoming state's witness against the mob."

Hannibal suggested he should exterminate the rat. He thought Armone would want the pizza restaurant for a specific purpose.

_If we can figure out what it is, maybe we can get your brother back, and turn the tables on these low-lifes._

"Shouldn't that be low lives?"

"I don't think low life has a plural. Seen as its definition is people -- rather than person -- who exists by criminal activities."

Tony accepted the Team's offer of help and said they could ask him any price, if they returned his brother.

_"Salud, Tony" Hannibal said. "You've just hired the A-Team."_

"I think Hannibal is not very good with his words today."

-oOo-

The next morning, BA helped a couple of kids set up a lemonade stand. Then he hid underneath the table.

The agents were leaning against a nearby lamppost with a good view of the proceedings.

"Do kids in the city set up lemonade stands? I thought that was more of a small town kind of thing. For areas where they have a surplus of lemons, and thirsty people."

"Never mind that. BA is using kids to act as bait for the bad guys."

Allison snapped her fingers. "That explains that pig I saw flying by earlier."

No sooner was BA out of sight than a black Cadillac pulled up and two men in suits got out. One of them asked the kids if they had a permit, and when the kids answered negatively, told them to beat it. That's when BA jumped up.

_The Underling ran at B.A. with a baseball bat._

"He slid that one out of his sleeve, right? I already thought he was walking with a bit of a stiff arm."

The thug with the bat was quickly dumped in the trash. Then the other one pulled a gun, but before he could use it, the van came to a screeching stop behind him and Hannibal jumped out, training a machine gun on the man.

While Face searched this thug for weapons and other items of interest, Hannibal questioned him on who wanted the property.

"Didn't Tony already tell him that? Tommy Armone. It's not just his words he's got trouble with, his short-term memory is also starting to get holes in it. Do you suppose-"

"No."

"You didn't even let me finish."

"That's because whatever you are supposing isn't going to happen in this fic."

"You can't know that. Perhaps I was going to suggest something terribly mundane and absolutely badfic fitting."

"Go on then."

"Suppose Hannibal develops Alzheimer's?"

Tasmin sucked in air and counted till three. "I suppose every badfic incarnation of Hannibal has Alzheimer's disease. It's never becomes a plot point though."

Meanwhile, Face had lifted a matchbook from one of the man's pockets.

_"'Imperial Resort'," Hannibal said, reading the logo on it. "That's that giant new casino hotel in Las Vegas. Guys, I think we could use a vacation."_

"So could I," Allison said. "You know, there is something to be said for a smoking ban in the workplace. There would be no purpose for matchbooks with company logos, and your employees wouldn't attract the wrong kind of visitors."

"Who says he works for that casino? Perhaps he's a gambling man himself. Hannibal's jumping to illogical conclusions here."

"I thought we agreed that Hannibal was senile in this fic?"

Despite having an idea of where to go, the Team decided to return Murdock to the VA so they could break him out again the next morning.

Tasmin banged her head against the lamppost.

The next morning, however, MPs were in hot pursuit of the Team (before they could break out Murdock) and BA was complaining that he wasn't going to fly.

"He doesn't have a pilot and it's only a four-hour drive to Las Vegas. What makes him think they are going to fly?" Tasmin punctuated the question by banging her head against the lamppost.

Allison gave her partner a worried look. "Would you like to have a pillow?"

"A pillow kinda defeats the purpose." Tasmin rolled her cheek against the cool metal.

"Oh, I don't know. It could be useful to smother the Sue."

"I don't even know who the Sue is in this fic." Tasmin thumped her head against the lamppost in short repetitive strokes.

"I think we can have our pick of Sues. Hannibal and BA are the most likely candidates now. And could you stop doing that thing with your head? I think I can hear bone cracking."

"Okay, I'll stop now."

Hannibal told BA to take the next exit, which led straight to an airport complex. At the airport Hannibal grabbed the wheel of the van and caused a crash into a concrete road barrier.

"BA would have tried to countersteer that."

"BA would have hit the brakes."

"I think we have our Sue."

_The MPs approached slowly, guns drawn, but all they could see was the puffy white of the inflated airbags._

Tasmin reintroduced her head to the lamppost.

"What's wrong now? That looked like a perfectly acceptable action. The first in this fic."

"BA drives a 1983 GMC G-series van. Airbags weren't standard in that model until 1994, and I doubt they even were part of the optional package in 1983. Airbags first became common in the mid-80s. GM offered them optional on some of their full-size models from 1974 onwards, but that's cars, not vans. The number of times we've seen the van land after it jumped a ramp, we should have seen those airbags deploy ages ago."

Allison nodded. "Using technology that isn't era appropriate." She made the note.

Captain Crane used a sewing pin to deflate an airbag, only to find out that the van was empty. The Team had managed to get out before the MPs saw them, and hitched a ride from a luggage tram. They walked into the terminal where, assisted by slapstick intervention, Hannibal and Face managed to knock BA out. They carted him off to a private jet and were greeted there by Murdock -- who had apparently broken himself out of the VA.

"I'll understand if you want to keep banging your head. Actually, I'm wondering if that lamppost is big enough for the both of us."

Tasmin made a hand gesture that said there was.

Allison hit her head against the light fixture. She stepped back reeling. "Never doing that again." She flopped onto the ground. "It helps, though," she said. "This fic is suddenly starting to make sense."

Allison half-focused on the Words. "Oh, we have to go to the casino." She scrambled up. "Hannibal is dressing up as a mariachi singer in an attempt to stay inconspicuous."

Tasmin put the lamppost to some more good use before she stepped through the portal.

-oOo-

Not only was Hannibal dressed as a mariachi singer, BA had donned the guise of an Elvis impersonator.

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry," Tasmin said. "BA never wears a disguise. Never. He carries a shovel at best."

BA's disguise, however, meant that he could follow Tommy Armone around, and find out where he was going. Then BA and Murdock went to the suite below and drilled a hole in the ceiling and through the floor big enough for Murdock to fit through. Thus able to eavesdrop he learned that Armone tried to buy up all the property in Tony's block so his boss could set up an arcade there under the name HappyFunLand.

"Wasn't that the name of the amusement park in _That 70s show_?"

"I think that was just called Funland."

_The only businesses left are a gold jewelry store, a dairy distributor, and some youth center._

"I doubt a youth centre could afford the same property values as a jewellery story," Tasmin said.

"Jewellery stores are usually located in the high-street."

"Or near other stores that sell upscale consumer goods."

BA was also upset a youth centre was part of the plans, but for different reasons. He jumped up in anger and inadvertently pushed Murdock through the hole in the ceiling, right in site of the two men they were eavesdropping on. Tommy Armone grabbed a violin case, grabbed his gun from it and started firing at will.

"Why don't casinos have lampposts?" Tasmin looked around.

"This is badfic. If you want one, you can make one appear. Look, there's one over there now." Allison pointed at the green mock-18th century lamppost.

BA and Murdock left the building through a garbage chute. They didn't get very far, and were soon, along with Hannibal and Face, captured by the thugs. They were locked into a storage room where they met Sam. Sam told them he had enough evidence to put these guys away.

_These guys have been toting me around for months, and I've managed to gather evidence every chance I can get. I've got photocopies and taped phone calls of everything from bribing zoning boards to shifting accounts around to crooked contractors. It's all in a P.O. Box nobody knows about, but I've got to get out of here._

"That's mighty clever for a restaurant owner," Allison said.

"And mighty stupid of these thugs. And why didn't he go to the police with his evidence?"

"Probably because he obtained most of his evidence through illegal methods. Taping other people's phone conversations without a warrant, breaking into offices to make photocopies of their files. Any lawyer worth half his fee would make mince meat out of this guy."

The guys weren't locked in the storage room long: BA found a tank of propane which he opened a bit to check whether it still contained gas. They devised a plan to break out and Hannibal lit a cigar to celebrate. This ignited the propane and caused an explosion. Murdock sprayed everything with foam from a fire extinguisher and the thugs, who came to check on the racket, slipped on the foam and all fell. The Team and Sam snuck out.

"I've had enough of this headache. We'll put a stop to this right now." Tasmin grabbed the remote activator and opened a portal.

-oOo-

The Team managed to escape the hotel building, but were still on the grounds of the resort. As a matter of fact, they found themselves on a golf course. Hannibal jumped behind the wheel of a golf cart. BA pushed him aside and the rest of the group jumped on the cart as well. The thugs were soon in pursuit. Without any weapons to speak of, the only way out the Team saw was to try and jump a pond with the cart.

They failed.

When the five dripping wet men crawled out of the pond on the other side the two PPC agents stood waiting for them.

"Don't you know that suit is dry clean only?" Allison nodded to BA's Elvis costume. He growled in reply.

"Gentlemen, we are Protectors of Plot Continuum. We have to inform you that you are infected by a troll."

"Troll?" three men and Allison asked.

"Yes, troll. No one else can come up with this amount of nonsense-"

"I've seen some Sues," Allison muttered. "And so have you."

"-and try to flog it off as humour. Allison, if you could charge Sam here."

Allison gave Sam her most pleasant smirk. "Sam, without a last name. We charge you, and your brother -- who I imagine is your alter-ego rather than a different person -- with trolling the A-Team continuum. We charge you with daft plotting, slapstick scenes that are just not funny, baseball bats that fit inside jacket sleeves, BA using kids as bait, Hannibal having early onset Alzheimer's, and other general stupidity by the Team that was supposed to be funny, but only made us laugh because we didn't want to cry at the out-of-characterness of the guys.

"We charge you with putting a jewellery store in the same block as a youth centre, having the Team fly to Las Vegas when it's only a few hours' drive, putting airbags in an 1983 van and being a restaurant owner slash superspy." Allison folded her notepad away. "Despite the brain damage this fic and that lamppost caused Tasmin, I think she's still a straight shot. She will shoot you now."

Which Tasmin did. With her Colt M1911, right between the eyes of the troll. He turned to rocks and dust. Tasmin kicked the pile of rubble apart for good measure.

The Team members started to slowly wake up from the spell the troll had put over them.

"I just had the strangest dream," Murdock said. "BA, you were dressed up as Elvis and- Oops."

BA growled at Murdock.

"I think our work here is done." Tasmin returned her gun to her duffel bag.

"Shouldn't we return these guys to LA?"

Tasmin shrugged her shoulders. "Nah, they travel a lot. They know how to get home. Who knows, on the way they may bump into an interesting case." She opened a portal.

"Yeah. Or another Sue." Allison followed her partner back to their response centre. "And we never did get that pizza."

-oOo-

_A/N: A fic may be marked as humour, but if the joke is that the characters act stupidly and out of character it just isn't going to be funny._


	28. Love Never Dies

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _Love Never Dies _by MurdocksChicka._

-oOo-

Allison was dead to the world. The last mission had been quite exhausting and she was gone as soon as she hit the sofa. In the distance she heard a beeping noise. Her hand made a half-hearted movement that might have hit an alarm clock had there been one.

"Tasmin'll get it," she muttered as she turned around.

The noise, however, continued and it did not seem that Tasmin was 'getting it'. Allison wondered why. She yawned and opened an eye. With it she glared in the direction of the loud beep, at the console. She opened another eye to make her glare more impressive and tried to stare the offending machine into silence. When that failed, she nestled herself back on the sofa, muttering, "Whatever." She decided to go back to sleep.

To her surprise, if not her relief, the noise stopped. Allison sniggered quietly. The console had learned who was boss.

"Get up! We have a mission."

And the boss was Tasmin. Allison grumbled as she clambered off the sofa. "This better not be a Sue that is in any way familiar."

"She's Face's fiancée," Tasmin said.

Allison shrugged. "I never figured him for using that particular scam on old ladies."

"And Murdock's sister."

Allison blinked, rubbed her ears, cocked her head and looked up at her partner. "I thought the one thing we knew about his family life was that he's an only child."

"No, the one thing we know about him is that his mother died when he was five and he was raised by his grandparents. Whether or not there were any siblings was never mentioned."

"Are there any other family relations with any of the Team? Did Hannibal adopt her? Is she on BA's 'Big Brother Little Brother' Project?"

"I don't know, but Hannibal was going to give her away at her wedding."

"Was? That actually sounds sort of promising."

"Well, that's what she thought shortly after the Team's court martial. But we should get into this fic and start writing charges."

-oOo-

The portal brought the agents to a luxurious apartment, large and tastefully decorated.

"Face's doing?" Allison asked, looking around. She wandered through the living room and picked up a picture frame from a side table. "He never left personal items around, did he?" She looked at the people in the picture. "Hey, the face of that girl is changing. She's starting to look like me." Allison felt a force pulling her backwards. She dropped the picture frame and tried to grab hold of the sofa. "TASMIN? What is happening?"

Allison lost grip of the sofa and was flung into the bedroom.

_I ran into the plush bedroom and flopped on my bed, burying my face in the pillows._

Tasmin gave a furtive glance around the door frame. "Sorry. This is a first person fic. It means that it turns the reader -- us -- into a Sue."

"I don't see you lying on this bed." Allison fought to get her head far enough from the pillow to talk to her partner.

"One Sue's enough for the story."

"Why me?"

"Because you already have Sue experience." Tasmin shrugged.

Allison grabbed the picture frame that was on the bedside table and tried to throw it at Tasmin. Instead, the fic controlled her movement and brought the picture to her face.

The scene changed and both agents were deposited on a beach. Allison was still holding the picture frame. A few yards away from them, on the deck of a beach cabin, stood Face and a woman in a lavender dress.

"What? That's the exact dress I was in in this picture." Allison held up the frame to show her partner. "Except that I'm no longer in this picture, but she is." Allison gave her partner a puzzled look. "How come I'm no longer the Sue?"

"I don't know. The Words just said 'flashback'."

The agents watched as the woman told Face that she saw the real Face even though he was hiding himself, and that she liked him for who he was.

_I guess what I'm trying to say is Temp, you don't have to worry about being lonely, scared or however you feel anymore._

Then the woman and Face professed their love for each other and kissed.

The agents were returned to the bedroom and Allison smashed the picture frame against the wall. She looked at it in shock. "Why am I the Sue again?"

"I think it has something to do with the flashback being in third person."

"Are there any more flashbacks?" Allison asked. Her legs stretched and her body was made to stand up. Like a puppet on a string she marched out of the room, out of the apartment, down the street to the VA. There she collapsed into the arms of Amy Allen.

_I hadn't seen her since she left for Jakarta. If anyone knew anything, it would be her._

It appeared, though, that Amy knew very little because Allison had to bring her up to speed on everything that had happened at the courts martial. Amy said she'd been to see Murdock, but he wasn't in.

_Oh GOD Amy. What if he REALLY went off the deep end this time?_

The two women returned to the apartment and Amy tucked Allison into bed.

"Sleeping nicely?" Tasmin flopped down on the bed.

Allison curled up with the pillow. "Go away. You have no idea how exhausting it is to have to shout every other word."

"You have to write that down as a charge."

"Can't. I'm the Sue. Can't write up charges for myself." Something occurred to her and she sat bolt upright. "You are not going to shoot me," she said to her partner, pointing a finger.

"Course not. Hadn't even occurred to me." Tasmin almost managed to keep a straight face. "We'll have to figure something else when that time comes."

Murdock came into the room and sat down on the bed.

"_HM! OH GOD! HM!" I threw myself onto him and started crying._

Tasmin bent low so she could look Allison, who -- as the fic dictated -- was lying on top of Murdock, in the eyes. "If you enjoy any part of this, I am still going to shoot you."

Allison glared at her partner through her tears.

Murdock gently rocked her from side to side and sang to her.

"I am not a three-month-old baby," Allison growled.

"You're my baby sister."

"That's debatable."

Murdock pulled away from her to give her a good look. "Well, I know you from somewhere."

The fic kicked in and forced Allison to punch Murdock in the arm and demanded that he'd tell her where he'd been. Murdock dodged the question, and asked her how she'd been. Allison lamented that she'd never wake up next to Face again.

"_Ryn, love never dies."_

"That's not going to keep me warm at night," Allison wanted to shout. In stead, some profanities came out and she jumped out of bed. She started to pick up the pieces of the broken picture frame. She cut her hand and started to cry again.

Murdock put his arms around her and pulled her close. He told her he was found sane and would be relocating to Washington, D.C. He asked her if she wanted to come along, live with him and be protected by him.

Allison accepted and asked how he had managed this on such short notice, with the guys and everything on his mind. Murdock dodged the question again. This time by reverting his attention to the cut in her hand.

_I stared at the door after HM left. He knew something. And he wasn't going to share it with me._

Allison stared at her bandaged hand. "At least he learned first aid at the VA, but can I kick him for not telling Face's love of a lifetime that he is still alive? I mean, that's just plain cruel."

Tasmin nodded. "I agree. With the cruelty bit, not the part about kicking canon."

The agents were displaced to a beach again. It was night and there was a full moon in a cloudless sky. Closer to the shoreline where two more people: Face and the lavender clad female from the earlier flashback. Face was down on one knee.

"Perhaps we could stay in this flashback. I'm sure it's safer than inside the fic proper." Allison showed her injured hand.

Tasmin bobbed her head, weighing the options. "I guess you're right." She opened her duffel bag to search for the FLF, but before she had found it, the agents were returned to the bedroom.

"Thanks for that. I knew I could count on you." Allison scowled.

"Sorry. We'll catch the next one. I promise."

Murdock came back into the bedroom and asked Allison what she was doing. She said she was remembering the night Face proposed. He remembered with her, how proud Hannibal was she'd asked him to give her away.

_Hannibal was like a father to me HM. I know at first he wasn't happy that I tagged along with the team._

Allison rolled her eyes. "Keep this up, Sue, and I might actually shoot myself."

"Did you say something?" Murdock looked at her.

"Just that I'm keep shooting up with tears. I should start packing."

Amy walked in. Allison explained to her that she was going to D.C. with Murdock because there were too many memories of Face here.

_Where will you go Amy? Are you going to try and get your job back at the Courier?_

Amy said she was going to live at the apartment. As if that was some kind of job.

Amy and Murdock left the room so that Allison could pack.

She spun around to her partner. "Did you hear that? This Sue even got Amy fired form the _Courier_."

"I'm hearing it and I'm writing it down. How's your hand?"

Allison looked at it. "I would have thought it would be more painful, but I don't feel a thing."

"Like I thought, neglecting injuries as soon as they're bandaged."

Murdock and Allison flew to Washington where they moved into his apartment. Tasmin joined them through portal. Allison had a nightmare about Face and the firing squad.

A time rift fast-forwarded the fic six months.

"Ow." Tasmin was knocked against the wall and hurt her head.

Allison chuckled. "Because I'm a character in this story, time rifts don't bother me."

Tasmin glared at her.

Allison was about to say something else when the telephone rang. She turned around to pick it up, but the caller hung up. A moment later the phone rang again. This time the caller spoke. He said he was a friend of Murdock's and wanted to speak to him.

_There was something familiar about the voice on the other end._

Murdock answered the phone in his room. Rather than listening in on the living room extension, Allison was forced to press her ear against Murdock's bedroom door. She could only make out a few words. When Murdock hung up she hurried to the kitchen. Murdock came out of the room and asked her to get some snacks.

Allison grabbed her coat and walked to the door. When she put a foot across the threshold she felt a pulling sensation. She struggled against it. From behind her a warm sensation washed over her. "She's gone." She spun around and faced her partner. "The Sue. She just walked out of me."

Tasmin glanced at the Words. "Fic just changed from first person narrative to third person. Write her up for that." Tasmin lobbed the notepad to her partner.

"You haven't been exactly scribble happy," Allison noted as she flicked through the pages her partner had filled.

"Shut up, or I won't fix the FLF so we can stay here."

"Fine, fine. Changing to third person without warning. And, by the way, what a bint. She didn't even recognise Face's voice over the telephone. She only hasn't spoken to him for about six or seven months."

"Perhaps he used a funny accent to throw her off?"

Allison shook her head.

Murdock rushed into the living room and pulled open the front door. Face nearly tumbled in.

"_You know damn well what's its about Facey. If Hannibal or Stockwell gets down wind of this…"_

"Ow." Allison covered her head. "I never realised, but to characters in the story the bad grammar is actually less painful."

Face said he loved the Sue, and that they should be on their honeymoon drinking Mai Tais.

"_You really DO love her don't ya?"_

"Sounds more like he loves his Mai Tai," Tasmin said.

"We should have a reverse Bechdel Test."

Tasmin frowned.

"A film passes the Bechdel Test if it has at least two women. These two women have a conversation, and that conversation is not about a man. A Suefic passes the Reverse Bechdel Test if it has at least two men. These men have at least one conversation, and each conversation is about a woman, more particularly, the Sue."

"What does it mean if a Suefic passes this test?"

Allison shrugged. "Another charge on the list."

Tasmin shrugged her agreement.

Face argued with Murdock that he would ask Stockwell if the Sue could stay with them. He even went as far as to suggest giving Stockwell an ultimatum.

"_Listen Murdock, if Stockwell doesn't approve of this even after I push him into it, I PROMISE you I'll let her go."_

Though Murdock didn't like that this meant that Stockwell could use the Sue as leverage, he agreed to Face's proposition. Face told him that BA and Hannibal both missed the Sue terribly. They both had a memento of her they kept close. They ended their conversation when they heard someone at the door.

Allison was jolted from her place in the middle of the room. An invisible hand dragged her to the living room door. "Tasmin, you promised."

"I know, I know." Tasmin looked almost apologetic. "But you know that FLFs don't work if you stay in the same location."

"I hate you, and I hate this location, and most of all I hate PPC equipment."

_I kept thinking about the conversation HM was having on the phone. His job seems to be stressing him out. I hope he doesn't over do it. I walked through the door._

"Scratch that. Most of all I hate Sues who can't keep their tenses straight and walk through solid matter." Allison rubbed her head, but then remembered that she could not feel pain if the narrator didn't mention there was pain to be felt. She dropped the grocery bag that had popped into her hands and stared at Face.

Face turned around, walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her. They hugged and Face and Murdock explained how Face, Hannibal and BA were still alive and now working for Stockwell. Allison said that this was too much for her to take in at once. Murdock said he was going to take a nap and left Face and Allison alone in the living room.

Face led her to the sofa and started kissing her. After some initial pleading looks at Tasmin, Allison gave into his passionate kisses.

"You better not be enjoying this either," Tasmin said.

Allison flipped her partner two fingers. Face's touch gave her a shock and she pulled away from him. She asked why he hadn't let her know he was still alive. He said he couldn't, because if the military found out there'd be a shoot to kill bounty on their heads.

"Ding," Allison said.

"Ding?" Tasmin puzzled for a moment. "Do you mean to say your bullshit-o-meter just went off?"

Allison managed a nod.

Face said he wanted to take her to Stockwell, and if he didn't approve they would go on the run.

_I remember what it was like for the guys to be on the run. Couldn't stay in one place for too long in fear of Lynch, Decker or the local authorities catching up to them._

"Ding," Allison said again. To Face she said that she couldn't. She didn't want him to lose his chance for a pardon, and she also wanted to spend time with her brother. "Ding ding."

Face said that if Stockwell disapproved he would wait for her until he got his pardon. Murdock came out his room and Allison told him about Face's plan.

_No No! I don't think that's such a good idea. Face, do ya even realize that you could put Rynnie in danger? Or Stockwell may hold her over our heads?_

"You already said that," Tasmin pointed out. "And you'd already accepted Face would do this. Why'd you change your mind?"

Murdock ignored her.

Face said he had to get back before they noticed he was gone. Allison said she would go with him. Murdock changed his mind again and decided to come with them.

The living room setting changed into the front lawn of the Langley house. Allison looked around to see where the time rift had deposited her partner. To her surprise a portal opened and her partner stepped through. She glared at Tasmin.

"FLF works when the scene changes."

Allison glared some more.

Murdock, Face and Allison went into the house. Hannibal and BA came into the billiards room when Frankie called out to them to come and have a look. Allison gave hugs to all of them. To Hannibal and BA because she had missed them, to Frankie because she felt sorry for him.

Stockwell arrived and Face appealed to him to let Allison, and Murdock, stay at the Langley house. Stockwell was easily swayed, on the condition that the Team would do more missions for him. Face argued their stay should be a reward for the Team for a job well done.

"Nice reward for Murdock," Tasmin muttered. "There's a good pilot, now come and live in this luxury prison."

Stockwell wanted to hear what Allison had to say on the matter. Though Allison agreed with Tasmin, the fic forced her to say something completely different.

_[I]f you need something more than just my word, I'll give or do anything it takes._

This seemed to sway Stockwell, though he mentioned that even he didn't know what put him in that mood. After commenting to the Team that he was surprised to see them back alive, he left.

Face asked if he could talk to Allison outside. Allison was about to follow when Tasmin pulled her on her arm.

"It's time for the charges."

"Well, you're not going to charge me." Allison folded her arms and glared at her partner.

Tasmin glared right back at her.

"Isn't there some place we can intercept this Sue? I think there were about three scenes from a third person point of view."

"It would require going back into the fic."

Allison rolled her eyes. "Like we've never done that before. Give me that portal activator. I'll take us there." She tried to grab Tasmin's bag, but Tasmin twisted out of her grasp.

"Technically, you're a character in this story. You shouldn't handle the PPC equipment."

Allison calmly reached for the cue that had been left on the billiards table after play.

"I'll take us there."

"Good." Allison still picked up the cue though.

-oOo-

The agents intercepted the Sue when she stepped out of Murdock's apartment. She was wearing a windbreaker over a lavender dress.

"Yes?" she said, when sidestepping the women that blocked the stairs had failed.

"Maryn Murdock, also known as Ryn and Rynnie?"

The Sue nodded and looked at the two women. One was pointing a gun at her, the other was brandishing a billiard cue.

"We are Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and A-Team fiction in particular."

"We charge you with being a Mary Sue," Allison said. "We charge you with making me go through all that. Including, but not limited to, getting my hand cut and Face's electrifying touch."

"We charge you with being Murdock's uncanonical sister and Face's fiancée. That's with two E's, by the way. Fiancé refers to a man." Tasmin glanced at the notepad. "We charge you with everybody being devastated that they are never going to see you again. We charge you with Hannibal and BA keeping mementos of you. We charge you with having been on missions with the Team."

"I would have loved to hear what BA had to say about taking the crazy man's sister with them," Allison said. She chuckled. "I doubt it would have been just Hannibal who wouldn't have been happy with the arrangement at first."

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Stick to the point, will you?"

"I am sticking to the point." Allison turned to the Sue. "We charge you with Murdock being cruel by not telling you Face is still alive."

"Face is still alive?"

"Uh, yeah. That was him on the phone." Allison realised the Sue hadn't 'officially' found out yet that Face was still alive. "We charge you with not recognising Face's voice on the phone. It hasn't been that long since you two last spoke."

"Why didn't he tell me he was still alive?"

"Some bogus reason about if the military found out they'd escaped execution there'd be a prize on their heads."

"That makes sense." The Sue nodded.

"No, it doesn't," Tasmin said. "You're Murdock's sister and Face's fiancée and they don't trust you with this little bit of information. While they do tell their names to some football players, and pretty much everyone else they meet on their Stockwell missions?"

The Sue was taken aback.

"We charge you with getting Amy fired from the _Courier_, or otherwise giving up her job there."

"But she went to Jakarta."

"As a foreign correspondent. Didn't you hear Tawnia claim that Amy got the Jakarta job because it became impossible for her to deny she knew more about the A-Team? Weren't you tagging along with the Team then?"

"I only-"

Tasmin held up her hand. "We don't really care. We charge you with Face asking Stockwell if Murdock can stay at the Langley House without discussing this with Murdock first. Although, that might be revenge for being called Facey, to his face, repeatedly. We charge you with announcing a flashback by putting up a note saying 'flashback'. We charge you with not using enough dialogue tags in scenes with three people present, so it wasn't always clear who said what. Finally, we charge you with bad punctuation, bad grammar, and having everyone shout part of their dialogue. You have been charged. Your punishment for these crimes is death."

The Sue tried to push past Allison, but Allison tripped her and the Sue fell down the stairs. She lay motionless on the landing, some blood pooling around her head.

"You think she's dead?" Allison asked.

Tasmin aimed her gun and pulled the trigger. "Now she's dead."

-oOo-

The agents returned to their response centre. Allison noticed there was a parcel on the console that had not been there before they left.

"What's that?" She pointed. "More post?"

"Oh, good. It has arrived."

"What has?" Allison looked on in curiosity as her partner started to peal away the plain brown wrapping paper of the parcel.

"The crash dummy. It's for use in first or second person fic. So the agents don't get Sued." Tasmin pulled the cord on the package to show how the dummy self-inflated.

Allison blinked. "There is equipment to prevent agents from getting Sued?" She tried to keep her voice level. "You had pre-ordered this equipment? Yet you decided to go into the fic before your order arrived? What the bloody hell were you thinking?!" Allison grabbed the dummy by the arm and stalked out of the response centre. She slammed the door behind her.

"Sorry?" Tasmin tried.

-oOo-

_A/N: Using all caps for words makes it look like people are shouting these words, and while there are people that put emphasis like that on at least one word per sentence, most people don't. Try to read dialogue out loud (including putting emphasis on the words that are shown to have emphasis) to see how it works. If you are exhausted after a few lines of dialogue, then the characters would probably also be._


	29. BA The Mechanic

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _BA The Mechanic_ by Lindi._

-oOo-

A portal opened and through it two agents entered the abandoned warehouse. Well, abandoned. Its current owners saw no particular use for it, so the A-Team were squatting the building. The van was parked in the middle of the spacious room and in one corner some living/sleeping space had been set up.

BA couldn't sleep and was working on his van.

_If he did not keep it in good shape then the team could be caught by Decker or worse the bad guys could kill them if the van failed in getting them to safety. BA had no choice._

"Yeah," Allison said and pressed the button of her ball-point pen. "BA cares for the van for the sake of the van. He keeps it in top condition because that is the way he likes it."

_BA, Hannibal and Face were staying in the abandon warehouse they some time use. They had to sleep on cots when they chosen to sleep in the warehouse._

"Face not able to scam himself a proper bed. Or a decent apartment. This Sue is really working her magic." Allison continued scribbling.

BA dropped some tools which seemed to wake up Hannibal, but not Face.

_They heard Face yell "Leave me alone!" He sounded much like a child. Hannibal glanced back were the lieutenant was asleep on his cot. "It sounds like he is having another nightmare." Hannibal observed._

"How very observant," Tasmin mocked. "Of course screaming 'leave me alone' can't be anything but a nightmare."

"Here I was thinking he was doing a rather poor job of singing a Michael Jackson song."

"That would be anachronistic," Tasmin said. "Decker stopped chasing the Team some time before Michael Jackson recorded a song insisting the press should stop chasing stories about him."

Hannibal didn't think Face needed to be awoken from his nightmare. He told BA they had a new client: BA's momma just rang to tell him about a problem BA's childhood friend had.

"Putting a land-line in an abandoned warehouse," Tasmin said. Allison raised her eyebrows. "If Mrs. Baracus had called the phone in the van, BA would have heard it ringing too."

Allison nodded and made the note. "Stupid Sue's not even thinking about the geography of it all," she muttered. "I guess this friend is going to be our Sue, or Stu as the case may be."

BA wanted to leave immediately, but Hannibal insisted they would all try to get a couple more hours of sleep.

_We are driving up in the morning to see BA's mother for a case._

"To Chicago!" Allison said. "Drive to Chicago? Unless otherwise stated, A-Team stories are assumed to take place in Los Angeles. That's a long drive to Chicago. Hannibal must not be in much of a rush to sort out that problem."

"Or he's just lulling BA into a false sense of security about not going to fly."

All the talking had woken up Face. He was in no mood to go back to sleep and decided to go for a walk. In an alley he found a kitten. It was all alone and Face took pity on the little creature. He tucked it in his pocket and went to an all-night grocery store to buy some pet food.

A chapter break gave the agents a smooth transition to the next scene: packed into BA's van with all of the Team and Amy on their way to Chicago.

"What's Amy doing here?" Allison asked as she tried to push Tasmin's duffel bag out of the way. Something in it was poking her in the back and she didn't really care to know what it was. "Shouldn't she be in Indonesia?"

"Perhaps her foreign correspondency ended," Tasmin suggested. She pulled her bag away from her partner and glared at her.

"But to go back to write about the Team... I'm sure she loved hanging out with them, but it's a big step down on the career ladder."

Tasmin nodded. "Make a note of that."

"I will. As soon as you stop sitting on my pen."

While the agents reset their boundaries of personal space, BA became annoyed about a sound he kept hearing. He told Murdock to shut up. Murdock argued he wasn't making any noise. Amy then noticed a bulge in Face's pocket that was moving.

_"My gosh Face! Amy is right. You have an alien in your shirt!" Murdock screamed._

"Ow." Allison clasped her hands over her ears. "That's the first time OOCness causes high pitched voices."

"We've never sat this close to an OOC Team."

"Let's look on the bright side. If they get even more out of character, only dogs will be able to hear them, and we don't have to put up with this ridiculous conversation any more."

Tasmin considered that to be a bright side with a big, dark thunder cloud in front of it.

Murdock rambled on about aliens until Face pulled the kitten out of his pocket. Amy and Murdock both cooed over its cuteness. BA, however, was having none of it and pulled the van to a stop by the side of the road.

_"I do not want a cat inside of my van now throw it out!"_

"I'd sooner believe BA would throw Face out and tell him to take the kitten with him," Allison said.

"The big guy is kind to all animals. Except imaginary ones," Tasmin added.

The others were appalled at BA. Murdock even threatened to tell his momma.

_"No fool don't tell my mama!" BA begged._

"And I'm appalled at that." Tasmin shivered.

BA bowed down and said the kitten could stay. Murdock said it should have a name, but Hannibal disagreed.

_"Because you are a fugitive. Life on the run is no place for a pet especially if that fugitive is the ATeam." Hannibal said._

"Why am I even surprised Hannibal is talking to Face like that?" Tasmin said. "In fics where Face has nightmares, Hannibal usually treats Face like a little kid."

"Bet he's also telling Face not to date or buy fine wines and expensive suits. He could get attached to such luxuries, and attachment is no place for a fugitive."

"How old does this Sue think Face is? Five?" Tasmin turned to look at her partner. "I'm starting to think that kitten is our Sue."

"Why? What did the Intelligence Report say?"

"You ain't seen nothing like it."

Allison eyed the kitten. "That would be true."

Murdock suggested the kitten should be named Mascot, because it could be a mascot for the Team.

-oOo-

Late at night the Team arrived in Chicago. The agents scrambled out of the van and stretched their sore limbs.

"It's a thirty-hour road trip from LA to Chicago. This Sue better have a bloody good excuse not to go by plane."

"Just be glad the chapter break shortened the trip considerably."

The agents followed the Team up the stairs to Mrs. Baracus' apartment. BA's momma had gotten up specially for the Team. She was also immediately taken in by the kitten. She went into the kitchen to fetch the kitten a saucer of milk.

"Cats should drink special cat-milk, not the cow milk fit for human consumption. That has too much lactose and kittens are often lactose intolerant. That milk could make the kitten seriously ill."

Mrs. Baracus then announced the sleeping arrangements.

_"Amy you can sleep with me. Hannibal and Scooter can sleep in his old bedroom and Face and Murdock can sleep in the guess bedroom." Mrs. Baracus said._

"Murdock's going to keep Face up all night playing guessing games," Allison said.

"I think he's too far out of character to get a kick out of that typo."

Everyone went to their assigned rooms, and the agents joined Murdock and Face. The good thing about a feline-Sue, Allison figured, was that they were naturally aloof and wouldn't be bothered about a few people more or less in a room. They simple didn't care. Besides, how was the kitten going to tell on them?"

Amy came in to say good night to the kitten. Murdock argued he was too ugly to say good night to, which encouraged Face and Amy to tell him that they liked him. Then -- out of nowhere -- Face started to talk about his childhood. Amy and Murdock listened on in silence. Face talked about how he'd always wanted a pet and that he once saved a kitten, but had not managed to keep it alive. And that the day after the kitten died he was sent to a foster family, where he was used as a household slave and physically abused.

"What brought this verbal diarrhea on?" Tasmin asked.

"The kitten, I'm sure. Now Face has something to cuddle, and he can let all his childhood suffering and angst go." Allison gripped her pen tightly to make a note. "When is fandom going to realise that Face actually had a pretty happy childhood at the orphanage? He went to a reunion because he thought it would be fun. He wouldn't think it fun if he still had all these demons that needed to be dealt with."

"Actually, he went to impress a girl that used to snub him."

"Getting snubbed was about the full extent of his angst."

When Face was done talking he pulled the covers over his head. Amy and Murdock knew it would be a long time before he would talk about his childhood again.

"They are probably glad about it too."

-oOo-

The next morning the Team and Amy went to see BA's friend at his garage. The friend, Toby, had had his arm broken by some local crooks running a protection racket. Because of this he could now not work. BA immediately jumped in and said he'd cover for him as a mechanic.

Hannibal asked where he could find the head rat. Toby gave directions. The head rat also owned a garage, but Toby didn't think he was a good mechanic.

"Of course not, if he has a side business in extortion."

-oOo-

Face lured the rat out of his garage by promising him a car that had broken down. When Face and the rat got to the car, Face popped the hood and Hannibal jumped up from the engine space (the engine had been taken out) and aimed an assault rifle at the rat.

_"You owe some business owners some money that you stole from them for a protection fee that is called extortion. Extortion is illegal." Hannibal informed Sammy._

"So is pointing rifles at people," Allison said.

"Pot, kettle, black," Tasmin added.

The agents were looking at the proceedings of the scene from a safe distance. Relatively safe in an environment that only had a permanent-looking structure because Allison imagined there should be a building.

Hannibal asked for the money back. BA suddenly appeared and made the rat gulp. Then Murdock skipped onto the scene and showed him the kitten.

"This thing needs a lot more description, if only to not make it look like people are appearing out of nowhere."

Hannibal said he would give the rat twenty four hours to get the money back.

_Hannibal put his cigar out by using Sammy's chest._

"And that's even more illegal," Allison said.

"The first criminal act can be overlooked, 'cause the Team often points rifles at people they are talking to. They, however, do not torture."

The Team then ran to BA's van and drove off.

"I think the trick with the missing engine was a bit lame," Allison said. "All they really did was ask this guy to step into an alley."

"This is a different Hannibal, one who doesn't like to set up shop and wait for the bad guys to come round and rattle his cage."

"I think that's the best proof of Hannibal's OOCness. Hannibal loves playing the characters that set up these shops and he loves his cage getting rattled. Gives him a chance to teach a moral lesson. Don't rattle the cage if you haven't seen the tiger that's inside."

"As his dear old pappy used to say."

Allison smirked. "Let's go back to Toby's garage."

-oOo-

At Toby's garage Face gave Murdock an earful about taking the kitten along to meet the bad guy. He took it away from him and gave the kitten to Amy, who he hoped would be more responsible.

The head rat and five of his associates walked into the garage.

"How did they know they could find the Team here?" Allison asked. "Hannibal didn't tell him."

"No, but BA left his van outside. I guess these rats aren't entirely clueless."

"That, and this garage and the coffee shop across the street are the only two buildings actually getting a mention. This story might as well take place on a salt plain."

The head rat said he wasn't going to give the money back. Some harsh words fell, someone was punched and a fight ensued, which the Team quickly won.

With the rats disposed of Hannibal thought of a plan and sent Face to get a few items. Face took Amy and the kitten with him.

The agents followed them to a store, but stayed outside to read the Words while Face talked to the manager.

Face introduced himself and Amy as representatives of the Humane Society and asked the store manager for a donation in the form of six hoses. The hoses could be used to give animals baths so that people would be more likely to adopt a pet. The manager went weak at the knees when Face put the kitten in her face.

"I think I'm starting to get allergic," Allison said. She pulled up a sleeve. "Look, I'm developing a rash."

_"Face, I see it so many times but I still can't believe how you can always get what we need." Amy said.._

_"It is talent." Face bragged._

"Yeah, you're special," Allison said. "The way retarded kids are called special."

"Blame it on the Suefluence."

Face and Amy did not get very far with their loot before the head rat stepped in their way. He slapped Face across the face for giving a wiseguy answer, then ordered the two to be chained up.

"Chains?" Allison asked. "Nobody uses chains. Ropes are easier, more flexible, lighter to carry around."

"He works at a garage. He's probably got easier access to chains. You can lock chains together and they're not as easy to cut through as rope."

Allison glared at her partner. "There's no need to stick up for the head rat."

A scene break brought the agents to an undefined place. Empty, save for Face and Amy.

_They were chained up together facing one another. Their arms were around each other._

"Classic," mocked Allison. "They are probably also going to realise their attraction to one another."

Face commented he would have liked the situation if Amy had been someone else.

"What is he? Eleven? Face does not put Amy down like hat. Any other women would be better than Amy? There would be a lot of women that would not be able to keep their cool as well as Amy, and that's a very useful thing right now." Allison snorted. "I think I'm going to slap him upside the head on behalf of Amy."

"No, you don't." Tasmin grabbed her partner by the collar of her shirt.

_Face felt Amy up so close to him he was having trouble concentrating because she felt so good with her in his arms. Amy on the other hand was thinking I have to get away from him. He smells so good. "We can drop and roll to try to loosen the chains." Face suggested. The two dropped and rolled_

The agents just stood and took in the scene.

"This is stupid," Tasmin said.

"If you had let me slap him, perhaps I could have knocked some sense into him."

"Nothing's going to knock sense into him as long as he's got that cat with him." Tasmin pointed at the kitten that had climbed on top of Face, who was lying on top of Amy.

_"I am not joking. Mascot has climbed on my back if I roll over I would squish him."_

"Come on!" Allison walked over and grabbed the kitten by the scruff of the neck and lifted it up. It meowed loudly and Amy and Face looked up at the agent. "If you roll over the cat will jump out of the way. Unless it's a particularly stupid cat." She looked the cat in the eye. "Let's find out how stupid this one is."

"You leave that kitten alone." Face tried to struggle free.

"Ow, Face, you are hurting me," Amy shouted.

"If I get my hands on you..."

Allison raised her eyebrows and gave him a look. "If you'll get your hands on me you'll what? Give me a cuddle? Back rub?"

"Charge the cat," Tasmin ordered.

"Mascot, we are Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and A-Team fanfiction in particular." Allison held the kitten out at arm's length. With her free hand she fumbled for the right page on her notepad. The kitten swung its paws at her, but hit nothing but air. "We charge you with bad spelling and bad punctuation. We charge you with being so bloody cute everyone goes completely ga-ga over you, causing all of them to behave out of character. BA does not beg. Hannibal likes to play games with the bad guys. He does not put his cigar out on them. Face is a lot better at scamming stuff. He would not sleep in an abandoned warehouse on a cot.

"We charge you with making Amy fall down the career ladder, and with Face insulting Amy. We charge you with making Face and Amy realise their attraction to each other by chaining them up together. We charge you with giving Face an angsty childhood, and with divulging this childhood.

"We charge you with making the head rat repeatedly find members of the Team for no good reason. We charge you with not describing or setting a scene, but relying on dialogue alone to get the message across. This rarely works well." Allison shook the kitten lightly. "You have been charged. Do you understand these charges?"

The kitten meowed again.

"Your punishment for these crimes is death. Tasmin will sh--"

"No," Tasmin said.

"Better not, you'd probably shoot me in the hand."

"No, it's a little kitten. It's cute. I can't kill it."

Allison nearly fell over with astonishment. "Stay away from this kitten," she warned her partner. She looked around the space for another way to kill the cat. Curiosity was probably out. Tasmin made a dive for her, but Allison quickly stepped out of the way. "Get a grip, Tasmin!"

"I feel sick," Tasmin said. She sat on the floor holding her head and rocking back and forward.

Allison gave her a cautious look then turned her attention back to finding a method to kill the cat. She understood what had happened to Tasmin. Kittens were naturally cute, and a feline-Sue even more so, which was why this one had to die. Shooting was out, because at this moment Tasmin couldn't be trusted with a gun -- and Allison had never handled one, so she couldn't be trusted with one either. Quickly breaking its neck seemed like a good idea, but for some reason Allison was afraid the head would come off like that of a Lego puppet if she tried to do that. And that she found a little too icky to contemplate. She saw a wash basin. "Perfect."

"No!" Face screamed. He continued shouting abuse and threats all the while Allison ran the kitten a bath and held it under water. Suddenly, he stopped. "What? What? Amy? What's going on?"

"I take it the kitten is dead," Tasmin said. She belched and massaged her neck. She had the oddest feeling of cotton in her head.

"I'll check for a pulse, shall I?"

"In the mean time, I will help these two canons up." Tasmin undid the locks of the chains and helped Face and Amy untangle from them.

"What happened, Face?" Amy asked.

"I don't know." Face adjusted his tie. "I took you on a scam, but I don't know what happened there. I guess it went well. We've got all the stuff we want over there." He nodded to the pile of items.

"You're welcome," Tasmin said.

"As soon as the Sue is dead they forget all about us," Allison said. She held the dripping wet kitten out to Tasmin. "I guess it is safe now to give this to you?"

"It's as well he forgot us. He was ready to rip your head off." Tasmin pulled a plastic evidence bag from her bag.

Allison frowned at it but dropped the kitten in without commenting. He probably wasn't the only one, she thought.

-oOo-

_A/N: Location, location, location. Tell the reader where the story is taking place. Description and narrative are very useful to avoid talking head syndrome. Not all dialogue is strong enough to carry a scene, particularly not in a longer story._


	30. The Look Of Love

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _The Look Of Love_ by Trashbags. This mission was chronicled by IndeMaat._

-oOo-

"It's good to be back in _A-Team_ fic," Allison said as she stepped through the portal into the storage room where the first scene of the fic was set. She spread her arms and took a deep breath. "It feels like ages since we were here last."

Tasmin gave her partner an odd look. "It's not going to work."

"What is?"

"Optimism and a positive mind-set. Badfic has a way of squelching that."

Allison shrugged. "We'll see."

A door opened and the Stu entered the storage room. Tasmin quickly pushed her partner behind some mattresses that leant against a wall, before the Stu turned on the light and spotted them.

_This man had graying brown hair and brown eyes. He was dressed in jeans and a tan jacket. He turned on the lights, but still didn't see anything._

"Why are we hiding from a blind man?" Allison whispered.

"He's not blind. He just doesn't register his surroundings very well."

"Should I write him up for giving a description of what he looks like when it's too dark to see?"

"That would be extremely nitpicky."

"Just asking."

Hannibal stepped away from a banner with a clown's face painted on and told the Stu he had found the A-Team. Then he called the rest of the Team to come out of their respective hiding places.

_BA drowning in gold appeared_

"Quickly, throw the man a lifesaver."

Tasmin slapped her partner in the back of the head.

Allison rubbed the sore spot and scowled at her partner. "I don't think it's the badfic that squelches positive mind-sets."

Murdock lowered himself into the gathering from the ceiling.

"Why's he hanging from the ceiling?"

"Don't know. Probably to show he's quirky. That would be a charge."

"Are you sure? It seems rather nitpicky."

Tasmin glared at her partner.

"So, if you spot it, it's a charge and when I spot it, it's a nitpick?"

"Pretty much."

"Glad we got that misunderstanding out of the way," Allison muttered under her breath. She flicked to an empty page on her notepad and started to scribble.

Meanwhile, Amy took one look at the Team's prospective client -- the Stu -- and gasped in surprise.

_Then she tipped her head back, winced slightly and muttered, "I'm in trouble."_

"Why would she be in trouble?"

"The Stu is her father. She just said so."

"Well, yes, that would be troublesome, but why would she know that spells trouble for her."

The Stu was equally shocked to see Amy.

_"What are you doing here? I want you to go on home right now!"_

The agents were shocked Amy didn't baulk at being treated like a child.

"Go home, he says. To his daughter, the investigative reporter."

"I guess that explains why Amy never mentioned any living relatives," Allison said. "I'd keep a relative like that at a great distance."

The Stu asked Amy who the other men were and she introduced them.

_Gary Allen was stunned, his little girl, his good little girl, with fugitives?_

"If having double standards was a charge, it would now be on the list," Allison said. "He can hang out with fugitives, but his daughter can't?"

"That's how double standards work."

The Stu again suggested to Amy to go home.

_"Gary Allen," Hannibal said to Amy's father, "What seems to be the trouble?"_

"My daughter is here, and I can't sell you out to the military when she's here too," Allison said.

"That could be a reasonable explanation of this treatment of Amy. Not a good explanation why Amy lets him get away with taking to her like that."

The Stu, however, did not explain what his problem was with Amy in the room, but did elaborate on the situation he wanted to hire the Team for.

"Shouldn't Hannibal already know all this? The client tells Mr Lee why he wants to hire the Team, and Hannibal re-iterates what he supposedly heard from Mr Lee. Then Hannibal, by the way, could have already told Amy her dad tried to hire them."

"Or he neglected to mention that because he wanted to see that look of surprise on her face."

"I'm sure he would have mentioned it, if only to find out why Mr Allen is not going through Ms Allen to hire the Team. I mean, if the Allens are not related, sure, but-"

"With Amy's name frequently appearing in the byline of stories on the Team you'd think that someone who knows Amy would tap her to get to the Team," Tasmin finished. "Charge."

"Unless the Stu wanted to set up the Team and leave Amy out."

"If he wanted to leave Amy out of it, shouldn't he have made sure Amy was actually out? Like out of the country out? No, charge this man with not having an interest in his daughter's career, and with not making Hannibal suspicious. He doesn't send people around town so the Team can check them out just for kicks."

"I don't think my dad is actually that up to date on my career."

"You don't write for a local newspaper. All he has to do is get a subscription and turn some pages. Yours needs lots of headache medication."

The Stu said his problem was a local bully who was threatening shop owners into selling their businesses to him so he could use the buildings for property development. Amy agreed the bully should be stopped. She indicated that she knew him.

Which surprised the agents again.

"If Amy already knows about the activities of this bully, then why did she never try to get the Team involved to help out?"

"She must not like her dad much."

Hannibal shook the Stu's hand and congratulated him on hiring the A-Team. Face slipped him a note with the Team's fee and said it included a two percent discount for being a relative.

"Two percent? That's two free bullets out of every hundred the Team fires off. That's not much of a discount."

Hannibal started arguing with Face that they did not give discounts, which Tasmin thought might be technically true, but considering that the Team occasionally worked for free or took a percentage of the profit they helped establish, she also thought Hannibal was arguing a moot point.

Hannibal and BA left to go to the van. Face grabbed Amy by her arms and looked into her eyes. He asked if she was sure she wanted to work this case with the Team.

_"Of course I want to Face," she told him smiling, a very familiar twinkle in her eye. "I can't let you and Hannibal hog all the jazz, now can I?"_

"Really not like her dad," Tasmin said. "She cares more about the jazz than about helping out her father."

"We knew from the start that that father-daughter relationship was messed up. There should be no surprises here."

Amy, too, left. Face smirked at her father and the two of them left the storage room too. The Stu switched off the light.

Tasmin rummaged through her duffel bag. "Here, hold the flash light."

"Shouldn't we be moving on to the next scene?" Allison shone the beam of light in her partner's face.

"Murdock's still here."

"He is?"

_"Hannibal? BA! Faceman?! Triple A? Surely you guys are going to help me….Pwease?" he whimpered._

Allison quickly scrambled up and rushed to Murdock who was still suspended from the ceiling. She shone the light in this face. Murdock blinked and Allison moved the beam away from him, briefly past her own face to show him who she was.

"What are you doing?"

"I seem to be unable to get down. Can you help? That's why you're here, right? To help me. Or is there another of those Sue women after me?"

"I don't know. Is there?" Allison looked at Tasmin.

"No." Tasmin pulled a machete from her bag and a moment later Murdock landed with a dull thud.

"Ow. Thanks." He got up, rubbing and twisting his wrist. "That's a big knife you're carrying, Tasmin. Remind me to stay on your good side."

"You can, by forgetting you saw us and going to the van." Tasmin put the machete in its leather pouch and returned it to her bag.

"Can I help with your case? I could be a spy. Well, I didn't bring my trench coat, but I could improvise. That's what spies do, and it would be a better persona than alpinist, because, as you can see, I fail at that."

Tasmin took a small cylinder from a box she pulled from her bag and donned a pair of sunglasses. Allison quickly shielded her eyes with her hand. A flash of red light stopped Murdock from rattling on.

"You go to the van. You are the last to leave the storage room because you wanted to make sure the Team had not left any traces behind."

Murdock turned on his heels and started walking towards the back door.

"And you don't call Amy 'Triple A'," Allison called after him.

"No 'Triple A'," Murdock muttered.

A door opened and closed and the two agents were alone in the storage room.

"Was it necessary to flash him?"

"Yes, it was. It's better if he doesn't know there are PPC agents around. Makes it less likely for him to point us out to the Stu. Or the rest of the Team. Do I need to remind you of what happened to agent Delron, who thought it was a good idea if characters under the Suefluence knew there was a PPC agent around?"

Allison shivered. "Murdock's not like that. Team's not like that."

"All the same, I don't want them pointing their guns at me. Again," she added.

Allison grumbled. "Open up a portal so we can go to the next scene."

"The next scene is in the van. It would be a bit too crowded." Tasmin pointed at the Words. "We're reading those instead."

The Words said the whole Team plus Amy and the Stu were packed into the van. The Stu sat in Face's place and gave directions.

"I take it the Stu didn't come to the meeting place with his own transportation."

"Can't charge a man for taking the bus."

"That would be bus fare."

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Just read the Words."

BA and Murdock argued over Billy, to the amusement of the others until Amy made them stop.

_Amy slid back into the seat next to Face, who draped his arm casually over her shoulders._

"What's he doing that for?"

"I guess you missed the memo that this is a Face-Amy romance."

"That explains why he isn't in his own seat."

"Not really. At this point Face and Amy are keeping their relationship private. No one else knows."

"Not for long. Only one of the others needs to turn his head and see Face and Amy cuddle in the back seat and that's the end of that secret."

"Either he's bad at keeping secrets or he wants the others to find out."

"It's generally believed that if Amy started a relationship with any of them, she'd be off the Team," Allison said. "On the grounds of being a distraction and all. So, is Face putting that theory to the test or does he want Amy off the Team, but is afraid to say so to her face?"

"He wouldn't be the only one to not come straight out with his concerns about Amy on the Team."

"If they don't want her on the Team, wouldn't it be easier to just not pick her up before they go on a mission?"

"That's the way the writers eventually went."

Hannibal's preliminary plan was to go to the Stu's house. They drove on in silence for a while, and apparently the Stu had stopped giving directions, because suddenly Amy shouted out that BA had missed his turn.

_"Then don't tell me how to drive my van!" BA yelled. Somebody awoke on the wrong side of the van this morning._

"Suggesting that BA sleeps in the van," Allison said.

"Or that he sleeps next to it. Which is probably not thought of as too outrageous in fandom."

Allison turned and shone the light of the torch she was still holding in her partner's face. "Is there any particular reason you are being this forgiving towards this fic?"

"I'm not being forgiving." Tasmin tried to get out of the beam, but Allison followed her moves.

"Did you write this?"

"'Course not."

"Anyone you know?"

"Never met them."

"Did you take any funny looking candy from a baby? Or from a clubber?"

Tasmin glared at her partner.

"Just running down the options."

"And I'm just giving alternative interpretations of what the lines in the fic can mean. And no, that's not the same as being forgiving. It means I want a charge for being too ambiguous."

"I don't think there's a charge like that on the list."

"It defaults under annoying PPC agents. Give me that." Tasmin grabbed the torch and pulled it from her partner's hand. "And stop annoying me, before I charge you."

Allison thought it better not to challenge that remark.

The Team arrived at the Stu's house and all piled out of the van. They went into the house where they met the Stu's wife.

_Mrs. Allen was a quiet aging woman, who seemed to adore Murdock._

"Are you sure this isn't another one of those Murdock chasers?" Allison asked. "The man barely set a foot across the threshold and she already adores him."

"I'm sure she adores him in the cute puppy sense."

The Stu's wife gave Amy a hug and then asked her husband who all these people in her living room were. The Stu said Amy should explain.

"He's not much of a talker, is he? Doesn't talk to Amy about hiring the Team, doesn't even mention to his wife he wants to hire the A-Team, and now he lets Amy explain why the Team is at his house."

Hannibal noted Face was rubbing Amy's arm affectionately, but thought nothing of it. He ascribed it to them being friends.

"I've heard the expression that love is blind, and stupid," Allison said. "I never thought it made the people around you stupid as well."

Hannibal and BA sat down at the kitchen table with the Stu and his wife to let them explain the whole situation. Murdock sat down on the floor to play with his dog.

"And Face was stealing kisses from Amy in the pantry," Tasmin said.

"What?"

Tasmin pointed at the Words.

_Face and Amy were in their own little world, as Face had his arms wrapped around her, holding her. Of course, they knew they had to be weary of Hannibal, but they figured, that at the moment Hannibal thought that Face was just being a loyal friend._

"Charge for not all of them paying attention when the problem is explained," Allison said. "Can you shine that light this way so that I can see what I'm writing down? Not listening could mean they could miss out on some information that might save their lives."

Face and Amy started to fall asleep. The Stu's wife suddenly jumped up and apologised for not having fed everyone. Face said they were more tired than anything, and Amy asked if they could all stay the night. Which was fine with the Allens.

"Got to love a family that can put up five unannounced house guests at a moment's notice," Tasmin said.

"No, I don't."

Amy was give her old room -- which hadn't changed since she had left home for college -- and Face tucked her in. Amy, who had even been too tired to take off her clothes before getting into bed, fell asleep immediately. Face went back to the living room.

_The Allen's had prepared a place for him on one of the couches in the living room for him to sleep, and a place for Murdock and Billy on the other. They told Hannibal that he could have the guest room upstairs._

"And I guess BA has to sleep in the van again," Allison said.

"That probably explains why he's so grumpy most of the time. I can't imagine the van is very comfortable for sleeping, at least not if you have to sleep there regularly."

A scene break caused a temporary blackout -- not that the agents noticed much of this; they were sitting in a dark storage room -- but when the Words lit up again, a new dawn had broken.

Face woke up in a strange living room and it took him a moment to realise where he was.

_As he got up, he rubbed the back of his neck as he thought about his girlfriend….Hopefully Hannibal or her parents weren't suspicious of them or anything. That would be bad! Hannibal has that no fraternizing rule, and he doesn't want Amy off the team, because of them being together._

"If he doesn't want Amy off the Team then why is he fraternising with her so openly?"

"Apparently, he thinks he can put his arm around her shoulder, rub her affectionately and escort her to bed because Hannibal will just think they are close friends."

"If one of my friends escorted me to bed to tuck me in, we'd be having a 'mate, boundaries' conversation."

Face went into the kitchen where he took his coffee exactly the same way Amy did.

"In a cup," Tasmin said. "With a little chip off the rim."

"Good. For a moment I thought they were just nauseatingly cute."

Murdock ran into the kitchen. He had misplaced his imaginary dog.

"I think the Billy card is overplayed here," Allison said. "How often did he mention that dog in canon?"

"Not as often as in this fic. I think he's gotten a mention in almost every scene."

Hannibal calmed Murdock down. Face got up to take a shower, and Hannibal sat down to explain his plan to deal with the bully.

_"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine; you make me happy when skies are gray…."_

"Charge," both agents said in unison.

"Never mind that it's Amy doing the singing, it's still annoying."

"More annoying," Allison said, "she's singing it because it's Face's favourite song."

"Still more annoying, she's interrupting Hannibal while he's explaining his plan."

"I think we were wrong. She's the one that wants to get her kicked off the Team."

Tasmin considered this option. "The narrative says she doesn't, but her actions speak louder than those words."

"Do you suppose this is crack!fic?"

"Crack!fic is no excuse for OOCness."

After Amy apologised Hannibal told the others about his plan. Face only caught the last few lines, but he knew exactly what to do: take Amy with him on a scam.

Amy put on a tight red dress and then argued with Face about whose car to take, his or hers.

"Does it matter?" Allison asked. "They drove to the Allens in the van. I doubt either car is parked in front of the house."

They took Face's car, and Allison wrote down the charge.

Face's scam consisted of driving to the bully's office, pretend to be a couple looking for a place where they could use their vouchers for a family portrait, and plant a bug. Tasmin pointed out that the flaw in his plan was that it relied heavily on the absence of a receptionist or secretary, or anyone else that could turn away strays.

"Actually, the plan seems to be to run into the bully in the lobby. Where Amy can get frisky with him and drop the bug in his pocket."

"Charge, too much reliance on chance."

When Amy and Face returned from their scam Murdock ran up to them and asked if they had found Billy.

"That flash thing, that's supposed to be harmless, isn't it?" Allison asked with concern.

"It's never been field tested on the mentally ill-"

"Despite the fact there're plenty of insane guinea pigs, I mean agents, walking around HQ."

"But the only thing it should do is make canons forget about meeting PPC agents, and forget about what the Sue has done to them."

"So, we blame his Billy obsession on the Stu?"

"Of course."

Face went to BA to check if the bug had been planted successfully. Hannibal studied him and asked if there was something going on between him and Amy. Face denied there was.

_"There is nothing going on between Amy and me! We're just friends!"_

"At least he stopped short of spitting on the floor and announcing that girls are icky."

"He can only go so far before Hannibal stops taking him seriously."

Meanwhile, Amy was confronted with the same question by her father in the kitchen. She asked him why he thought that.

_"You seem a lot more comfortable in front of him, than anyone else from the A-Team, and because you seem to be spending a lot of time with him," her father said._

"Not interested in reading his daughter's newspaper articles, but interested in reading his daughter's body language. Most dads would be more comfortable with knowledge about their daughter's careers than with their love lives."

"That, or Face and Amy were that obvious about it."

Amy felt uncomfortable telling her dad nothing was going on. She looked for Face and told him she thought they should tell the others about them. Face didn't want to risk it, but Amy said she didn't want to lie to her parents, so Face agreed they should come clean.

"That man'll agree to anything if you slip him some tongue," Allison said. "Amy doesn't seem to speak to her parents that often. All Face had to do was ask her to hold out for a few more days and she could have gone back to not lying to her parents by ignoring them."

The Team was getting ready for Hannibal's plan and Hannibal was on the jazz, which Face described as an adrenaline rush. It sounded to Tasmin more like he had a mental disorder, seeing as Hannibal had called Decker to up the ante.

"I want to stretch my legs. Can we go somewhere?"

Tasmin nodded her approval. There was a scene coming up where the Team would meet the bully and some goons that accompanied him. She set the disguise generator to generic extra and opened a portal that made it look like the agents came tumbling out of the car along with the rest of the goons. The scene was nondescript. There was a parking lot -- but no indication of its size -- and the paint shop owned by the Stu. The agents easily spotted the van, but chose to ignore it, as did the goons, and went into the shop.

In the shop the bully greeted the Stu and then all of them just stood around waiting for the Team to show up. They only had to wait a few moments before the Team came in. Hannibal told everyone to put their hands up -- which all did -- and Murdock started to ramble about paint brushes to the bully, who remained unfazed.

Hannibal warned the bully to go away and fired off some rounds near his feet and above his head.

"This is almost like a bad cowboy film," Allison whispered to Tasmin.

"At least in a cowboy movie the bad guy taunts the good guy, to make things interesting. Where's the taunting here? More specifically, the taunting by the good guy? Charge for not taunting, and charge for wrecking the client's place of business without being duly provoked."

Allison nodded in agreement. The action halted again and Allison glanced the Words to see why.

Amy, who had been told to stay in the van, had other plans.

_She weaseled her way onto the team for the jazz, not to tag-a-long._

Allison nudged her partner. "As a goon, would I look suspicious with a notepad in my hand?"

"Probably, most _A-Team_ goons are as dumb as bricks."

One of the goons, however, proved clever enough to catch Amy hiding in the back. He brought a struggling Amy into the shop.

The bully immediately caught on to the look on Face's face -- probably aided by the fact he had met the two of them before -- and ordered Amy to be killed.

"Strong talk for a man that held up his hands when Hannibal told him to."

"The balance of power has shifted rather unexpectedly."

"Also note how the Stu is not reacting to this threat to his daughter's life. Could it be shock?"

"Could it be an omniscient narrator that can only focus on one or two characters and their emotions at the same time?"

Face pointed his gun at the goon and told him to let go of Amy. When the goon did not comply, he tossed his gun to Murdock and attacked the goon with his bare hands.

"Who, again, were you saying was as dumb as a brick?"

"Let's just hope this doesn't turn into a free for all punch out. BA looks like he'd welcome the exercise."

_When Face was finished that goon, he grabbed Amy, and freed her of Felix Bauer's grasp, and went with her outside to the van, leaving BA, Murdock, and Hannibal to clean up this mess._

The Stu grabbed some brooms from the cupboard in the back and distributed them among the Team. Without a word the men holstered their guns and got to work sweeping up the debris Hannibal had caused by firing his gun indoors. BA whipped up some cove mix to fill the holes in ceiling and floor.

Allison tentatively pulled on her partner's sleeve. "I think we should leave."

Tasmin nodded and the agents cautiously moved towards the door. They were nearly knocked over by Face who came back in to fetch the Team because Decker had arrived. The agents jumped out of the way when the Team stormed out of the shop. Murdock was still clutching a broom, but he threw it away before he hopped on the van.

_This time, Amy stayed in the van, knowing that it would be very bad for her to be caught with the A-Team by Decker, especially when he is already suspicious about her._

"Yes, because there would be absolutely no way for her to explain what she's doing at her father's shop."

-oOo-

BA managed to shake off Decker and then drove back to the Allens' house.

"Is that safe?" Allison asked. She and Tasmin were still standing on the pavement in front of the Stu's paint shop. "If Decker knows the Team were at Gary Allen's shop, he might infer they are helping him, and try to find out Allen's home address on a hunch he can catch the Team there."

"I doubt Decker is that smart in this fic."

"Question isn't whether he is in this fic, but whether he could be that smart."

"This is set early season two, Decker is probably not familiar enough with the Team's modus operandi. Later on, yeah, I think he'd make that connection."

_Hannibal, BA, Murdock, and Mr. and Mrs. Allen were all in the kitchen, discussing their next plan of action, when Amy walked into the living room, where they were all gathered. _

"I feel motion sickness just from reading that," Allison said.

Amy announced she and Face had something to tell them. Everyone was surprised to hear Face and Amy were dating, except for Murdock who had always thought they'd be a great couple. Some questions were asked, and Amy assured Hannibal that they wouldn't do couple things while doing team things. They'd be just friends on the Team.

"How does she think that works? Love doesn't have an off-switch."

Hannibal, however, was swayed by this argument and the Team all gave their thumbs up to the relationship. Then Amy turned to her parents. Amy's mother immediately welcomed Face into the family. The Stu had some reservations. After all, Face was a criminal and he didn't want Amy to end up as one too.

_"He's not a criminal!" Amy shouted to her father, "They're fugitives, because they never committed a crime! They went to a federal prison, because they were convicted of a crime they never committed. They promptly escaped from prison, because they weren't about to spend their lives in prison for no reason."_

"Nice to see she retold the opening sequence in her own words," Tasmin said. "Too bad she changed military stockade for federal prison. Those are not the same."

"And she also left out the part where they were accused of a crime they didn't commit. She not the kind of reporter that leaves out important bits of information out like that. I blame the parents for this."

Face managed to convince the Stu of the love for his daughter and the Stu gave his blessing too.

"And all was merry and well in the land of the Allens," Allison said.

"I think we should go to the land of the Allens. Or at least to the Allen house. We've got to catch that Stu some time, and his own house seems like the best place." Tasmin opened up a portal.

-oOo-

The agents stepped into Amy's childhood bedroom just at the end of the chapter. The room was empty; it was safe for the agents. Allison was thus properly startled when a disembodied voice rang out.

_Okay, so this chapter was mostly Face and Amy, but it was still good. Plus in the beginning of the chapter, you got to see the MP's chasing them. I would have made the chase more exciting, but I didn't know how to do it. They finally told them all about their relationship, and they all accepted it._

"What was that?" Allison cowered with her hands over her head.

"Author's note. She decided to re-cap the chapter for us."

"In case we'd miss something by going through it?"

"I guess."

"I think I missed the part where it was good."

"The author is entitled to her opinion as much as we are."

The disembodied voice paused briefly and then announced the new chapter. The agents each took a seat in Amy's room -- Allison on the bed, Tasmin on the chair by the desk -- and turned their attention to the Words.

Everyone was gathered in the living room and Hannibal was once again telling them his plan.

"How many times have we been told already he was telling his plan? And how many of those times were we actually told this plan?" Allison asked.

"I count three to one. At least, if you count the mention that this latest plan involves getting caught by Decker."

"How's that going to help get the bully off the Stu's back?"

"I don't know. He didn't elaborate."

"I'm expecting BA to say, 'Oh man, that's a bad plan'."

"Same here."

The only one to show concern, however, was the Stu. He was worried about Amy's safety. Hannibal assured him she was going to be fine and then got up to make a call to Decker -- for the second time since he had met the Stu.

Amy had left the room earlier. When the Stu had inquired about her safety she had felt he was treating her like a little kid. Rather than confront him, or saying, 'Thanks, I can take care of myself', she had walked out of the meeting. Later she passed Hannibal on the stairs. He said, "Hey kid" and she screamed in response. She screamed again when Face called her kid too and locked herself in her bedroom to sulk.

"Guess she'd fed up with being treated like a kid," Allison said. She jumped out of the way when Amy threw herself on the bed. "And she responds by starting to behave like a two-year-old. Makes sense."

A little while later Murdock knocked on the door. He came to talk to Amy. Amy let him in and they both sat down on the bed. Allison, confident neither of them could see her -- they both ignored her -- stood in front of them, her arms crossed, scowling at them.

Amy explained that she was tired of her dad always treating her like a kid, and that she was afraid that the others would start to treat her like a kid too. Murdock exclaimed that she was nuts. The Team would never treat her like a kid, and as for her dad... she should be glad he loved her. He pointed out there were people without fathers.

_They wish their father would treat them like a kid, because they would know they were loved._

"Yeah, love is all you need. Never mind about being respected as a person."

Amy thought Murdock was right and hugged him. Her dad treated her like a kid because he loved her.

"You could argue -- which you probably won't, but I will -- that her dad loves the kid version of her," Allison said to Murdock and Amy. "He doesn't love the person that she is. So, technically, he doesn't love her at all."

Tasmin frowned. "There's not much canon evidence on how Murdock would feel in this debate, but I don't think he would go all out love trumps respect."

Murdock and Amy got up and went down the stairs. It was time for the Team to put Hannibal's plan into action.

The agents waited until they heard the van and Face's Corvette drive off. They knew it was time to put their plan into action. Tasmin pulled her Colt M1911 from her bag and screwed a silencer on. She opened the door to Amy's room. She held a finger to her lips. Allison nodded. Cautiously, the agents left the room, crept down the stairs and walked into the living room.

The Stu and his wife were sitting on the sofa. They looked up when Tasmin coughed. They startled when they saw her gun, but not much.

"Darling, who are these people?" The Stu's wife nudged her husband.

"Gary Allen, we are Protectors of the Plot Continuum," Allison said. "We are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction and against _A-Team_ fiction in particular."

"What are you talking about?"

"I will elaborate. You are charged with tense switches, some bad spelling and the occasional poor choice of words." Allison looked at the Stu. He returned a blank look. "Moving on. We charge you with making all of the Team behave out of character. Not many get BA to be unlike himself, but you did. You made him not question the stupidity of Hannibal's plan to call Decker. We charge you with making Hannibal call Decker. Twice. Granted, the guy loves the thrill of the chase, but he isn't as stupid as to call Decker -- repeatedly -- to play cat and mouse.

"We charge you with telling one thing, and showing another. The narration says Face and Amy want to keep their relationship a secret because they don't want the others to find out and kick Amy off the Team. Their behaviour, however, tells a different story. They are openly affectionate, and in Amy's case, openly defiant of Hannibal. This makes it look like they do want to get her kicked of the Team.

"We charge you with using caricature as a substitute for characterisation, to wit, making Murdock rappel from the ceiling, talking about paint brushes and making him overly obsessed with Billy. We charge you with using the nickname Triple A. That's not Amy's nickname. Hannibal only once ever noted it were her initials. We charge you with making Face's scam rely entirely on luck to run into the mark.

"We charge you with having Amy sing a song while Hannibal is explaining his plan. We charge you with mistaking a stockade for a federal prison. I'm sure Amy knows the difference. And she'd also know that a person doesn't become a fugitive just for not committing a crime. There's a little more to it than that. We charge you with Amy not confronting you when you treat her like a five-year-old. We charge you with Amy starting to behave like that five year old. We charge you with Amy still thinking you love her, even though you did not respond at all when the bully threatened to kill her." Allison looked at the Stu. "Much like you are not responding now.

"Let's see. We charge you with making everyone look stupid. Hannibal with his plans to call Decker; Hannibal not thinking anything of Face and Amy are cuddling; Face throwing his gun aside to beat someone up; Amy for thinking she can't explain her presence at her father's shop to Decker; Hannibal for not doing a good security check on you and finding out that you are related to Amy, but did not go through her to contact the Team. I find that very suspicious.

"We charge you with having the Team wreck your place, and then cleaning up their mess. We charge you with annoying PPC agents. I'm done." Allison closed her notepad. "I'm a bit hoarse. I need some water." She turned around and grabbed Tasmin's duffel bag to search for a bottle of water.

The Stu, his wife, and Tasmin all looked at Allison. Tasmin was the first to speak. "You have been charged," she said to the Stu. "Your punishment for these crimes is death. Do you have anything to say?"

The Stu crossed his arms. Tasmin shot him through the head. Then she turned to the Stu's wife. "We charge you with not having a personality, adoring Murdock the moment he sets a foot across the threshold, with not offering BA a bed other than his own van, and with stealing Face's and Amy's cars." The Stu's wife was shot too.

Allison took the last gulp of water and screwed the cap back on. She smirked at her partner. "I love it when a plan comes together."

"We still have to find the bully and his main goon."

Allison drooped her shoulders.

-oOo-

_A/N: Details are important in any story. Pay attention to them. If Face and Amy drive somewhere in the van, I don't expect them to find their own cars in the drive the next morning._


	31. A Little Loony Girl

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _A Little Loony Girl_ by Loony-1995._

-oOo-

"We have to go to the VA," Tasmin said.

Allison shivered for a moment. "A fic that starts at the VA is always about someone that's trying to weasel their way into Murdock's life."

"Possibly true. But we get to charge and kill them. That's got to count for something."

"Fine. As long as you don't disguise us as nurses."

Tasmin gave her partner a blank look, turned back to the console and entered the specifics for the disguises. Then she opened a portal.

-oOo-

Allison studied her disguise -- off-white scrubs.

"Not nurses," Tasmin said.

"Orderlies. Hardly an improvement."

Tasmin pulled the remote activator form her duffel bag and adjusted the settings. "There. Now you're a janitor. Happy?"

"We're in a Suefic. What do you think?"

"I think you fell off the couch on the wrong side when the console woke you."

Allison humphed. Tasmin shrugged and turned her attention to the Words.

The Team were in the van discussing who should fetch Murdock. BA said he didn't want to pick him up from the VA.

_"I refuse to get that weirdo, and he won't come with me," said B.A._

Tasmin's right eye twitched.

"What's up." Allison gave her partner a quizzical look.

"BA called Murdock 'weirdo'. He's never called him that."

"The first Sue to make BA out of character. Quite an accomplishment."

"It's not an accomplishment."

Hannibal said BA had to go and with a final grump BA jumped out of the van, dressed as a janitor.

"BA doesn't do disguises," Tasmin said. "Ever. And Face is out of character too, if he thinks he can't charm Murdock out of the VA twice in one week."

_Now where did they say that lunatic's room was? _

"BA doesn't call Murdock 'lunatic'," Tasmin said through clenched teeth. "He calls him fool and crazy fool."

"He's a man of to-the-point vocabulary," Allison agreed. Before her partner could throw her an angry look she pulled a notepad from her pocket and started scribbling.

The agents had taken up position outside Murdock's room and saw BA coming. He knocked on the door.

_Murdock opened the door with a smile, but he disappeared when he saw B.A._

"Making Murdock vanish."

Murdock reappeared, in reverse Cheshire cat order, and gave BA a disdainful look. BA told him they were leaving; Murdock gave reasons why he couldn't come. The argument was cut short when BA pulled Murdock out of his room and thrust a janitor uniform into his arms.

"Janitor is a disguise that works in this fic. Perhaps you should try it too." Allison smiled at her partner.

Tasmin chose to ignore her.

An announced switch of scenes caused a momentary fade in and fade out. When light had returned fully, Murdock ran through the hall, back to his room.

"Short mission," Allison commented.

Tasmin merely pointed at the Words.

_He flew them in and left them, they never said they had needed a lift back_

"Murdock would not leave the Team behind like that," Allison said. "What's so important that he'd have to get back without giving his friends a second thought?"

"The Sue, of course."

"Of course. Why did I even ask?"

"Because you like the sound of your own voice."

"It was a rhetorical question."

"A rhetorical question: a question asked for the purpose of hearing one's own voice."

Allison glared at her partner. The glare lasted only a moment. A time rift knocked the agent off her feet. Allison scrambled up and resumed glaring at her partner, who had managed to stay upright.

The Sue walked into the hall. She frowned at Tasmin, but completely ignored Allison. The Sue knocked on Murdock's door and was let into his room.

"I told you janitors are invisible in this fic."

_She had long hair tied up in a ponytail, which was the same brunette colour as Murdock's; had welcoming brown eyes; was around 5"3; her clothes had streaks of oil and grease down them and a few random animal hairs; her voice was soft and gentle, but sounded like it could be stern and serious if it had to be and she had a sense of organized mayhem about her. Overall, she seemed like a nice, down-to-earth girl._

"Nice girls put on clean clothes before they go and visit someone," Allison said.

"She's only 5 inches tall. Can't be easy having to share a wardrobe with Barbie."

The Sue and Murdock hugged and talked about meeting each other's friends. Murdock was reluctant to introduce her to the Team; he had not told them he had a daughter.

"It's not like he's had time and opportunity," Tasmin said. "He's known her for at least a year."

"Does that also mean he's been leaving the Team in the lurch for at least a year?"

"Don't know. I think they would have confronted him about his lack of commitment to their cause."

The two hours Murdock and the Sue spent together passed quickly by aid of a chapter break. BA came pounding down the hallway and banged on Murdock's door.

"Murdock left the Team behind without transportation. How does this Sue think BA managed to travel a distance that requires the Team to fly in for the mission in only three hours more than it took Murdock to get back to LA? Considering he also had to finish a mission when Murdock left."

"Perhaps BA got himself some jet propulsion."

"Like from where?"

Allison shrugged. "He's already out of character. He might as well be a Transformer."

Murdock told the Sue to hide in the wardrobe before he opened the door to BA.

"The door has a window. BA has undoubtedly already seen who's in the room with Murdock."

BA shoved the door open. He demanded to know who Murdock had been talking to. Murdock said he'd been talking to Billy. BA didn't believe him. He yanked the door to the wardrobe open and saw the Sue. Murdock hit BA over the head with a book and knocked him out.

The dark of a scene break obscured how Murdock managed to get BA from his room to the van.

"I vote plot hole," Allison said as she followed Tasmin down the hall. "There's no way he could have gotten BA out of the VA without drawing attention. Where are we going?"

"To the van. No explanation given doesn't mean there can't be a logical explanation."

"How logical do you want that explanation to be? The only way I can see him manage this, is if he loaded BA onto a stretcher and wheeled him out of the VA while all the staff were on their coffee break."

"There you go. Perfectly logical explanation."

The agents reached the VA parking lot. Allison frowned at her partner.

"Don't give me that look. Absence of explanation is not the same as plot hole. We can't charge the Sue on shaky grounds."

"I think we've charged plenty of Sues with making the ground shake."

In the back of the van BA regained consciousness. Hannibal and Face were in the van with him. BA said he'd seen a girl in Murdock's wardrobe. He wanted to get back to talk to Murdock.

_After you went and people heard the crash, people came running and we just managed to get you out._

"So, the explanation is that lots of staff ran to Murdock's room and Face and Hannibal got BA out under all their noses," Allison deduced. "Makes sense."

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "You may write down plot hole now."

"Are you sure? This plot is easily explained by the fact that the Sue has given Face and Hannibal superior powers of stealth, and made them hang around in the VA, just 'round the corner. The reason no one saw them is because they are disguised as janitors."

Tasmin hit her partner in the back of the head.

There was a scene break. When light returned, the van was parked in a different spot and BA was behind the wheel. Face jumped out of the side door holding a stethoscope.

"I guess some time has passed."

"These scene breaks are almost as annoying as no scene breaks."

The agents followed Face back into the VA. He did not stop to tell anyone why he was at the VA or for what reason Murdock should leave. He went straight to Murdock's room. He heard laughter coming from the room. Female laughter. A passing nurse told him to go in.

_"Oh, just go in, no use knocking. When he's with her it's like his insane side is gone, no talk of "Billy", or anything else mad. It's nice that his family still visit him, especially since she's his daughter, I do like Loony, she's a nice girl if a bit boy-ish. She always comes here covered in oil, grease and animal hairs, I heard she works with cars and anything else which has an engine, nice girl though. Wonder what her real name is? I don't think it's Loony," she walked off smiling._

"Thanks for the exposition," Tasmin said to the nurse when she walked passed them. "I particularly admire that you got all that out without slowing down your pace."

The nurse gave her a startled look, but because the fic dictated that she kept walking, she could not respond to Tasmin before she had to turn a corner.

Face, meanwhile, stood by the door contemplating whether to go back and tell BA he had been right, or to go in and tell Murdock his secret was safe with him.

"I think Face would go in and try to find out whether the nurse was speaking the truth and why Murdock kept this a secret," Allison said.

Face decided to go in and tell Murdock he was going to keep his secret. He asked to be told about the Sue. Murdock and the Sue decided to give Face the full story.

"Shouldn't Face be trying to hurry Murdock out of the VA? He came in for a reason; I doubt it was idle chit-chat."

Face was too in awe with the Sue to think of his mission, or even his safety. He was in no hurry to leave. The Sue, among other things, was a gun and explosives expert, and at fifteen had her own team, which worked missions in the UK.

"You know what this means," Tasmin said.

"If you can't find them, maybe you can hire their UK clone."

"I was going to say that we'll probably also have to deal with a bunch of Stus -- her team members."

"Could she be our most powerful Sue yet? She's got Face so OOC he takes time out of his busy schedule to listen to her rambling on about how special she is. It would have been more in character if he had involved her in his scam to get Murdock out of the VA. She could have told him all about her misspent childhood in the van."

"Then we'd still be stuck with a boring chunk of exposition."

"Can't win 'm all." Allison shrugged.

_After an hour Face remembered why he was at the Hospital._

"Also a charge that Hannibal and BA are out of character," Tasmin said. "They would have tried to find out what was taking Face long ago."

Face and Murdock rushed out of the VA and the two agents ran after them. Hannibal turned out to have not been in the least concerned. He'd been sitting in the van smoking. Face and Murdock hopped into the van.

During the black-out caused by the scene break, Murdock hopped from the van and returned to the VA. The van disappeared.

"I hate stories where nothing happens unless the Sue is involved. I used to think I hated them because the Sue was out shining everyone. I've realised I hate them too when really nothing happens. At least when the Sue's out shining everyone there's some action."

"There's probably something going to happen at the VA," Tasmin said. The agents turned around and went back inside.

"The Sue's probably going to come and visit again. You'd think that if the Sue has her own team there'd at least be some action in the fic, a mission where she can show off her kick-ass skills."

The agents caught up with Murdock in the hallway, where he was told off by a nurse -- a spitting image of the one that kept on walking, or rather, equally generic looking -- for leaving the VA for a few days.

"Pretending the VA is not a closed facility."

"Ah, with the ease Face walks in and out of the VA..."

"True, but he never used the excuse he wanted to take Murdock for a spin in his car. He always flashed some badge or showed some forms that overrode the VA's inpatient policy."

The nurse also told Murdock that Lynch had called. Called as in came to visit, because when Murdock returned to his room he found Lynch sitting on his bed.

Lynch requested Murdock's help in catching the A-Team. He mentioned he knew where Murdock's daughter was.

Murdock didn't like this veiled threat to the Sue's well being.

_"Oh, your daughter has friends within 'gangs' so she has links to them, even if those 'gangs' haven't done anything wrong or even if their crimes are tiny, I can fit her and her friends with large crimes and get them sent down for life. Do you really think your 15 year old daughter would survive in a brutal women prison?"_

"She's fifteen; she'd be sent to a secure training centre."

"She's superSue; she can handle herself against some female criminals."

Murdock had heard rumours that women's prisons were much tougher than men's prisons. His mind was racing.

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "There's probably more bitching, but there isn't more violence."

Then Lynch came with the clincher: he had the Sue.

Murdock whispered he would help. With a smug look on his face, Lynch marched out of the hospital room.

"Isn't he forgetting something?" Allison asked. "Or is he so pleased with himself that he's going to take a celebratory piss before he's actually caught the Team?"

"Yeah. He's been so close to catching the Team many times. He wouldn't waste any time to let Murdock lead him to the Team, or lead the Team to him. He wouldn't leave Murdock alone to work out a double-cross. Lynch isn't the brightest bulb in the box, but he'd know better than that."

"Where's the Sue now?"

Tasmin looked at the Words and smirked. "Not in a position to give us much trouble."

_the next thing she knew she was a stone room;_

Murdock found his way back to the Team and the van where he confided in Face that Lynch had taken his daughter and wanted his help in capturing the Team. Face wanted to know if Murdock was going to help Lynch.

"Rather than immediately offer to sort Lynch out."

"This guy couldn't be further out of character if this story was set in a mirror universe."

Hannibal overheard Face and Murdock talking, and Murdock decided it was time he came clean about his daughter. Fifteen years ago, he said, he had gotten friendly with a British major.

_I think she was the only female Major in Great Britain or America_

"Major Houlihan was a major in the Korean War. So there probably were also some female majors in the Vietnam War."

"Major Houlihan is fictional," Allison pointed out.

"True, but if her rank had had no ground in reality, she would not have had it. Charge for letting Murdock make stupid assumptions."

"Got that one already. Multiple times."

As a result of that friendliness Murdock now had a fifteen-year-old daughter.

"And charge for making Murdock bad at math or biology."

In addition to giving full disclosure on the Sue, Murdock also mentioned who her teammates were. They were coming over to help him free the Sue. There was a moment of silence in the van after Murdock had stopped rambling. Hannibal was the first to speak. He asked if he could meet the Sue.

Tasmin and Allison simultaneously slapped a hand to their forehead.

Hannibal asked what the Sue's real name was.

"I'm starting to think that this fic was written for the sole purpose of exposition."

_It's May Luna Murdock; May from her mum, Luna because she was born on a full moon night at night and Murdock, from me. We call her Loony_

"Bullies would call a kid named Luna Loony," Allison said. "Luna's a loony. Parents are supposed to not mentally abuse their kids with awful nicknames."

The Team drove to the airport where Murdock had arranged to meet the Sue's team.

The agents took a portal.

-oOo-

Tasmin, however, had entered the wrong coordinates and the agents skipped the introductions of the team of Stus. They arrived just after Hannibal had explained his plan to the two teams. A quick glance at the Words showed he had not bothered to tell the reader.

"Before any plan can be set into action, they first have to find out where the Sue is kept," Allison said. "So far I have not seen any mention that they know where she is."

One of the Stus pointed out a flaw in Hannibal's plan. The agents involuntarily leaned in a little from their hiding place behind some crates, to hear if he had seen the same flaw as Allison. Alas, he said Hannibal's plan did not account for the fact that 100 of their associates wanted to come over and help too.

"I thought these associates were all British gang members."

"Looks like we are going to have another British invasion."

"If I have to destroy any tea merchants to help fight them off, I will," Allison said with a grim look on her face.

Hannibal said he could make some adjustments to his plan. The new plan apparently involved everyone storming the military compound where the Sue was held and take her out of it by force.

"That's going to be a blood bath," Tasmin said. "We must prevent this." She grabbed the remote activator and opened a portal.

-oOo-

The agents stepped into the stone room where the Sue was sitting on a wooden bench, singing about walls and bottles.

"Who are you?" She looked at the sudden intruders with suspicion.

"We're the advanced rescue party," Tasmin said. She grabbed the Sue by a shoulder and all but threw her through the portal.

-oOo-

"What are you doing? Where have you taken me?" The Sue crossed her arms and glared at Tasmin.

"Not sure," Allison said. "I think this was the hide-out the Team used to discuss the plan of attack with your mates. It's not much to look at, is it?" Allison indicated the grey walls.

"We're Protectors of the Plot Continuum," Tasmin said. She pulled her Colt M1911 from her bag lest the Sue should get any ideas. Self-preservation had not been a big issue in the fic so far, and she wasn't sure how the Sue rated her chances against the two agents. "We're here to charge you with crimes fanfiction in general and _A-Team_ fiction in particular. Allison?"

"I always like to start these chargings off easy. So, I charge you first with bad grammar, bad punctuation and the occasional poor choice of words. You are not a stone room." She smirked. "If you were, you would--"

"Don't finish that sentence," Tasmin warned.

Allison scowled. She briefly consulted her notepad. "Speaking of words, BA does not call Murdock 'lunatic' or 'weirdo'. That's another charge."

"C'mon. A little variety livens things up."

"Sure, but BA's speech pattern doesn't need livening up. We're comfortable with him using 'fool' and 'crazy fool' only. What we're not comfortable with is that Murdock left his team in the lurch to be with you. That's out of character behaviour, and a charge. We also charge you with giving Face and BA total disregard for their own safety. BA just walked into the VA because he needed to have some words with Murdock; Face completely forgot why he came to get Murdock and stayed for an hour to chat with you. These are wanted men. They go into the VA in disguise, or under the guise of night. They have quick-in quick-out plans, because they don't want to risk anyone recognising them and calling the military police.

"We charge you with being Murdock's uncanonical daughter, and with him keeping you a secret from the Team for pretty much ever since he's known them. We charge you with everyone being so in awe with you that they put their own lives on hold to learn more about you. They forget about time, their jobs, or what is actually relevant, to ask how you take your tea."

"No one actually said that."

"That must be the only bit of information they don't know about you. We charge you with making a nurse sing your further glory and the positive effect you have on Murdock. We charge you with using exposition as a substitute for character building. We charge you with having your own team and working your own missions in Britain.

"We charge you with making Lynch more stupid than he already is. If he really believed Murdock could lead him to capture the Team he would put far better surveillance on him. He would not give Murdock too obvious an opportunity to come up with a way to falter his plan.

"We charge you with Hannibal thinking of a stupid plan that involves a lot of minors storming a military compound. We charge you with making all the members of the A-Team behave out of character. In short, we charge you with being a Mary Sue." Allison closed her notepad. She folded her arms in front of her. "Your punishment for these crimes is death."

The Sue did not flinch. "You'll never get away with this. I have friends--"

What exactly was threatening about these friends the agents never learned; Tasmin had put a bullet in the Sue's head.

The agents left the Sue where she had fallen. The place was uncanonical and would fold in on itself in a matter of minutes, crushing the Sue along with a few items of furniture. Tasmin opened a portal to take the agents to a location where they could deal with the Sue's team mates. Strangely enough, they did not find the young lads storming a military compound. Rather, they were running around a basketball court playing two on two, with BA on the side line shouting instructions.

"I guess that could work," Tasmin said.

Allison looked at her. "You did this, didn't you? Create an alternative story line for them so you don't have to shoot them."

Tasmin shrugged. "It didn't seem right to shoot them. I mean, we never even saw their faces. They might as well not have been in this story."

The four lads disappeared from the basketball court.

"I guess they aren't."

Tasmin pushed a button on the remote activator and opened a portal to their response centre. "And in a moment, neither are we."

-oOo-

_A/N: Exposition or infodump is a situation where -- as the second word says -- a lot of information is dumped on the reader. The author wants the reader and the characters to know everything there is to know about this new character, so she blurts out the whole lot in one go. This usually interrupts the flow of the story; the action of the story is put on hold in order for the information to be passed on to the reader. It's even worse when the characters in the story actually put their life on hold to take in all this new information. This isn't attractive story telling. Try weaving the backstory of the new character into story more naturally. Readers and characters alike don't need to know everything about a new character. It's the things that stay hidden that make us want to get to know the new character._


	32. After the Sunset

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _After the Sunset_by Bunny1._

-oOo-

Allison fell down on the sofa after she had managed to usher out the last of the party goers. She was exhausted. When she had returned from her last mission, for some reason her response centre was filled with people. They had brought food and booze, so Allison didn't mind so much that most of them talked incoherently and squeed while pinching her in her upper arm. Her arm was a bit sore, though. She closed her eyes and nestled into the sofa. What she needed now was a nice quiet nap.

Immediately one of her eyes flew open again and gave the console a cautious glare. Nothing. Allison tried to sleep with one eye on the console.

"Good morning!"

Allison nearly fell from the sofa. She glared at her partner. "What's good about it?"

"Sun is shining, birds are singing." Tasmin shrugged.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

"Consoles are humming," Allison added. "Thanks for waking me up. I was catching up on my sleep deprivation."

"Are you interested in a 'where are they now' fic?"

"What fandom?"

"_A-Team_. Team got their pardons, Face and Amy got married."

"And they had a couple of Sue-kids that start the new A-Team."

"Close. Their kid is still a baby."

"We're going after babies now?"

"If they distort the canon." Tasmin tapped the keys on the console.

"How do you feel about that?" Allison stuffed a fresh notepad in her pocket. "You like babies."

"Not if they distort the canon." Tasmin opened a portal. "After you."

-oOo-

The portal brought the agents to an open type kitchen where beyond the kitchen counter was the living room. In the living room Face and Tawnia were sitting down. The agents quickly ducked. Face's baby girl was only ten months old, but old enough to point at two strangers.

_She was a pretty little thing, her hair a mixture of warm honey and spun gold, her eyes a delightfully golden brownish green._

"I'm surprised Face is holding the baby in his lap. Honey's an icky-sticky substance."

Face asked Tawnia why she had called him over. She said it was because they hadn't seen each other in six years. Face didn't believe a word of that. Tawnia avoided the topic and first cooed some about the baby. Then when Face asked her again, she told him that she was working on a story that involved Tom Anderson, also known as Tommy Angel, and that she had kicked over a nest of his illegal activities.

Face immediately stepped in. He told Tawnia to stay out of it and that he and the Team would take care of it. Tawnia whined about missing out on the story of a lifetime.

"Don't you think Face is taking this case rather quickly?" Allison asked. "He hears Tommy Angel is out of prison and he's all 'let's send him back in'. There used to be a time when the Team helped the underdog. This sounds more like a private vendetta."

"It's Tommy Angel, that makes it a bit personal for Face. Although, in canon they didn't go after him until they ran across him, so, it's not that personal. More of a 'wouldn't mind never hearing that name again' kind of thing."

Face left after Tawnia agreed to stay out. He walked back to his car, a Corvette, and spotted the van parked right behind it.

The agents had followed at a distance.

"How nice," Allison said. "He bought the same car. You'd think he would have gone for a family car now that he has a family."

Face went to the van and told Hannibal that Tommy Angel was out of jail. He told Amy to spend some time with Tawnia to keep Tawnia from pursuing this story. Amy accused him of trying to keep her from pursuing the story too.

_Face gave her a look of complete innocence. "Now, would I do that? Hazel, would Daddy do that to Mommy?"_

_Hazel looked at him seriously and nodded._

"Precocious child," Tasmin said. "Pretty much the only thing a ten-month-old baby should have understood from that question was 'mommy' and 'daddy'."

Murdock thought Amy would be better at telling Tawnia to stay put than the Team. Amy doubted that, but Hannibal told her that it made sense. Tawnia knew they would not hit a woman, but she might think Amy would hit her.

-oOo-

Tawnia was invited to Face and Amy's penthouse to explain the case to the Team. The guys weren't there yet, which gave Tawnia and Amy some time to catch up. Or in this case, gave Amy the opportunity to tell her how she and Face had gotten together.

Tasmin was sitting in an arm chair, with Allison to her right on the arm rest.

"Is it out of character for Tawnia to not have told much about what she has been doing the past six years?" Allison asked. "All we know is that she got divorced and hasn't worked as a journalist. I always figured her more for the type of person to politely ask what you have been up to, in order to give a blow by blow account of their own events at the first opportunity."

Tawnia, however, tried to come to a full understanding of what had happened to Face and Amy. Amy said that they really hit it off when Face called her after he got away from Stockwell. There had been something going on before, but Amy had left because she didn't want to ruin their relationship.

_I wasted two years being a career woman, but now I'm back where I belong. Hanging with the guys, doing missions... being a wife and mom._

"I hope you've turned the CAD off," Allison said. "We wouldn't want to wake up the baby."

Tasmin growled. "I'm pretty sure she's awake already. Suefluence is less strong when the Sue's asleep."

The Team came in and Amy cautioned them the baby was sleeping. They all quieted down and Hannibal asked Tawnia what she knew.

_"Well, Tom Anderson- you know him as Tommy Angel- has been smuggling women across the border to use as drug mules. He puts the heroin in little balloons and makes them swallow it. Can't be detected. In exchange, he keeps them here on work visas- provided they work for him in his brothel. He holds their work visas; they can't get away, can't tell the police. Not that most of them know enough English to tell the police..."_

"What do you mean: 'in exchange'? In exchange for using them he uses them some more?"

"Am I the only one that is surprised that these women actually have work permits, rather than being illegal aliens pure and simple?"

Hannibal gave Amy a look. With the right kind of make-up- Face quickly interrupted, he wanted none of that.

_Amy frowned. "Why not? You've let me be bait before..."_

"When was that?" Allison asked. "Not in canon was it? I remember in _The Only Church in Town_ Amy offered to be the one to go in under cover and Hannibal refused."

"His exact words were: 'We've got enough women and children in jeopardy without adding you to the list'."

"So, he doesn't think enough women and children are in jeopardy now?"

"That must be it. Or working for Stockwell has melted his brain."

"Or the Sue ..."

"Yeah, let's go with that."

Hannibal assured him they would not let Amy out of their sight. Face was not assured. He reminded Hannibal what had happened when he went under cover in a human trafficking operation.

_And... besides, what about the baby?_

Hannibal waved it all away. He even said Tawnia could take care of the baby while Amy was away.

"Are we safe sitting here?" Allison asked. "In plain sight of these canons that I'm not all too sure actually are canons. Hannibal seems to be replaced by someone without much sense or moral standing."

Face was about to say something when a door opened and the Sue walked into the room.

The agents quickly dove behind a sofa, and hoped that the Sue had not seen them yet, busy wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"Ten-month-old babies don't walk like that," Tasmin muttered. "Most don't, anyway. They still need something to hold on to, and if they don't they usually don't take more than a few steps."

"You already said the kid was precocious."

Tasmin glared at her partner.

Face picked up the Sue and took her to the kitchen. He returned a little while later with the Sue and a tub of ice cream.

_"Go pok, Doddy!" Hazel was saying_

"And they don't talk like that."

"If it is of any consolation to you, that made absolutely no sense to me."

Tawnia asked if there was anything specific she needed to know, and mentioned that she had never taken care of a kid before. BA said she should just go to Chicago and visit his mother.

Tasmin thunked her head on the carpet. "No, no, we're not going to drive halfway across the country with a baby - again."

Allison settled with her back against the sofa. She flipped to an empty page on the notepad and stared at it. "I thought Amy was OOC when she said working on her career had been a waste. But now ... she's going to work as a drug mule to infiltrate a prostitution ring and someone who's never so much as held a baby is going to take care of hers. I would have expected her to pipe up, at least a little. Even to say: 'why don't we use our regular baby sitter'. Or are we to assume that when she goes on missions with the Team the baby goes too?"

Tasmin rolled her head to the side, not lifting it off the floor. "BA probably made a booster seat atop the weapons cabinet."

With everything taken care off Amy called Frankie to prepare for her mission. To look Vietnamese - Tommy Angel picked up his drug mules in Vietnam - she had a spray-tan and black colour rinse for her hair. Only her eyes stayed European, but Face didn't think that was much of a problem, considering how many American soldiers had been around getting Vietnamese women pregnant.

The agents had followed the Team - or rather, taken a short-cut by portal - to Frankie's studio. They stood a little to the side watching proceedings.

"Would that work?" Allison asked. "I mean, isn't Amy a little bit old to be the child of an American soldier?"

Tasmin bobbed her head from side to side. "I doubt anyone is going to ask for a birth certificate. But pure theoretically speaking, she couldn't pass for the child of an American soldier. She was born in 1957 or 1958. First ground troops weren't deployed until 1965. But American soldiers weren't the first virile white men to come to Vietnam. Before them there were already a lot of American 'advisers' in the country who trained the South Vietnamese Army. And before that Vietnam was a French colony. I'm sure they've influenced the Vietnamese people in more ways than just introducing them to the Latin alphabet."

_"Look at it this way, Facey; at least it's close to Halloween?" Murdock offered helpfully._

"That the time of year when people start calling each other by new nicknames is it?"

Amy laughed, but quickly put a hand to her mouth. She was feeling a bit sick. Frankie thought the spray-tan fumes had made her a little light-headed. The Team all gave him angry looks. Amy didn't think it was the fumes.

_"I've been feeling for two days like I might be coming down with something. But, I'll be all right."_

"Please note, that this woman has already had a baby," Tasmin said. "She seems to be suffering from pregnancy-induced memory loss."

"You don't think ..."

"Of course not," Tasmin assured her partner, who let out an anxious sigh. "I've read the Intelligence Report, I know."

Allison shivered.

-oOo-

The Team - and agents in their tow - then went to Vietnam and waited for Tommy Angel to show up. Though from Tawnia's story it had seemed that Tommy ran a large operation, he still took pride in hand-picking the girls who were going to work for him.

"Write up stupidity charges for everyone." The agents were looking around the corner of a shack. "The Team, for staying close to Amy so that everyone in the village will know her as 'that girl that came with the Americans'. Tommy, for not having any people working here locally in order for him to pick up the village gossip. And Tommy, for going to Vietnam himself, by boat, to pick out the merchandise. Apparently, he hasn't learned from his stint in prison that if you can make others take the fall, you should."

Tommy asked Amy a few questions in Vietnamese, or rather, he demanded to know her name. She gave him her name and told him she wanted to go to America. Tommy was convinced and he herded her into the back of a truck with some other women. The truck drove off, and the Team followed in a vehicle of their own. Luckily for the agents, there was room enough for them to hitch a ride.

After a two hour drive - cut mercifully short by a scene break - they heard Tommy's voice over the wire Amy was wearing.

_"I think I should try out my samples now..."_

"In the back of the truck? While still driving?" Another pot hole threw Allison nearly onto Tasmin's lap, again. "These aren't exactly smooth roads."

Tasmin pushed her partner away. "Try to hold on to something that isn't me."

Apparently, the sample Tommy wished to try out was Amy. She told him in Vietnamese that she was having her period, a sentence Murdock had taught her to say in case of emergency. This was also code for "come and rescue me" and Murdock told BA now was a good time to cut off the truck and make it stop.

BA did what he was told and forced Tommy's truck to a stop. Two military transport jeeps drove up; their passengers jumped out and surrounded the truck. The Team, not the least bit fazed by this sudden competition, ran past this circle and started pulling Tommy and his men out of the truck to beat them up.

"If they were going to screw up their mission they could have done that before Amy boarded that truck." Allison tried to climb out of the back of the Team's vehicle, but Tasmin held her back. "What?"

Tasmin ducked as low as possible and gave a little nod in the direction of the female colonel that had emerged from one of the jeeps. "I don't think she's supposed to be here."

"Doesn't that depend on whether there are still American troops deployed in Vietnam, and whether they police the countryside?"

"There aren't and they don't. And she's supposed to be movie canon."

"Now, if it had been Vietnam military that came to arrest Tommy Angel," Allison thought out loud. "Or perhaps the Vietnam police has the rank of colonel."

The uniforms of the people that had exited the jeeps changed in style and colour.

"I guess the fic hadn't been very specific," Allison remarked dryly.

Tasmin smirked.

The uniformed men dragged Face away from Tommy Angel to stop him from beating the man to a pulp. Face managed to pull himself free when he saw Amy and closed her in his arm. When she had collected herself, she quickly gave evidence.

_five of the girls have swallowed balloons with heroin inside. He hadn't gotten to me yet. When the truck stopped he... well, nevermind that; just... he made it very clear that his intent was smuggling these girls across for the price of prostitution and smuggling the drugs. Get a translator and talk to them. Promise them amnesty or citizenship, as long as you aren't lying, and they'd cooperate._

"He made them swallow balloons with drugs while in a moving vehicle?" Allison looked up at her partner. "Again I ask, on these roads? Doesn't he consider car sickness a problem?"

"Apparently not. By across, do you think Amy means across the Pacific, or just across the American border? Somehow implying the USA borders on Vietnam, at any point."

"Well, BA suggested Tawnia should drive from LA to Chicago if she had any baby care questions. So either BA is mean-spirited towards Tawnia and the baby, or geography is looking funny again."

The Team and Amy walked back to their truck and explained to her that they and the female colonel went way back.

_Amy looked up at Face. "You slept with her, huh?"_

_"Amy, why don't you just ask if Davinci liked paintin' nudes?" Murdock smirked._

"As Da Vinci never actually painted any nudes," Tasmin said as she pulled the remote activator from her bag, "the answer to that question would be no."

"Or maybe that he liked to but never got the chance." Allison nodded her head towards the female colonel. "If she's supposed to be film canon, shouldn't we return her to where she belongs?"

"Hold this." Tasmin gave the remote activator to her partner and dug through her bag some more. She pulled out a CAD. She turned the device on and quickly switched of the sound. Then she tentatively pointed it in the direction of the woman.

[Non-canon, impersonator]

Tasmin frowned at the read-out and showed it to her partner.

"How can a character be both non-canon and an impersonator? I thought impersonators always impersonated canons. What does this mean?"

"It means I get to shoot her." And without further ado, Tasmin pulled her Beretta 92B from her bag and shot the woman. The uniformed men that had accompanied her disappeared in a puff of smoke, and so did the Vietnamese girls.

Tommy Angel looked left and right, seemingly confused about all the sudden disappearances. He scratched his head and then took off on a hike.

"He's canon. Can we just leave him here?"

"He appeared once, in an episode in second season. This story is set at least six years later. I don't know where he's supposed to go. He'll just have to find his own way back. Where'd the Team go?"

The agents looked around and then at the Words. They found that the Team had flown back to Chicago to pick up the baby - where apparently Tawnia had left her - and gone home. The Team had gathered at Face and Amy's place again. The agents decided to take a portal.

-oOo-

Crouching behind the sofa again because the baby was up and about, the agents tried to follow the conversation the Team were having.

Amy had been feeling queazy for days, so Face had sent her to a doctor. Hannibal thought that she was pregnant again.

_"Anyway, the story broke today."_

_Face nodded. "I read. Didn't say anything about sentencing, though."_

_"No... hopefully the army's gonna throw him in a nice deep hole..."_

"Where do I start?" Tasmin wondered. "Do I start by pointing out that US Army does not trial US citizens because they are not subject to military law, not even if they used to be in the Army? Or do I start with the comment that US court systems, even military ones, take more than a few days between arresting, arraigning and sentencing someone? Or do I say that Vietnam has the death penalty for large scale drug trafficking, and though they are a bit secretive about the when, the how and the why, holes don't come into it until after the criminal is dead?"

"How about you start with, we caused the guy to get away; there is no story to break."

"A detail this fic is not concerned with." Tasmin waved it away.

Amy came in and announced she was pregnant. The agents expected cheers all around, but BA, Murdock and Hannibal suddenly disappeared from the penthouse, and after snuggling together for a moment, so did Face and Amy.

The agents experienced a scene change after which Face returned to the apartment carrying groceries. He had bought fresh lobster.

"I have no doubt Face would order lobster every now and then when out in a fancy restaurant. I do doubt he would want to take the restaurant experience home, and cook the little buggers himself."

When Amy didn't answer his calls he got worried. Her car was in its spot in the garage and there was no note saying she had just popped out. He phoned Hannibal who came over immediately with BA and Murdock.

Face went into elaborate detail to explain why Amy would have left him a note: because he got frantic one time she didn't.

_"Yes, well, she really didn't have much of a chance this time." a familiar, smooth, oily voice said from the open doorway. It was Stockwell, and he had about six uniforms behind him._

Allison jumped up from behind the sofa and walked closer to investigate the rack of uniforms Stockwell had apparently brought with him. "US Postal service, Deutsch Bahn, Ryanair stewardess. Since when's Stockwell a collector of company uniforms?"

"Since the moment he walked through that door into this fic."

Stockwell as much as admitted he had taken Amy and her daughter - for their own safekeeping - and that Face could have them back if the Team worked another little job for him.

Allison looked at Stockwell. She was sure she heard a slight rippling sound coming from his direction. Cautiously, she walked back to the sofa, careful that her footsteps would not cause a tremble that upset the delicate balance that was still holding Stockwell together. "I knew Stockwell was a manipulative bastard. I never thought he would resort to kidnapping. Somehow I think he thinks that's beneath him."

"If he wanted the Team to work for him again, he knows he would need a strong argument to convince them. Kidnapping may be a strong argument, it also means getting his hands dirty and possibly the Team wants to get revenge, or do other things he can't control. Stockwell's smarter than to kidnap anyone."

The Team didn't call Stockwell's bluff, but decided to take his offer. All left.

The agents turned to the Words to find out where they were going and what they were going to do.

Stockwell went to a hotel room where he kept Amy and the baby and a bowl of caviare. Amy told him the Team were going to find her and kill him.

"No, they're not," Allison said. "They haven't killed anyone since Vietnam."

"These guys might, though," Tasmin said. "They're rather bloodthirsty."

"I've written down the charge."

In the night, Stockwell had left a guard with Amy in her room. Amy decided to fight sleep and stay watchful instead.

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Contrary to popular belief, will-power alone is not enough to keep a person alert."

The guard, who had apparently not been given orders to stay watchful - or was stupid enough to think he could disregard orders from Stockwell - tried to make a pass at Amy. Amy grabbed a golden fork to ward him off.

_"Now, just relax, honey, no need for you to get all violent about it..." the guard said, standing up, his hands raised placatingly._

_"He's right, Doll; but, I'd say it's a damn good time for us." said a voice close behind the guard._

It was Face. He and Murdock had come to Amy's rescue. Amy immediately ran to him for protection under his arm.

"Can we blame her pregnancy for Amy not taking the opportunity to disarm the guard?"

"If it was mother instinct that made her run to Face than why is she leaving her other baby on the bed?"

Face and Murdock gave no explanation how they had entered the room, or even how they had found out Amy was in it. The closest Face came to explaining himself was stating that he had called in a favour and that Stockwell was waiting for them.

"Stockwell is getting sloppy. First the kidnapping and now not having covered himself against mishaps. I think his brain has also melted."

"I wonder who's important enough to be able to make Stockwell sit in a room when he doesn't want to, but can own favours to Face." Tasmin quickly read on. "Oh, they are going to see that female colonel they met earlier in Vietnam."

"They can't." Allison frowned. "You shot her."

"They don't know that." Tasmin dug through her bag.

"Right?" It was of course indisputable logic, but Allison was sure there was a fallacy to it somewhere.

"I'm going to pose as the colonel." Tasmin opened a portal and hopped through.

Still puzzled, Allison followed.

-oOo-

The Team and Amy arrived at a posh house where Tasmin, in her new disguise, stood waiting for them. She observed all of them and then raised her eyebrows without saying a word.

Amy introduced herself. "We've met," she added, but got no reaction.

Face started to make a comment about disguises, but thought better of it halfway through. "Something isn't right here."

"Hmm." Tasmin crossed her arms and continued looking at them.

"This is the part where you say you appreciate our help in catching Tommy Angel and Stockwell," Face prompted.

"Do I?" Tasmin pushed a pair of sunglasses on her nose. "I think this is the part where I ask you all to look into the red flashy light." She depressed the button on the neuralyzer and flashed the five people standing before her. "You did not come here to exact revenge on Stockwell. I don't know what you are doing. Maybe the two of you are married, but you," she pointed at Amy, "did not become his puppet. You still have enough a mind of your own not to need to run into his arms every time a bad guy says 'boo'. You," Hannibal received the finger now, "don't use her as bait, and you," the last poke was for Murdock, "stop saying Facey." Tasmin removed her sunglasses. "You may leave now."

The Team and Amy turned around and walked back to the van. There was a drone-like quality to their step but Tasmin was sure that would wear off soon enough.

While Tasmin had been talking to the Team, Allison had made herself useful by removing the baby and the car seat from the van. When the Team boarded the van, there was nothing unusual there.

When the Team had left, Allison put the car seat on the floor and prodded it with her foot to wake up the baby.

"Hazel Amber Peck," she started, "we are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and _A-Team_ fiction in particular. We charge you with bad punctuation and some bad spelling and missuse of words. We charge you with having warm honey and spun gold for hair. We charge you with being a precocious child, capable of understanding, speaking and motor skills beyond your ten-month age.

"We charge you with introducing plots to the story, such as the A-Team trying to uncover a drug-smuggling, people-trafficking ring, or a mission Stockwell wants them to work on, and not following these through because they get in the way of Face and Amy moments.

"We charge you with making the members of the A-Team and associate characters behave out of character and stupidly. We charge you with making Amy say pursuing a career was a waste of time and with making her lose all initiative as soon as Face is near her. We charge you with making Face bloodthirsty and with making him fall apart if he doesn't know where Amy is. We charge you with making Hannibal suggesting Amy can be bait. He'd never put Amy in a dangerous situation like that, particularly when they didn't really need her undercover anyway; they blew her cover two hours in, and perhaps even before that time because they hung out with her in that village, totally disregarding the possibility of village gossip.

"We charge you with making Stockwell be so stupid as to resort to kidnapping, and with apparently leaving enough evidence scattered around the place that the US army could arrest him on something. We charge you with giving the US army jurisdiction in Vietnam and with having them arrest a civilian.

"We charge you with giving no consideration to the quality of the roads, the possibility of car sickness, and with signposting that Amy is pregnant again. There is something to be said for subtely. We charge you with suggesting Mrs. Baracus of Chicago, Illinois, is the go-to person with questions on baby care, even for people based in California. And we charge you with introducing film canon into series canon as if the two are the same." Allison folded the notepad and stuck it in her pocket. "You have been charged. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"You are taking this fanfic thing way too seriously," the baby said.

"And you are not taking it seriously enough. Look, it's fine if you want to have a Face/Amy romance, but could you at least make it about Face and Amy? Keep the two of them in character so that other people can also recognise it as a Face/Amy romance, and not two other people with the same name and similar backstory."

The baby rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You don't like it, you don't like it. I can take the lumps." She curled up her nose. "I think I just made a lump."

Allison glared at her. "I'm not changing you. Unless that means exchanging you for something nice, like a vase or a trunk."

Tasmin loaded a bullet in the chamber and aimed her gun at the baby. Her finger was on the trigger, but she could not squeeze it. She lowered the gun again. "Maybe we can take her to the Nursery?"

"The kid is a Sue. Nursery's only for the not-Sues. Here, I'll do it." Allison grabbed the baby and snapped her neck. "We really have to find a solution to your inability to kill anyone below the age of ten." Allison picked up the car seat with the now limp body of the baby in it. "Open up a portal. Sure, we're a duo and I can take some of the kills myself, but don't think I didn't notice you pointing that gun at me for a moment." Tasmin had the decency to look apologetic. "One of these days, we're going to meet a young Sue and your hesitation will get you under her Suefluence and turn you against me. And as long as you are packing the big guns, I'd rather have you on my side."

Tasmin mustered up a half-smile. "Guess you are right." She stepped through the portal first and Allison followed.

-oOo-

_A/N: Yes, fanfiction is about fun, but that's not the same as not taking the act of story writing seriously. People read fanfiction for fun too, but mainly they read because they liked the characters from the show. It would be nice if the characters in the fic could actually be recognised as the characters from the show._


	33. Cleaning This Gun

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. _Cleaning This Gun_ is a story by Trashbags._

-oOo-

"I can't believe that the solution to your inability to kill Sues is to not kill Sues for a while," Allison said. She and her partner had just returned from a visit to the Sunflower Official to discuss Tasmin's hesitation to shoot Hazel Peck. "Whatever happened to punitive missions? Surely, there are some atrocious Sues out there that would make even the most pacifistic person want to kill them. That would bring the kill back in you."

Tasmin shrugged. "New policy? Perhaps the Flowers just want to show they care."

"If they cared they would give us a Christmas bonus."

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

"Or a few days off."

Tasmin stepped up to the console and accepted the mission. "There it is, our first mission without a Sue."

"What do you mean 'our'? I don't recall that I suffered Sue-killing burnout."

"Of course. You can stay behind and wait for that atrocious Sue."

Allison glared. "What have we got?"

"Face is going on a date with Amy and I think we have to talk him out of that."

"Lots of fic has Face dating Amy."

"Most of it doesn't have Amy's dad pull a gun on Face."

"That could be the start of an interesting story on the nature of trust. Amy's dad hands Face over to the MPs and Amy has to decide whether her loyalty lies with her family or her date."

"That's not this story. Amy's dad is a country hick and the MPs don't even cross Face's mind."

"That is bad. Well, that last thing is. The first thing is just rather unbelievable, considering who Amy is."

"That's why we are going to talk Face out of going in."

"How? It's not like he's going to reschedule his date based on the word of two women he's never met before."

"Right. That's why we are going in as canon characters." Tasmin punched the appropriate code into the console's keypad and opened a portal.

"Canon characters?" Allison grinned widely, then she realised something and her smile dropped. "Wait a minute. Which canon characters?"

Her partner had already stepped through the portal. Allison saw no other option than to step into the fic and find out that way.

-oOo-

Face stood on the porch of the Allen's suburban house. He was fidgeting.

"Face," Tasmin called out.

"Hannibal? What are you doing here?"

"Just passing through. You?"

Face walked down the steps of the porch and to the garden gate where Tasmin and Allison - or as he thought, Hannibal and Murdock - were standing.

"I'm going on a date with Amy. We talked about this. You were fine with it."

"You seem a little nervous."

"Well, yeah." Face adjusted his tie. "It's the first time I'm going to meet her parents. I never meet the parents of my dates. I never date them long enough. I just use them and throw them away." His eyes glazed over.

Tasmin and Allison gave each other a worried look.

"You all right, Faceman?" Allison asked.

"Yeah, sure. Just a little nervous. Will you stop that?" he demanded of Allison, who had started picking lint off his jacket.

"There is nothing to be nervous about," Tasmin said. She put an arm around Face's shoulders and gently forced him to step out of the Allen's garden and onto the sidewalk. "I'll walk you through it," she said with Hannibal's smooth voice. "You go to the house and you knock on the door. Amy's mom answers. She says, 'Hi, you must be Templeton.' What do you say?"

"Hi, you can call me Face, if you like."

Allison and Tasmin both cringed.

"And then I give a polite smile." Face smiled at fifteen percent of his usual MegaWatt smile.

"That's just wrong," Allison said. "We call you Face. We're your buddies. She's not your buddy, is she? Are you replacing us with new buddies?" Allison found another piece of lint.

"No, no. No one is replacing anyone. It's just a date."

"Hmm. Just a date," Tasmin repeated. "You have to work on your introductions though." She took a step away from the gate and pulled Face along with her. "Imagine Amy's mother doesn't slam the door in your face. She lets you in and shows you to the living room. There's Amy's dad. He's cleaning a gun."

"A gun? He's not going to shoot me, is he?"

"See, this is why I don't like you dating. You lose all sense of perspective."

"What perspective?"

"Well, what about the Army? Amy's dad sits you down, points his gun at you, calls Decker and waits for him to come and pick you up."

"He wouldn't do that."

"Why wouldn't he?" Allison asked. "If he shoots you, he goes to prison. If he calls Decker, you go to prison and he gets a reward."

"Ah."

"Ah. I see a light bulb moment," Tasmin said to Allison.

"But how do you know he has a gun? For all I know you could just be making this up."

"Amy called me. Her dad is sat in that living room, cleaning his gun. She asked me to come by and warn you and ask if you could call her to reschedule your date."

"Ah," Face said again. He looked over his shoulder at the house. "Is it a big gun?"

"Does it matter?"

Face seemed to think about this for a moment and then conceded that it didn't matter.

"Well, then, shouldn't you run along now?" Tasmin gently pushed Face in the direction of his car.

"You're sure Amy knows about this?"

"Of course. She'd much rather you make a rain check for your date than have to visit you in prison."

"Yes, yes." Face opened the door to his Corvette and slid in. "Maybe I should just knock on the door, ask for Amy and wait for her outside." Face tried to climb out of the car again, but Tasmin blocked his path.

"What if the dad comes to the door? With his gun?"

"Yes. I see." Face pulled his foot back into the car. "I'd better go then."

Tasmin slammed the car door. Face started his car and drove off. The agent pulled a cigar from an inside pocket and bit down on it.

"I love it when a plan comes together." She smirked from ear to ear.

Allison made a face. "This plan could have come together a lot quicker."

"What makes you say that?" Tasmin opened a portal.

"You could have disguised us as Crane and Decker. The moment we showed up at the house Face would have made a run for it."

"I guess I was on the Jazz." Tasmin shrugged. She stepped through the portal.

Allison rolled her eyes and followed her partner. "Hey, do you think we could disguise as canons more often? I don't think I have explored this character to his full potential yet.

-oOo-

_A/N: What annoyed me most about the original story is that in it, Face seemed to regress to the part of random seventeen-year-old boy who is afraid of the date's dad. Which was unbelievable enough. Until someone pointed out to me that Face doesn't even worry about being handed over to the MPs. That's when I knew Tasmin and Allison should step in._


	34. Loyalty

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was created by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics are taken from _Loyalty_ by RussianKat._

-oOo-

Tasmin sat on the sofa in her Response Centre. On the little side table beside the sofa, a cloth was spread out and on it the components of her Beretta 92SB were neatly aligned. She held the barrel in her hand and cleaned the inside of it with a small brush.

Allison sat at the console, reading a newsletter. "Says here," she said, without checking whether her partner was listening, "that the self-confidence of American kids is so high, it is actually off the charts. Years of school programmes to encourage kids' confidence have resulted in very high self-confidence. Eighteen percent of kids scored the maximum points on the confidence test. Researchers suggest devising a new test, or ending the confidence programmes."

"I vote for the latter."

"You think kids shouldn't have self-confidence?" Allison turned to Tasmin.

"Sure, some. But these programmes missed their mark. Their goal was to increase performance by increasing self-confidence. While the latter is off the chart, the former isn't. This shouldn't have been surprising, because some of these confidence building programmes worked like this: 'Eight out ten, that is great.' 'Four out of ten, well done.', all without telling these kids what they did wrong and allowing them to learn from their mistakes. We get to deal with the outcome of that every working day: badfic, written by authors who have never learned that not everything they produce is great. Leaving us to clean up the mess."

Allison weighed these comments. "So with less self-confidence there would be fewer badfic?"

"There was fewer badfic before these confidence programmes started. Although, that was also before the advent of the Internet. Still, I think there is a relationship."

"Makes s-"

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Allison was nearly blown off her seat. "Getting aggressive, are we?" she asked the machine as she pounded on all the buttons to find the one that would make it stop howling. It was probably luck she found one that did.

"Thank you." Allison managed a half-smile. "Let's see what we have. Oh, I guess the Flowers still think you need your rest."

"Why's that? Is my name not on the assignment sheet?" Tasmin carefully placed the barrel on the side table.

"No, it's another non-Sue one. I don't get it. Why are you getting the soft approach?"

"Perhaps it is because I'm one of their best operatives." Tasmin got up from the sofa and walked over to the console.

Allison growled in reply.

"I don't see why you call this the soft approach. The whole Team is out of character and there is not a Sue in sight to blame it on. I think we should go in as Ables." Tasmin pressed the buttons and opened a portal.

-oOo-

The Team, consisting of Hannibal, BA and Murdock, and accompanied by Frankie, walked into the house through the front door. In the hall way they walked past the two PPC agents - completely ignoring them - and went into the front room. Frankie was the last one to enter and left the door open.

"Self-preservation, you think?" Allison asked.

"Born in a barn more likely."

The agents approached the door and craned their necks to look into the room. Face lounged on one of the sofas. It was a few weeks after he had gotten shot in the stomach, and he looked well considering. Except for the scowl on his face.

The Team fell silent when they noticed, but Frankie was oblivious. He cheerfully announced to Face they had a great mission.

_The others just looked down, almost ashamed that they had a good mission whilst Face was forced to stay behind. It wasn't as if they hadn't wanted Face with them, in fact they had tried to smuggle Face out with them, but Stockwell had been waiting for this eventuality and had the Abels escort Face back to the house._

"They had tried to take a wounded man on a mission with them," Allison summarised. "And Stockwell was the voice of reason. This is not going to end well."

"Apparently, letting Face heal from his gunshot wound had felt like abandoning him."

"Yeah, I'd want friends like that, too. Friends that care for me so much their cuddles get me killed."

_Face didn't even dignify the statement with a reply and simply left the room slamming his door behind him._

"Hey, careful there," Allison cried out. "You almost cut off my fingers with that."

Face threw her a miserable look and kept on walking.

The agents watched his receding back.

"I feel he should have apologised." Allison carefully inspected her fingers.

"He's not feeling very well. You should catch him, though, and bring him back here, so I can neuralyze all of them in one go."

Allison nodded and set off on a dull run to catch up with Face and steer him back to the front room.

Tasmin turned her head to the Words. By now, BA had marched up to Frankie, grabbed him by his waistcoat and slammed him against a wall. He told him off for making Face feel bad about not going on a mission with them. Frankie didn't understand what had gotten Face, or BA, upset.

_"The big problem Frank, is that we never leave a man behind!" Murdock yelled._

Tasmin rolled her eyes. "Not leaving an injured man behind when you are moving **to** safety is not quite the same as not leaving an injured man behind **in** safety."

To the Team it apparently was.

_"It's called L.O.Y.A.L.T.Y Santana. We have never left a man behind, injured or not!"_

"Allison's right. With friends like these, who needs enemies?"

"Were you talking about me?" Allison asked. "My ears were burning."

Tasmin replied with a glare. "You've brought Face. Good. Let's go in there." She nodded to the front room.

Allison opened the door to the front room and pushed Face through first. Hannibal, who had been just on his way to see him, expressed surprise at his return to the front room.

"Gentlemen, if you could all look this way, please."

The Team and Frankie turned their heads to look at the two Ables standing in the doorway, sporting sunglasses. One of them held a small cannister and when she depressed a button, a red light flashed.

"Face," Tasmin started. "You are not upset and suffering abandonment issues about not being taken along on a mission while injured. BA, Hannibal, Murdock, you do not take an injured man with you on missions. Not taking an injured man with you does not feel like abandonment. Rather, you hope he will get well soon, so you can start taking him along on missions. Frankie..." Tasmin looked at him for a moment. "As you were."

Tasmin and Allison stepped back out of the room and took off their sunglasses. Allison closed the door while Tasmin rummaged through her bag for the Remote Activator.

"You think Frankie was in character?"

"He was annoying. How far out of character could he have been?"

Tasmin opened a portal and the agents returned to their Response Centre, wondering how many more non-Sue missions they would get until Tasmin had had enough rest. Well, Allison wondered about that. Tasmin thought of cleaning her gun.

-oOo-

_A/N: Yeah, the Team are probably big on loyalty. Leaving an injured man behind on the sofa so he can rest and heal, is, however, not the same as being disloyal. I'm sure the Team, with their many injuries, would know the difference._


	35. Winners No Matter What

_A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. Excerpts in italics taken from _Winners No Matter What_ by CassidyRachel._

-oOo-

"New mission," Tasmin said.

"If you choose to accept," Allison added.

Tasmin looked at her partner and raised an eyebrow. "Wrong fandom."

"Hmm. Why don't the Flowers give us the option to accept missions or not?"

"They probably figured that very little work would get done if they'd let us choose."

"I don't see why. You accept anything thrown your way. They should just hire more like you, or clone you."

"Our new mission," Tasmin quickly continued, "involves the daughters of the A-Team and Frankie."

"They all had daughters? There must be something in the water."

"Some kind of rejuvenation potion," Tasmin said. "It's not clear when these daughters were all begotten, but the Team are still doing missions after they got their pardons in 1996."

"So much for an early retirement for Hannibal."

"The daughters form their own team."

"Of course they do."

"Called the Angel Squad."

"Naturally."

"And we are going to meet them at the Annual Team Defense, slash, Rescue Competition." Tasmin opened up a portal.

"The what?"

"A place where the Sues can show they can kick ass and have an in-story audience."

"Don't these Sues know that modesty is a virtue?" Allison stepped into the fic after Tasmin.

"Perhaps that is part of the problem with Sue-stories."

"That Sues aren't modest? I'd say that is definitely a problem."

"No, I meant the authors. In their daily lives they are encouraged to be modest or for some other reason don't get much opportunity to outshine everybody else. They write stories in which they can outshine everyone."

Allison shrugged. "I guess. I'm not going to excuse them for it though."

"Me neither."

Tasmin and Allison stood at the sideline of the competition field. The first event up was weapons and Jazz, Hannibal's daughter, would compete in this event. The other Sues egged her on.

_**Jazz nodded, & winks at them, she took a deep breath, & headed out to the field, she raised her gun, & she bellowed this out to the officials.**_

"Switching tenses, using non-text symbols in text, bad punctuation, using bold font when no emphasis is required, centring text. Should I go on?"

"I'm already spinning on my feet." Allison reached behind her to find something to hold on to.

The Team seemed to have the same problem, as they were all holding on to each other support. The others spoke warm words of encouragement to Hannibal.

_**That made Hannibal smile, & he said this to his friends & teammates.**_

_Hannibal (smiling): Thanks, Guys._

"This makes me sad," Tasmin said. "And I said this to my partner. I'm sad."

"That actually makes me giggle," Allison replied. She giggled until Tasmin smacked her in the back of the head. "Troll?" Allison asked, rubbing the sore spot and trying to glare at her partner.

"Possibly. Or at the very least someone who hasn't read a book since kindergarten."

"I think that's rather harsh," Allison said. "On books written for preschoolers."

"Strange thing is: the spelling in this story is all right. It's style and grammar that's what's wrong with it. And what is supposed to be the is the antecedent of 'this'?"

Jazz put a perfect score on the board - naturally - and Hannibal jumped up from his seat shouting.

Next up was Face's daughter, nicknamed Stryker for being strikingly beautiful.

Allison only just managed to not roar out with laughter. Stryker's opponent didn't bother hiding his amusement.

_**She made her way to the ring, when her opponent, a man that is bigger than her, was laughing at the sight of her, & made fun of her.**_

The Sues egged their friend on to do well. The Team spoke warm words of encouragement to Face, who was worried the opponent would hurt his little girl.

"Rinse and repeat," Allison said. "How many Sues are there? Five. So we are basically going to get five times of two series of these verbal pats on the back, each time with a different recipient."

"You can't know that. We're only at the second event and Sue."

"Well, results from previous badfics enable me to make predictions for the future."

Stryker fought her opponent - though it was not mentioned according to the rules of what sport she would be judged - and won by a one point margin.

_**Stryker did a combination, & it got her the win, & added more points to her Team's total, her friends & sisters went nuts of Stryker winning.**_

_**Face & the Team went totally nuts, & they let out Sharp Applause, & Whistles,**_

"Ugh, why did Face have to have more than one daughter," Tasmin said. "It's just more people for us to kill."

"Not really," Allison replied. "I think it's meant that the other Sues from the Angel Squad are her sisters. As in, the Team all impregnated the same woman."

Tasmin glared at her partner. "You're not helping."

"Make me sit through this much longer and I'm going to be even less helpful."

"What, you don't want to see the special effects display Frankie's daughter is going to set up?"

"Nope. I want to go in and charge."

"Sadly, we can't go in until all the Sues have shown their Sueness."

Allison grumbled and crossed her arms. They weren't even halfway through the fic and so far the only thing recognisably _A-Team_ had been the names of the five men on the bleachers. The men themselves she had not recognised. Either they were severely OOC, or portrayed as senile old men. She didn't know which would be worse for the characters.

The competition officials helped Santana junior set up her display.

"Officials helping a contestant, that ought to be grounds for disqualification," Allison grumbled.

"The Sues made up the rules for this game. I'm sure it exempts them from any acts not considered fair play."

_Jazz: Kiddo, You are the best at this Special Effects Stuff, that is why we need you, you can do this, you done it enough on missions, just pretend like Stryker said to me, we are on our turf, & we are enjoying ourselves._

_Siren: You know this routine in & out, you can do it even blindfolded, you can do this, you just put your mind to something, you can do it, Just believe in yourself, we are here out there in spirit with you._

_Stryker: Don't give up, you are stronger than you realize, you should give yourself credit when it's due, just have fun, remember, you own this event, it does not own you._

_Ice: Remember that also we love you, if you get yourself hurt, we won't forgive you._

"It's like one of those motivational audio tapes that were popular in the 80s, stuck in an infinite loop."

"How hard would it have been to put in a little variation? One of the Sues saying: 'no need for the pep talk, girls. I know I am this great.'"

"Or have one of them fail at their event." Allison looked at Tasmin and half shrugged. "Yeah, that would have been too much to ask. Even if it gives the other Sues the opportunity to give their pep talk again, complete with predictions of future victories."

Santana junior added another perfect score to the Squad's total. Next up was BA's girl, whose event was moving heavy objects.

"I doubt this pentathlon is ever going to get Olympic status."

Par for the course, this time BA needed reassuring that his daughter was as brilliant as the others. Face managed to put his foot in his mouth.

_Face: [...] she is not a quitter like her father_

BA did not respond by pounding Face's face.

"The sheer mindlessness of this fic has numbed his sensitivities," Allison said. "Inever expected to charge a Sue with not getting Face's nose broken."

_**Siren was successful, she was so proud of the fact, that she inherited her father's Mechanical Knowledge, & Muscles, **_

"As if there is no training involved in maintaining those muscles." Allison looked at her partner. "I never see you go to the target range to practice shooting Sues, but that doesn't mean I am going to assume that your precision comes naturally to you."

"You should," Tasmin said. "I am that talented."

Last up was Murdock's daughter, Ice. Like BA's and Frankie's daughters, her main talent was what her father did best.

"At least Jazz and Stryker weren't completely moulded after their fathers," Allison said. "Jazz did not come up with a cunning plan and Stryker didn't pull off a successful scam."

"What are you suggesting? We applaud them for not being complete rip-offs?"

"I was suggesting we charge them with not knowing what Hannibal and Face's main talents are."

"Proceed."

Everyone left the stadium to go a grass field next to it.

_**Ice's part is not to let the enemy get her, she outmaneuvered them, & she only has to get her teammates, who are waiting in the middle of the Grassy Field, they smiled & gave her the "Thumbs Up", & got in the Chopper, & flew back to their position.**_

"I'm watching it and I have no idea what she is supposed to be doing. I'm not even sure who's flying this helicopter."

"I'm not watching it; the tense switches are making my head spin."

Regardless of what happened, or was supposed to happen, Ice won her event. A moment later the award ceremony took place. The Team were still nervous about the results, despite the fact that their daughters had won every event they took part in.

"It appears there were a few other events in this competition that weren't mentioned in the story," Tasmin said. "Otherwise, it could have never been a close call between who would get gold."

"According to the story, even after silver and bronze medals were awarded, it was still unknown which of two teams would get gold. Did the scoreboards have a major malfunction? Was no one writing the scores on their notepads? I've never been to a sporting event, or seen one on TV, where I didn't know who had won before they announced the winner in the award ceremony."

"It sounds more like how the winners in a beauty pageant are announced: third runner up, second runner up, leaving two people who could possibly the winner. So, charge for not knowing how a competition with an open scoring system works."

After receiving their medals, the Angel Squad went to the locker rooms to clean themselves up.

The agents were waiting for them when they came out of the shower. Because of the way the story was written, the Sues had been wearing their fatigues in the shower. They stood in the locker room in dripping wet clothes, pools forming at their feet.

Tasmin held both her Beretta 92SB and Colt M1911 pointed at the Sues.

Allison stood a little to the side, behind her partner. She cleared her throat. "C.J. 'Jazz' Smith, Alexis 'Ice' Murdock, Crystal 'Stryker' Peck, Bianca 'Siren' Baracus, and Maria 'Zap' Santana, we are Protectors of the Plot Continuum and we are here to charge you with crimes against _The A-Team_ fandom and fanfiction in general. We charge you all with being the uncanonical daughters of, respectively, Hannibal, Murdock, Face, BA, and Frankie. We charge you with not inviting your mother, or mothers, to watch this event. I'm sure she or they would have been proud of you too.

"We charge you, Ice, Siren and Zap, with having the same talent as your fathers. We charge you, Jazz and Stryker, with not having competed in an event that is the main talent of your fathers. The way this story was set up, you made it look like you did not know what your fathers' main talent is. So, er, that's a charge for not knowing Hannibal's and Face's main talents. We charge you with giving the impression that your talents are gifts and don't require training to maintain them.

"We charge you with having the Team and Frankie be out of character to the point where they were unrecognisable. We charge you with BA not breaking Face's nose when Face called him a quitter. We charge you with not giving us a clue as to whether you were born before or after the Team got their pardons, and what age the Team members are now.

"We charge you with egging each other on for each event in exactly the same fashion. We charge you with your respective fathers being nervous for you and being reassured by the others In Exactly The Same Fashion. We charge you with winning each of your events. We charge you with winning each of your events and still not being sure you won the tournament. In a pentathlon it is possible to not win any of the separate events and still win the tournament. The other way around is just stupid.

"We charge you with using the ampersand in stead of the word 'and'. We charge you with not punctuating properly, with bolding narrative, with centring all text and with having narrative and dialogue say exactly the same thing. We charge you with being Mary Sues." Allison folded her notepad and stuffed it in a back pocket. She looked at the Sues who didn't seem to have moved since she started charging. "What's the matter with them?" she asked her partner. "I would have thought for sure they would have challenged some of these charges."

"They don't have enough personality to know what to do in a situation of obvious defeat," Tasmin replied. "You have been charged," she said to the Sues. "Your punishments for these crimes is death. You will not be mourned." Tasmin started popping off rounds.

Allison covered her ears and ducked away. When the noise stopped, she looked up and saw the Sues lying in their pools of blood and water.

Tasmin dropped her guns back in her duffel bag. "Time for us to go."

-oOo-

_A/N: I'm inclined to think this was a trollfic. The contents of it had nothing to do with the A-Team, or with writing a proper story. I wonder if writing missions like this is considered feeding the troll?_


End file.
